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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 7, 2024 17:13:49 GMT
At my age, I feel less worried about what others think about me and more concerned w/what I think about myself. Not sure if that is a product of age or a product of increased self esteem? Either way, I'm trying to live in the moment, because none of us really knows how many moments we have left.
In my husband's culture elderly people are revered and respected for their wisdom and their contributions to the family. I want to be respected, too. I hope that I've done enough during my lifetime to garner respect and be surrounded by my loving family when I do truly become old and need that level of help.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,941
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 7, 2024 17:15:21 GMT
I wish that was true. Change begins with Madison Avenue deciding we're a worthwhile market; it begins with the dismantling of the patriarchy that makes women over the age of 50 (remember Don Lemon and his recent comments?) invisible and irrelevant. Me saying "I'm 59 and I don't care" doesn't matter. Sadly, it really doesn't. I already gave my opinion on what I think is “old” but I just have to comment… (Mindset not a number, and I waded in when it wasn’t about women- it was about old people.) Anyway- I had to look up why I care what Madison Avenue thinks of me, lol lol and honestly that couldn’t be less meaningful to me. And Don Lemon? Even more irrelevant. I asked both my son and daughter if they knew who he is, neither did. Maybe that’s the definition of old. Holding on to old versions of what’s important? Maybe for my grandmother those things would have mattered. For me, they don’t. They don't truly matter to me either - but the point I'm making is they create an impression for society and people watch ads and TikToks and CNN and it's what THEY see and decide for us. Sadly. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,941
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 7, 2024 17:16:54 GMT
Totally honest about that. Lol. But I wanted to stress that it's not about trying to attract sex partners or missing being fertile (I had my tubes tied when I was 26, really don't miss being fertile at all, heh). I do want to be viewed as an attractive put-together lady. Not a raving beauty, perhaps a little weathered, but still putting in the effort to look her best (and by extension, do her best--right or wrong, looking the part is half the battle). Yeah I get that. I think like peabay said maybe clearer that it's wrapped up in patriarchy. God knows I'm all aboard the train to take down patriarchy. 😂 ETA: I went back and I don't think it was peabay. But someone said the P-word and that's the button I want to press. 😉 "it begins with the dismantling of the patriarchy that makes women over the age of 50 (remember Don Lemon and his recent comments?) invisible and irrelevant." Yes, it was me. |
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miascraps
Full Member
Posts: 379
Jun 26, 2014 15:37:58 GMT
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Post by miascraps on Apr 7, 2024 17:32:48 GMT
In my family 85+ was when age reared its head and slowed people down. But age is just a number. I know someone who seemed 80 when they were 50.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Apr 7, 2024 18:13:38 GMT
At 76, it gets older every year!
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 7, 2024 18:18:33 GMT
At 76, it gets older every year! You are one of the youngest people I know. You are active, healthy and I would never describe you as a little old lady. 76 is two numbers put together. |
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Post by busy on Apr 7, 2024 19:03:25 GMT
Why are people hung up on being called overweight? Why can't that also be an objective measure? To me, it is because the older or infirm physically are not " seen" or are treated as lesser than. When you become an older woman ( 70+) . it becomes generally apparent that you are invisible. I'm an overweight person. Fat actually. I am well beyond overweight. And I don't have a problem with you calling me that either. It is an objective measure. You can't see the irony that many of you are no longer seeing people because you deem them whatever you call "old?" I disagree that old is an objective measure. If it were, there wouldn’t have been so many different opinions. If old is “lived a long time” - a six year old might say that 30 is old. That’s five times as long as they’ve been alive! And I think 30 years is a long time for anything. It feels like an eternity when you’re paying off a mortgage and it’s more than long enough to go from being born to graduating college, getting married, and becoming a parent. That’s a long time! But does anyone really think someone who’s 30 is old? Probably not. So old is not as simple as having lived a long time. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 7, 2024 19:37:11 GMT
I'm not disagreeing with either of the comments above. But we are society. Change begins with you/your attitude. I wish that was true. Change begins with Madison Avenue deciding we're a worthwhile market; it begins with the dismantling of the patriarchy that makes women over the age of 50 (remember Don Lemon and his recent comments?) invisible and irrelevant. Me saying "I'm 59 and I don't care" doesn't matter. Sadly, it really doesn't. I agree with this. I see lots of instances of people being referred to as “old,” and it is used as a put-down. You will be rightly scolded if you comment on someone’s looks or weight, but not for calling people old. I am, at 68, considered to be old. I own that. What I dislike is being treated as either 1) fragile or 2) sweet. I am neither. Yes, I let my hair go gray. I actually like my hair, and the color suits my complexion. I do think that people see my hair and make assumptions about my ability to do things. They can assume that I am old, but please don’t assume that I am useless. There is a societal permissiveness for ignoring women over the age of 50. I hope that it is changing. |
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Post by dewryce on Apr 7, 2024 19:49:24 GMT
I really think I really thinks it depends on the person. My FIL is a young 74, even though he’s had quadruple bypass and a heart attack. He’s spry, up and active every day, woodworking, pickle ball, exercise, social, etc. My mom is an old 81, she rarely leaves the house, is very inactive, and not at all social. In general when I hear the word old, not knowing the person I’d likely assume at the very least 75+
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Post by dewryce on Apr 7, 2024 20:02:26 GMT
I wanted to say also that I think the reason we’re so afraid of being called old is that as women, we’ve internalized the idea that our value lies only in our sexual attractiveness and fertility. You are 110% right. I agree wholeheartedly. So why can't we stop doing it to one another and ourselves? Every time we discuss things like this it makes me sad. Because I hold this board and most of you in very high regard and I have not a clue what most of you look like or how old you actually are. To me, as it seems a lot of us think old is more about lifestyle and attitude, saying someone is old doesn’t equate it to their sexual attractiveness or fertility. And doesn’t see it as an insult, so it doesn’t come across as doing anything to each other to me. Perhaps that’s why when I read these descriptions about grey hair, dressing frumpy, being inactive, not trying a lot of new things it doesn’t upset me…even though that’s describing me to a T right now  . The words are coming across as merely descriptive rather than judgmental. |
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Post by kluski on Apr 7, 2024 20:12:01 GMT
Old is in the eye of the beholder. My 81yo mom still says ‘an old lady’ at …. It cracks me up!
When I was 20, I thought my 50yo parents were old. Wellll…I’m now that I’m 50, it’s not as old as I once thought.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 7, 2024 20:24:25 GMT
I consider old over age 75.
And I completely still want to look sexy….no question lol.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,268
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 7, 2024 20:27:16 GMT
My parents are 88 and 92 and they're mostly still going strong. They go to church almost every week and while they don't drive, we do get them out to dinners and family events. They're both 'old' and on walkers but there is still hopefully a lot of life left.
My sister is 66 and is in far better shape than I am at 57. She still gets down on the floor with the grandkids and is in very good health. I need to turn my health around to be like her!
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Post by Zee on Apr 7, 2024 20:39:18 GMT
I consider old over age 75. And I completely still want to look sexy….no question lol. 😂👍 Although I'm being completely honest when I say I am happy to no longer be the subject of the catcalls, lewd comments, and nasty offers I got in my youth. I think men are better-behaved today (post me too) than they were then AND I'm not exactly prime real estate anymore. I have a freedom from that that I didn't always have as a young woman. It's very refreshing to hear my son call that kind of behavior gross. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,941
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 7, 2024 20:46:43 GMT
Old is in the eye of the beholder. My 81yo mom still says ‘an old lady’ at …. It cracks me up! When I was 20, I thought my 50yo parents were old. Wellll…I’m now that I’m 50, it’s not as old as I once thought. My friend's mom is 91 and lives in assisted living. She is always saying things about all the "old people" who live there  She's amazing though - incredibly healthy and sharp. |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 7, 2024 23:31:00 GMT
Women who go gray, wear clothes they like, don't wear makeup, have not "given up". Women judging other women for not choosing to continue to pursue the feminine ideal as they age should ask themselves why they feel the need to insult other women for "looking their age" or even older. There is no shame in aging, just as there is none at enhancing your attractiveness with dye, makeup and clothes.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 8, 2024 0:49:01 GMT
Women who go gray, wear clothes they like, don't wear makeup, have not "given up". Women judging other women for not choosing to continue to pursue the feminine ideal as they age should ask themselves why they feel the need to insult other women for "looking their age" or even older. There is no shame in aging, just as there is none at enhancing your attractiveness with dye, makeup and clothes. 100% this. By the standards posted by some here, I could definitely be looked upon as old because appearances just don’t matter as much to me as they do to other people (and that’s okay). I spend my time constantly reading, learning new things, trying new things, doing stuff. I’m still cool, LOL. My kid’s middle school friends all think I’m the G.O.A.T. and have told me as much, so I think I must be doing okay in spite of my comfy clothes and gray hair. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 8, 2024 2:19:57 GMT
Women who go gray, wear clothes they like, don't wear makeup, have not "given up". Women judging other women for not choosing to continue to pursue the feminine ideal as they age should ask themselves why they feel the need to insult other women for "looking their age" or even older. There is no shame in aging, just as there is none at enhancing your attractiveness with dye, makeup and clothes. Truth. There is no one way to grow old gracefully. Some of my friends still dye their hair, paint their nails, etc. Some don’t. I am in the “comfortable but not sloppy” camp. I cannot be bothered to do those things. I do exercise, take care of my skin, and wear a bit of makeup-although not nearly as much as I did when I was in my 20s. We all age differently, and it’s all good. My wish is for women to be kind to other women and let them age as they want. |
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Post by Linda on Apr 8, 2024 2:28:47 GMT
Women who go gray, wear clothes they like, don't wear makeup, have not "given up". Women judging other women for not choosing to continue to pursue the feminine ideal as they age should ask themselves why they feel the need to insult other women for "looking their age" or even older. There is no shame in aging, just as there is none at enhancing your attractiveness with dye, makeup and clothes. I agree. There are as many ways to age as there are people and it's a shame to judge others for not aging the same way or the 'right' way. I've almost never worn makeup, I'm greying naturally, I'm probably dressing better now than I have in years but I'm not a fashionable/trendy dresser by any means. My daughter buzz cut my hair in January and I'm loving that as it slowly grows in. I haven't 'given up' - I just don't care as much about makeup/fashion/hair/nails as some - never have really. My older sister (20 years older - she's in her 70s) has chosen a different approach - but she's always been very fashionable and pulled together. Getting older hasn't changed that. We're both doing a fine job of growing older gracefully - just differently. |
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,215 
Location: Alabama
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Post by janeinbama on Apr 8, 2024 2:36:55 GMT
think 80 would be “old”. My sister and I have been describing our mother as an “old” 84 for years. I have known many active and involved 80 +year olds and my mother has just been old for the past 10-14 years. It does worry me at 64 currently. I do exercise and watch my alcohol intake. I
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Post by mayceesgranny on Apr 8, 2024 13:35:41 GMT
Your post got me wondering what the average age of the peas is. Can somebody make a poll? I'm going to guess the majority of us are over 45.
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Post by melanell on Apr 8, 2024 18:36:49 GMT
I voted for 85+. Although as you said, I was feeling iffy about it, and kept going back and forth between 80 & 85. But that being said, plenty of 80+ year olds have plenty of get up & go.  My dad cracks me up because he is pushing 80 and he goes out and complains about the "old people". SO he clearly doesn't feel as though he's joined their ranks yet.  I have had several relatives who lived to their mid 90s and one who lived to be 100. And I found that most of them were still pretty much living their normal lives in their early 80s. It wasn't until their late 80s that some things started being more difficult for them, and then in their 90s they started having more health concerns. So I think that's where my idea of "old" comes from, and why I ultimately voted for 85+. |
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Post by melanell on Apr 8, 2024 18:50:16 GMT
All of my life I have enjoyed being around people who are older than I am. I still do. One thing about aging that sometimes concerns me is that eventually I will reach an age when it will become more difficult to find people older than me. And I think that will make me incredibly sad. So while I know people say that older people are not seen as much, I not only see them, but actively seek them out, and it's hard for me to deal with the idea that some day I won't find them very easily anymore, because suddenly everyone will be "younger" instead. Aside from maybe ages 12-15, I don't recall every not enjoying whatever age I've been. My hair is gray, and that's because I've always opted to go with my natural color. I love seeing all colors of the rainbow when it comes to the hair of others, but for me, I chose to go with whatever nature doled out. And she's doling out gray right now. I don't feel like changing the color would make me feel any different, so I don't do it. I simply don't care how it affects what others think of me. Although I do admit to enjoying seeing more younger women with gray hair lately. It's very rare that I am accidentally on trend, and the increase in women deciding to go gray in the past several years has been a surprise to me. My mom, however, will dye her hair forever if she's able, so together we're a funny pair, with her rocking brunette hair next to her kid who has 50/50 salt & pepper!  |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 10, 2024 20:37:13 GMT
My husband and I like to joke about all the damn retirees in the commissary. It's a call back to our younger active duty years when we would bitch about the retirees blocking the aisle, going the wrong way, moving too slow. Back in the olden days, the commissary aisles were one way, with arrows to keep you in line.
Now we're the retirees shopping at the commissary. We don't see many young people shopping like when we were young and it was packed on the 1st and 15th (payday). It's kinda sad. But we still bitch about the retirees. 🤭
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,045
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Apr 10, 2024 20:53:44 GMT
Twenty is young, sixty (my age ) is old and 80-90 are very old .
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Post by Restless Spirit on Apr 10, 2024 23:33:12 GMT
How old is old? It’s all relative.
The goalposts for the thresholds of when to consider someone “old” seems to shift as you age, resulting in “the older people get, the younger they feel”.
There are burdens that come with advancing age. Serious illnesses, increasing memory loss, a decline in physical strength and ability. I’m fully aware of my advancing age. No one, positively no one, needs to tell me that. Aging is a biological process, but I firmly believe saying someone is too “young” or too “old” for something is a social construct.
Societal pressure on women to act, dress or physically appear in a certain way needs to stop. Don’t dye your hair, go grey….or not. Wear trendy clothes or dress strictly for comfort. Rock the barefaced natural look or purchase the latest anti-aging beauty products. Embrace fashion and beauty trends or live in sweats. Please do what makes you happy, be it fashion or makeup or hair style or color. THAT is the way to support and empower all women.
Life is short, go out and live it to your fullest.
And that is just my personal opinion.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Apr 10, 2024 23:40:52 GMT
Dad says anyone over 85+is old but he told me recently that 82 was old. He sometimes feels old. His brain is still firing on all cylinders so maybe 95 is old?
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,268
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 11, 2024 13:44:13 GMT
I asked my DS who is 31 what age is old. He said 50 and I was like, oh I guess I'm old then (I'm 57) and he said yep!
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Post by Merge on Apr 11, 2024 14:25:10 GMT
Twenty is young, sixty (my age ) is old and 80-90 are very old . Nooooo, sixty is not old. Can't be. That's only 9 years away for me and I'm shocked these days at how quickly 9 years can pass. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 11, 2024 14:50:43 GMT
Twenty is young, sixty (my age ) is old and 80-90 are very old . Nooooo, sixty is not old. Can't be. That's only 9 years away for me and I'm shocked these days at how quickly 9 years can pass. Tell me about it! It’s only three years away for me! 😳 |
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. The words are coming across as merely descriptive rather than judgmental. 
She's amazing though - incredibly healthy and sharp. 
