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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 18:52:52 GMT
Do you have a list of important things like bank accounts and passwords to be opened upon your demise? I was talking to my friend last night about the fact that if I died before I got my office set up, my poor son would hate me.
I do have a great file system, purchased after a recommendation by a pea. It contains printed color coded tabs to help you organize your files. Certain colors are to be maintained permanently and another is to be replaced every year ( things like each new insurance policy, etc. that are updated each year) and I started organizing it, but need to spend some serious time finishing it since the movers packed my paperwork into unmarked boxes and then the movers here didn’t place the marked boxes in the specific rooms either.
We also talked about creating a list of passwords for things like Netflix, online banking, and anything that will need to be cancelled upon our death. It will save time and money if our executor can just go down the list and take care of everything in one afternoon.
He told me he wants to update his files too and we are going to push each other to get everything done. I already have a trust, but need to transfer the house into that trust because the language needs to be exact and I didn’t have the paper with me when I bought this house. I still haven’t located it yet. And I want to put a slip of paper into my will listing all of the important information to clean everything up.
Both of my parents prepaid for a plan for their cremation and I had a copy on Mom’s will in hand as her executor. I was also on her checking and savings account to make it easier to close her account and distribute the money in it. They made everything so easy for me and I need to do the same thing.
Do you have things in place and is there something you have created that would benefit the rest of us to leave behind too? I plan to leave this website in my list of things to do so that my son, or more likely his girlfriend can come make a quick post to announce that I have passed. Just to let anyone that might wonder why I am not posting any longer as to why.
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Post by Merge on Jul 27, 2024 18:58:17 GMT
My dad had a paper file in his desk drawer called the “death file.” It was invaluable in sorting out my parents’ estate when they passed.
It occurred to me last year that as much as DH and I travel without the kids now, they would need similar info if something happened to us while traveling. So I made a Google doc and, since they’re still young adults, included a list of people to call (with phone numbers) to help them navigate everything. The girls thought it was morbid but it gave me peace of mind and, TBH, it also let me put everything in one place in the event that DH goes before me.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 27, 2024 19:00:33 GMT
A big part of my job is helping people who are dealing with the affairs of their deceased relatives. I've learned so much about what to do and what not to do. The best thing I have seen so far was someone that set up a "death binder" which contained every single account number, bill, and document anyone would need to get things settled when they died. They had copies of their birth certificate, marriage certificate, their social security card was in there. You name it, it was in the binder and then they made an index page right in the front. My goal is to set something like that up for myself because I saw how easy it made things on the surviving relative.
I already have a transfer on death deed done for the house and my bank account and retirement accounts have named beneficiaries so at least I've gotten that far.
A coworker of mine's mother passed away two weeks ago and she had preplanned and prepaid for her funeral back in the mid 90s. She even wrote her own obituary and chose the music she wanted and who she wanted to speak at the service. It was actually really impressive and mostly importantly it left her daughters free to grieve and not feel overwhelmed at handling the details of the service. The funeral home said that her mom had paid $12,000 at the time she set it up and it would have cost just over $40,000 today.
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Post by karenlou on Jul 27, 2024 19:06:51 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal
Just came today....so I will make use of it!
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 19:13:51 GMT
My dad had a paper file in his desk drawer called the “death file.” It was invaluable in sorting out my parents’ estate when they passed. It occurred to me last year that as much as DH and I travel without the kids now, they would need similar info if something happened to us while traveling. So I made a Google doc and, since they’re still young adults, included a list of people to call (with phone numbers) to help them navigate everything. The girls thought it was morbid but it gave me peace of mind and, TBH, it also let me put everything in one place in the event that DH goes before me. Did you print it also or do the kids have access to the Google doc? My son wouldn’t even know my computer password so he is going to need a printed copy checklist to go by. Several years ago when I was having surgery, I sat my son and his current girlfriend down to try to explain where some things were located and what to do if I didn’t come out of the surgery. He absolutely refused to listen and got really angry with me. His girlfriend got upset that he was upset. Her mother had cancer and had put all of their belongings into a storage unit and they moved in with her grandmother to help care for her. Her parents were divorced at the time. Unfortunately her mom got sick, unrelated to her cancer, and went to the hospital where she developed sepsis and died. She never left any instructions for her daughter, who was 14 when she passed. No one thought about where the belongings were stored and no one paid the monthly rental fee. The things were auctioned off. She lost all of her baby photos and videos and all of her mother’s paintings and art books. Her father was wealthy and could have had someone locate the storage unit for her but didn’t care. He said they were just things. She was in her 20s when I met her and she still got tears when she told me her story. She told my son that she would have loved for her mother to have had a conversation with her before she went into the hospital. Her story stuck with me. I don’t have any belongings in storage, but I feel strongly about making an instruction sheet on what needs to be done. I bet he doesn’t even know what bank I use. |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 19:21:01 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal Just came today....so I will make use of it! Oh, interesting! Please let us know if you think it is something I should order also. I am determined to have everything set up properly. But right now, I am STILL going through the mountain of moving boxes. It makes me so angry whenI open a box to find one small thing in it. I think the full trash can made me the most angry. They wasted so much space and never labeled anything. If they had just even put a room name of where the things were that were being boxed, that would have helped me. I have several things, mainly office papers and my kitchen small appliances, and dog grooming tools that I miss terribly. I went ahead and spent $300 on a new grooming tool. I will just sell the others when I find them. |
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Post by ntsf on Jul 27, 2024 19:26:44 GMT
my dad worked on that death binder (the last chapter) off and on for 5 yrs.. and there was still stuff need-to-know that my brother had to hunt down.
the more organized you can leave things the better.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 27, 2024 19:27:51 GMT
I have a binder in my safe with various "need to know" information.
I have a beneficiary on my car title and bank account.
My beneficiary knows where the extra key for my safe is hidden.
The extended Family member that I live on her property, in a studio apartment.... knows which two people are allowed access after my demise.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jul 27, 2024 19:45:11 GMT
We have a trust set up but so many things that we need to document. Is there someplace to get a list of things we should have?
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 27, 2024 20:12:49 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal Just came today....so I will make use of it! I hope there’s a chapter in that book titled “call a lawyer!!” Kidding, not kidding…she’s my sister and after her dh I’m her next of kin. Love you Kar but you need to get your affairs in order!! |
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Post by peasapie on Jul 27, 2024 20:39:47 GMT
Nice idea deed transfer upon death. We can’t have that in my state but wish they did.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 20:48:43 GMT
Years ago, my younger sister and I had a mutual deal that we were to go into the other person’s home to remove and destroy a small marked box kept under our beds. Heaven forbid my parents or children found our vibrators!
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leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,760
Location: Northern California
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Jul 27, 2024 21:06:18 GMT
We had our trust, will and powers of attorney's etc done about 5 years ago. We also purchased our "final resting place property" at the same time. Dh is now talking about changing his plans, so we need to revisit those choices we made some time ago. I've already been using a small address book for my computer passwords for years now, so that is going to be pretty current.
My Mom has all her paperwork in order and I am her executor. A couple of years ago my sister's and I met with her and her financial planner so we all know what is what and where. Then last year we consulted with a lawyer who looked at her will since my dad had passed 8 years ago and all is still good.
We all need to remember that even though we may have our plans in place, we need to review them periodically to be sure nothing has changed.
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Post by moonglowe21 on Jul 27, 2024 21:08:19 GMT
I don’t have anything yet, but this makes me think so much of my mom and how unprepared she is. Every time we talk, she throws all this info at me like, ”Just remember behind this dish in the dining room cabinet there’s an envelope with some savings bonds, and in the dresser in my bedroom, in the second drawer under the socks there’s paperwork from this bank, and under the floorboards in the bathroom there’s 3 rolls of quarters……” 😂😂😂😂😂 I will NEVER know where all to look if she doesn’t get some plans in place before she goes.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 21:36:43 GMT
We had our trust, will and powers of attorney's etc done about 5 years ago. We also purchased our "final resting place property" at the same time. Dh is now talking about changing his plans, so we need to revisit those choices we made some time ago. I've already been using a small address book for my computer passwords for years now, so that is going to be pretty current. My Mom has all her paperwork in order and I am her executor. A couple of years ago my sister's and I met with her and her financial planner so we all know what is what and where. Then last year we consulted with a lawyer who looked at her will since my dad had passed 8 years ago and all is still good. We all need to remember that even though we may have our plans in place, we need to review them periodically to be sure nothing has changed.Absolutely. I made my will and trust when my son was 2 years old. He is now 42. I couldn’t designate who he lived with because he would have to go to his father. But I did specify that my estate be liquidated, other than something that he specifically wanted to keep as a momento, and the money would be kept for my son until he was 18, 25, and 30, with different increments going to him at each age. I knew if it went with him as a child, his father would spend every penny. I figured staggering the years he would receive it would assure he would be able to make his own decisions. I also stipulated that the executor could use funds for a medical procedure for him, if necessary. It is so hard to try to think ahead to what could happen, but I knew if his dad had access, every penny would be gone. I need to read it again now to see if something else should be updated. I also need to remove both sisters as executors. I think they fell off once my son was an adult, but I am not sure and need to verify that. |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 21:43:55 GMT
I don’t have anything yet, but this makes me think so much of my mom and how unprepared she is. Every time we talk, she throws all this info at me like, ”Just remember behind this dish in the dining room cabinet there’s an envelope with some savings bonds, and in the dresser in my bedroom, in the second drawer under the socks there’s paperwork from this bank, and under the floorboards in the bathroom there’s 3 rolls of quarters……” 😂😂😂😂😂 I will NEVER know where all to look if she doesn’t get some plans in place before she goes. This is what I want to avoid. I want to leave a nice clean checklist with passwords of accounts to cancel and bank numbers and any hidden location for emergency cash in the house, if I have any. My parents had a hidden cabinet built into the bar where they kept a ton of gold and silver. When they sold the house, they forgot all about it. I remembered and asked if they had pulled it. Oops! Fortunately the new owners hadn’t taken possession yet and the realtor met me at the house and let me go in and retrieve the box. It was so well hidden that the only way it would have been found would have been during construction if they had it torn down. I had to get on my stomach and wriggle underneath the shelving to release the latch. It was a smart thing to have, but they couldn’t have accessed it themselves after a certain age. |
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Post by librarylady on Jul 27, 2024 21:57:43 GMT
I have tried. I have observed what others have had to deal with.
Just yesterday I got a specific address book to use for all the passwords, so it would be in alphabetical order and make it easy for survivors to sort through. We made our wills about 20 years go. However, DH left everything to me because he didn't want to make decisions about who got what. I have told him he is not being nice to me because I have 2 step sons and it will make me the bad guy to designate who gets what.
I have written out what I want for my funeral and for his.
It is just writing it down.
I am glad someone mentioned notifying online friends. I'll have to add a directive for this board and another board. All of us got a jolt about 18 months ago. Someone just vanished, so we assume death, but don't even have that man's real name to examine obituaries in the 2 newspapers or even a death index for the state.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 27, 2024 22:10:40 GMT
I have seen lot of ads for the NOK box. I tis Next of Kin box. It is supposed to have all of the papers you could need to let a loved one know what, where and how. I feel like it could change a lot or a little and I am not sure if I need it. I think hunting down all of those papers and ideas might take a lot more hassle than this box. You can get just the paperwork or the actual box and zippered pouches with the paperwork for more money. I need to look into it. We're both organized here, but lots of things and lots of places someone might not know to check here should be recorded.
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Post by needmysanity on Jul 27, 2024 22:42:53 GMT
My mom has everything prepared including paying for her cremation, my name on all her accounts and mortgage information. I appreciate she went to the trouble do set it all up. My mother in law on the other hand refuses to do anything like that. We have asked her many times to let us know her wishes, etc and she refuses. She gets all weird and sad so we just stopped asking.
I have all our important paperwork in a binder in our safe.
As for me...my BFF has my phone password and I have hers. We both know first thing to do is wipe out all our texts to each other so no one sees our crazyness. LOL
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Post by Lexica on Jul 27, 2024 23:34:44 GMT
I have seen lot of ads for the NOK box. I tis Next of Kin box. It is supposed to have all of the papers you could need to let a loved one know what, where and how. I feel like it could change a lot or a little and I am not sure if I need it. I think hunting down all of those papers and ideas might take a lot more hassle than this box. You can get just the paperwork or the actual box and zippered pouches with the paperwork for more money. I need to look into it. We're both organized here, but lots of things and lots of places someone might not know to check here should be recorded. I took a quick look at this and will go back and read more details when I have more time. It sounds interesting. And if I don’t feel I need it, it might give me an idea to add to what I will already have in place. One thing they did have that I have been considering, mainly because of all the crime shows I watch, is a file with personal details should you go missing. I have thought about that with living in a different state than my son. I wonder if you can do something to save your dna or if I should go ahead and have it done now so that I could leave the paperwork. |
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Post by mom on Jul 28, 2024 0:07:06 GMT
My dad had a paper file in his desk drawer called the “death file.” It was invaluable in sorting out my parents’ estate when they passed. It occurred to me last year that as much as DH and I travel without the kids now, they would need similar info if something happened to us while traveling. So I made a Google doc and, since they’re still young adults, included a list of people to call (with phone numbers) to help them navigate everything. The girls thought it was morbid but it gave me peace of mind and, TBH, it also let me put everything in one place in the event that DH goes before me. Several years ago when I was having surgery, I sat my son and his current girlfriend down to try to explain where some things were located and what to do if I didn’t come out of the surgery. He absolutely refused to listen and got really angry with me. His girlfriend got upset that he was upset. Her mother had cancer and had put all of their belongings into a storage unit and they moved in with her grandmother to help care for her. Her parents were divorced at the time. Unfortunately her mom got sick, unrelated to her cancer, and went to the hospital where she developed sepsis and died. She never left any instructions for her daughter, who was 14 when she passed. No one thought about where the belongings were stored and no one paid the monthly rental fee. The things were auctioned off. She lost all of her baby photos and videos and all of her mother’s paintings and art books. Her father was wealthy and could have had someone locate the storage unit for her but didn’t care. He said they were just things. She was in her 20s when I met her and she still got tears when she told me her story. She told my son that she would have loved for her mother to have had a conversation with her before she went into the hospital. Her story stuck with me. I don’t have any belongings in storage, but I feel strongly about making an instruction sheet on what needs to be done. I bet he doesn’t even know what bank I use. We have something similar as Merge. But I have a shared note with both of my sons on our phones that has the immediate info they would need -- computer passwords, phone passwords, etc. Then they can access the larger file on my computer when they need to. |
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Post by lisae on Jul 28, 2024 0:08:31 GMT
I put all this together 3 years ago. There are instructions for my funeral, a copy of my will, financial information that would be needed and location of where the original will documents are to be found. The executor and backup executor know who they are so there won't be any surprises.
If you have been the executor of someone's estate, you know how important it is to not leave your own affairs disorderly.
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iamcaro
Full Member
Posts: 142
Mar 12, 2019 2:51:15 GMT
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Post by iamcaro on Jul 28, 2024 0:33:38 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal Just came today....so I will make use of it! I went to the library to look at books about this subject. After looking through them, I decided to buy "In Case You Get Hit by a Bus." I got it on Amazon. My plans are to start working on it this summer. My husband and I have a trust in place and a password book that all of the kids know where it is, but other than that stuff, we aren't prepared. Each child did receive a copy of the trust and wills. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 28, 2024 1:16:54 GMT
My daughter had my password for my iPhone and MacBook, where all of my passwords etc are stored. But it just occurred to me that I recently changed the password from 6 digits to 8 digits, so I will need to give her the updated password.
We are heading overseas next month. Every time I go overseas, I think to myself that I really must do our wills in case anything happens. But then I think about the money that I"d have to spend (instead of using it on our trip) and I just put it off again. I should at least create a "death file" before we go.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 28, 2024 4:09:10 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal Just came today....so I will make use of it! Oh, interesting! Please let us know if you think it is something I should order also. I am determined to have everything set up properly. But right now, I am STILL going through the mountain of moving boxes. It makes me so angry whenI open a box to find one small thing in it. I think the full trash can made me the most angry. They wasted so much space and never labeled anything. If they had just even put a room name of where the things were that were being boxed, that would have helped me. I have several things, mainly office papers and my kitchen small appliances, and dog grooming tools that I miss terribly. I went ahead and spent $300 on a new grooming tool. I will just sell the others when I find them. Every time I see you say this, I feel bad and feel like this should be the first thing I warm people of when they move. It’s sort of a joke in the military world that they will pack your trash, car keys, passport, etc but it’s that for a reason. Someone had to deal with it happening! So my tip is to clean all your bins and put them in the sun to dry a day or two before being packed up. Wasted space is a thing. It usually happens at the end when they run out of small things to put in with the big items. It’s better than when they mix rooms and add the small Knick knacks in with the kids rooms stuff! But also remember that you had flood issues and had to pack up quickly. So cut yourself some slack and just motor on with what you are doing! |
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 28, 2024 4:48:48 GMT
Ugh. I'm in my early 50s and in denial that I need to do this, but I do. Dh knows everything, but I can't guarantee that we'll both be around.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 28, 2024 4:58:58 GMT
Thank you, Basket1lady. I appreciate you saying this. I think it upsets me more because I had put so much effort into packing properly in the weeks prior to the leak. I put the initial of the room followed by a number, for example K-12 for the 12th kitchen box packed. I had a log book where I wrote a brief synopsis of what was in that box so that once I got here and needed say, my spatulas, I could look at the list and know they were in box K-04. I was doing such a careful job and to see them storm in and put 3 items per box and no letter on the box itself to at least tell me what room it came from, it bothers me. I am glad you are advising people to empty trash cans. I just appreciate that I didn’t have any gross food trash. If I end up returning to California when I am unable to live alone, I am going to do so much purging and just pack some clothing and a few essentials as if I was going on a long vacation. Everything else can be replaced. |
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Post by KiwiJo on Jul 28, 2024 9:50:17 GMT
I set up a binder called ICE (in case of emergency) and it has all our important papers and info. My husband, our son, and his wife know where and what it is.
I tried to include every possible thing - our wills and powers of attorney, bank info, lawyer, insurances, doctors etc of course, but also things like utilities - the company that supplies our electricity, ISP provider, stuff like that.
Some of the other things include:
All the passwords and logins for both of us, for all important websites and account (except our bank because that is against their terms and conditions).
Contact details for our friends and family, so they can be advised of our death.
Anyone else who should be advised, such as clubs we belong to etc.
Also a history of health-related things and a list of any medications we take - I figure that if one of us should have a stroke for example and can’t communicate, then the info would be easily at hand to give to the hospital or doctor.
I’ve also included exact details of how to get into some online stuff like each other’s emails, my iPad etc - my husband isn’t particularly computer savvy, and I want to make things as easy as possible for him, if I die first.
Also information about “heritage” things that could be passed down the family (like a crystal mug with my Mum’s name engraved in it, made when she was born, a photo of my grandmother when she was 2 years old in 1908 and which my Dad had restored for my Mum, the buttons off my FIL’s military uniform…..
I have set up reminders in my calendar to review everything twice a year so that it’s kept up to date.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,741 
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jul 28, 2024 12:50:45 GMT
My sister has everything password related. She's POD (payable on death on all my bank accounts). I have my will, working on a trust for the house now. I started all this when I got sick.
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3boysnme
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Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on Jul 28, 2024 15:53:08 GMT
Funny you should post this, I just bought a "journal" from Amazon called F*ck! I'm Dead! Now What? It is an End Of Life Planner& Journal Just came today....so I will make use of it! I saw that! As I am getting on in years, I've been thinking more and more about what happens upon my death. Who gets what, funeral arrangements, etc. I know I'm dumb about procrastinating about getting a will set up, but I feel so unorganized and that makes me anxious. How do you like the journal? Do you find it was worth it? |
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