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Post by Linda on Apr 16, 2024 21:36:06 GMT
Dear CraftedbyS and family, I hear that you have an extra $200 by scrimping and saving and doing without. Well, we can't have that, now can we. Here's a vet bill/car repair/doctor's copay/broken appliance bill for $400. FU and see you next month, The Universe. So much this...new tyres for the car, plumber, septic tank pumpout, new drainfield, 4 trees need removing, driveway now needs fixing (ok - the tree company did take of that one at no additional cost to us), well got a temporary repair and will need an actual repair once the driveway can be driven on again...And it's only April...
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 16, 2024 21:54:23 GMT
I KNOW exactly how you feel.. I'm 55 and thought for sure I would be in a better place by now. COL is just crazy these days. Our little trip for our 30th anniversary to NYC is costing us and we NEVER celebrate like this. DH is like we are doing it no matter what. We have never treated ourselves that much. But after this trip we are buckling down on our next steps in life. We are getting 'that' age. Seriously probably will have to move out of our state as we just can't justify the cost of living here. We have a couple of ATVs that a couple of years ago it was no big deal. Now we can't even take them to our place we love (Moab, UT) as the cost of staying there has doubled in just the last year alone. So since we don't ride that often why keep them? During Covid, we were both making really good money, but since that has now passed, that extra income disappeared. Give yourself a very generous budget for food in NYC. I went in knowing it was going to be expensive, but it's frankly ridiculously expensive. I refused to spend $30 for hotel breakfast and ended up in diner spending $30 - I'm sure it's better if you're not in heart of touristy stuff, but it was crazy how expensive everything was there! Yeah, I have a ton of restaurants on my list that are on the cheap side. We are going to stick to those.. between food carts, a couple of places we were referred to, I think we have that reigned in.. (HA.. maybe)
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 16, 2024 21:56:44 GMT
The cost of everything has gone up so much. And I don’t even mean food. Getting a contractor to do work has gone up so much since Covid began. And things like getting a new roof? Yikes. I paid about $9000 in 2005 for a roof, and that was average for my area. Now a new roof will be almost double that. I know that everything is more expensive, but that seems extreme to me. Of course I could spend less, but I want a roof that will last. I had drains put alongside my house for drainage, and between 2019 and 2021 ( which is how long I had to wait for this company), the price went up nearly $2000. Incredible. And don’t get me started on the cost of buying a car. I know that contractors have had to increase their prices, but it does seem excessive. A big part of those high costs are the costs of raw materials. We see it every day with DH’s business, he has had to raise his prices not because he’s charging more for his labor at all but because the cost of all the materials he works with has more than doubled over the past few years. It started back with the Covid shortages and then prices just never came back down even after supplies went back to normal. When prices started to noticeably skyrocket, he really started shopping around and started buying a lot more from an online supplier or Amazon because the prices were so much less than the local place (which is a huge nationwide business itself, so you know they aren’t paying wholesale). They were really price gouging because they can, for convenience. But even the online supplier place’s prices have gone up. Even things like a basic 2”x4”x8’ piece of lumber costs exponentially more than it used to. We needed some for a project at our lake cabin and DH about choked when he saw it was going for over $5-6 apiece, and when you go to the lumber yard to buy it, it’s all twisted and split crap. Our neighbors at the cabin rebuilt their place last spring/summer and they had to scale back their project by at least a third because the materials costs had gone up so much between the time they had their plans drawn and when they found a reputable contractor to actually do the build. We were so glad we did ours when we did in 2018-2019 because we wouldn’t have been able to finish ours like we did at the current costs. As it was we did as much of the work as we could ourselves to cut the labor costs down. Meanwhile, all of the big corporations are raking it in hand over fist making billions upon billions in profits. ETA: I just wanted to add that 2005 was almost 20 years ago now. I’m not sure how much more I would expect something like a roof to cost but I think I wouldn’t expect it to cost anywhere close to the same after that much time. I think a better comparison would be for the last 3-7 years, and even in that time frame things have gone up considerably. Fair point about 2005 being almost 20 years ago. I was wrong about the current cost of a new roof. I had asked someone I know to give me an estimate, and I found the estimate. He said at least $19000, which is more than double. I didn’t recall that it was THAT high. Sigh. I guess there is nothing that I can do about it. Oh well. They do a good job at least.🤷♀️
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Post by uksue on Apr 16, 2024 22:00:49 GMT
I hear you and I feel your pain. We have my MIL and 24 yr old son living with us because neither can afford to live on their own. DH and I make good money and it still feels like we are constantly redoing our budget because of the cost of things. I keep hoping something changes with the economy but I fear this is the new normal. Just before the beer virus I was planning selling my bungalow and downsizing to a small manageable flat with my youngest who is on the spectrum. The house needs loads spending on it, which I don"t have. Firstly my oldest boy arrived home when his relationship broke up, then my daughter became ill with MS, her boyfriend dumped her and demand they sell their flat just as she lost her job due to illness. She brought her two massive british short hair cats with her 😁 I'm now sleeping in the living room so they can all have their own bedroom. The utilities are massive as everyone is in their own room using electrical stuff every evening. The two oldest feed themselves but my youngest (22) eats like a horse and receives no disability benefits due to our ridiculous system. I have a decent pension for a nurse, but I never expected to be living in this big house that is like a collander due to damp and old windows, with a huge garden that is slowly becoming a wildlife sanctuary because it's too much for my arthritis to cope with. I can't see things improving much anytime soon.
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 16, 2024 22:01:06 GMT
I feel you. It seems like our entire married life that as soon as we get a few hundred dollars ahead, the universe decides to screw with us. Dear CraftedbyS and family, I hear that you have an extra $200 by scrimping and saving and doing without. Well, we can't have that, now can we. Here's a vet bill/car repair/doctor's copay/broken appliance bill for $400. FU and see you next month, The Universe. I feel that in my bones.
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Post by donnab on Apr 16, 2024 22:58:51 GMT
I understand exactly. I went through 1/2 of my savings last year when I was laid off. I accepted a contract position for now and am making good money but the cost of everything is going up! Now that I'm divorced, I am paying an exhorbitant amount of rent. I have no debt and pay basics each month and am so worried about having enough money if something happens. In fact, I was just looking for a second job yesterday that I can do in the evenings or on the weekend. It's ridiculous! I"m 54 and never thought I would be at this place in my life. I want to enjoy myself and have enough money to take a vacation once in a while-or get a car since mine is on it's last leg. Then I worry about my 25 yr old who is a paycheck away from being homeless. So then I would have to spend the other 1/2 of my savings to help her. ugh!!!
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Post by playingcinderella on Apr 16, 2024 23:26:25 GMT
I completely understand this - DH is having surgery this month - $7500 out of pocket, oldest kid just got his license -$800 increase on car insurance, youngest kid is getting a dental crown $255 for the first appointment, and the pest control guy is currently here because DH said "I am almost sure those are termites" last night.
We are doing okay but every unexpected cost has me cringing wondering how long it will take to build our savings back up.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,515
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Apr 17, 2024 0:40:26 GMT
I'm on month 7 of unemployment. The unemployment benefit ran out a couple of months ago and we had to access part of our retirement savings to be able to continue to pay bills. I got 2 rejection notices today, one of which was tied to an interview I had (I knew it was coming they didn't call last week which was when she said they'd follow up). If I don't find something soon it's going to become very bleak here. I can't physically be on my feet for hours or I'd look at something in customer service just to keep us afloat.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Apr 17, 2024 1:11:37 GMT
For those looking for an extra income source consider dog walking or babysitting. A friends thirteen year old Granddaughter cared for children (ages five and up) for six hours one evening on the weekend (two families with two children in each family) and received one hundred and fifty dollars. Times sure have changed.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 17, 2024 1:36:33 GMT
The two oldest feed themselves but my youngest (22) eats like a horse and receives no disability benefits due to our ridiculous system. I have a decent pension for a nurse, but I never expected to be living in this big house that is like a collander due to damp and old windows, with a huge garden that is slowly becoming a wildlife sanctuary because it's too much for my arthritis to cope with. I can't see things improving much anytime soon. The oldest two are working? Why are they not contributing towards the house expenses? Why are they not working outside in the garden and keeping things tidy? Why are you not sleeping in a bedroom. Only you can decide if this is how you want to live in your home. Your children are now adults. Let them be the responsible adults and have them be active in the entire household. I understand that you are in a difficult spot but I do remember that your children were not very helpful towards you when you were requiring medical treatments. Your youngest could also help outside, with the older two to guide them. (HUGS)
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Post by hop2 on Apr 17, 2024 10:32:40 GMT
A big part of those high costs are the costs of raw materials. We see it every day with DH’s business, he has had to raise his prices not because he’s charging more for his labor at all but because the cost of all the materials he works with has more than doubled over the past few years. It started back with the Covid shortages and then prices just never came back down even after supplies went back to normal. When prices started to noticeably skyrocket, he really started shopping around and started buying a lot more from an online supplier or Amazon because the prices were so much less than the local place (which is a huge nationwide business itself, so you know they aren’t paying wholesale). They were really price gouging because they can, for convenience. But even the online supplier place’s prices have gone up. Even things like a basic 2”x4”x8’ piece of lumber costs exponentially more than it used to. We needed some for a project at our lake cabin and DH about choked when he saw it was going for over $5-6 apiece, and when you go to the lumber yard to buy it, it’s all twisted and split crap. Our neighbors at the cabin rebuilt their place last spring/summer and they had to scale back their project by at least a third because the materials costs had gone up so much between the time they had their plans drawn and when they found a reputable contractor to actually do the build. We were so glad we did ours when we did in 2018-2019 because we wouldn’t have been able to finish ours like we did at the current costs. As it was we did as much of the work as we could ourselves to cut the labor costs down. Meanwhile, all of the big corporations are raking it in hand over fist making billions upon billions in profits. ETA: I just wanted to add that 2005 was almost 20 years ago now. I’m not sure how much more I would expect something like a roof to cost but I think I wouldn’t expect it to cost anywhere close to the same after that much time. I think a better comparison would be for the last 3-7 years, and even in that time frame things have gone up considerably. Fair point about 2005 being almost 20 years ago. I was wrong about the current cost of a new roof. I had asked someone I know to give me an estimate, and I found the estimate. He said at least $19000, which is more than double. I didn’t recall that it was THAT high. Sigh. I guess there is nothing that I can do about it. Oh well. They do a good job at least.🤷♀️ It was the plywood that killed me 2 years ago. There was supply issues with plywood 2 years ago and it was pretty much double. My roof would be less today than it was 2 years ago but I HAD to be fixed then. And I’ve been glad every rain storm since that it was fixed.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,960
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Apr 17, 2024 12:29:02 GMT
I've been planning on retiring at the end of the year. Now, I'm concerned about it and may put it off another year or 2. Our investments person tells us we'll be just fine, but I am worried.
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Post by heckofagal on Apr 17, 2024 13:05:34 GMT
Yes, at 56 I thought I would be in a better place financially myself. Just can't seem to get ahead. Also, my 24 year old and 27 year old DDs still live with us and I'm not sure when they will be able to move out. Both have college degrees and the oldest has a Masters degree but is in social work. So she spends her days helping those less fortunate to get by, but who is helping her get by?
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 17, 2024 13:14:17 GMT
Fair point about 2005 being almost 20 years ago. I was wrong about the current cost of a new roof. I had asked someone I know to give me an estimate, and I found the estimate. He said at least $19000, which is more than double. I didn’t recall that it was THAT high. Sigh. I guess there is nothing that I can do about it. Oh well. They do a good job at least.🤷♀️ It was the plywood that killed me 2 years ago. There was supply issues with plywood 2 years ago and it was pretty much double. My roof would be less today than it was 2 years ago but I HAD to be fixed then. And I’ve been glad every rain storm since that it was fixed. I hear you on that too. We picked up a nice wooden crib from someone’s curb alert thinking we could convert it into a raised dog bed for our big dog at the lake cabin. We didn’t realize that it had a spring on the bottom and not wooden slats so the dog was afraid to go on it. I told DH, “Just take off the spring and cut down a piece of plywood so the base is solid. Then he’ll use it.” DH’s response was, “I’m not spending $50 on a piece of plywood for converting a piece of junk I picked up off the curb.” 😳 🙄 So yeah. It’s been four years now and the dog is still sleeping on MY bed, ugh. ETA: I think the supply issues for building supplies are going to be an ongoing problem due to the increase in severe weather caused by climate change, not only in the number of storms and the increasing intensity of them resulting in more widespread damage, but also in the types of unpredictable events hitting places that aren’t typically affected such as the electrical grid failure in Texas a few winters ago, the wildfires in Maui and Canada, etc.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 17, 2024 13:35:35 GMT
The two oldest feed themselves but my youngest (22) eats like a horse and receives no disability benefits due to our ridiculous system. I have a decent pension for a nurse, but I never expected to be living in this big house that is like a collander due to damp and old windows, with a huge garden that is slowly becoming a wildlife sanctuary because it's too much for my arthritis to cope with. I can't see things improving much anytime soon. The oldest two are working? Why are they not contributing towards the house expenses? Why are they not working outside in the garden and keeping things tidy? Why are you not sleeping in a bedroom. Only you can decide if this is how you want to live in your home. Your children are now adults. Let them be the responsible adults and have them be active in the entire household. I understand that you are in a difficult spot but I do remember that your children were not very helpful towards you when you were requiring medical treatments. Your youngest could also help outside, with the older two to guide them. (HUGS) 100% this. The older two should absolutely be contributing in whatever ways possible toward the household, both financially and in terms of upkeep of the home. No one gets to live for free these days and the sooner our kids learn this the better prepared they will be for adult life. My 13 year old already knows that whenever she makes some money from mowing lawns or shoveling snow or whatever, some has to go toward long term savings, some toward short term savings and only a little goes into the mad money slush fund. And there’s no way in hell I’d be giving up my bedroom and my bed so my adult kid could have more comfort and privacy! There’s nothing like sleeping on a couch to make a person more motivated to get their own place. We let a niece crash on our couch for a year while she got her act together, worked hard, paid off some bills and was able to move out and into a safe place of her own. We wanted to give her an assist but didn’t have the space to give her her own room and we sure as heck weren’t going to give up ours when we were the ones paying the mortgage.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Apr 17, 2024 19:27:58 GMT
I was trying to figure out what to make for lunch today. Looked in the freezer and pulled out a loaf of bread. Checked the fridge and I have a flat of eggs from Costco. Boiled some eggs, snipped some chives from outside and made egg salad sandwiches.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Apr 17, 2024 19:31:02 GMT
crazy4scraps, maybe you could pick up a couple of free pallets and use that wood in the dog bed.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Apr 17, 2024 21:51:53 GMT
I feel like my whole adult life has been one of >> one or ten or twenty steps forward.....and one or ten or one hundred step backwards. Every single time I get a little ahead or a lot ahead....shit happens (car problem, computer dies, pandemic, etc...). The pandemic was one hundred+ steps backwards financially. It's been four years and I am still re-building my finances.
The occasional steps backward, feel so defeating and frustrating. I keep trying to get ahead, and I won't give up on *trying*. I keep telling myself >> I have more than some and less than others. Some day I will financially get to where I want and need to be.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 17, 2024 22:57:43 GMT
crazy4scraps, maybe you could pick up a couple of free pallets and use that wood in the dog bed. A lot of those pallets are made of treated lumber which I don’t really want in my bedroom. Plus that wood is usually so rough it would take more work than it would be worth to sand it down enough to be decent. What that project really needs is a crib sized piece of solid 3/4” furniture grade plywood so we can just toss the dog bed we have on top. That way his feet or legs won’t slip through, it won’t be springy and the dog will actually sleep on it. The crib itself looks really nice which was why we took it. The rails weren’t chewed on and it’s the same dark mahogany color that our woodwork is. It looks like the kind you could flea market flip into a cute bench if you cut it down and added a seat and cushion which was why I thought it would be perfect to do something similar to hold the big dog bed/floor cushion we already had up off the floor. But then the price of plywood went through the roof so there it sits. LOL ironically enough my DH is kind of a wood scrap hoarder, he just doesn’t happen to have anything that would work great for this project.
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 18, 2024 9:49:25 GMT
The oldest two are working? Why are they not contributing towards the house expenses? Why are they not working outside in the garden and keeping things tidy? Why are you not sleeping in a bedroom. Only you can decide if this is how you want to live in your home. Your children are now adults. Let them be the responsible adults and have them be active in the entire household. I understand that you are in a difficult spot but I do remember that your children were not very helpful towards you when you were requiring medical treatments. Your youngest could also help outside, with the older two to guide them. (HUGS) 100% this. The older two should absolutely be contributing in whatever ways possible toward the household, both financially and in terms of upkeep of the home. No one gets to live for free these days and the sooner our kids learn this the better prepared they will be for adult life. My 13 year old already knows that whenever she makes some money from mowing lawns or shoveling snow or whatever, some has to go toward long term savings, some toward short term savings and only a little goes into the mad money slush fund. And there’s no way in hell I’d be giving up my bedroom and my bed so my adult kid could have more comfort and privacy! There’s nothing like sleeping on a couch to make a person more motivated to get their own place. We let a niece crash on our couch for a year while she got her act together, worked hard, paid off some bills and was able to move out and into a safe place of her own. We wanted to give her an assist but didn’t have the space to give her her own room and we sure as heck weren’t going to give up ours when we were the ones paying the mortgage. They should be contributing, even if it's for a "moving out someday" fund. My sister lived with us and we made her pay "rent" while she was there. We saved it for her and she had a nice chunk of money when she moved out. Then she griped that we didn't pay her interest, but that's a story for another day.
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 18, 2024 10:14:43 GMT
I hear you. I'm shocked at what stuff costs. All I can offer is, during the recession I thought we were going to lose everything. I started watching a Canadian show called, "'til Debt Do Us Part" where a woman would examine the finances of people in credit card debt and figure out where they could save. She made them go all cash and put the cash in jars marked for specific purposes like food and rent. She could always find where bits of money were "leaking" from their finances and going all cash forced them to stick to a budget.
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Post by rainangel on Apr 18, 2024 12:14:17 GMT
I feel your pain too. I live with two teenagers, and there seems to be something every week. This week it's of of my DD's birthday, which is a fun and great thing. But it costs money. Next week I have dentist's appointment, and they NEVER run cheap. On top of everything else just getting more and more expensive, these 'extra's' in a month really stops me from saving up for the bathroom remodel I desperately need. One of my DD's is moving out this fall, but I have to help her out financially aswell. Student loans doesn't cover all expenses, but she has gotten an amazing opportunity, so I can hardly refuse her to take it.
At least my cats aren't sick yet... Everything else seems to have doubled in price, so I can't imagine what a vet bill would look like!
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,599
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Apr 18, 2024 12:25:26 GMT
Same. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't get ahead. I start beefing up my savings and BOOM something happens and I'm back to square one. The cost of everything right now is crazy.
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Post by uksue on Apr 18, 2024 12:42:45 GMT
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. Firstly, my oldest is my daughter with MS who gets basic benefit but has been turned down repeatedly for disability. Her brain fog and fatigue stop her working- yes she is running the marathon this weekend but sleeps probably 15 hrs a day and can't concentrate on anything. It's depressing as she has a double English and Spanish law degree and was set fair for a wonderful career before all of this. She does contribute half of the small amount of benefits are receives, as does my youngest. When they get extra- like with had a cost if living benefit bonus scheme last year- they both handed it straight over towards the bills without me even asking I gave my bedroom up to my oldest son, because he has his son come to stay and it made sense to me. He and works shifts, so if he was in the living room I wouldn't be able to use it fir large parts of the day-and the only access to the kitchen is through the living room.
He is downright mean over money and has also refused to help with the garden ( he did help a little when he first moved in 4 yrs ago but has refused since). I'm battling with how to deal with him ATM. He's a nice guy, but he has given me this huge guilt complex with the middle child syndrome thing. He has said he never feels like part of the family- yet he chooses not to take part in things. For example, he won't commit to joining the rest of the family this weekend when we are going into London to support my daughter as she runs the marathon. When I was in hospital fir both of my cancer surgeries he didn't visit, send flowers etc.Hecwoujdny give me a lift to catch the train fur my chemo treatments- that sort of thing. He has hurt me deeply with that, but I suppose I keep hoping he'll change as I don't want him to end up lonely and alone like his dad. I've definitely taught him how to treat me!
I know he will move out and I will see my grandson even less often if I force things ( he lives with his mum 100 mile's away and only comes for part of the school holidays.)
I'm afraid he's very like his father - generous to all his mates who thinks the sun shines out of him, but he barely connects with us at home and is definitely taking advantage of knowing that I can't bring myself to lay the law down.
This is all very much my own fault because I feel I have to maje up for the fact he feels he missed out as the middle child, with a younger sibling with severe disabilities from birth.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 18, 2024 12:47:47 GMT
100% this. The older two should absolutely be contributing in whatever ways possible toward the household, both financially and in terms of upkeep of the home. No one gets to live for free these days and the sooner our kids learn this the better prepared they will be for adult life. My 13 year old already knows that whenever she makes some money from mowing lawns or shoveling snow or whatever, some has to go toward long term savings, some toward short term savings and only a little goes into the mad money slush fund. And there’s no way in hell I’d be giving up my bedroom and my bed so my adult kid could have more comfort and privacy! There’s nothing like sleeping on a couch to make a person more motivated to get their own place. We let a niece crash on our couch for a year while she got her act together, worked hard, paid off some bills and was able to move out and into a safe place of her own. We wanted to give her an assist but didn’t have the space to give her her own room and we sure as heck weren’t going to give up ours when we were the ones paying the mortgage. They should be contributing, even if it's for a "moving out someday" fund. My sister lived with us and we made her pay "rent" while she was there. We saved it for her and she had a nice chunk of money when she moved out. Then she griped that we didn't pay her interest, but that's a story for another day. OMG...some people.
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Post by lily on Apr 18, 2024 12:49:55 GMT
There's vet bills ($600), propane bills ($550), car registration ($450), and oh look it's my PO box renewal month and it is now $72! $72!!!! Holy Smokes $450 for car registration??? That is a crazy high amount...why?? Can you reduce that somehow. PO Box - do you really need that? Can't you get mail delivered to your home for free? Try to really study your spending and see where you can reduce costs.
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 18, 2024 12:52:28 GMT
There's vet bills ($600), propane bills ($550), car registration ($450), and oh look it's my PO box renewal month and it is now $72! $72!!!! Holy Smokes $450 for car registration??? That is a crazy high amount...why?? Can you reduce that somehow. PO Box - do you really need that? Can't you get mail delivered to your home for free? Try to really study your spending and see where you can reduce costs. Because California. Even my old 16 year old Toyota Yaris was $200 last year. 🤣 And no, there is no mail delivery where I live. You have to have a PO Box. They used to provide them for free but that ended about ten years ago unfortunately.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 18, 2024 13:20:19 GMT
There's vet bills ($600), propane bills ($550), car registration ($450), and oh look it's my PO box renewal month and it is now $72! $72!!!! Holy Smokes $450 for car registration??? That is a crazy high amount...why?? Can you reduce that somehow. PO Box - do you really need that? Can't you get mail delivered to your home for free? Try to really study your spending and see where you can reduce costs. You don't even want to know what my car registration costs. I would have jumped for joy for $450. Just had my monthly insurance withdrawn from my account (car, house, etc.).. ummmm unless I'm having a brain fart, it went way up. Gonna double check this today. Nope had a brain fart. I'm an idiot. Well it did go up by $20...
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 18, 2024 13:39:01 GMT
uksue sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your middle kid. It might seem to him that it’s not fair that he has to do more heavy lifting around the house and yard, but guess what? Life isn’t fair! Your older and younger kids didn’t choose to have the physical challenges they have, but again life isn’t being fair to them either. Time for middle to step up and start adulting, especially since he has a kid of his own. When the grandson is there, they should both be helping you out to get the yard and garden in shape. It doesn’t sound like your son is actually a very nice person if he treats his own mom the way he treats you, and by doing what he’s doing he’s not doing his kid any favors either by modeling such poor behavior toward someone who’s doing him a solid. After all, without having your place to crash what would be his alternative? Is there any way you could reconfigure the bedrooms so you could bunk with your DD and at least have a bed to sleep in? If your master is the bigger room, maybe you and your DD could share that space and middle could have her room since it sounds like your grandson isn’t there very often. As someone with arthritis myself, sleeping on a couch in the living room would not be a solution I could live with for more than about a week, if that. You’re definitely in a rough spot and I truly hope you can work something out to have a more pleasant living situation. ((hugs))
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,981
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on Apr 18, 2024 13:39:29 GMT
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. Firstly, my oldest is my daughter with MS who gets basic benefit but has been turned down repeatedly for disability. Her brain fog and fatigue stop her working- yes she is running the marathon this weekend but sleeps probably 15 hrs a day and can't concentrate on anything. It's depressing as she has a double English and Spanish law degree and was set fair for a wonderful career before all of this. She does contribute half of the small amount of benefits are receives, as does my youngest. When they get extra- like with had a cost if living benefit bonus scheme last year- they both handed it straight over towards the bills without me even asking I gave my bedroom up to my oldest son, because he has his son come to stay and it made sense to me. He and works shifts, so if he was in the living room I wouldn't be able to use it fir large parts of the day-and the only access to the kitchen is through the living room. He is downright mean over money and has also refused to help with the garden ( he did help a little when he first moved in 4 yrs ago but has refused since). I'm battling with how to deal with him ATM. He's a nice guy, but he has given me this huge guilt complex with the middle child syndrome thing. He has said he never feels like part of the family- yet he chooses not to take part in things. For example, he won't commit to joining the rest of the family this weekend when we are going into London to support my daughter as she runs the marathon. When I was in hospital fir both of my cancer surgeries he didn't visit, send flowers etc.Hecwoujdny give me a lift to catch the train fur my chemo treatments- that sort of thing. He has hurt me deeply with that, but I suppose I keep hoping he'll change as I don't want him to end up lonely and alone like his dad. I've definitely taught him how to treat me! I know he will move out and I will see my grandson even less often if I force things ( he lives with his mum 100 mile's away and only comes for part of the school holidays.) I'm afraid he's very like his father - generous to all his mates who thinks the sun shines out of him, but he barely connects with us at home and is definitely taking advantage of knowing that I can't bring myself to lay the law down. This is all very much my own fault because I feel I have to maje up for the fact he feels he missed out as the middle child, with a younger sibling with severe disabilities from birth. Is your daughter on any medication for her MS? My youngest daughter was diagnosed when she was 16. She is on a monthly IV medication and has had no relapses or anything since then. She is 25 now.
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