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Post by sweetshabbyroses on Apr 4, 2024 14:42:00 GMT
How do you respond and how do you feel when/if someone says that to you. Someone said that to me yesterday and it was an old friend I hadn't seen in maybe ten years but we travel in the same circles and have the same friends. We are even friends on Facebook. I was so taken aback I didn't know how to respond! I haven't changed anything about myself in 30 years. Same haircolor, no cosmetic surgery, no weight loss or gain............nothing, just aged but, most people say I look ten years younger than I am. I'm going to be honest, I think it's sort of rude. It's not something I have said or ever would say to someone if I didn't recognize them. Am I being too sensitive. I will add that we were never "besties" or anything like that but we were close enough we had nicknames for each other.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Apr 4, 2024 14:55:04 GMT
I'm guilty of doing this recently. I sat behind someone and even spoke to them at one point, but didn't realize who they were until we stood up an hour later. In her case, she had lost a lot of weight in her face.
I blurted out, "I almost didn't recognize you!", and I did tell her she looked great, too. From my point of view, it was more a comment on my observation skills than on her appearance, though, of course, the other person would have no way of knowing that.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 4, 2024 14:57:47 GMT
I don't feel insulted, as I have trouble recognizing people--even if I saw the person yesterday.
Some people just have trouble with facial recognition.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,504
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Apr 4, 2024 14:59:49 GMT
Yes, that does sting a little when it happens. Could it have happened because they saw you in a “different context?” Whenever I see someone and there’s even a hint that they don’t recognize me I’m very quick to say “hi Jane, it’s me, Morning Person from (however I know them), how are you doing?” Saves embarrassment for them and hurt feelings for me.
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Post by KiwiJo on Apr 4, 2024 15:05:38 GMT
Yeah, I’m another who frequently says that to people - I have great difficulty recognising people out of context. Someone I know from the sports club, who I see while shopping? I’m unlikely to recognise them. So I am especially unlikely to immediately recognise a friend from years ago, especially if I see them away from the place/situation where we were friends. Sometimes I sort of half-remember - I will know I’ve seen them before but I just can’t quite remember where….. If the other person indicates that they expect me to know them, it makes things very awkward, and embarrassing. ETA - haha, MorningPerson is obviously a faster typist than me - so it looks like I basically copied everything she said. Sorry about that.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 4, 2024 15:06:55 GMT
I wouldn’t take that as an insult or have any feelings about it at all 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe they aren’t good with faces. Maybe it was just weird to see you out of context. Maybe they just weren’t paying attention.
In no way would I assume that it meant anything about *me*.
You’re being WAY too sensitive.
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Post by Merge on Apr 4, 2024 15:10:21 GMT
I agree with those who said she may have difficulty recognizing people out of context. I am like that. I wouldn’t read too much into it.
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Post by Linda on Apr 4, 2024 15:12:39 GMT
Yes, that does sting a little when it happens. Could it have happened because they saw you in a “different context?” Whenever I see someone and there’s even a hint that they don’t recognize me I’m very quick to say “hi Jane, it’s me, Morning Person from (however I know them), how are you doing?” Saves embarrassment for them and hurt feelings for me. as someone who is terrible with placing people or recognising faces - THANK YOU - I absolutely love people who do that!
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Post by bbkeef on Apr 4, 2024 15:13:55 GMT
I'll add that it could be the person is having memory issues.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Apr 4, 2024 15:34:08 GMT
I can relate to previous posters who said they may not recognize somebody out of context. It usually takes me a couple seconds to make the connection and often times the moment has passed and I haven't responded. For example, somebody greets me at the grocery store...I of course say a polite "hello" and smile, but it takes me a couple seconds to make the connection of where I know them from and by that time they've moved on and probably think I'm being unfriendly. I don't think the statement "I didn't recognize you" says anything about (general) you, rather about the person making the statement.
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Post by gar on Apr 4, 2024 15:39:34 GMT
I have said this to people and didn’t mean any harm by it. Even though you feel you look the same, 10 years is a long time and you will inevitably have changed to a degree even if you look younger than you are. We all have.
Is your hair style the same as 10 years ago or more? Maybe that’s what had changed.
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Post by Sparki on Apr 4, 2024 15:58:02 GMT
I have a good friend who has walked up to me twice in the last year without me recognizing him! I'm so embarrassed about it. Also my husband tends to blend into crowds, and can be standing in front of me, and I just don't "see" him there. I guess some kind of facial blindness? I've never analyzed it that much, but it's certainly embarrassing from my point, and not representative of the friendship of the person I'm talking too. (As evidenced by my husband!)
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Post by hop2 on Apr 4, 2024 16:05:29 GMT
There are people who just do not recognize faces. While there is full Prosopagnosia, which can also happen by injury, or trauma, there’s also a difficulty in recognizing faces for some people with ADHD especially if they aren’t seen frequently. They’ve just begun studying this.
Yes, all feelings are valid feelings and I’m sorry your feelung slighted by this but since you asked: IMO you’re being over sensitive. You have no idea of their intent. Without context or a clue to intent I don’t see how it can be rude. Them saying they didn’t recognize you says something about them not you.
I can struggle to recognize people whom I’ve met once or don’t see often, saw at a conference, met at work once or twice but not often. I could come face to face most famous people and I wouldn’t have a clue who it is. I’d probably feel it’s a familiar face but I’d not put it together until way later if at all. I haven’t yet forgotten any of my old friends though.
However without a context where they meant to be rude try to give grace to people as you don’t know if they are struggling with anything.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,890
Location: PNW
Jul 20, 2014 21:57:23 GMT
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Post by breetheflea on Apr 4, 2024 16:06:26 GMT
Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out where I know someone from (preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, PTA, neighbor, soccer…) so I wouldn’t be insulted.
Last year, my best high school friend (we live in different states) told me she couldn’t remember when my birthday was… I remember birthdays of people I haven’t seen since 1983, so I was a little taken back, but I guess I just have an weird memory for birthdays and she doesn’t…
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Post by Delta Dawn on Apr 4, 2024 16:09:57 GMT
It happened to me this summer. I am friends with this guy I went to high school with. I was on a committee with him. I went on a road trip with him. We are friends on Facebook, IG and TikTok and still he had no clue who I was.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 4, 2024 16:12:53 GMT
I have a good friend who has walked up to me twice in the last year without me recognizing him! I'm so embarrassed about it. Also my husband tends to blend into crowds, and can be standing in front of me, and I just don't "see" him there. I guess some kind of facial blindness? I've never analyzed it that much, but it's certainly embarrassing from my point, and not representative of the friendship of the person I'm talking too. (As evidenced by my husband!) When my children were young I had the most difficult time with matching names to my son’s peers. Most had light brown hair of a similar haircut so I wasnt always able to place them without added cues. I find I’m also more likely to not recognize men that I don’t see often than women. To my brain women have more distinguishing characteristics or context cues than frequently men do. Different hairstyles or nails or fashion styles add more context cues to jog the recognition for me.
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Post by gar on Apr 4, 2024 16:15:03 GMT
It happened to me this summer. I am friends with this guy I went to high school with. I was on a committee with him. I went on a road trip with him. We are friends on Facebook, IG and Tomtok and still he had no clue who I was. Were you offended?
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 4, 2024 16:17:37 GMT
Well I'll go against your thoughts on that.. I don't recognize people ALL the time and I feel terrible. I am just not good sometimes especially if it is someone that I know from a particular place, like work. If I see someone like that at the store, and I don't have an everyday connection to that person, it very well be that I go blank.
There was once a gal that owned a scrapbook store that I shopped at all the time. Weekly at some points. It happened that her kids went to the same school as mine which threw me off cause her shop wasn't that close by. Anyways, I was at the school for some sporting thing and I saw her. She waved and I waved, chatted for a second, and for the LIFE of me I couldn't figure out where I knew her from. It took me almost the entire game to figure it out. I was slightly embarrassed.
So if someone said that to me.. I wouldn't take offense. Unless of course it was my bestie. haha
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,446
Location: So Cal
Jun 26, 2014 16:42:12 GMT
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Post by caangel on Apr 4, 2024 16:18:07 GMT
Their comment says more about them than you. (Memory issues, not good with faces, not observant...)
Your reaction says more about you than them. (Why do you not feel confident in your looks? Are you feeling your age? Was it just an off day?)
I wouldn't take it personally at all. But in general I find I don't take many small things some people take offense to personally.
Along those lines I have come to realize that compared to some people I have a lot more self confidence. I think it has to do with growing up as a military brat, being biracial and parents who instilled pride in how we were different.
All that said I am not immune to feeling judged (SAHM with a Masters degree) but I know that is more about my feelings than what others think about me.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Apr 4, 2024 16:34:26 GMT
It happened to me this summer. I am friends with this guy I went to high school with. I was on a committee with him. I went on a road trip with him. We are friends on Facebook, IG and Tomtok and still he had no clue who I was. Were you offended? Not in the least. I was just surprised.
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Post by busy on Apr 4, 2024 17:05:42 GMT
I can't imagine being offended by that.
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Post by KikiPea on Apr 4, 2024 17:14:33 GMT
Wouldn’t even think twice about it.
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Post by mom on Apr 4, 2024 17:21:32 GMT
Their comment says more about them than you. (Memory issues, not good with faces, not observant...)
Your reaction says more about you than them. (Why do you not feel confident in your looks? Are you feeling your age? Was it just an off day?)
I wouldn't take it personally at all. But in general I find I don't take many small things some people take offense to personally. Along those lines I have come to realize that compared to some people I have a lot more self confidence. I think it has to do with growing up as a military brat, being biracial and parents who instilled pride in how we were different. All that said I am not immune to feeling judged (SAHM with a Masters degree) but I know that is more about my feelings than what others think about me. I agree with this. And let's be real -- how good of friends are you if you haven't had contact with her in 10 years? Even if you had nicknames for each other.
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Post by don on Apr 4, 2024 17:23:50 GMT
Of course if your avatar had your photo, you might be more recognisable.
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Post by peano on Apr 4, 2024 17:36:55 GMT
I guess the only way I would take that as insulting is if I had gained a lot of weight. I’m someone who has a lot of trouble recognizing someone out of context, so I give people the benefit of the doubt.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 4, 2024 18:46:38 GMT
I think I would only be bothered or over think it - if I felt self conscious about gaining weight, or wasn’t wearing make up and was dressed badly that day.
I agree with the others - that it likely has nothing to do with you - but perhaps think about *why* you think you found it insulting.
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Post by Embri on Apr 4, 2024 20:05:29 GMT
I don't feel insulted, as I have trouble recognizing people--even if I saw the person yesterday. Some people just have trouble with facial recognition. This is me. I have serious issues recognizing people I don't see on the daily - if someone doesn't remember or recognize you, it's more likely a them problem, not a you problem. I've a much easier time putting identities to bodies with voices and body language. The Clark Kent disguise would totally work on me, lol.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 4, 2024 20:27:02 GMT
This probably not a good thing to admit, Jeremy chastises me about it constantly, but I just don't pay attention. I would be the very worst crime eye witness. I don't know if it's because of ADHD or bipolar or what but I have to concentrate so carefully on what I'm doing that I just simply do not notice anything going on around me.
So I say this quite often. Because often people are going hey, Becki, waving hands at me...😂 Just to get my attention in public. And if it's the grocery store, I've not got a fighting chance with my anxiety on top of it.
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Post by disneypal on Apr 4, 2024 20:27:41 GMT
Am I being too sensitive. Maybe When you haven't seen someone in person in over 10 years, it can be kind of easy to "forget" how they look. If you look basically the same as you did 10 years ago (hair/weight/etc), that is probably all it is. I don't think I have said that to anyone before, even if they had changed their looks dramatically. I can understand why it would bother you though.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 4, 2024 20:28:39 GMT
I'm terrible at not recognizing people. I did it just last weekend at a restaurant. My friend and I sat at the table while waiting for our husbands to come in from parking the car. I kept smiling back pleasantly at a man directly across from me who kept smiling energetically at me. My husband walked up and called his name -- and that's when the dime dropped for me. My husband's company works closely with this man's company... and we even all went to high school together!
I do this so often; I simply admit it to people. My standard phrase is, "I'm sorry, I can't place you. I'm just awful with faces and names."
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