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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 4, 2024 20:47:39 GMT
I wouldn’t take it personally at all. I’m honestly surprised when someone does recognize me. I’m the type where I will remember someone’s face forever so I’ll know I know you *from somewhere* but I won’t remember your name to save my life. I own it and I’ll be the first to admit it too. It probably takes me seeing you at least 5-6 times in a relatively short period of time for me to recognize your face AND know your name.
I hate it when I run into someone who knows me and I know I know them too, and my DH or someone is with me and I can’t remember the other person’s name to introduce them so I just stand there trying to remember who they are and feeling stupid.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,172
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Apr 4, 2024 20:49:45 GMT
A few months back, a friend turned up at my door and I didn’t recognise her. 🤦🏼♀️ I watched her park her car on the street, walk a few meters and come down my path where she saw me at the window and waved. I opened the door and it was about ten seconds after she spoke my name before I realised who she was. And this wasn’t some long-lost friend - we had been out for lunch the previous week, and had a 2-hour phone call two nights before she turned up! But she was out of context, her hair looked different, and she was at least four inches shorter than I always visualise her. 🤣
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Apr 4, 2024 21:20:40 GMT
I wouldn't take it personally.
Some people don't have good memory retention (me). I am also a very slow methodical thinker and processor. My memory processing takes longer than average. I have been this way my whole life.
In my case, If I cross paths with someone I haven't seen in years, but they look vaguely familiar..... it takes a few moments or minutes or more, to recall who they are and how I know them. Once I start thinking and processing it....it all comes back to me. I wouldn't blurt out "I didn't recognize you". Instead I do the "Hi, How are you? Good to see you again...it's been awhile since I've seen you!, etc..."....while my mind is going through the recall motions.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 4, 2024 22:17:06 GMT
Yes, that does sting a little when it happens. Could it have happened because they saw you in a “different context?” Whenever I see someone and there’s even a hint that they don’t recognize me I’m very quick to say “hi Jane, it’s me, Morning Person from (however I know them), how are you doing?” Saves embarrassment for them and hurt feelings for me. That’s a great idea! DH and I used to have season tickets to the San Antonio Spurs and got very friendly with many of the people sitting around us. We were in Austin for an Alabama concert and a woman started talking to us like we knew her. I didn’t recognize her at all out of context. I still feel horrible and hope she recognized it as a me issue and having nothing to do with her. She and her friend were awesome.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 4, 2024 22:19:00 GMT
She said "I didn't recognize you" not "you're not recognizable." It's her issue, not yours.
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 5, 2024 1:25:06 GMT
I wouldn't be offended by the comment. It's pretty frequent that I don't recognize people. Usually it's because I am seeing them in an unexpected time or place. The context is wrong so I just don't expect them so it takes me a minute to realize who it is. Other times I'm not paying much attention and then realize there's a person I know.
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Post by miominmio on Apr 5, 2024 5:10:50 GMT
I have difficulty recognising faces. It is so bad that I once didn’t recognise FIL at the grocery store (seeing people in different settings than I usually see them, makes it exponentially more difficult to remember them) and once I needed a few seconds to recognise my own kid at daycare (they had put another kid’s jacket on him). My memory has always been really good…..except when it comes to faces. It is terribly embarrassing, but at least I have a close friend with the same problem, it makes it easier when you have someone in your life who truly understands.
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Post by Zee on Apr 5, 2024 6:14:50 GMT
A few months back, a friend turned up at my door and I didn’t recognise her. 🤦🏼♀️ I watched her park her car on the street, walk a few meters and come down my path where she saw me at the window and waved. I opened the door and it was about ten seconds after she spoke my name before I realised who she was. And this wasn’t some long-lost friend - we had been out for lunch the previous week, and had a 2-hour phone call two nights before she turned up! But she was out of context, her hair looked different, and she was at least four inches shorter than I always visualise her. 🤣 All right now THAT'S a little weird, lol! You just had lunch and you didn't recognize her at your door? 🤣 I wouldn't be offended at that but I would suggest a trip to the eye doctor or maybe a little ginkgo or whatever it is like take for memory issues. I hate when patients get dressed and walk around the unit and think I'm going to know who they are. I admit I'm terrible at telling some of these middle aged men apart when they're not in their rooms in the bed. And they're all named Jim and Bill.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 5, 2024 6:19:34 GMT
A few months back, a friend turned up at my door and I didn’t recognise her. 🤦🏼♀️ I watched her park her car on the street, walk a few meters and come down my path where she saw me at the window and waved. I opened the door and it was about ten seconds after she spoke my name before I realised who she was. And this wasn’t some long-lost friend - we had been out for lunch the previous week, and had a 2-hour phone call two nights before she turned up! But she was out of context, her hair looked different, and she was at least four inches shorter than I always visualise her. 🤣 It seems super odd you wouldn’t recognize a friend you just had lunch with - unless she severely changed her hair and make up??
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 5, 2024 6:21:34 GMT
I don't feel insulted, as I have trouble recognizing people--even if I saw the person yesterday. My high school reunion was a serious brain exercise after not seeing them for about a hundred years and being bad at recognizing people in the first place. Could it have happened because they saw you in a “different context?” I'm terrible at this. I had a neighbor that I couldn't recognize unless it was neighborhood get-together. I would be the very worst crime eye witness. Between the two of us, we could send the wrong guy to the electric chair.
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Post by questioning on Apr 5, 2024 14:26:53 GMT
I used to have a freakish ability to remember people. Because of this, I got in the habit of doing what MorningPerson said, saying my name and context. It kept me from putting people on the spot, and protected my feelings as well.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 5, 2024 14:49:57 GMT
This reminds me of my mom's husband... he literally ran into Garth Brooks at the farming store in Oklahoma where Garth lived for many years. They plowed into each other and he didn't recognize Garth and even talked to him for a bit. He finally figured it out and got a chuckle out of himself. He said he is probably the only person on earth that would knock down Garth and not know who it was. lol
One other story... like I said previously I never recognize anyone. My best friend could be walking towards me and I would be none the wiser.. but years ago, I was up in the mountains in some small mountain town in Colorado (Grand Lake) and I was standing in line to eat and the person in front of me looked really familiar. She was a girl that I went to high school with 20 years previously. We had one class together but never really was friends or hung out. But for whatever reason, from her back, I knew it was her. We went to school in another state. I was too shy to ask her (dumb) but I did messaged her on FB and asked her if she was there. LOL and it was her.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 5, 2024 15:07:24 GMT
I wouldn't be offended by the comment. It's pretty frequent that I don't recognize people. Usually it's because I am seeing them in an unexpected time or place. The context is wrong so I just don't expect them so it takes me a minute to realize who it is. Other times I'm not paying much attention and then realize there's a person I know. So much all of this. Once when I was working at an office supply store, this guy came in and started chatting me up like he knew me forever and I was all like who the hell ARE you? Yeah, it was the DENTIST I had gone to from the time I was about ten until I was in my mid 20’s! I didn’t know who it was until he handed me his credit card and I saw the name. Whoops. So he DID know me forever, although I had changed dentists a few years before that so it had been a while. Whenever I’m out shopping or something I’m usually so caught up in my own thoughts or my own agenda that I honestly don’t notice or look around for people I might know. 99.5% of the time, if I encounter someone I know when I’m out somewhere, it’s because they will say something to me first. It’s nothing at all against the other people, it’s just that I’m drilling down on why I’m there and not looking for it to be a social occasion.
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Post by delila on Apr 5, 2024 15:21:32 GMT
There are people who just do not recognize faces. While there is full Prosopagnosia, which can also happen by injury, or trauma, there’s also a difficulty in recognizing faces for some people with ADHD especially if they aren’t seen frequently. They’ve just begun studying this. Yes, all feelings are valid feelings and I’m sorry your feelung slighted by this but since you asked: IMO you’re being over sensitive. You have no idea of their intent. Without context or a clue to intent I don’t see how it can be rude. Them saying they didn’t recognize you says something about them not you. I can struggle to recognize people whom I’ve met once or don’t see often, saw at a conference, met at work once or twice but not often. I could come face to face most famous people and I wouldn’t have a clue who it is. I’d probably feel it’s a familiar face but I’d not put it together until way later if at all. I haven’t yet forgotten any of my old friends though. However without a context where they meant to be rude try to give grace to people as you don’t know if they are struggling with anything. This is me. I was always very good at putting faces together with names until I had a lobectomy. One of the side effects of the lobectomy was Prosopagnosia aka facial blindness. It is scary and maddening. I always recognize people I know that I had a relationship with before my lobectomy but if I met you after the surgery I usually struggle to remember you and where I met you. I have learned how to bs my way through most situations by asking general questions that give me clues as to who the person might be. If I never figure it out I still maintain myself and talk like I am ok. I absolutely hate it when people say to me “don’t you remember me”? I
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Apr 5, 2024 15:52:24 GMT
I just did exactly this last week. I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in 6 years, and we were with a loose gathering of mutual friends on day 1 of a trip.
I sat at a table with him, and about 10 other people I see about twice a year. We all were chatting etc, but I waited longer than I would to say hi, if that makes sense, and I didn’t ask how he’d been. Just kind of treated him warmly, but like a new person to the group. The next day, someone mentioned “Ted” was at dinner last night, and my heart dropped- I felt horrible! Well, then, when I saw him, I gave him a hug and apologized that I totally didn’t recognize him; it’d been so long. Then I immediately regretted it. As he does look very very different than he did six years ago, due to very very serious illness.
Gah. So awkward. I usually fly under the radar because I am somewhat quiet and my appearance isn’t striking in any way, just normal. My boyfriend stands out because of his appearance and his personality. It’s so funny that people always recognize him, but not me. In fact, we have had it happen where people I introduced him to (from my book club, one of my coworkers wives, and one of my son’s school friends mom) recognized him while we were out!
It doesn’t bother me a bit if someone says that. Obviously, they already feel kinda bad, and that makes me not want to make a big deal about it.
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Post by gar on Apr 5, 2024 15:55:29 GMT
How do you feel about it now OP, reading a variety of responses? sweetshabbyroses
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Post by Merge on Apr 5, 2024 16:21:25 GMT
Coming back to share that when I was a freshman in college, I went back to my old high school on a break to see a few favorite teachers. My AP English teacher, who had loved me and given me the award for achievement in her class, did not recognize me.
I hadn’t changed my hair or gained a lot of weight or anything. I was so weirded out by it at the time but now, as a teacher about the same age she probably was at the time, I get it. Take that kid out of my classroom for a year and they look vaguely familiar, but rarely can I still put a name to that face.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,173
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 5, 2024 18:39:15 GMT
Coming back to share that when I was a freshman in college, I went back to my old high school on a break to see a few favorite teachers. My AP English teacher, who had loved me and given me the award for achievement in her class, did not recognize me. I hadn’t changed my hair or gained a lot of weight or anything. I was so weirded out by it at the time but now, as a teacher about the same age she probably was at the time, I get it. Take that kid out of my classroom for a year and they look vaguely familiar, but rarely can I still put a name to that face. For many, many years in the first part of my teaching career I prided myself on always remembering the students I worked with as a reading specialist. And I really did remember them. The last 5-10 years? Ummm, not so good. I would be in the hallway for Backpack Night at the start of the year and see kids I knew I worked with the year before and couldn’t pull their name out of my head. It was awkward sometimes when I had to look them up on the lists to tell them which teacher they had, and I couldn’t think of their first or last name.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 5, 2024 19:08:18 GMT
If I see a face that looks like I should know the person, but I have no name to attach to the face, then my mind tries to figure it out: *childhood friend? *college friend? *parent of a student I once had? -was it a student in my classroom, or a student at one of the 3 elementaries where I worked? *OMG, is it part of the XDH family? *former neighbor?
...so many choices...
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 5, 2024 21:45:52 GMT
I have had someone tell me they didn't recognize me and then another person say that I haven't changed at all. I think sometimes people react to seeing someone differently and you shouldn't think twice about it. I can see how it might take you off guard initially, but it isn't something to worry about at all.
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Post by worrywart on Apr 6, 2024 14:21:37 GMT
10 years is a long time!!! I would not feel bad at all - think of all of the people that you interact with over 10 years in person, online, in daily life - maybe some people are skilled at remembering and recognizing, I am not.
Would you want your friend to be beating herself up over not recognizing you? I bet after the fact she thought that she should have remembered/recognized you. I've learned to shake that feeling off a little more and give myself some grace for not being perfect.
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Post by melanell on Apr 8, 2024 21:15:16 GMT
I usually say "Yeah, I look different", because in my case that's true.
But I will say that while my DH wouldn't say that to someone, he experiences it all of the time. I think it's the same issue that causes him to be bad with remembering people's names, but he just doesn't recognize people if a decent amount of time goes by.
To add to the problem, for some reason, DH is the kind of person that other people seem to always remember/recognize. So people come up to him all of the time and they're all "oh, hey, how you doing? great to see you! How's it been?" And he's CLUELESS. Now if they say who they are &/or where they know each other from, he'll remember, but otherwise, nope.
Basically people's faces just disappear from his brain.
So even if he remembers that you exist, he may not recognize you, even if you look the same as always, and if by some miracle he does recognize you, he still might not remember your name.
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