|
|
Post by wezee on Jun 27, 2023 20:02:35 GMT
Thank you all for your input.  We do have a contingency plan in place for custody as well as a contingency to the contingency. We have ample life insurance and have planned for college and retirement. My husband is wanting to give our kiddo a sibling, but my attitude is more like some of you mentioned. We need to do this because it's what we and our family wants. There is no guarantee they'll even like each other. My kiddo is begging for a brother or sister (basically a playmate at this age) and I know he has no idea what that would actually mean. I think he would love it, but who knows really. Now we wait and see. If I've learned anything from years of fertility treatments and going through one adoption already is it will always work out the way it is supposed to. The child or children you are meant to have will find their way to you. <3 Beautifully said |
|
kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,586 
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
|
Post by kate on Jun 27, 2023 20:38:20 GMT
DH and I are older parents. DH was in his 50's when our youngest was born. Yes, we've dealt with "sandwich generation" issues, too. Look, it's not like you can go back and choose to have kids earlier. You can only choose what to do now and going forward. If you want more kids, then do it! You are being thoughtful and responsible. May the very best thing happen for your family.  |
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Jun 27, 2023 20:39:46 GMT
I think a lot has to do with what phase you are in. If you are 50, and your kids are raised or almost so, the idea of having a baby sounds exhausting; if you are already in the thick of little-kid-wrangling, probably less so. You're in a good position to know how you feel, your family health history, etc. and to know how capable you feel of being able to successfully raise a new child at this point in your life. I think there is a point at which, objectively, I would say, look, I think probably it's unrealistic to be raising children by choice rather than necessity, but I don't think you are there.
Having skimmed through the thread, I disagree with taking anything about grandparents -- your own parents, etc. -- into account. Grandparents are a complete crapshoot regardless of age -- my husband's parents had him when they was 22 and they could not be less interested in our kids, while my parents -- my dad lived to 90, having had me later in life, and my mother is 80 -- have/had been engaged and involved throughout. I know you probably do have a picture of how the grandparents in your life are given that you already have a kid, but I can't personally imagine making family planning decisions around extended family.
|
|
|
|
Post by deekaye on Jun 27, 2023 22:45:26 GMT
I don't think the number matters, its the way you feel, how healthy you are. Age 51 was 10 years ago for me and I would have scooped up a newborn in a heart beat. Ten years later, although I'm relatively healthy, I just don't think I would have the stamina to keep up with a newborn/toddler/child today (just recently had our 3 year old grandson for a long weekend. Loved him and had a great time but man, by Sunday night I was dragging!).
51 is so young. Go for it!
|
|
|
|
Post by longtimenopea on Jun 28, 2023 2:23:21 GMT
I sometimes wish I had had one more. That ship sailed in my mid-30s and now in my mid-40s the answer is no, no, hell no, absolutely not, not a chance, no thank you, nope.
I mostly don’t think my body would handle it at this stage. I take good care of myself and am pretty healthy, but I creak a bit and don’t feel as young as I did when I had my first at 30. Just the toll of pregnancy and birth would do me in, let alone the energy it takes to manage life with little kids again.
So for me - 35/36 was really the end of the road on that one for me.
My coworker is the same age and in the middle of fertility treatments and hopes to have more than one child. There is such a range on this - we are all so different.
|
|
