peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 8, 2024 21:10:30 GMT
But when I arrive, and I now have 20 minutes before I'm expected, I don't go ring the bell or text the person that I'm there & waiting. In fact, if possible, if I'm picking someone up, I'll try not to even park at their residence for 15 of those 20 minutes, but perhaps down the block if i can, instead. That way they don't feel the pressure of me being there waiting. This is me. I am always early but I will wait until 5 minutes before to "show up". Same. I will sit in a parking lot or down the block - I would never show up more than 2 or 3 minutes early.
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Post by zippythebird on Apr 8, 2024 21:34:40 GMT
I am a very stressy person I turn up early to almost EVERYTHING I can't help it .
For Appointments I try to get there a half hour early but sometimes I end up getting there even earlier .
I think it is far ruder to turn up late than arrive early
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,017
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Apr 8, 2024 21:37:26 GMT
Personally, I'd sit in my car with a book until the time I was scheduled to be at someone's house in that situation. However, I also think that you should say, "X's lesson runs until 1:45, so I'll see you at 2"
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miascraps
Full Member
Posts: 353
Jun 26, 2014 15:37:58 GMT
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Post by miascraps on Apr 8, 2024 21:50:56 GMT
Someone might have already said this. If you wish her to come over at 2. Ask her to come over at 2:30. Same with meeting outside of the house. You wish to meet at 1:00 for lunch but tell her to meet at 12:45. Would that work?
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,421
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Apr 8, 2024 21:51:28 GMT
I was going to say in this day and age if you arrive early you could go on your phone but really anytime you could have brought a book or the newspaper or something while you were waiting. I am a very stressy person I turn up early to almost EVERYTHING I can't help it . For Appointments I try to get there a half hour early but sometimes I end up getting there even earlier . I think it is far ruder to turn up late than arrive early If you want to sut in the waiting room all that time that's your choice. If you were invited to a friend's house how early would you show up? Do you knock on the door 30+ minutes early or sit in your car on the street in front of the house where they could see you? That would cause me stress. I'm in my sweatpants still and curling my hair. Or if it was an after supper thing and you came early we'd still be eating supper and need to clean up.
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Post by padresfan619 on Apr 8, 2024 22:07:10 GMT
It would never occur to me to go to someone’s house more than a couple minutes before our agreed meeting time. And if I’m more than a minute early when I park I sit in my car until the actual time. My parents have friends in their monthly dinner club group who show up *exactly* on time and we call it “pulling a theirlastname” if we show up to a social gathering right when it starts.
If I’m meeting someone for a relaxed social gathering at their home or they’re coming over to my house I expect them to be knocking on my door 5-10 minutes after the agreed upon meeting time if not exactly on time but never early. My son has had in home therapies and other activities and it would really throw off the schedule and progress of the appointment if we were interrupted like that.
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Post by padresfan619 on Apr 8, 2024 22:08:58 GMT
I also am a very anxious person about being on time. My parents were late to everything. I’d get in trouble often for being tardy to elementary school - as if a 7 year old could control that when she’s driven to school. As a result I am almost always early to everything but I never get out of my car or go inside the building until it’s actually time to be there.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 8, 2024 22:32:37 GMT
as a hostess, i try to be company ready 30 minutes early in case someone does show up early. i think 1 hour early is a bit rude but 15 minutes is ok.
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 8, 2024 22:47:22 GMT
I can get being early if you are traveling a long distance with unknown things along the way—if someone is flying and I expect them at 4 but they get to my house at 3:30, whatever, thank you for coming at all. Otherwise, I don’t expect people early and often won’t be home.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 8, 2024 22:50:33 GMT
I dont think 10-15 minutes is too early at all. 30 minutes is excessive though.
However, if I were 15 minutes early, I wouldnt be annoyed if someone werent ready until 5 minutes before the stated time.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 8, 2024 22:55:22 GMT
Not that I don't totally own that I am weird, but...my kids just randomly went outside and played with other random neighborhood kids. Like they walked over, knocked on the door and asked to play. Neighbor kids did the same knocking at our door. 90% of my kids play was not scheduled. I mean sure they had friends outside the neighborhood and I took them there. But like daily play? Was unscheduled. I have some friends in the neighborhood where I live. It's not uncommon for someone to shoot a text, you available? Me to say, yes I am. And then them to walk to my door 5 minutes later. My parents were the same way with their friends when I was a kid. So totally, if any pea wants to drop by for a visit, no advance planning needed. 😂 Otw. 😂
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 8, 2024 23:06:45 GMT
There is no way (in my mind) that being early is anywhere near as rude as being late. I say that as someone who is usually a bit early, and very rarely late. I have multiple friends who are habitually late to everything, and I know it stresses each and every one of them when we have plans to catch up. They're always worried that they're going to be late, knowing that I will be on time. The number of panicked phone calls I've had from more than one of them, telling me "I'm here, I'm here, I'm just trying to find a car park!" It's weird, because I never ever say anything to make them feel bad, and I don't give them dirty looks, or look pointedly at my watch. It's usually 'only' 15 minutes late each time, and DSO and I make a joke of it. One of those friends had us over for dinner a while ago. Her invitation said to be there at 7pm. She stressed to me, emphatically, that we were NOT to be early - not a minute earlier than 7pm. DSO and I arrived at her house at 6:55pm, and sat in the car for 5 minutes. We rang her doorbell at 7pm on the dot. She answered all flustered because she was half an hour behind schedule!
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,820
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Apr 8, 2024 23:14:31 GMT
I arrive early most times because of traffic or finding parking but I don’t go in unless it’s a restaurant. Then I go to the bar and get a glass of wine. I don’t show up to friends’ houses though because I don’t know if they’re even home yet. My in-laws will show up 1-2 hours early no matter what time we say. And if they don’t like the time they tell my dh no we’re coming at this time. When my kids were in school their outings had to be scheduled because a parent had to drive or pick up. My sister’s also live this way. myshelly that friend knows you have 3 kids and that they’re busy. She chooses to impose. I’d be telling her a different time like a chronically late person.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 8, 2024 23:16:30 GMT
Just as rude? I don’t believe so. But definitely rude if she comes to your door or texts you to say she’s ready, unless the text is something to the effect of “Just wanted you to know I’m early in case you are ready to leave otherwise see you in a few.” But showing up at the curb and sitting there I wouldn’t have an issue with at all. I definitely wouldn’t expect them to park elsewhere.
Now if it’s the people that usually come to my house they are welcome to come early. They are welcome to text and say they’re early. They all have keys and I’d expect them to let themselves in and they’re welcome to come upstairs while I’m getting ready if they want to. (Because I am almost always still going to be getting ready if they’re that early). There are only a few of them and that works for our relationships.
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Post by katlady on Apr 8, 2024 23:20:07 GMT
AussieMeg You may not say or do anything but your friends know. They just know you’ll be there on time, and that knowledge is enough to stress them out. I am like your friends sometimes. And when the other person isn’t there yet, I breathe a sigh of relief. 😁
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Post by lemondrop on Apr 8, 2024 23:42:47 GMT
Yes, I think being too early is rude (but not as rude as being late!) I have one friend who is always early and, if she is coming to my house for an event or is picking me up, she often comes early and I'm not ready.
While I am not usually late, I am getting ready at the last minute and, whether I am hosting or going out, I don't want my doorbell ringing before the scheduled time.
I had a chat with that friend and it's better now (although I know she is waiting outside!)
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Post by Basket1lady on Apr 9, 2024 0:00:01 GMT
I arrive early most times because of traffic or finding parking but I don’t go in unless it’s a restaurant. Then I go to the bar and get a glass of wine. I don’t show up to friends’ houses though because I don’t know if they’re even home yet. My in-laws will show up 1-2 hours early no matter what time we say. And if they don’t like the time they tell my dh no we’re coming at this time. When my kids were in school their outings had to be scheduled because a parent had to drive or pick up. My sister’s also live this way. myshelly that friend knows you have 3 kids and that they’re busy. She chooses to impose. I’d be telling her a different time like a chronically late person. My in-laws were once visiting us for a week. They were flying in and asked if they could come from x date to x date. I said that pushing the trip a day later would be better because we had a bunch going on that first date. It’s literally 10pm. The kids have been asleep for hours and I get a phone call. (You all know where this is going!) MIL says “We’re here!” As I ask, “Where’s here?” I just know. Yup. They came in on the original date. So DH takes off for the airport as I frantically make up their bed and prep the guest room. Thank God I had cleaned the house that day and thank God the airport was 30 minutes away, so I had an hour to prepare! They had to sleep on the hide-a-way that night instead of DD’s bed, but it all worked out. For the OP, I’d be irritated but a little bit of this falls on you. If you knew she’s always early and you knew that the lesson shouldn't be interrupted, I think you should have specifically said not to come early. Not because she was right, but because it was an inconvenience to you. FTR, I think it’s rude to show up early or late. 5-10 minutes is ok but I’d text if that’s the case. If you are showing up at someone’s home, be punctual.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 9, 2024 0:14:19 GMT
...and then there was the time stepson and wife said they would be here for lunch on Sunday. I fixed lunch. They would visit DH'S ex that morning and be here for lunch. We waited about an hour or so, then ate. About 4 pm they showed up. I was so livid I stayed in bedroom about 30 minutes before coming out, then was very, very cool for the visit.
Long story that I will skip recounting all the details of that day.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 9, 2024 0:17:49 GMT
I’m an on time or early person. I would never put my schedule on someone else though. If I arrive at your house early, I wait in the car until the scheduled time. Your scenario that person is rude.
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Post by pepperwood on Apr 9, 2024 0:57:07 GMT
I have a friend who is chronically shows up very early. It doesn't bother me if we are just going to hang out, but I did get annoyed when she was 30 minutes early to pick me up with her her elderly mother to go out to dinner. She knew that I had to rush home from work to get ready. She arrived and walked in the house while I was in the shower. My dog went nuts barking at the intrusion. I rushed to get dressed and skipped putting on makeup because her elderly mother was stuck in the car waiting. When we arrived early at the restaurant where we had a reservation, they hadn't started the dinner service and we had to wait 30 minutes before they were able to seat us.
After that I declined a ride with her to a wedding we were attending because she wanted to leave way too early. I heard that she walked into the venue 30 minutes early while they were still setting up.
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Post by quinlove on Apr 9, 2024 1:34:05 GMT
Now if it’s the people that usually come to my house they are welcome to come early. They are welcome to text and say they’re early. They all have keys and I’d expect them to let themselves in and they’re welcome to come upstairs while I’m getting ready if they want to. (Because I am almost always still going to be getting ready if they’re that early). There are only a few of them and that works for our relationships. I think this is what Zee was referring to. Close friends. One of your good friends is welcome pretty much any time.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 9, 2024 2:53:08 GMT
Not that I don't totally own that I am weird, but...my kids just randomly went outside and played with other random neighborhood kids. Like they walked over, knocked on the door and asked to play. Neighbor kids did the same knocking at our door. 90% of my kids play was not scheduled. I mean sure they had friends outside the neighborhood and I took them there. But like daily play? Was unscheduled. I have some friends in the neighborhood where I live. It's not uncommon for someone to shoot a text, you available? Me to say, yes I am. And then them to walk to my door 5 minutes later. My parents were the same way with their friends when I was a kid. So totally, if any pea wants to drop by for a visit, no advance planning needed. 😂 This was what we wished for when we moved to this house but it was not to be. We’re across the street from a park so we hoped that there would be other kids in the neighborhood for DD to hang out and play with but all of them are either older or younger and pretty much all of them are boys who aren’t into the same things she is or was into. Her one same age friend (who happens to be a boy) that did move to the neighborhood in 2014 moved out in 2020 to a neighborhood still in the same school district but across the freeway from us. My kid has literally no friends she could walk or bike to. Every get together has to be scheduled because she will always need a ride to or from somewhere. Other than the park across the street, there is nothing in the area you could walk or bike to from where we live.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,173
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 9, 2024 2:53:31 GMT
A lot depends on how early.
For many years my husband and I hosted Christmas Eve for his family. Because some people had to work all day the general invitation was to show up at or after 5 pm.
One year our sister-in-law showed up THREE HOURS early. I answered the door in sweatpants, pulled up on one leg to accommodate the ice pack I had strapped to my knee which was bothering me that day. I did not have things for her to help with as it was too early to put out appetizers or anything perishable, and it didn’t take two people to deal with things like the ham. She would have just been in the way in the kitchen, and I still obviously needed to change clothes, but not for a while yet. She ended up lying on the couch and napping. She was definitely in the “too early is rude” category that day.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 9, 2024 3:19:00 GMT
I arrive early most times because of traffic or finding parking but I don’t go in unless it’s a restaurant. Then I go to the bar and get a glass of wine. I don’t show up to friends’ houses though because I don’t know if they’re even home yet. My in-laws will show up 1-2 hours early no matter what time we say. And if they don’t like the time they tell my dh no we’re coming at this time.When my kids were in school their outings had to be scheduled because a parent had to drive or pick up. My sister’s also live this way. myshelly that friend knows you have 3 kids and that they’re busy. She chooses to impose. I’d be telling her a different time like a chronically late person. I love my in-laws, but if they repeatedly tried this and wouldn’t stop after a grown-up conversation about it we wouldn’t answer the door. If I was worried about it being awkward I might make sure our cleaning music was playing especially loud and then go upstairs to get ready only coming down about 15 minutes before they were told they could arrive. More likely I’d stare at them through the front door window while sitting on the couch like I do with strangers that come to our door. That is completely unacceptable and I’m sorry you have to deal with it!
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Post by gryroagain on Apr 9, 2024 3:46:17 GMT
I find early much ruder than late-!
But I also have been living places where late is normal and rarely does anyone show up on time. I have one (American) friend who is perpetually early and have started just telling her a time that’s half an hour after the real time. Just too many times I am hosting a get together and while everything is done I plan to take my dog for a walk right before…and here she is, 30 minutes early. Can’t leave her in the house alone, that’s rude, can’t ask her to walk as I live where it’s pretty hot and most people won’t want to walk. Or I planned a call with my daughter, the daily touch base for 15-20 minutes, that would be rude. Or I just wanted to sit quietly after running around making food and tidying the house and now didn’t get that time.
I hate hate hate early, but I don’t mind late at all as long as it isn’t more than 30 minutes or so. Even an hour doesn’t really bother me as that’s pretty normal. But people coming early truly frazzle me!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 9, 2024 9:52:20 GMT
Not that I don't totally own that I am weird, but...my kids just randomly went outside and played with other random neighborhood kids. Like they walked over, knocked on the door and asked to play. Neighbor kids did the same knocking at our door. 90% of my kids play was not scheduled. I mean sure they had friends outside the neighborhood and I took them there. But like daily play? Was unscheduled. I have some friends in the neighborhood where I live. It's not uncommon for someone to shoot a text, you available? Me to say, yes I am. And then them to walk to my door 5 minutes later. My parents were the same way with their friends when I was a kid. So totally, if any pea wants to drop by for a visit, no advance planning needed. 😂 This was what we wished for when we moved to this house but it was not to be. We’re across the street from a park so we hoped that there would be other kids in the neighborhood for DD to hang out and play with but all of them are either older or younger and pretty much all of them are boys who aren’t into the same things she is or was into. Her one same age friend (who happens to be a boy) that did move to the neighborhood in 2014 moved out in 2020 to a neighborhood still in the same school district but across the freeway from us. My kid has literally no friends she could walk or bike to. Every get together has to be scheduled because she will always need a ride to or from somewhere. Other than the park across the street, there is nothing in the area you could walk or bike to from where we live. My very best friend when I was an elementary schooler was a boy. He lived four houses down from me and him and I had great fun together. Still, him and I get together about every 3 or so months and do lunch. And we plan at least 3 hours for our lunches. He is a very intelligent person who I just love interacting with. As a kid both of us were highly creative and highly talkative.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 9, 2024 9:59:26 GMT
Not that I don't totally own that I am weird, but...my kids just randomly went outside and played with other random neighborhood kids. Like they walked over, knocked on the door and asked to play. Neighbor kids did the same knocking at our door. 90% of my kids play was not scheduled. I mean sure they had friends outside the neighborhood and I took them there. But like daily play? Was unscheduled. I have some friends in the neighborhood where I live. It's not uncommon for someone to shoot a text, you available? Me to say, yes I am. And then them to walk to my door 5 minutes later. My parents were the same way with their friends when I was a kid. So totally, if any pea wants to drop by for a visit, no advance planning needed. 😂 Otw. 😂 Just give me 15 minutes notice to take care of the tower of coke cans Jeremy leaves on my coffee table and throw my current yarn project in the bin I keep next to the couch. But other than that little bit of clutter, I'm ready.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 9, 2024 10:32:02 GMT
One year our sister-in-law showed up THREE HOURS early. I answered the door in sweatpants, pulled up on one leg to accommodate the ice pack I had strapped to my knee which was bothering me that day. I did not have things for her to help with as it was too early to put out appetizers or anything perishable, and it didn’t take two people to deal with things like the ham. She would have just been in the way in the kitchen, and I still obviously needed to change clothes, but not for a while yet. She ended up lying on the couch and napping. She was definitely in the “too early is rude” category that day. See, I would never ever put a family member (or even a friend if truth be told) in the "rude" category for turning up early. That's such a weird thing to me. If my SIL or daughter or mother or any other relative turned up three hours early, I couldn't care less. If there were things I had to do (even if it was sitting on the couch Peaing!), then I would do exactly what I needed/wanted to do, and they could sit and watch TV or look at Facebook on their phone or whatever. I really don't see the problem. If she just napped on the couch, how did that adversely affect you in any way? DSO and I are extremely laid back and casual - I often read posts here venting about things that we wouldn't even blink at.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 9, 2024 11:52:20 GMT
Just give me 15 minutes notice to take care of the tower of coke cans Jeremy leaves on my coffee table and throw my current yarn project in the bin I keep next to the couch. But other than that little bit of clutter, I'm ready. Ok, I'll give you 15 minutes notice, but then Im gonna be 15 minutes early. 😂😂😂 A few years ago, I famously texted dh's aunt FROM HER DRIVEWAY "be there in 10 seconds". She asked dh's uncle if he thought I had meant 10 minutes and he said, "No, I think she meant 10 seconds- theyre in the driveway." The longer story is that we were coming from the other aunt's house an hour away and I realized as we pulled in that we had not texted to say we had left. (Other aunt had texted her though, so it was fine.)
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,535
Oct 2, 2017 23:20:46 GMT
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Post by mich5481 on Apr 9, 2024 13:03:13 GMT
One year our sister-in-law showed up THREE HOURS early. I answered the door in sweatpants, pulled up on one leg to accommodate the ice pack I had strapped to my knee which was bothering me that day. I did not have things for her to help with as it was too early to put out appetizers or anything perishable, and it didn’t take two people to deal with things like the ham. She would have just been in the way in the kitchen, and I still obviously needed to change clothes, but not for a while yet. She ended up lying on the couch and napping. She was definitely in the “too early is rude” category that day. See, I would never ever put a family member (or even a friend if truth be told) in the "rude" category for turning up early. That's such a weird thing to me. If my SIL or daughter or mother or any other relative turned up three hours early, I couldn't care less. If there were things I had to do (even if it was sitting on the couch Peaing!), then I would do exactly what I needed/wanted to do, and they could sit and watch TV or look at Facebook on their phone or whatever. I really don't see the problem. If she just napped on the couch, how did that adversely affect you in any way? DSO and I are extremely laid back and casual - I often read posts here venting about things that we wouldn't even blink at. You haven't met my sisters-in-law - three extra hours with one of them (and no one else around) would be torture. 🤣
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