The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,326
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Dec 12, 2014 20:10:44 GMT
I have three kids.
The two oldest are boys who like outdoor gear which can be quite spendy. For instance I spent $200.00 on one item for my oldest.
I have a teenage daughter. I can buy her many, many things for $200.00.
She feels weird on Christmas because she has so many more gifts than her brothers.
In the end I spent the same amount of money.
What do you do??
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,004
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Dec 12, 2014 20:14:10 GMT
so far mine have mostly averaged out in price and quantity. but when I was a kid, our parents would rotate which kid had a "big gift" that year, like a radio controlled truck (pro model), expensive tool set and cabinet, etc. right now my boys are 9 and 7 so they don't really keep track of the $, but they do know if they really really want something expensive, it will mean a smaller number of gifts. they're ok with that.
could you give your daughter a large gift card for some of the items you would've bought, so she has less to open and isn't bothered?
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,564
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Dec 12, 2014 20:16:59 GMT
I know what you're talking about, I had the same problem when my three kids were teenagers. One year my youngest DD asked for an iPod (they were new at the time) and it was $200. I told her if that's what she wanted, that was all she was going to get. She said that was okay.
Of course we made her wait till everyone else was just about done opening presents before we got to hers lol...
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Post by gmcwife1 on Dec 12, 2014 20:17:36 GMT
No, I do not keep track of number of gifts or cost of gifts.
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Post by Laurie on Dec 12, 2014 20:18:25 GMT
I am running into this same problem. My oldest dd is 12 so her items are more expensive than my 2 year old daughter.
I spend the same amount but go about my wrapping differently. For youngest dd I will try to combine her gifts where I can. Like 2 shirts and a pair of bottoms are wrapped as 1. For oldest dd I wrap everything separate...like nail polish. I can usually get it so it isn't as noticeable.
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 12, 2014 20:22:30 GMT
I tend to spend equally for both of my kids. I rarely spend more on one than the other, and that generally also equals around the same amount of gifts as well.
My parents do the same for all of us kids too.
If there is ever a "big" gift, I generally give it to both...like a new game system-that will be for both of the boys rather than one or the other.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 12, 2014 20:24:46 GMT
I admit I try really hard to spend the same on each of our five kids. But it is a bit more difficult when you are comparing a teenager with a 5 year old. And it really depends on what the kids want for Christmas. This year 3 of the 5 wanted new bikes and one wanted an electric scooter. Those all came out about the same amount. But my 14 year old DD just wanted clothes so this year she will have more packages under the tree than the other kids because they each wanted a big ticket item and she didn't.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 4:34:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 20:24:50 GMT
No.
Life is never fair. sometimes you get more than you deserve sometimes less.
When people are giving you gifts, your job is to be grateful.
It's not your place to worry about what your brother is getting comparatively speaking.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Dec 12, 2014 20:30:27 GMT
No. Life is never fair. sometimes you get more than you deserve sometimes less. When people are giving you gifts, your job is to be grateful. It's not your place to worry about what your brother is getting comparatively speaking. Without overthinking it I'm sure this is the message my family has always given. There are 7 yrs difference between my oldest and second and 10 yrs between my middle child and my youngest. So I'm sure it would also be a pain to try to balance numbers with that age and gift style difference.
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 12, 2014 20:34:20 GMT
No. My oldest is twelve, my youngest is two, and there is no way I am spending as much on a two-year-old as on a twelve-year-old. When they are all older, I may feel different about it, but not for now.
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Post by gale w on Dec 12, 2014 20:37:00 GMT
I try to and it's not easy. My kids are close in age (currently 15, 17 and 19). They have very different christmas lists which makes it tough to keep it even sometimes. Gift cards usually make up the difference.
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Post by gar on Dec 12, 2014 20:39:47 GMT
I focus more on the desirability of the gift. If each gets their most wanted item but one costs more than the other it doesn't matter in my eyes. A particular eye shadow palette might mean as much to one as a handbag does to the other even if one item is half the price. I try to keep it roughly equal but place more importance on the value to that daughter rather than the cost.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Dec 12, 2014 20:40:28 GMT
I try to spend roughly the same amount, but it doesn't always work out that way... My 3 year old doesn't notice.
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Post by heartcat on Dec 12, 2014 20:45:08 GMT
I do not make a special effort to gift our children the same amount of gifts, or to spend the same amount of money. It probably usually works out fairly closely, they each receive their one 'most wanted' gift each year and then some other things. Usually the most wanted gift is pricier, but sometimes not. If it happens not to be, I don't try to specifically buy to 'equalize' things out. Same for the number of gifts under the tree.
I also don't have a problem with taking one to lunch or dinner, if they happen to be out with me, without feeling I have to bring food home for the other to make it 'fair'. And if I buy something for one when I am out, because they need it or it's on sale, etc. I don't feel as though I have to bring something for the other as well.
It's not a game I ever wanted to start to play.
I think the bigger picture is more important. If one child was always having more money spent on them, always getting to go places and do things, at the expense of the other, that would be one thing. But I have never stressed over trying to keep everything 'fair' and 'equal' all the time. And they've never seemed to keep track or express discontent.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,326
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Dec 12, 2014 20:47:24 GMT
I am running into this same problem. My oldest dd is 12 so her items are more expensive than my 2 year old daughter. I spend the same amount but go about my wrapping differently. For youngest dd I will try to combine her gifts where I can. Like 2 shirts and a pair of bottoms are wrapped as 1. For oldest dd I wrap everything separate...like nail polish. I can usually get it so it isn't as noticeable. I like this idea. I can group her gifts instead of wrapping separately! Great idea!! She will probably still have more but it won't be as weird for her! Thanks, Laurie!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 4:34:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 20:49:00 GMT
Hi Nope we spend 250 per kid. If that means one gift that's it. They know & we have explained it that Christmas is all about the gift count. They might not like it,but it's what we do & feel comfor table with. Happy Holidays
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Dec 12, 2014 20:51:43 GMT
When they were younger, I tried to keep the amount of gifts the same. They had no idea of cost and while they didn't count, the one year where one had 7 more presents than the other got a little boring for the one who wasn't opening.
Now that they're teens, I try to keep the amount similar, but not down to the dollar. Or even $20. While I would never want one to get noticeably more than the other, they both know that they always get what they need - and they need to be grateful. I always try to be fair, but fair doesn't always mean even.
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Post by Laurie on Dec 12, 2014 20:54:59 GMT
I am running into this same problem. My oldest dd is 12 so her items are more expensive than my 2 year old daughter. I spend the same amount but go about my wrapping differently. For youngest dd I will try to combine her gifts where I can. Like 2 shirts and a pair of bottoms are wrapped as 1. For oldest dd I wrap everything separate...like nail polish. I can usually get it so it isn't as noticeable. I like this idea. I can group her gifts instead of wrapping separately! Great idea!! She will probably still have more but it won't be as weird for her! Thanks, Laurie! Yeah Lexi still has more than Emily but at least it isn't as bad as it would be if everything was wrapped separately.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Dec 12, 2014 21:03:44 GMT
We try and make the perceived value and quantity similar, but not worry as much about the actual price tag. One year for example, I gifted my son a tennis racket (which was on super clearance as it's way off season) and my daughter ice skates (which had to be special ordered for her ultra narrow foot). They were both sports they were just trying out and excited about - and it "seems" like they are similar in value. In actuality, they were not even in the same ball park. Now my kids are similar in age, but I do the same with nieces and nephews. I don't try and match dollar amounts for a toddler and teenager, but try and give them both a gift they will like.
I do recall an early Christmas when mine were preschool aged, and my inlaws gave my daughter a very nice and expensive gift. I'm sure to "match" it, they gave her brother something like 12 individually wrapped presents. I have no doubt their heart was in the right place, but my daughter absolutely noticed - and as she wasn't yet at that age where she would willingly trade all her gifts for "one big gift" like so many teenagers would like to do - her feelings were hurt. I know it's all well and good to talk about life being unfair, and don't worry about anyone else - I don't willingly hurt my kids on Christmas morning to show them that life is unfair - they'll learn that quick enough outside our home.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 4:34:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 21:04:03 GMT
I try but I don't hold the value as close as I hold the number of gifts to open at Christmas. I usually make up the number of gifts with little inexpensive stuff or like another poster said,I wrap two items in one. DD1 is having a phone this year ( she doesn't know that yet!) DD2's gift hasn't cost so much but I know DD2 will need a bike before the summer as the one she has is getting too small for her. Her birthday present will cost more than DD1's birthday present will so it all evens out over the year.
As they get older the gift get more expensive so it's difficult to keep to exactly the same value all the while. It also depends what they've wished for.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Dec 12, 2014 21:06:52 GMT
I try really hard to spend the same amount on each kid, doesn't always work but I really strive for that. I remember as a kid getting crappy gifts and my sister getting a really expensive gift because she was the golden child still ticks me off to this day haha!
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Post by maryboys on Dec 12, 2014 21:08:31 GMT
we do make every effort to spend roughly the same amount on each of our two boys. it may vary up to $50 or so.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 4:34:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 21:10:52 GMT
I'm having this problem this year with my grandsons. One is almost 10 and his little brother is almost 3. I got the 10 year old a $300 gift, but that is all he is getting since it was on his wish list and at 10 he understands the impact of a $300 gift.....I have only spent $200 on his little brother on 1 gift for him. I feel like I need to spend another $100 on him to be equal because I know the difference even though the 3 year old doesn't. Then if I do buy an additional $100 on gifts for the 3 yo, I will feel bad that the 10 year old won't have anything else to open.
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Post by Patter on Dec 12, 2014 21:17:33 GMT
Yes, I always try to, and my mom even still does with me and my siblings.
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Post by PEArfect on Dec 12, 2014 21:24:11 GMT
I try to, but not down to the penny. It helps that I have three daughters. They all have similiar interests, so a lot of times I just get three of something similiar.
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Post by kristi on Dec 12, 2014 21:28:31 GMT
I don't worry about the amount or quantity. They both usually get most of what they request. My 9 yr old is not aware of price differences. My 14 yr old is aware but knows her things cost more & is always happy with what she gets. We also buy stuff with points & the value is much higher than we pay out of pocket. Then it becomes an issue of value vs paid.
I am not going to buy more fluff presents to make it equal. They goal is for them to be happy with what they get.
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 12, 2014 21:32:24 GMT
I have one child so I don't have this conundrum.
However, I have 6 nieces and nephews. I am very careful to make sure that the perceived value of the gift is about the same. So I wouldn't give one a $100 item I got for $30 and the others $30 items I got at full price.
I don't stress it too much but I try to make sure it is at least equitable, because I don't want them to remember that year auntie got Susie an iPod but for Jack got a toy truck that doesn't even take batteries.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 12, 2014 21:36:44 GMT
We try and make the perceived value and quantity similar, but not worry as much about the actual price tag. One year for example, I gifted my son a tennis racket (which was on super clearance as it's way off season) and my daughter ice skates (which had to be special ordered for her ultra narrow foot). They were both sports they were just trying out and excited about - and it "seems" like they are similar in value. In actuality, they were not even in the same ball park. Now my kids are similar in age, but I do the same with nieces and nephews. I don't try and match dollar amounts for a toddler and teenager, but try and give them both a gift they will like. I do recall an early Christmas when mine were preschool aged, and my inlaws gave my daughter a very nice and expensive gift. I'm sure to "match" it, they gave her brother something like 12 individually wrapped presents. I have no doubt their heart was in the right place, but my daughter absolutely noticed - and as she wasn't yet at that age where she would willingly trade all her gifts for "one big gift" like so many teenagers would like to do - her feelings were hurt. I know it's all well and good to talk about life being unfair, and don't worry about anyone else - I don't willingly hurt my kids on Christmas morning to show them that life is unfair - they'll learn that quick enough outside our home. For us, it is more about perceived value and quantity and the tennis racket/skates are a great example. DS collects Japanese movies (Seven Samurai) and DD wants a new releases, so they will both get a DVD but his is always more expensive. Having the same number of presents might have been more important when they were younger, but they know the value of what they are asking for now. If we bought a new Macbook for one and a calculator for the other then there would be problems .
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Post by melanell on Dec 12, 2014 21:49:21 GMT
Nope. I don't even always keep track of what I'm spending on each of them. My mom goes nuts trying to make sure there are equal numbers of gifts and equal amounts of money, etc. I want Christmas to be as easy as possible. So for me, that means buying the gifts and not worrying about if one has a few extra packages or one had a bit more spent on them.
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Post by snugglebutter on Dec 12, 2014 21:49:25 GMT
My kids are still pretty little (9 and under) - we do the same number of gifts but the money spent might vary. For example, this year we ordered something for DD that very obviously needed an accessory when we got it so those will be wrapped together. The other three each have an item that was either Target clearance or bought secondhand so the amount of money spent on them was a little less. I'm sure it will change when they are older.
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