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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 11:50:31 GMT
This is a whole lot of reading. I personally do not find immersing myself in social media and the news and ways to figure out why we're miserable to be a very fulfilling way to live my life. Your handslap was duly noted.  |
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Post by Zee on May 3, 2024 12:07:24 GMT
This is a whole lot of reading. I personally do not find immersing myself in social media and the news and ways to figure out why we're miserable to be a very fulfilling way to live my life. Your handslap was duly noted. It's not a handslap at all. It's just my honest response, which I kind of figured you wanted. Here is a situation where maybe honest reactions weren't wanted. Also duly noted. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 12:24:30 GMT
Your handslap was duly noted. It's not a handslap at all. It's just my honest response, which I kind of figured you wanted. Here is a situation where maybe honest reactions weren't wanted. Also duly noted. It certainly seemed directed right at me. I mean you started right out with criticizing the length of the post. I apologize if I misunderstood. But there were several posters on this thread who stated that they have issues with social media without it feeling like a personal attack. I mean it's all about context. I don't go over to the Netflix thread and say, "I think TV is a waste of time and I do not think it is a fulfilling way to spend my time." So again, I apologize if I misunderstood, but that seemed like a direct comment aimed right at me that the subject of this entire thread was a waste of our time. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 12:38:42 GMT
And Zee I'll even cop to being extra sensitive. I had surgery on my hand almost two weeks ago. My hand hurts and is not very usable. I have been spending a whole lot of time on my phone that I don't normally spend because most of my go-to activities are off limits right now. I stated up thread that even I feel like I need a detox and a chemical shower after seeing all this crap. And much of it is crap that I've seen. I also have not had a cigarette in 15 days now and that's also making me extra cranky. But I'm determined not to go backwards on that. But your comment struck me as a targeted criticism of me and this thread. |
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Post by Zee on May 3, 2024 12:40:45 GMT
It's not a handslap at all. It's just my honest response, which I kind of figured you wanted. Here is a situation where maybe honest reactions weren't wanted. Also duly noted. It certainly seemed directed right at me. I mean you started right out with criticizing the length of the post. I apologize if I misunderstood. But there were several posters on this thread who stated that they have issues with social media without it feeling like a personal attack. I mean it's all about context. I don't go over to the Netflix thread and say, "I think TV is a waste of time and I do not think it is a fulfilling way to spend my time." So again, I apologize if I misunderstood, but that seemed like a direct comment aimed right at me that the subject of this entire thread was a waste of our time. No, and I'm sorry for that. It wasn't an "attack" at you but it was my honest reaction. There was no emotion in it too make it an attack, and if you were sitting in front of me, my tone probably would have made that more clear. It was a lot to read so I needed to skim and think about parts. The responses are long (mine too), meaning people were thinking about it. Which is good. For me, I don't like to be on social media and then come here and complain about how it makes me miserable. (That's not directed at you but it's been mentioned here many many times over). Why do it then? Why would it make you miserable? Because you are envious or bored or sad? You can mostly control what you see. That's why I said comparison is the thief of joy. I don't spend much time analyzing why the world is the way it is because it's not any worse than it ever has been. It's just that people are constantly exposed to how miserable they are told they are, or should be. Liberals are particularly good at this, and I say that as a liberal leaning person, but Jesus they love to be outraged and offended. I get tired of that and tune it out. (Then I feel guilty about it when my liberal upbringing kicks in.) If that makes me a shallow terrible person, so be it, but I'm not inclined to spend the rest of my time on earth finding things to analyze and be upset about. That is MY TAKE and probably the minority on this board. You get one shot here on earth. If you do something worthwhile with your time here you can rest easy that you've lived a good life and take joy in that. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 12:52:47 GMT
For me, I don't like to be on social media and then come here and complain about how it makes me miserable. (That's not directed at you but it's been mentioned here many many times over). Why do it then? Why would it make you miserable? Because you are envious or bored or sad? You can mostly control what you see. Well for me right now it is strict boredom. There are some things that I do like to keep abreast of, news-wise, but I don't normally get my news via social media. I usually go straight to the source which are my news subscriptions. I'm just seeing it all talked about right now a lot more and I contend that social media has given every single person a bullhorn. It's not been fun to wade through so many opinions, many angry ones too. I feel like everyone is nasty and outraged. Feels gross to me. I don't spend much time analyzing why the world is the way it is because it's not any worse than it ever has been. This is an interesting point. Some would agree, some would disagree. But I can understand why this viewpoint would drive your opinion too. You get one shot here on earth. If you do something worthwhile with your time here you can rest easy that you've lived a good life and take joy in that. I have parroted this sentiment in my own life so I 110% agree. (probably part of the reason why I don't, in fact, watch TV...lol) I just hate the limits I'm under right now. |
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Post by Zee on May 3, 2024 13:00:12 GMT
I definitely agree that so many people are nasty and outraged!
When I think of, for example, Vikings raiding and raping and pillaging and killing without any sort of justice meted out, I have a hard time feeling that the world right now is any worse. That's just one tiny example in human history.
Being a woman in any time in history and hell even now in some places, gives me a profound feeling that life is better now.
Also, people today have a lot more leisure time to think about why they're so unhappy but our ancestors were too busy trying to survive to worry about what makes them sad and outraged.
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Post by gar on May 3, 2024 13:15:03 GMT
Also, am I going crazy? One minute this thread is labelled as 'Politics', and the next minute it's not. Who keeps playing around with it? Someone seems to do this quite a lot. At least have the balls to say why you think it's worthy of the label. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 3, 2024 13:38:28 GMT
I don't spend much time analyzing why the world is the way it is because it's not any worse than it ever has been. It's just that people are constantly exposed to how miserable they are told they are, or should be. Liberals are particularly good at this, and I say that as a liberal leaning person, but Jesus they love to be outraged and offended. I get tired of that and tune it out. (Then I feel guilty about it when my liberal upbringing kicks in.) I agree that many things are in fact quite a bit better on several fronts. This part of your post stood out to me because I mostly notice that it’s the right wingers I know who seem to be constantly spouting the doom and gloom even when it isn’t there. Maybe because I live in a bluer state I hear more of the more positive liberal talking points. The last conversation I had with my red state sister (several months ago now) she was telling me how horribly bad everything is. I said, “Really? Not sure what you’re talking about. Unemployment nationwide is the lowest it’s been in 50 years. Every place here is hiring and has been for months. Wages are going up too. The stock market has recently posted several record highs. Crime is going down.” She went on to say how down where she is, “people can’t afford to buy a house and young people are struggling to get by.” 🙄 So I asked her. “Are YOU struggling? Are your kids struggling? Your friends?” “Well, no…” Okay then. The house thing I get with interest rates being what they currently are, but that’s only because they’ve been insanely low for so long that people got used to that, so now 5% seems horrific. When I bought my first house in 1989 the interest rates were more than double what they are now and people still bought houses, we just bought a smaller house and we lived in it a long time until we could refinance. Young people will always seem to struggle in one way or another because life is about figuring things out, and when you’re young you don’t know what you don’t know so there’s a lot to figure out. Both of her kids with young families managed to buy properties close to her, and both have substantial acreage too. One lives on a hobby farm and the other one wants to turn their big farmhouse into a B&B. Both of her kids and their spouses all have good paying jobs. No one in her circle is hurting, so all I can chalk it up to is what her news and media sources are feeding her which is doom, gloom, immigrants, crime, etc. I just find it very interesting how different people’s perspectives can be based on which slant you choose to believe. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 14:01:49 GMT
Also, am I going crazy? One minute this thread is labelled as 'Politics', and the next minute it's not. Who keeps playing around with it? Someone seems to do this quite a lot. At least have the balls to say why you think it's worthy of the label. I think it's worthy of the politics label. The good news is that it's been relatively peaceful. |
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Post by gar on May 3, 2024 14:16:16 GMT
Someone seems to do this quite a lot. At least have the balls to say why you think it's worthy of the label. I think it's worthy of the politics label. The good news is that it's been relatively peaceful. Are you labelling it yourself? In which case, fair play 😊 |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 3, 2024 14:49:51 GMT
I think it's worthy of the politics label. The good news is that it's been relatively peaceful. Are you labelling it yourself? In which case, fair play 😊 No it's not me. I Am usually scratching my head on what some want to label politics but with this post I get it. |
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Post by smasonnc on May 3, 2024 15:38:56 GMT
The tables are being turned on misogyny. My oldest daughter has zero interest in dating or getting married. She has male friends, but in general, she does not like men at all. My younger daughter cannot find a man worth dating. My eldest DD has no interest in marriage or even dating. "A date is an interview for my free time," she says. Not worth it. Women have choices we didn't have so they don't have to marry Mr. He-might-do. She supports herself and has the life she chooses when someone says something we disagree with we jump in with both feet to curse them out, instead of just walking away or calming down so later the two parties can talk and see where the disconnect is. It's much easier to dig in and embrace an ideology now because of the confirmation bias we get from social media. People can also be mean anonymously behind their keyboards. Regurgitating smart @$$ memes or quotes requires no fact checking or critical thinking. It's a lot more work to try to understand why someone holds the views they do so we spout "facts" we hear on the internet as "proof" that we're right. When there were three networks, the news was not a profit center. The MEN who were the arbiters of what we saw at least tried to remain unbiased and the news organizations had scores of fact checkers to assure that what they broadcast was true. There were penalties if it wasn't. Opinion was clearly identified and broadcasters respected each other. Now they openly jeer at each other. The major newspapers acted the same way. Just the facts. Today, I could make up a crazy story and see it circle the globe within minutes as the absolute truth. I don't think we're less balanced. We just have more access to information and more bias in our news sources. Crime leads the news so we fear it constantly. Men have always threatened women's safety, but we hear about it more. Now that anyone can be an influencer, we see people "living their best life" everywhere and ours suffers by comparison. "My lips are too thin; My house isn't big enough; and why am I not vacationing in Bali?" It can rob us of our gratitude if we let it. I refuse. The other side is, we can change what we don't like. Reproductive rights? The environment? Women's safety? Gun control? Donate, write your congressman, sign a petition, march...there's an app for that. Instead of lamenting that things are wrong, work to change them. If we all used our cell phones for activism instead of bickering, selfies, and cat videos, we could really make stuff happen. |
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Post by AussieMeg on May 3, 2024 23:19:41 GMT
Someone seems to do this quite a lot. At least have the balls to say why you think it's worthy of the label. I think it's worthy of the politics label. The good news is that it's been relatively peaceful. I've not really seen any political discussion that would deem it a political thread. And that label immediately stops a multitude of people opening a thread, which will limit the discussion we've been having. |
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Post by hop2 on May 4, 2024 12:10:32 GMT
A few years ago me would have answered yes we have lost our balance today.
However, today’s me really wonders if we ever really had any balance? This statement goes both for the US and for humans in general.
And then to get into what do you mean by balance? Do you mean fairness? Ie: Balanced voices being represented? ( no we have never had that for sure ) financial balance? Nope never had that either, there have been times where it was closer it balanced but never balanced. Are we talking in balance with our environment/the world? Definitely we are not I am not sure we ever were this is the one I’m least sure about if we ever were, maybe I just don’t know enough, but we haven’t ever been balanced with nature in my lifetime.
Yeah, I’m on the we’ve never had it bench. Some of us have had times when we appeared to be balanced but whether we are talking about the US or humans in general, we’ve never *all* been balanced at the same time ever.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,011 
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on May 5, 2024 19:53:01 GMT
BTT as I have had some time to think more about this. While I cannot say whether society as a whole has lost our collective balance, I definitely agree there are many signs pointing to a lot of imbalance within our society, especially in the US. The word that keeps coming back to me on this topic is grounded.
I would say as a society we are not as grounded (maybe rooted is a better word) as we were in the past. Many have no solid belief system at their core (not talking specifically about politics or religion (or lack thereof), etc.), just their own core beliefs as an individual, and as a member of their family, workforce, community, etc. or any other facet of their lives. Without this, they are free to swing whichever way the wind blows them...IOW, glomming onto whatever is new or popular or whatever whim overtakes them in the moment. Add in the constant stream of social media, 24x7 news feeds, online peer pressure, and all the information and misinformation overload, and people have a multitude of things to spark anger, anxiety, depression, FOMO, etc. To fend off that negativity, they jump on the latest bandwagon or go out and attack some other group in the moment. ("You can't hurt me if I hurt you first" mentality.) Without being tethered to their core individual sense of self, they strike out and/or glom on to someone else's.
To add another metaphor to the list of excellent metaphors many of the peas have already come up with, if you're not grounded in something, it's like you don't have both feet on the ground and are by definition not in balance...it's much easier to to get knocked over or fall over when you're only standing on one foot, or drifting in the wind un-tethered.
And that lack of groundedness is what we as a society (collective we) have wrought with the breakdown of so many things. For example to list just a few (there are many many more): broken economy with no good childcare options for working people, no living wage, no affordable housing, no calm respectful political discourse, growing disparity between the haves and the have-nots, legislating things that have no business being legislated...on and on to the point that large swaths of society have very little in the way of options/individual choices in how they conduct their lives, and are struggling daily just to get by. Many have nothing left but anger.
With anger and lack of choices, non-grounded people turn to automatic judgment (vs. giving benefit of the doubt, allowing grace, turning the other cheek, live and let live!), litigious-ness, parenting extremes (either neglectful or hovering like a helicopter -- but not truly teaching/nurturing or instilling confidence to help ground the next generation), family dysfunction, gun violence, divisiveness, fear/distrust/bias of anyone not like themselves (racial/ethnicity differences, orientation differences, gender bias, etc.), again the list goes on. The have nothing to hold their feet firmly tethered in their sense of self, because so much has been chipped away.
Not sure whether any of this rambling makes sense - I know what I' trying to say but may not be expressing it in the most clear way possible.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on May 7, 2024 0:10:35 GMT
I have reading and following this thread, and have given it more thought.
I have more to add, but not sure if I can adequately explain my thought process.
I think trying to balance all the various things is sometimes (but not all the time) and for some people (but not all the people) fueled by perception and other people's judgement.
Overloading ones proverbial plate and filling up ones schedule is sometimes done....because that's what others are doing, trying to keep up with the proverbial Jones family, because of worry about being judged by others, not wanting to say "no" for fear of upsetting someone else, etc.. some or all that leads to overscheduled. Being overscheduled for some...can lead to imbalance and unhappiness.
Before I changed my life..... I felt obligated to accept invites to things (parties, bbq's, hangouts, showers, Weddings, etc...) that I didn't feel like going to or the inviter was more of an acquaintance, attend the sales parties(pampered chef, home interior, etc...).
I lived by "expectations"....other peoples expectations. I felt like I was being someone that I am not, all because of other peoples expectations.
I felt like I had to keep up with "society in general" expectations >> Have a home to entertain in, have name brand stuff, drive a better car, wear things similar to what others wore, accept every invite, attend everything.
I felt like saying no, exposed me to being judged. I felt like if I didn't do or participate in what was expected, it exposed me to being judged.
Back then I worried about and cared about what others thought of me. It made me be on the go-go-go, it made be overscheduled, it made feel unbalanced, it made me unhappy, etc... all because I worried so much about being judged and what other people thought.
Then I changed my life.
I learned to say no thank you or a firm NO!.
I learned to only do what makes me happy.
I learned to prioritize.
I stopped caring about what other people thought about me and how I live my life. If someone likes me, wonderful...if they don't, then they are free to excuse themselves from my life.
Not intending to be rude or judgemental....but sometimes I wonder what makes or inspires someone....to always have a very full plate, a very full schedule, always be on the go, go, go.
Do they love living life that way? Do they have the "life is short....live it to the fullest attitude"? Are they trying to keep up with the proverbial Jones? Do they ever wish for less busy schedule, more downtime, more balance?
This topic, has stirred up many thoughts in my head.
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Post by mammajamma on May 9, 2024 10:38:42 GMT
Interesting post. Thank you for starting this discussion.
Some rambling thoughts.
- I think the algorithms force people to be categorized. Someone or the AI models are deciding what “type” we are. Even people want to categorize people quickly and since we have so much control on what we bring into our lives now, we are probably holding out for “our type”
- I completely don’t fit a mold of the typical family in my area. And it feels isolating. Yet we have quite a few acquaintances. But lacking those friends of depth. (I’m 47 with kids ages 8&13). Most families with kids this age are chasing competitive sports, or kids play a lot od video games. My kids do neither. We go to some very deliberate measures to have balance in our family life, weekend slow times, working around the house, most meals at home, eating together, etc. But we are somewhat unique on this. And we don’t always fit the mold and ideals of some other families who are trying for balance in other ways. But, I digress and don’t mean to hijack about me.
- lately I have found myself with the desire for some mental stimulation / social element. Back in college, I would go to Borders books or Barnes and Noble and listen to non-mainstream music. In my younger days, I remember having frequent random encounters with people. I would call them Seinfeld moments. Striking up conversations about something random. This rarely happens to me anymore. Literally I don’t know where I could go from 7-9pm on any given night if I find myself with some free time. A bar? I don’t want to drink alone. Target? Not really the mental stimulation / social element I was thinking of. Grocery store? Yes, productive but…again that’s really not what I was thinking. A neighborhood walk? Alone…. ok? I don’t know where you can ‘bump’ into some other people who may also be looking for some connection with humanity. On a healthy, amicable level. Probably there are book clubs…but that seems daunting to join a group of already connected women. Where do you find those groups anyway and how do you screen them so you are in a group that fits?
- in my area, we never get invited to someone else’s house for dinner. Seems kids are involved in so many paid activities and lessons with less time and willingness to free play at someone’s home. Kids are supervised by a subject expert in a lot of their social free time. I can’t tell you how important I think kids being able to play in nature would be to their creativity and emotional awareness. Most people in my area don’t have time for free play due to paid obligations - lessons, sports teams, etc. People don’t open their home to kids playing. At least in my area and to my kids. We do have 1 neighbor my kids play with theirs and go between the houses.
- people in my area don’t do their own yards so they aren’t in the front yard. Mt husband still does our yard. He is the only person at his company to do it! We could afford someone but we have many reasons for doing it ourselves. And the kids help from time to time. We have seen a shift in the last decade to how many people are just in their front yards.
- today it is more acceptable to say no to things that don’t give you joy. People are learning they don’t have to give an explanation. In many ways, that’s a good and freeing thing. With many good things, I think it also has downfalls. We are losing any sense of duty or obligation. In some ways, the sense of duty kept us glued together as a society. Elderly neighbors are often forgotten. Many school choices (at least in my area), so there is less community pride. More insular pride. Less natural volunteerism within a friend group and more volunteerism for a lot of youth that is the logged kind to look good on a resume.
- after COVID, everything is so scheduled! Little spontaneity. Good and bad with that.
Please forgive typos, I’m typing on my phone.
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