Someone says "I didn't recognize you"

I don't feel insulted, as I have trouble recognizing people--even if I saw the person yesterday.

Some people just have trouble with facial recognition.

Yeah, I’m another who frequently says that to people - I have great difficulty recognising people out of context.  Someone I know from the sports club, who I see while shopping? I’m unlikely to recognise them. So I am especially unlikely to immediately recognise a friend from years ago, especially if I see them away from the place/situation where we were friends.  Sometimes I sort of half-remember - I will know I’ve seen them before but I just can’t quite remember where…..   If the other person indicates that they expect me to know them, it makes things very awkward, and embarrassing.

ETA - haha, MorningPerson is obviously a faster typist than me - so it looks like I basically copied everything she said.  Sorry about that.

I agree with those who said she may have difficulty recognizing people out of context. I am like that. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

I'll add that it could be the person is having memory issues.

I have said this to people and didn’t mean any harm by it. Even though you feel you look the same, 10 years is a long time and you will inevitably have changed to a degree even if you look younger than you are. We all have.



Is your hair style the same as 10 years ago or more? Maybe that’s what had changed.

There are people who just do not recognize faces. While there is full Prosopagnosia, which can also happen by injury, or trauma, there’s also a difficulty in recognizing faces for some people with ADHD especially if they aren’t seen frequently. They’ve just begun studying this.

Yes, all feelings are valid feelings and I’m sorry your feelung slighted by this but since you asked: IMO you’re being over sensitive. You have no idea of their intent. Without context or a clue to intent I don’t see how it can be rude. Them saying they didn’t recognize you says something about them not you.

I can struggle to recognize people whom I’ve met once or don’t see often, saw at a conference, met at work once or twice but not often. I could come face to face most famous people and I wouldn’t have a clue who it is. I’d probably feel it’s a familiar face but I’d not put it together until way later if at all. I haven’t yet forgotten any of my old friends though.

However without a context where they meant to be rude try to give grace to people as you don’t know if they are struggling with anything.

It happened to me this summer. I am friends with this guy I went to high school with. I was on a committee with him. I went on a road trip with him. We are friends on Facebook, IG and TikTok and still he had no clue who I was.

Were you offended?

Their comment says more about them than you. (Memory issues, not good with faces, not observant...)

Your reaction says more about you than them. (Why do you not feel confident in your looks? Are you feeling your age? Was it just an off day?)

I wouldn't take it personally at all. But in general I find I don't take many small things some people take offense to personally.

Along those lines I have come to realize that compared to some people I have a lot more self confidence. I think it has to do with growing up as a military brat, being biracial and parents who instilled pride in how we were different.

All that said I am not immune to feeling judged (SAHM with a Masters degree) but I know that is more about my feelings than what others think about me.

I can't imagine being offended by that.

I agree with this. And let's be real -- how good of friends are you if you haven't had contact with her in 10 years? Even if you had nicknames for each other. 

I guess the only way I would take that as insulting is if I had gained a lot of weight. I’m someone who has a lot of trouble recognizing someone out of context, so I give people the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe

When you haven't seen someone in person in over 10 years, it can be kind of easy to "forget" how they look. If you look basically the same as you did 10 years ago (hair/weight/etc), that is probably all it is. I don't think I have said that to anyone before, even if they had changed their looks dramatically. I can understand why it would bother you though.