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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 14:33:38 GMT
I'm sure you realize this but every time you do her job, you are helping your company to NOT get rid of her. They are probably trying to build a case to fire her but when her work gets done, either by her or by you, it makes her look good. I have been following your story but it's time you let things go. This is an excellent point. I might be saving her from a legitimate firing. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 14:37:25 GMT
If your boss had wanted you to help out, it was on him to ask you to do so. This is an excellent point. I was so taken aback by the fact that he virtually didn't say anything that I wasn't considering this either. Honestly, I was surprised he didn't offer to help her. You could tell by his face he was stunned I said no. But then nobody stepped up to say, I'll get this done. But he also didn't ask me either. So he knew it would have been the wrong thing to ask me. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 14:40:05 GMT
As for Jeremy, I totally, TOTALLY see how he could think that way because my DH is like that too. There are so many times when he will want to go so over and above to make some unworthy person happy and I’m like NO FREAKING WAY. He can be too nice, to the point where he WILL be taken advantage of, and I will not stand for that. I tell DH that I have to be the brakes to his gas, the mean to offset his nice. There is being nice and then there’s being a doormat. I’m glad you stood your ground and refused to be the doormat. We are both doormats. LOL! Seriously, I'm working on being comfortable with feeling anger and boundaries. I am just no good at either one of those things. He isn't either. Probably why our marriage is a success...hahaha...both of us falling all over ourselves to "serve" the other and take the blame. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 14:43:21 GMT
I got poked today by one of the guys at the agency. So I did respond. I went down his list and said, this is done, this is done, this is done, with comments. And then I said, Coworker will get with you on the rest by end of day. I also added the two bosses to the email.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 14, 2024 15:12:24 GMT
I got poked today by one of the guys at the agency. So I did respond. I went down his list and said, this is done, this is done, this is done, with comments. And then I said, Coworker will get with you on the rest by end of day. I also added the two bosses to the email. Do NOT promise anything for your coworker. In the future, if you want to say anything, and honestly I would clearly state what is your responsibility and leave it. BUT if you feel the need, simply state - please follow up with the xyz for the other items. Period full stop. Now if she doesn't get something by end of day, they can come to you and say wtf you said we'd receive it by the end of the day. I know it's hard to stop doing her work, but you need bright, bright lines!! And I totally disagree with jeremy. I don't think the boss was hoping you'd say you'd help. I think the boss was in ffs yet another mess I have to try and manage which never goes well and it's due tomorrow, fuck fuck fuck. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 15:15:56 GMT
I got poked today by one of the guys at the agency. So I did respond. I went down his list and said, this is done, this is done, this is done, with comments. And then I said, Coworker will get with you on the rest by end of day. I also added the two bosses to the email. Do NOT promise anything for your coworker. In the future, if you want to say anything, and honestly I would clearly state what is your responsibility and leave it. BUT if you feel the need, simply state - please follow up with the xyz for the other items. Period full stop. Now if she doesn't get something by end of day, they can come to you and say wtf you said we'd receive it by the end of the day. I know it's hard to stop doing her work, but you need bright, bright lines!! And I totally disagree with jeremy. I don't think the boss was hoping you'd say you'd help. I think the boss was in ffs yet another mess I have to try and manage which never goes well and it's due tomorrow, fuck fuck fuck. No I didn't promise she'd be done by the end of the day, I said she'd respond by the end of the day. I probably shouldn't have said that either. But I did not promise them work. I just didn't want them thinking their email was going ignored. But I do see that I shouldn't have said that. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 14, 2024 15:16:26 GMT
I got poked today by one of the guys at the agency. So I did respond. I went down his list and said, this is done, this is done, this is done, with comments. And then I said, Coworker will get with you on the rest by end of day. I also added the two bosses to the email. Good for you! This puts the ball squarely in her court and makes it clear that your coworker is responsible for anything she didn’t/doesn’t complete. ETA: In hindsight, it might have been better to say, “You need to follow up with Coworker directly on the rest.” and left it at that. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 14, 2024 15:17:22 GMT
This might be true but a lot of innocent people are going to get hurt in order for this to happen. And that is why your bosses need to do their job. It is obvious no one else really gives a damn what happens and honestly they are taking advantage of you because they all know you will step in. That is not fair for anyone. If a lot of money is at stake then everyone needs to be on the ball and communicate and do the work. While this is true and I understand your point…my perspective is a little bit different. That is why I think there is not a real right or wrong answer. There are so many factors that can play into situations like this that, while it is great to hear other perspectives, the nuances of someone’s life and situation are often very different and often can not be summed up or communicated in a message board thread/post. I understand feeling under appreciated, taken advantage of, etc. And I understand working conditions beyond what is acceptable, you can or want to endure, etc. However I also understand having pride, commitment, and wanting to put my company (department or whatever) in the best light that I can and step up and do what I can when it is not on track. I would be hard pressed to give up on that because I am disillusioned by my current managers and/or coworkers. Like neighbors, if you stay somewhere long enough they eventually change. I have seen people also go from one bad situation to a worse one. It is all a crap shoot in my mind so that is how much of my opinion is formed . 😃 After 20 years, there have been some good years, upper managers, restructures…and some not. While not all have been wonderful working years I felt I have given it my best. I have stepped up when needed. I have sacrificed and weathered storms when they have happened and I have felt the gratification and accomplishment when I have helped push us towards a better path. But if it started to really affect my health and life adversely and take all my mental capacity to go to work every day, I certainly would look for something else in a flash. However for me being single, the need for insurance and a job that gives me financial stability in a small state/area (where it might be hard to find something comparable) far outweighs many of the day to day stresses that I have by staying. I am also in the stage of my life where I am just looking to do my job to the best of my ability and move toward retirement. I am not looking to significantly change my work commitments or status (voluntarily) but I am also a never say never so I could easily change my mind if something came along that checked enough boxes and got me excited. I am in a very different place than jeremysgirl and my thoughts were formed because of my situation, and so while valid are probably not monumental or actually pertinent to her situation. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 15:34:12 GMT
And that is why your bosses need to do their job. It is obvious no one else really gives a damn what happens and honestly they are taking advantage of you because they all know you will step in. That is not fair for anyone. If a lot of money is at stake then everyone needs to be on the ball and communicate and do the work. While this is true and I understand your point…my perspective is a little bit different. That is why I think there is not a real right or wrong answer. There are so many factors that can play into situations like this that, while it is great to hear other perspectives, the nuances of someone’s life and situation are often very different and often can not be summed up or communicated in a message board thread/post. I understand feeling under appreciated, taken advantage of, etc. And I understand working conditions beyond what is acceptable, you can or want to endure, etc. However I also understand having pride, commitment, and wanting to put my company (department or whatever) in the best light that I can and step up and do what I can when it is not on track. I would be hard pressed to give up on that because I am disillusioned by my current managers and/or coworkers. Like neighbors, if you stay somewhere long enough they eventually change. I have seen people also go from one bad situation to a worse. It is all a crap shoot in my mind so that is how much of my opinion is formed . 😃 After 20 years, there have been some good years, upper managers, restructures…and some not. While not all have been wonderful working years I felt I have given it my best. I have stepped up when needed. I have sacrificed and weathered storms when they have happened and I have felt the gratification and accomplishment when I have helped push us towards a better path. But if it started to really affect my health and life adversely and take all my mental capacity to go to work every day, I certainly would look for something else in a flash. However for me being single, the need for insurance and a job that gives me financial stability in a small state/area (where it might be hard to find something comparable) far outweighs many of the day to day stresses that I have by staying. I am also in the stage of my life where I am just looking to do my job to the best of my ability and move toward retirement. I am not looking to significantly change my work commitments or status (voluntarily) but I am also a never say never so I could easily change my mind if something came along that checked enough boxes and got me excited. I am in a very different place than jeremysgirl and my thoughts were formed because of my situation, and so while valid are probably not monumental or actually pertinent to her situation. I don't think you're in as different of a place as you think you are. I am the breadwinner. I also carry the insurance for our whole family. I have quite a nice 401k set up. I cannot just walk away without a new job that is substantially similar to take my old jobs place. I also live in a small city without a plethora of options at my current pay rate. Second, I do take pride in my work. I have worked for this company for 7.5 years. I was happy for 5 of those years. A new director came on board and I took a new position with this person as my coworker. Both are difficult to work with. I enjoy the meat of what I do. It is an ideal job in terms of my education and experience. I do my job well. There is never a question about my capabilities or performance. My boss does absolutely trust the work that I do, so much so, that he often comes to me to double check or brainstorm on his own work. I feel quite a bit bitter about the fact that I've got to go find something else when this should have been my perfect job. I have a strong work ethic. I care about my job and I believe the work that I do is valuable. I am not the kind of person who wants to let anyone down. I am reliable to a fault. I am not exaggerating when I say that if she doesn't perform, there will be serious consequences for innocent people who are counting on her to serve them. I have a very hard time sitting back and letting that happen because they don't deserve that. But I see that maybe that needs to happen in order to have grounds to fire her. Peppermint Patty made a good point. I have been working with a career counselor on this. Little things like this email arise that are timely and I don't have immediate access to her. Which is why I posted here. I truly didn't know what the right thing to do was. |
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Aug 14, 2024 15:41:17 GMT
If your boss is disappointed then he should do his job and get rid of the employee that refuses to work. If people lose money that is not your responsibility. None of this is your responsibility. So much this. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 15:44:06 GMT
I got poked today by one of the guys at the agency. So I did respond. I went down his list and said, this is done, this is done, this is done, with comments. And then I said, Coworker will get with you on the rest by end of day. I also added the two bosses to the email. Good for you! This puts the ball squarely in her court and makes it clear that your coworker is responsible for anything she didn’t/doesn’t complete. ETA: In hindsight, it might have been better to say, “You need to follow up with Coworker directly on the rest.” and left it at that. My exact words were, "I'm sure you'll hear from coworker by end of day on the rest." And the reason I said it was because 1) their deadline is today and 2) I did not want them thinking that I was responsible for the rest. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 14, 2024 15:58:06 GMT
jeremysgirl , I really hope that I did not come across as I was questioning or disparaging any of things you wrote, as I was not. I truly think you have an amazing work ethic, and are really trying to do what you can to help your company, work by your strong principles and still live and enjoy life with as little unnecessary stress added. I very much admire your dedication, thoughtfulness and willingness to try and work through the issues. I was just trying to state that often the reality of what is right or best isn’t always what a particular situation or person is able (or sometime, I suppose, willingly able) to do…at least immediately. I think posting here was a wonderful way for you to get some very good perspectives from people and situations beyond our bubbles and that is never bad. I wish you the best and hope that either a wonderful job option comes your way or that your company/management decides to fix their department/staff issues.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 16:11:26 GMT
jeremysgirl , I really hope that I did not come across as I was questioning or disparaging any of things you wrote, as I was not. I truly think you have an amazing work ethic, and are really trying to do what you can to help your company, work by your strong principles and still live and enjoy life with as little unnecessary stress added. I very much admire your dedication, thoughtfulness and willingness to try and work through the issues. I was just trying to state that often the reality of what is right or best isn’t always what a particular situation or person is able (or sometime, I suppose, willingly able) to do…at least immediately. I think posting here was a wonderful way for you to get some very good perspectives from people and situations beyond our bubbles and that is never bad. I wish you the best and hope that either a wonderful job option comes your way or that your company/management decides to fix their department/staff issues. Nope, I did not take your post as a criticism. Frankly, there was only one post on this entire thread that rubbed me the wrong way. I have a pretty thick skin and can handle disagreement. I just think a lot of what you said, really spoke to my heart. Everyone's circumstance isn't the same. But a lot of what you said, is true in my circumstance too. I am still waiting for a job I was tipped off about to be posted. And I have it on good authority that something similar might be coming up the pike at another company. So I'm still trying to get out. But I've got to make the best of it until I do. Thank you for your kind words. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 14, 2024 16:20:37 GMT
I really hope you find something soon! I have been in a crappy work environment with difficult coworkers and it just drains the life out of you! I hope it wasn't one of my posts that rubbed you the wrong way- I actually deleted on yesterday as I felt like it might have been too harsh and I so know what it's like when you're trying to do a good job and those around you are throwing up roadblocks! Take care of yourself!!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2024 20:54:11 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc.
I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,291
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 14, 2024 21:02:13 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner. And yet she is still there. I am sorry you are surrounded by persons who treat you like a doormat and abuse your awesomeness. May a freaking great job come along with a supportive work environment that appreciates you. And pays well. With health insurance 😁 |
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on Aug 14, 2024 22:02:43 GMT
I've been a PM at my company for the last two years & I send emails like that all the time with zero regrets. I can't tell you how many times it's been days (or hours!) before a deadline and everyone drops the scraps in my lap and expects me to accomplish a miracle. This week, I am wrapping up a project where there was an inexplicable (and still yet to be explained to my boss or me) 2-week delay in receiving a deliverable. It's due tomorrow... and I received it Monday afternoon. It's had to pass through 3 different departments since then and is being worked on piecemeal as we speak because there wasn't enough time to put it together properly. My grandboss is out of the office and an entire different department from mine has been in all-day meetings for the last 2 days so it's been rough. I was happy to send follow-up emails last Monday, last Thursday, and this past Monday CCing everyone involved + their bosses + their grandbosses to let everyone know who (and it sure wasn't me!) the holdup was. I've learned that there are rarely consequences for those higher up the chain and/or who have a lot of connections in the industry so I get my passive-aggressive kicks via email.  |
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Post by mom on Aug 14, 2024 23:10:34 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner. Take care of yourself. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Aug 15, 2024 2:11:21 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner. I am so sorry. 😢 |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 15, 2024 10:48:34 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner. And yet she is still there. I am sorry you are surrounded by persons who treat you like a doormat and abuse your awesomeness. May a freaking great job come along with a supportive work environment that appreciates you. And pays well. With health insurance 😁 What's interesting is that everyone knows about the hiring that is going to take place at this other company we do a lot of work with and my boss actually said on Tuesday that he is nervous they are going to try to pirate our accounting/finance people. I said nothing. But I am going to apply once their postings go live. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 15, 2024 10:51:02 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner. I am so sorry. 😢 It's alright. My emotions ran the gamut in like an hour yesterday. And then I settled into WTF. Haha... It's almost comical. In most cases I've stopped letting it upset me. I know what's coming every single time. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Aug 15, 2024 11:26:29 GMT
It's alright. My emotions ram the gamut in like an hour yesterday. And then I settled into WTF. Haha... It's almost comical. In most cases I've stopped letting it upset me. I know what's coming every single time. I'm glad you have a very realistic view on this and I hope when the new listings go live, and you apply, they jump on hiring you! I get what you say about it being almost comical, except that it is YOUR LIFE and if you weren't posting this since.... May? earlier, I would think you are pulling my leg. I surely thought they would take action by now, at the very least put her on a Employee Performance Plan and document everything. Maybe her medical issues makes it so they can't. |
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3boysnme
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Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on Aug 15, 2024 11:31:40 GMT
I'd give you guys an update but it's totally unsurprising, words like incomplete, incorrect, etc. I'm going to check out for a while. Read Harry Potter. Make some extra fluffy pancakes with fresh strawberries for dinner.  I'm so sorry. I was really hoping she did her part. Does she get to suffer any consequences? And I really hope they don't take it out on you! Do you have anything in writing when she said she wanted to take care of her part? |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 15, 2024 11:39:17 GMT
It's alright. My emotions ram the gamut in like an hour yesterday. And then I settled into WTF. Haha... It's almost comical. In most cases I've stopped letting it upset me. I know what's coming every single time. I'm glad you have a very realistic view on this and I hope when the new listings go live, and you apply, they jump on hiring you! I get what you say about it being almost comical, except that it is YOUR LIFE and if you weren't posting this since.... May? earlier, I would think you are pulling my leg. I surely thought they would take action by now, at the very least put her on a Employee Performance Plan and document everything. Maybe her medical issues makes it so they can't. Actually the first time I posted was almost a year ago. I think I had just hit my limit that day with her bad attitude. I got an email from her this morning that she would like to handle the IT budget for next year. It is a ginormous headache. I told her to go for it. |
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anaterra
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Aug 15, 2024 18:37:51 GMT
jeremysgirl save that email in your file... so next year when she drops the ball.... again!!! you can say ummmm seeeee you wanted it... i left it to you... sorry not sorry
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 15, 2024 20:37:17 GMT
I got an email from her this morning that she would like to handle the IT budget for next year. It is a ginormous headache. I told her to go for it. Out of everything you posted, this surprised me the most. Jesus.. |
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Post by katiekaty on Aug 19, 2024 2:26:38 GMT
Just curious for an update on the fallout? Did she get her reports in in time? And then asked to handle the IT budget? Or is she just blowing smoke to cover her screw up and try to make herself look good as she didn’t complete those reports in time. Diversionary tactics?
I have been reading, maybe not commenting, but supporting you just the same😁
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 19, 2024 10:54:36 GMT
Just curious for an update on the fallout? Did she get her reports in in time? And then asked to handle the IT budget? Or is she just blowing smoke to cover her screw up and try to make herself look good as she didn’t complete those reports in time. Diversionary tactics? I have been reading, maybe not commenting, but supporting you just the same😁 As far as I know nobody said anything about the projects. I'm sure the reviewers noticed. But I'm not sure they said anything to my boss. Second, she tagged my boss on that email. The part where she went really off the rails was that she said she would "continue" to handle IT. I forwarded it to my boss and I was like, I don't know what she's "handling" as I have been taking care of everything. She rarely even attends the IT meetings and I'm there every time. Ironically ten minutes later my boss called and asked me...a question on the IT budget! So he knows. But none of them responded to any of my messages. I had to contact a senior management assistant to my boss's boss. (This is not a secretary or executive assistant) It was on something I made an error on because of my boss. Well I apologized to him. And he said to me that I did not have to apologize. He was frustrated with my boss for similar reasons and that he thinks I do awesome work. He said that everyone knows I'm the one holding everything together over there. So there's that. I should say when I apologized I did not mention my boss at all. He did. Because he was dealing with the same fallout. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 19, 2024 10:59:29 GMT
I took today off. Between them last week and Chloe this weekend, I need a day to recoup.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Aug 19, 2024 11:22:33 GMT
Just curious for an update on the fallout? Did she get her reports in in time? And then asked to handle the IT budget? Or is she just blowing smoke to cover her screw up and try to make herself look good as she didn’t complete those reports in time. Diversionary tactics? I have been reading, maybe not commenting, but supporting you just the same😁 As far as I know nobody said anything about the projects. I'm sure the reviewers noticed. But I'm not sure they said anything to my boss. Second, she tagged my boss on that email. The part where she went really off the rails was that she said she would "continue" to handle IT. I forwarded it to my boss and I was like, I don't know what she's "handling" as I have been taking care of everything. She rarely even attends the IT meetings and I'm there every time. Ironically ten minutes later my boss called and asked me...a question on the IT budget! So he knows. But none of them responded to any of my messages. I had to contact a senior management assistant to my boss's boss. (This is not a secretary or executive assistant) It was on something I made an error on because of my boss. Well I apologized to him. And he said to me that I did not have to apologize. He was frustrated with my boss for similar reasons and that he thinks I do awesome work. He said that everyone knows I'm the one holding everything together over there. So there's that.
I should say when I apologized I did not mention my boss at all. He did. Because he was dealing with the same fallout. I'm glad the sr mgmt person recognizes your work. I wonder if that person has also voiced their concerns. Enjoy your day off! |
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I'm so sorry. I was really hoping she did her part. Does she get to suffer any consequences? And I really hope they don't take it out on you! Do you have anything in writing when she said she wanted to take care of her part?
