Chair situation- Update in OP

Beautiful chair, I love it! I wouldn't give her the chair either. It's legally yours through the purchase of the house and it's contents, not to mention the fact that she had 20 years to say she wanted it, not to mention the fact that she said SHE DIDN'T WANT IT, TO THROW IT OUT. Good luck, I hope you keep the chair.

You and your husband are good people!

Anyone have a bed bug infestation they may be willing to let a chair come over for a play date? I am mean but man they deserve it.

As much as I've tried to mellow with age, this time I have to revert to more strong-willed, Eastern European woman side. You must NOT allow your DH to give her the chair. You need to tell DH in no uncertain terms that she is NOT getting it.

I also agree that the chair is worth $$$. It's an amazing looking chair, and I've never seen a chair like this. 

I guarantee that SIL realized the find you have and told MIL what retail on this chair would be. I'd be tempted to put a little gps tracker in the chair to see where it actually winds up. 

You are married to a good man. I'm sure the chair has been poisoned for him anyway. I can understand why he's giving the chair back--nobody else will be able to fault him for not being good to his mother--despite what she deserves. 

Give him a big hug. I'd also give the info to the other pea who can figure out what the chair is worth. I don't have any experience with Danish antiques. 

I am an interior designer and know that $600 only pays for the chair costs. You double the cost when you sell the piece. If you were able to even find another similar chair in a good reproduction, you're looking at $1500-$2500. 

I'm also in NC and have the perfect old chair to leave in her front yard. I actually have 5.

Sounds perfectly fitting to me!!

Please have the value checked before you return it. I know he may not care - blame itnon having to pay insurance to ship it, whatever. But please do this.

Then if he still wants to give it back that is on you guys to decide.

In our family this would make it worse between his mom and DH because anytime anyone was over, the story of him taking the chair would come up and than all the work she did to fix it.

I've heard that every family can only function at the level of the person with the worst coping skills. This will never improve as long as everyone to make her happy. Drama ensues forever.

That is exactly what I was coming to say. That particular style is very in right now. They are all over blogs and knockoffs are being sold. 

I definitely agree that you need to look into the value of the chair first.

It sat in the garage for years and had rat pee on it. That says a lot for how she valued the chair until you had it cleaned up and reupholstered.

I am betting it is a valuable antique.

Yes, it is his family, but because you married into it, they are your family, too, not just his. I understand why you want him to make the decision, but it should be a mutually agreed upon decision, not based on the current emotions that have poisoned the chair's worth in your DH's eyes. Given time, those unhappy feelings may very well change.

I don't see why your DH is putting his mother's wishes ahead of yours, but above all, get the $600 plus the money for the shipping and insurance ahead of time from her. You should not bear that cost, especially at Christmas. And before you insure it, find out what it is worth. Unless she plans to drive home with it in the back of her car, or tied to the roof, the shipping costs will be enough that you deserve to be paid them up front.

Do I think you should give up the chair? No. I especially don't think you should turn it over to her while she is staying with your SIL. The chair may indeed end up staying with your SIL forever. At least wait till after the holidays. It is such a lovely chair. It shouldn't matter that your in-laws used to own it. It had no value to anyone until you had it reupholstered and polished. It's a piece of furniture, even if it did once have happy sentimental value that has been ruined (for the moment). I think you should give it time before you give it up and not make any decisions based on emotions stirred up by your MIL.

And definitely have it appraised before you make a decision, too.

Definitely do not give it to her at SIL house. You know it will never leave , and they'll have a million excuses.
Your DH sounds like a good guy.
I'm sorry he has to deal with this.

At this point, you won't win any points with your MIL by handing over the chair to her, no matter what.  She will probably focus solely on everything you did "wrong" in her eyes.

You are out $600+ if you turn over the chair! plus you will need to replace it in some way, which will be an additional expense.  If you ship it to her, you will be out of pocket that much more.  I do not think she will reimburse you for any of your expenses, and if you have dared to ask or expect it, you will never, never hear the end of it.

Perhaps this chair issue is a sore point with me and so many others because it hits a nerve.

Relationships with in-laws can be challenging, even when you get along well.  My MIL had promised DH a particular set of chairs after she died.  She died of cancer when she was only 55.  After the funeral, FIL gave the chairs to us, and we drove home with them. FIL later remarried a woman who is only 8 years older than DH and I.  She can be very sweet, and we love her, but there are times when she says or does things that are very, very upsetting.  One of those times was during a rare visit (that was only because of our DS' wedding).  They lived a 12 hour drive from us.  We visited them, not the reverse.  While with us, they did pitch in and helped us with some things.  During the process, DH's stepmom decided that we hadn't properly cared for the chairs he had gotten from his parents.  She tried to persuade us to give them to her.  I knew that if we did, we would never get them back.  She had gotten everything else of MIL's, including her jewelry.  One of the pieces of jewelry was an amethyst necklace given to MIL by DH. We were not happy about that, but we have not asked for it back.  I am thinking that perhaps we should.  I don't think she ever wears it, and our DD wants it.

Relationships with in-laws are not always easy to navigate, but it seems as if it has been very one-sided on your DH's part. The chair is simply a symbol of what is wrong with the relationship.  

Giving back the chair won't fix the relationship.  Perhaps if your DH give it back to "be the better person" will at least it will lessen the pain for awhile, but will it?  The empty place where it had occupied will also be a painful reminder, as well as any chair you get to replace it.  You will resent the loss of the chair, the loss of the money you invested in renovating it, the need for making changes to your decor/home as a result of the loss, and most of all, your MIL's demands and attitude about this situation.  She won't appreciate your DH giving it back.  She will resent the fact that you expect to be reimbursed for your expenses, especially since she claims you had no right to use it or do anything to it without her permission.  However, she gave her permission when she declined to take it when she moved out of the house your DH bought, neglected to retrieve it for 20 years, and finally told your DH to keep it or toss it when you moved to your current home.  Three strikes, she's out.  She made her choice.  She only backtracked after you made the chair valuable.  It had RAT PEE on it before you renovated it!

You are in a no-win situation whether you keep the chair or give it to your MIL.

It seems to me that you own it many times over. The house purchase, rescuing it from the trash, etc

The chair is also yours as community property. It does not belong only to your husband. You do get a say as co-owner. Tell him he would have to buy out your portion at fair market value if you want that.

Why would your husband put his mother over his wife? There is much more going on than this chair. He needs to cut the apron strings with his mother.

OP, I am so sorry you are having to go through this over a chair. I really am.

Maybe what should be done is the chair should be sold to a third party. Remove it from your home and remove the potential of MIL even owning the chair. If she is going to hurt your DH over a piece of furniture after y'all have shown nothing but goodwill toward trying to give the darn thing back, I would just get rid of it completely. Drastic? Yes. But that's how I roll.

Please make sure whatever action you take that YOU have peace of mind with the decision; that you can look yourself in the mirror every single morning and say "Yes, I did what I thought was best and right for DH and I." No regrets.

My heart really goes out to you.