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Post by angel97701 on Apr 16, 2024 0:29:34 GMT
My DS18 with FASD, has run away from home on 3/24. Prior to his leaving he did want us to be his guardian to help with legal issues, SS Disabled adult benefits, medical appointment, and managing finances.
He left under the extreme coercion of his 16 year old girl friend of less than a month. In a snow storm . . . I could go on. I had said no to traveling in such weather. We are not sure of his whereabouts. We do know he quit lacrosse. We do know he attends school daily. He has 34 days left of High School and graduates on 5/31. He is still on his IEP, and working with Vocational Rehab Services to find a job.
We offered him the opportunity to move home with certain restrictions. He declined our offer.
He is most likely using vape cannabis again. Says he had a 2 different jobs to his brother, and now he doesn't want to work at those places.
With FASD you can never tell what the truth is.
The truth of the matter is the attorney we hired gave us her "f game", not A game. Took her more than 6 weeks (4/28) to file after she had all my information, way overcharged what she said it would cost. Spelled my name incorrectly at least three times on court documents. We live close to one county, but actually reside in another where the judge will make the decision. She could not keep this information straight, even though I never wavered from our county of residence. Sent me forms from the wrong county on numerous occasions. Bill of petition had many errors which I corrected and sent back to her on 2/5/24.
She will finish the court paperwork needed to file the case without additional fees, but we will represent ourselves as we do not trust her to be competent.
With that info, what tips do Peas suggest--especially if you have been through this OR you are an attorney that can help us with "unofficial" information to present in a professional manner.
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Post by rymeswithpurple on Apr 16, 2024 0:35:19 GMT
I have no experience with any of this, but just letting you know you're in my thoughts. I hope you're able to resolve everything.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by MerryMom on Apr 16, 2024 1:03:58 GMT
I’m sorry you are having a bad experience with your current attorney.
Hopefully your attorney has submitted all the required paperwork.
Honestly, for something that important, I would hire a new attorney to represent me in court and navigate the court process. I don’t know how it can proceed without your son appearing in court.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Apr 16, 2024 1:24:10 GMT
What exactly do you hope the guardianship will do?
If your attorney is that inept I would hire a new one, that would absolutely be my first step.
It must be terrifying wondering where he is.
Is this your oldest son?
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 16, 2024 1:47:51 GMT
What exactly do you hope the guardianship will do? If your attorney is that inept I would hire a new one, that would absolutely be my first step. It must be terrifying wondering where he is. Is this your oldest son? Guardianship will allow: to help with legal issues, SS Disabled adult benefits, medical appointment, and managing finances. Get him to HS graduation. One of the options is to represent ourselves. Hiring another attorney on this short notice will delay the hearing. Yes it is terrifying, and deeply emotional. Youngest, adopted from Russia 14 years ago hence the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Also adopted bio brother who is now 24 and is willing to testify.
We believe that whatever the judge decides will settle the decision. Right now we cannot have him in our home with drug use and dishonesty. He is not willing to reconcile, and he has had many chances to do so. He played the "adult card" so we are letting him be an adult. One of those situations where he will need to hit rock bottom before he truly recognizes what he left.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Apr 16, 2024 2:30:27 GMT
Maybe you could talk to a guidance counsellor at school. Perhaps they could check in on him and give you some advice.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Apr 16, 2024 2:53:46 GMT
What exactly do you hope the guardianship will do? If your attorney is that inept I would hire a new one, that would absolutely be my first step. It must be terrifying wondering where he is. Is this your oldest son? Guardianship will allow: to help with legal issues, SS Disabled adult benefits, medical appointment, and managing finances. Get him to HS graduation. One of the options is to represent ourselves. Hiring another attorney on this short notice will delay the hearing. Yes it is terrifying, and deeply emotional. Youngest, adopted from Russia 14 years ago hence the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Also adopted bio brother who is now 24 and is willing to testify.
We believe that whatever the judge decides will settle the decision. Right now we cannot have him in our home with drug use and dishonesty. He is not willing to reconcile, and he has had many chances to do so. He played the "adult card" so we are letting him be an adult. One of those situations where he will need to hit rock bottom before he truly recognizes what he left.
I didn't realize your oldest son was 24. You obviously know what is best for your child, but I wonder if letting him handle his own finances (as long as he doesn't have access to some sort of inheritance or trust fund), and the rest might make him realize he can't handle things on his own and he will let you have guardianship on his own. Is this the son that went to the special program? Being a mom can be so hard some time. |
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 16, 2024 15:51:13 GMT
Guardianship will allow: to help with legal issues, SS Disabled adult benefits, medical appointment, and managing finances. Get him to HS graduation. One of the options is to represent ourselves. Hiring another attorney on this short notice will delay the hearing. Yes it is terrifying, and deeply emotional. Youngest, adopted from Russia 14 years ago hence the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Also adopted bio brother who is now 24 and is willing to testify.
We believe that whatever the judge decides will settle the decision. Right now we cannot have him in our home with drug use and dishonesty. He is not willing to reconcile, and he has had many chances to do so. He played the "adult card" so we are letting him be an adult. One of those situations where he will need to hit rock bottom before he truly recognizes what he left.
I didn't realize your oldest son was 24.Guardianship is for younger son who is just barely 18. Most important is the involvement with law enforcement, as legal guardians they must contact us first. The other parts will most likely settle out, but right now its so hard you are right. You obviously know what is best for your child, but I wonder if letting him handle his own finances (as long as he doesn't have access to some sort of inheritance or trust fund), and the rest might make him realize he can't handle things on his own and he will let you have guardianship on his own. Is this the son that went to the special program? He went to Wilderness therapy during 2020, and to boot-camp style alternative HS in Oregon in the spring of 2023 just before we moved. Being a mom can be so hard some time. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 16, 2024 16:54:28 GMT
I would hire a competent attorney and postpone the hearing. Do not represent yourselves. You're emotional and you are not JD's. Fire the moronic attorney and get one who is an expert at this stuff. You will have to wait, but the chances of protecting your son will be much better. Hire the new attorney. Do you know an attorney that you trust who can refer you to someone good?
I'm sorry that you're going through this heartbreak and worry.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 16, 2024 17:57:24 GMT
I have no advice, just a giant hug. I know from our years here how hard you have worked for your boys.
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 16, 2024 18:26:40 GMT
I have no advice but wanted to say that I am sorry for the situation and hope that you can find either a competent attorney or learn what you need to do to go solo.
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 17, 2024 23:09:00 GMT
We've not officially fired the original attorney, and no one else has returned my calls or are available. My attorney uncle in another state said I can still file a complaint with the appropriate organization after the fact and most likely receive compensation.
It may be delayed if the Court Observer can not locate him. We are not sure where he is staying and won't reveal to adults at school nor to our family. I hold all the pertinent records so the Court Observer will also need to contact me. Have not heard from her yet.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 18, 2024 0:03:52 GMT
Thinking of you. Good luck and many hugs.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
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Post by teddyw on Apr 18, 2024 1:16:39 GMT
I’m sorry your attorney isn’t doing her job.
Lots of hugs for you. I know you must be beyond stressed.
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Post by fiddlesticks on Apr 18, 2024 17:38:47 GMT
I have no advice but couldn't read and run. I am really sorry you are in this situation.
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 18, 2024 22:43:15 GMT
No other attorney would return my call in the area. WE are stuck with "Ms mistake". At least she won't be charging us more . . . and if she does a complaint will go in.
Talked to DS18 today, he's finally figured out that he needs his passport card, social security card, and birth certificate. He's not getting the birth certificate because it can never be replaced. One copy from Russia translated and that's it. Hence the passport even though we've not traveled with him internationally except to bring him home 14 years ago.
Used it as leverage so he will see the "Court Visitor" which is necessary for the case to move forward. Once I have confirmation that he has done so, I said I would give it to him.
He also just figured it out that he needs it to get his driver's permit. Not sure he will be able to pass, as his reading level is just around 4th grade. We didn't encourage driving after his first failed attempt at the permit test back in Oregon. If he is in a rage, or due to his slow processing speed we do not believe he will be a safe driver.
I am reaching an emotional point of "let's get this over with and move on". But I am super sad I will miss all the fun events that occur at the end of Senior Year. The truly sad thing is that he is being totally manipulated by his girlfriend. I wonder when she will get tired of her power trip and when her parents will kick him out of their home? (We assume that is where he is, although he will not verify his location.)
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Post by ntsf on Apr 18, 2024 22:47:25 GMT
hugs for you and your family. it is so tough
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Post by krys on Apr 19, 2024 6:01:39 GMT
We got guardianship of my special needs son. It was actually pretty easy, I was surprised. I think it is supposed to be a lot harder if you aren’t the biological parents or if the child goes against it. My son is 20 now and was totally fine with it. He will most likely always live with us. We just did it on our own and the process was pretty simple. If your state is anything like ours I would recommend it this way.
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 19, 2024 14:52:45 GMT
We got guardianship of my special needs son. It was actually pretty easy, I was surprised. I think it is supposed to be a lot harder if you aren’t the biological parents or if the child goes against it. My son is 20 now and was totally fine with it. He will most likely always live with us. We just did it on our own and the process was pretty simple. If your state is anything like ours I would recommend it this way. Our special needs son is borderline, and presents well. He is very easily manipulated--this time by a girlfriend who also happens to provide drugs. It's not easy in our state at all and most states are limiting guardianship to a much greater degree.
Our son ran away and is couch surfing . . . he will not share his whereabouts.
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Post by krys on Apr 19, 2024 15:34:08 GMT
Darn! I wish you luck! Fingers crossed that it so goes smoothly for you.
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Post by mom on Apr 19, 2024 17:14:29 GMT
Sorry that things aren't going better with your son. Please think about therapy for yourself. What you are dealing with is a lot....and thats before him running off. The best thing you can do for him (since you aren't with him right now) is to take care of yourself and your mental health so when he does come back, you are in a good place to deal with him.
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Post by Linda on Apr 19, 2024 18:39:43 GMT
Sorry that things aren't going better with your son. Please think about therapy for yourself. What you are dealing with is a lot....and thats before him running off. The best thing you can do for him (since you aren't with him right now) is to take care of yourself and your mental health so when he does come back, you are in a good place to deal with him. I agree 100% - angel97701 - you have to put your oxygen mask on first and take care of you. |
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kate
Drama Llama
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Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Apr 19, 2024 23:18:40 GMT
Sending you best wishes and prayers. I couldn't read and run.
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 21, 2024 18:08:44 GMT
I put out calls for different attorneys and not one returned my call. We have to stick with the inept attorney who is not even up up-to-date on current MN laws! So infuriating. She works the oddest hours and sent me many texts yesterday. DH and I have decided that tough love is the best. DS18 has been served through his court-appointed attorney. He will be contesting. Our attorney wants us to go for limited guardianship in several areas. To be totally honest she did not make a good case for either of the areas we would even consider. Medical and ability to deal with governmental agencies. If I kept medical guardianship in this area we cannot guarantee he will go to appointments, or that he would take his medication, or that he could sell it for $$$ so he can buy marijuana. I don't have to talk to him, but can communicate with his medical professionals, make appointments, etc. If things continue to go badly I have to remain in this position for 6 years UNLESS I find someone else to take his guardianship. Obviously that won't happen. As for aiding in governmental affairs it is mostly communicating with the SS about his disability qualification, which he was fighting anyway. However those around him (girlfriend and family) will quickly realize it means a monthly stipend, and the attorney even stated that many vulnerable adults in this area are taken advantage of financially and there is no way to protect that income from someone the "he might believe is his friend/girlfriend" etc. No guarantee that it will not be used for drugs. SUCH a mess! When I said we were going to drop the petition she started saying "how is he going to take care of himself", you are just going to drop him after all the work you have done for him up to this point? He's only an 18 year old teenager. From our viewpoint he is not going to listen to us, he will not follow state laws of anyone under age 21 is not allowed to smoke, drink, or do marijuana. Why should we (I) do this, enable him to be a drug addict. Tough love, let him figure out how hard it is to "adult", the thing he claimed we were holding him back from doing. Let go of everything.
Since all communication was through text I don't get a full explanation nor nuance of the situation.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 21, 2024 23:24:25 GMT
I'm not entirely following your last post, but it seems that you and your dh have decided not to pursue guardianship?
I know how much time and effort you have put into raising your boys and this has to be heartbreaking for you. I can see your point that your helping him obtain benefits could lead him further down the path he is on, particularly with the influences he has in his life currently.
What an awful situation for you and your dh. Hugs to you
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 22, 2024 15:38:41 GMT
What would be in your best interest at this point? Clearly, the atty is incapable of giving advice that makes sense or that you can trust. So, do what is best for yourselves. At 18 do you need to give up guardianship or do you just stop giving him money, making his appts, etc.?
This is very hard stuff, but you have to live your life and create peace for yourself. You can't win against a controlling drug abusing girlfriend.
My mama heart goes out to you.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 22, 2024 21:48:34 GMT
I'm so sorry, this entire situation sounds extremely difficult. I am not sure if I'm following exactly, but it sounds like the lawyer is not support financial guardianship in which case it's not at all clear to me why you would want the other pieces. Wouldn't you just be supporting his ability to receive funds you'd then have no control over? I am sorry to say, but it sounds like he's going to have to hit bottom with the girlfriend. I'm sure I'm missing big pieces here, but if he refuses to see you, it just doesn't sound like you have a whole lot choices. I'm so sorry!
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 22, 2024 22:21:09 GMT
I'm so sorry, this entire situation sounds extremely difficult. I am not sure if I'm following exactly, but it sounds like the lawyer is not support financial guardianship in which case it's not at all clear to me why you would want the other pieces. Wouldn't you just be supporting his ability to receive funds you'd then have no control over? I am sorry to say, but it sounds like he's going to have to hit bottom with the girlfriend. I'm sure I'm missing big pieces here, but if he refuses to see you, it just doesn't sound like you have a whole lot choices. I'm so sorry! You got the main gist, and we do not want to enable him to continue with his negative behavior or give anyone a chance to abuse him financially if he were to get SSI. |
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Post by angel97701 on Apr 26, 2024 1:14:10 GMT
I met with the attorney today and gave me letter of dismissal of the guardaianship of my son, full and any partial aspects. One of the hardest things I have ever done. Now to move on with my own health and healing.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Apr 26, 2024 14:51:29 GMT
I met with the attorney today and gave me letter of dismissal of the guardaianship of my son, full and any partial aspects. One of the hardest things I have ever done. Now to move on with my own health and healing. So sorry you are stuck in this place. You have tried so very hard for both your boys over the years. Just a comment, although I have no idea if it is helpful or necessary.. consider making copies of ALL the important papers, including his birth certificate which I know would only be a copy and possibly not for legal purposes, so you have records should the situation come up where they might be needed by you. |
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