peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 13, 2024 12:00:42 GMT
I bitched and moaned here about a destination wedding we had to go to in March. Didn’t want to go; didn’t like being told where and when I had to take my PTO; had no choice.
Went, spent a lot of money to get there and stay at the resort (you had to stay at their chosen resort), gave them a nice cash gift as well. It was fine - loved spending time with my older two dds and their partners. Got some sun but the resort was meh.
Just got a pre-printed, generic thank you note. Not even a personal note attached. Not even a hand written signature. Just a piece of card stock shoved in an envelope.
I’ve said here before that I don’t care about thank yous and that as long as you get something that indicates receipt of the gift, it’s good.
No. I was wrong. My Lord - at least sign your name. To have expected people to spend money on flights, on a middling resort and then a gift and you can’t be bothered to write a thank you note? Tacky. I’m sure plenty of people disagree with me, that it’s smart to save yourself this time blah blah blah but it really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Whew. Had to get that out because my poor dh (who blessedly agrees with me) can’t listen to me any more 😂
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Post by jill8909 on Jul 13, 2024 12:10:24 GMT
vent away!!! I don't blame you but at least you got something! I'm still waiting for a thank you of a wedding gift from 1987 so I feel you!! Not a fan of destination weddings for the reasons you stated, but I'm a dino!!
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,236 
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Post by pilcas on Jul 13, 2024 12:11:30 GMT
I don’t blame you at all
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Post by gar on Jul 13, 2024 12:17:17 GMT
Oh gosh yes, that is definitely vent worthy!
That shows no appreciation for the effort and finances involved and as I'm guessing there weren't hundreds of guests, handwriting their names (at least!) should have been a given surely.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Jul 13, 2024 12:24:28 GMT
Ugh. I feel your pain. I’m still waiting for a least a hint of acknowledgment from three different weddings. All 3 are now divorced, so that ship has sailed.
When I finally asked one bride about the cash gift given to them (cash…not check at their request, to fund their honeymoon), she was more than a little irritated I even asked. “Of course they received it!” They were really busy people and didn’t have time for something so trivial as thank you notes. The “modern” thing is to assume the gift was received and appreciated!
Call me old fashioned, but Blech. And this was family. Still shaking my head over being told that.
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 13, 2024 12:32:03 GMT
I don’t blame you at all.
I still have a bad taste in my mouth from over 15 years ago when I went out of state to a nephew’s wedding. They cashed the check the next day and I never received a thank you.
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Post by smasonnc on Jul 13, 2024 12:35:26 GMT
Call the etiquette police; a crime has been committed. If you want validation, listen to the "Were You Raised by Wolves?" podcast. Thank you notes are a big thing for them.
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Post by peasapie on Jul 13, 2024 12:35:57 GMT
Damn. Thats so cold.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 13, 2024 12:41:37 GMT
Oh gosh yes, that is definitely vent worthy! That shows no appreciation for the effort and finances involved and as I'm guessing there weren't hundreds of guests, handwriting their names (at least!) should have been a given surely. There actually were about 200 guests. I don't care - I had 222 at my wedding and I hand wrote every thank you note. Didn't even pass it off to my dh (which I totally should've done - he should've written SOME!) |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jul 13, 2024 12:58:20 GMT
Vent away, I won't be impressed with that either. How hard is it to pen a short note thanking people not only for their gift but also for their presence at the wedding. Restless Spirit, I'm appalled that someone said that out loud to you. |
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Jul 13, 2024 12:58:58 GMT
I 100% agree with you!
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Post by lisae on Jul 13, 2024 13:16:02 GMT
You should have received a handwritten thank you note. People take months to plan their weddings running all over the place to meet with vendors and make decisions, they can take some time after to curl up in their pj's in their own homes and write a note. It is not hard.
My policy - no thank you note from the wedding gift = no baby shower gift. I would do the same if I received a preprinted unsigned note.
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Post by librarylady on Jul 13, 2024 13:38:35 GMT
That is beyond bad manners.
I would never attend a destination wedding. Couples who have those do not think that they are asking others to use vacation time and money to attend a wedding at a location that may have not appeal to the guests at all. I say, "go to that location and enjoy it and let the guests attend in the location near where you live." Fortunately I have never been invited to a destination wedding. I have been invited to weddings in Texas that were an 11 hour drive away.
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Post by disneypal on Jul 13, 2024 13:49:01 GMT
On one hand, at least you got a thank you note. The last 3 weddings I attended & gave gifts, no thank you note at all.
But, I understand your vent, so impersonal and no real gratitude.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 13, 2024 13:51:52 GMT
This southern girl who was raised on handwritten thank you notes being non-negotiable absolutely agrees with you. My grandmother and mother both fell victim to the drain-circling custom of thanking people for thank yous.
“My darling Mar Jo,
I so appreciate the sweet thank you note you sent for the lemon bars I made to thank you for helping host Sibby’s baby shower. You are such a kind soul.
Many thanks,
LaLa”
(Complete with each individual’s cutesy nickname, of course.)
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,238
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Post by pantsonfire on Jul 13, 2024 13:57:50 GMT
Oh right there with you!! I got a pre printed thank you from a family member for their graduation gift. Irritated the heck out of me, even more so because it took them almost 2 months to send out.
The next day after dd's party, she sat down and hand wrote messages and thank yous to everyone who sent a gift and that following Monday mailed them off.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jul 13, 2024 14:07:15 GMT
No disagreement from me as I've long been on this bench. Like you I wrote all the thank you notes from our wedding and people in DH's small town were talking about how fast I got them out! Now I get a thank you for maybe 25% of the wedding and baby gifts we give. To see these levels of entitlement and lack of gratitude is really disheartening. I've reached the point where if I don't get a thank you for a wedding gift, I no longer send a baby gift.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,235
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Post by Gennifer on Jul 13, 2024 14:09:16 GMT
Completely validated vent.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,446
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Post by amom23 on Jul 13, 2024 14:16:14 GMT
Those types of thank you cards are becoming more and more popular around here especially for HS graduations. It doesn't bother me. I am just happy to have my gift acknowledged.
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Post by Merge on Jul 13, 2024 14:22:02 GMT
It’s not surprising to me that a couple self-centered enough to expect guests to take all that time and expense for a wedding would also send tacky thank you notes. People have just gotten insane about weddings.
IMO a thank you text would be preferable to a pre-printed note that wasn’t even signed.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,759
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Post by peasquared on Jul 13, 2024 14:28:39 GMT
I'm with you 100%. After all the effort and expense, you went to, they at least owe you that!
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Post by cmpeter on Jul 13, 2024 14:29:02 GMT
I would be majorly irritated too.
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Post by Zee on Jul 13, 2024 14:32:42 GMT
That is beyond bad manners. I would never attend a destination wedding. Couples who have those do not think that they are asking others to use vacation time and money to attend a wedding at a location that may have not appeal to the guests at all. I say, "go to that location and enjoy it and let the guests attend in the location near where you live." Fortunately I have never been invited to a destination wedding. I have been invited to weddings in Texas that were an 11 hour drive away. I don't think everyone expects 100% attendance at their destination weddings. I was very glad to be able to attend my cousin's wedding in Mexico City. Such wonderful memories, and so many of our family were able to attend. It was such a fun trip, with planned activities everyone was free to attend or not, and we all stayed at the same hotel and had fun by the pool or exploring. Really I would never have just up and traveled to Mexico City on my own. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I wanted to stay forever. (And, she did send a hand written thank you note 😏) I felt like I owed HER one, for all the planning and entertainment she took care of! |
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,237
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Jul 13, 2024 14:51:29 GMT
Completely rude. All they had to do was sign the notes and it would be a little bit personal.
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Post by gramasue on Jul 13, 2024 14:53:37 GMT
You have my vote, peabay! I'm old-school when it comes to thank you notes, too. The two that stick in my craw are both granddaughters - one from 8 years ago and the other from last year. Spent tons of money and gave a very generous cash gift in both cases and did not receive thank you notes. I think it disappoints more when it's family. The idea that you're just supposed to "know" that they appreciate your generosity is ludicrous, IMO. |
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
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Post by Judy26 on Jul 13, 2024 14:58:06 GMT
Vent away. I’m attending my nephew’s wedding today. He and his fiancé attended my daughter’s wedding 18 months ago and didn’t bother to give them a gift. I’m sooo tempted. But I won’t and neither will my DD but it won’t be quite as generous as I usually give.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 13, 2024 15:05:11 GMT
I'm sitting right there on the bench with you! I find that beyond tacky. I hand wrote all my thank you notes for every gift for the wedding and all my showers.
I'll add a mini-vent. I make personalized birthday cards AND the envelopes. In the last few months I've sent 5 or 6 and only had one person acknowledge them. I acknowledge every e-card I receive and I'm not a huge fan of them. At the end of the day, I don't dwell on it but it still occasionally irritates me. But your vent is much more warranted!
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 13, 2024 15:14:32 GMT
Spent tons of money and gave a very generous cash gift in both cases and did not receive thank you notes. My niece always received a generous check from her dad's parents. One Christmas she only received the card with a note that said since she didn't acknowledge previous checks, they assumed she didn't want one any longer. You can be sure thank notes became part of her life after that. |
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,801
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Post by purplebee on Jul 13, 2024 15:18:34 GMT
Total validation here. I think a hand-written “thank you so much for the gift and being there for us” on the pre—printed card would have been a good thing.
And for the non-thanks-givers: Come on! In this day and age most folks spend literally hours on their phones, a thank-you TEXT would at least acknowledge a gift.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,156
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Post by teddyw on Jul 13, 2024 15:25:05 GMT
I know people hate the write your own address on a thank you card envelope.
We had a family shower last weekend and my sister did this so her dil to be would know that it’s expected. My nephew immediately after the shower asked me where they were so HE could write thank yous.
They’re also having a very expensive travel destination wedding soon.
My dh is pissed because we canceled our vacation to go. It’s a good location at least. My sister rented a house for us so hopefully it’s good. The reviews are good.
Also my bff is still waiting 5 years after her son’s wedding for thank yous to be sent. He grew up having to write them. She still gets upset about it.
It takes 3 seconds to sign your name.
I do love a photo thank you after a wedding. With their name signed at the very least.
My dd asked her photographer to send her a good one the day after so she could get started.
He now sends it to all his clients the next day letting them know they can do this.
He was literally our 11th choice of photographers and he did a great job.
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