Body positivity, has it jumped the shark?

katiekaty pantsonfire I think it's gross that the world judges people by appearance. I play their game when I need to (black suit at an interview), dress pants in the office, covering my tattoos or removing my nose ring around the faint of heart, but I think it's gross that I need to.

What I know is that I'm an intelligent professional person who knows how to talk and interact with people in a constructive and respectful way. I know how to do my job and do it well. It really says something about society that someone would look at the tattoo I got in remembrance of Esther and think, wow! She must not be good to work with.

There was a Thread instead the other day that struck me it said "is that outfit really cute or is she just thin?" No pictures, no shaming. Just a general discussion of whether or not people get judged more favorably on how they are dressed based on their weight.

Something to think about before people start judging based on appearance.

Never heard any cardiologist say no fish or chicken, unless it's fried. I think they're (your husband's friends and family) just more taken aback than anything. And I would definitely not be living that way, I'll take my chances thanks. One can't live forever.

iamkristinl16 I don't have any issue with the word fat. I know a lot of people have been trying to de-stigmatize it.

I wonder if you heard a podcast with Virginia Sole-Smith. The NYT did a feature on her not too long ago and I looked up her podcast. It's mostly paid sub but she does have some free ones out there. But she is one of the extremes I'm talking about.

Anyway, it seems like she's been in the news a lot lately.

I think because people can see someone’s weight, they feel confident in judging their health. I hate the you-can’t-be-obese-and-be-healthy comments. They aren’t really true. Extra weight causes stress on joints? Sure. So does running but we never tell runners they aren’t healthy. Extra weight taxes the heart? Sometimes. But so does being too skinny, malnourished, smoking…..you cannot judge a person’s health status by their weight. I have plenty of obese patients with perfect cholesterol and A1C, and plenty of skinny ones whose labs are awful. I’m not sure why we like to judge, maybe to feel superior? I don’t know. But we can’t judge and we shouldn’t. Not our business. As for food choices, there aren’t any good foods or bad foods. There are more and less nutrient rich foods. I heard about the “anti nutrient” thing recently and people who don’t eat vegetables because of these anti nutrients and I just rolled my eyes. If someone is given dietary restrictions by a doctor or nutritionist, that’s between them and their doc. And I don’t want o hear anyone say anything about how they could never eat my lunch because they are too healthy. My sister in law limits how much fruit her kids can eat. Do I think that’s extreme? Yep. But it’s none of my business.

Now if your “brand” is fitness or nutrition you’re posting on social people, people are allowed to comment. That’s what those people are looking for-engagement. If a friend loses weight and I know they’d like a compliment they get it. A stranger doesn’t get appearance compliments unless it’s something they actively did, like their hair style or clothing choices. No one really wants to hear why I think anyway!

I haven't ever heard of this. Thank you for sharing this information. I am going to read more about it.
There are a couple other peas who are similar to me eating wise. I can't recall the names, but I hope they see your post as well.

Over the years I have seen/heard a lot of comments here and in other places that indicate people are upset that people treat them differently after they lose weight. I don’t think it is as simple as that. I have noticed that when people lose weight, their energy, attitude, confidence changes as well. If you watched the Biggest Loser you would notice it then, but also if you follow anyone on social media or YouTube who has lost weight, you can see a change in their demeanor in their posts. As someone upthread said, their aura has changed.

Over the years I have seen/heard a lot of comments here and in other places that indicate people are upset that people treat them differently after they lose weight. I don’t think it is as simple as that. I have noticed that when people lose weight, their energy, attitude, confidence changes as well. If you watched the Biggest Loser you would notice it then, but also if you follow anyone on social media or YouTube who has lost weight, you can see a change in their demeanor in their posts. As someone upthread said, their aura has changed.

I think this is not that simplistic. They probably do feel physically better after losing weight. But, most people who are obese or close to it deal with self imposed shame as well as the public shame. They are more likely to be ignored or overlooked by society. So now they lose a noticeable amount of weight and the positive attention and compliments come fast and furious. It's a dopamine rush. Depending on personality type, it can go a few different ways.

I've seen newly fit people turn into raging inflated ego assholes. They tell fat people if they just had the same will power as they did, they could look great too. They are usually the ones who have a sort of midlife crisis and try to restart life as a thinner person by tossing away those who were with them in the fat years.

Some are terrified of all the attention their weight loss brings. They want the comfort of their old life where they flew under the radar. I think this group is the one most like to revert to being overweight the fastest.

Some people just continue on with their new lifestyle.

Losing weight may bring you more attention, make buying clothes easier, improve your health, but it doesn't solve all your problems in life. As someone who was also raised to think I always needed to lose just 10lbs more and life would be perfect, this is the real insidious message that comes from the weight lost industry.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I hope jeremysgirl is open to hearing a view point that may differ from the popular opinions.

Full disclosure- I am older, I have multiple medical issues and take multiple medications. I have been normal weight, overweight and obese. I am a Type 2 diabetic.I have CKD as a result of my diabetes. I’m very interested in health and eating healthy.

My opinion follows:

During Covid, I was able to spend time reading more about the “Body Positivity” movement. Products like Dove’s Self-esteem project. More reports and discussions about not shaming, disrespecting or discriminating someone over their weight. A person worth, value and character should not be based on their looks, particularly their weight. All very encouraging news. Studies on the importance of being “fit” at any size, with less emphasis on weight and more on heart health and strength. Maybe I was looking for affirmation that being overweight was okay. Normal, even.

Things started to go off the rails a little when I went down the HEALTH at Any Size, which morphed into HEALTHY at every size rabbit hole. (these are 2 very different movements).

“ HEALTH at Every Size is based on five principles: weight inclusivity, health enhancement, respectful care, eating for wellbeing, and life-enhancing movement, all of which support building healthy habits, as opposed to fixating on weight status.” Sounds reasonable. Don’t focus on weight, work on being healthy and fit.

Then, somewhere along the line, I notice that the HAES movement was ‘co-opted” by a different group, changing “health” to “healthy”. Lots of discussions on abandoning “the diet culture”, love the body you have, embrace your weight, practice “intuitive eating”. And this is where the body positivity movement lost me. I’ll not go into detail, but just say while ‘eating what you want, when you want’ and ‘listen to your body’, it’s okay to be fat ideology, may resonate and work for some people, some time, I came away feeling that’s not a very healthy way to live and to eat for most people. This group advocates throwing out your scale, don’t let any doctor weigh you, don’t trust registered dietitians or doctors in general. They feel it’s okay to IE and gain weight. Seek guidance from a IE dietitian. Trust the process.

I’ll concede to the idea that “diets don’t work” for everyone, but plausible deniability that eat whatever you want, whenever you want is a good plan because you read it in a book or on the internet is a good course of action - I think not. 

I believe no one should be shamed for their appearance. With that said, I do find that some “body positivity” advocates encourage certain individuals with weight concerns to be deeply in denial about the possibility of long term, often dangerous side effects of being overweight / obese.

I fully acknowledge my own biases. I lost my weight by seeing a Registered Dietitian and an accredited certified Diabetic Counselor. I’ve had multiple weeks of classes and medical followups. I followed a food plan, based on what was good for my body. I lost over 60 pounds. I now still loosely follow this plan. I try to be mindful of my calorie intake and to make good food choices, but allow myself to have a treat every now and then. It is a lifetime plan and it works for me.

Over the years I have seen/heard a lot of comments here and in other places that indicate people are upset that people treat them differently after they lose weight. I don’t think it is as simple as that. I have noticed that when people lose weight, their energy, attitude, confidence changes as well. If you watched the Biggest Loser you would notice it then, but also if you follow anyone on social media or YouTube who has lost weight, you can see a change in their demeanor in their posts. As someone upthread said, their aura has changed.