twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,992 
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Jan 19, 2015 23:05:14 GMT
There were several peas who suggested that "big production" birthday parties had changed the landscape of children's parties, so to speak, and I pretty much agree.
I only remember going to one "friend" birthday party as a child, a party with your friends instead of family. They just weren't done among my friends, unless of course there was this huge conspiracy to keep twinsmom in the dark about all the fun festivities going on and I just wasn't invited. That's possible. 
The one party I remember was even a special situation: a neighborhood family had recently lost their mother to cancer, and they had two boys with birthdays very close together. They were pretty young (early elementary school) and about two years apart in age, and their aunt planned a party for them a couple of months after their mother passed away. She invited about a dozen kids from the neighborhood, and I still remember giving them Johnny West dolls (oops--action figures!) for their gifts. It was just cake, ice cream, and presents--no bounce house or treat bags. We might have played pin the tail on the donkey, but that would have been about it.
The norm in my community was the family birthday party: parents, siblings, grandparents and maybe aunts/uncles/cousins. You had birthday cake and ice cream, and there was never any "entertainment" beyond playing as we usually did in the back yard or family room/living room, weather permitting. In my family, we didn't even open the presents in front of company; we typically received one birthday gift, and that was given to you as soon as you woke up on your birthday. You also got to pick a special birthday dinner, and the cake/ice cream would be served in the evening once company arrived. That was the extent of the birthday celebration, beyond possibly taking a treat to school, and of course, a birthday crown in first grade (no public kindergarten in my day LOL).
So my answer is that I don't really remember "friend" parties when I was a kid, and I fall into the over 51 category.
I'm just curious to see how things may be remembered differently by different age groups.
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Post by Miss Ang on Jan 19, 2015 23:09:33 GMT
I am 43 and I do remember friend parties and they WERE a huge deal. But by "huge deal" I mean, we were really excited about it. Not that it was extravagant or expensive. So I didn't vote in the poll because I didn't feel like that was what you meant by "huge deal". I think so many birthday parties for kids today are a competition to see which parents throw the BEST and most outrageous/extravagant party!
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Post by tinydogmafia on Jan 19, 2015 23:18:22 GMT
We had friend birthday parties. Meaning about 10 of my friends would come and spend the night at my house and my poor mother was probably wanting to kill me the entire time. And my loud, giggling, obnoxious friends.  We'd have cake, watch a movie, stay up late girl-taking and playing truth or dare. (Scandalous!) And then mom would make us pancakes in the morning and everyone would go home. None of this crazy over the top stuff you see these days. |
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Deleted
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May 29, 2024 10:15:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2015 23:23:32 GMT
I took "huge deal" in the poll to mean that just the fact friends were invited to our house for cake instead of just family made it an "extravagant" party.
I'm 54. The norm for birthday parties when I was growing up was for family only. An extravagant mile stone party would be mid afternoon on Saturday and 2-4 friends came to your house to have cake, punch, and play (just the normal stuff we would play on other days- no party type of games)
When my kids were growing up (now in their 30s) parents were trying to figure out how to have 20 classmates at a party because the schools started requiring invitations be "all or not at all" when the invites were handed out at school but the teachers weren't allowed to publish a class address roster so they could be mailed either. That was the beginning of the rise of party type places like McDonalds and Chuck E Cheese.
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Post by epeanymous on Jan 19, 2015 23:24:59 GMT
I am early 40s, and I answered "huge deal," but that didn't really capture what I think the differences are between what I remember and what I am experiencing with my kids. So, based on my experiences, let's list:
1. Parties started at a later age (my friends started having them at six, not three or four) (and I did go to preschool).
2. Parties were smaller -- 6-12 kids including your siblings/cousins, never the whole class or all the girls in the class or whatever.
3. Parties were always drop-off (this probably relates to point #1).
4. Parties were generally not that big of a production -- at people's houses, or maybe at the nearby roller rink or Chuck E. Cheese if you were Fancy.
I'm also just going to say it -- between the fact that parents generally have to stay with the younger kids, the fact that siblings aren't usually invited, the fact that the parties often are at big venues that (if you live in a city like where I live) are a drive out into the burbs, and the fact that kids today are really, really scheduled with activities in a way that they weren't when I was a kid, the birthday-party circuit is harder to maneuver. It was one thing when you could walk a few blocks six or seven times a year to drop off your kid for a few hours of dress-up and cake. Now, my typical party involves driving a kid 30-40 minutes out to the suburbs to a venue where I may or may not be able to drop them (but even if I can drop them, I have now committed to staying out there because of the distance), when I am supposed to be getting someone else to soccer practice, and in the hot-party years from 4-7, each kid might have 12-15 of them a year.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Jan 19, 2015 23:25:59 GMT
I don't remember ever having a "friends" party when I was growing up. Usually all the grandparents came over and we all had dinner and cake. That was about it.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jan 19, 2015 23:26:53 GMT
I am like you twinsmomfla99 we had family "parties." We got to pick the meal, but the guest list was generally limited to family which generally were enough-there were a lot of us.  As I got to be a teenager, some of my friends would have slumber parties, but that was usually limited to only a few girls and was dinner, cake/ice cream, lots of giggling and snacks. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 19, 2015 23:29:10 GMT
We had friend birthday parties, mostly in elementary school. But I wouldn't say it was a huge deal. Pretty much everyone's was at McDonald's. I can only recall one or two that were at someone's house.
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Post by scrappergonewild on Jan 19, 2015 23:31:49 GMT
I always had friend parties as did all my friends growing up. It is nothing new at all for me. I'm almost 40.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jan 19, 2015 23:32:01 GMT
We didn't do friend parties, heck, my birthday is in July and I rarely even remember having birthday parties period. There was always something else going on and just not the time for a party or anything like that.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 19, 2015 23:34:08 GMT
I think family mostly, but sometimes the kids my mom babysat or our parents friends and their kids. I do remember one or two parties at a roller rink, maybe my two sisters that both have March birthday's  They weren't even a big enough deal that I remember, though I'm also 51 so that might explain that! I tend to still do things the way my parents did them. We still don't have extravagant parties or invite a bunch of kids. Just a few select kids to whatever it is we are doing to celebrate. But I've also never bought into the newer mommy wars where people have to outdo each other with bigger and better! |
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Post by lucyg on Jan 19, 2015 23:38:30 GMT
I am over 50 and didn't respond to the poll because it didn't seem as though my experience was covered. When I was a kid, my friends and I all had birthday parties, but they were much smaller and more low key than the parties seem to be today. We'd go to the birthday child's house, maybe eight of us or so, play games, watch her/him open gifts, eat cake and ice cream. Added bonus if we got hot dogs and kool-aid, too. When I got a little older, the parties got smaller and would be sleepovers. One memorable party, the mom took us out to dinner and a movie before the sleepover. Maybe four of us. But we did always have parties. When my kids (now 30+) were young, the parties were similar, maybe starting to get bigger, and sometimes they were at Chuck E. Cheese instead of at home. When they got older, we did the same smaller/special activity/sleepover parties. Now with my DGS ... these parties we've attended are scary big, expensive, and involved. We're planning his first "friends" party in a couple of months (age 6) and I'm not planning to invite the whole K class or whole daycare. We'll do a bowling alley party, what he wants, but with a limited number of friends. |
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Post by epeanymous on Jan 19, 2015 23:43:32 GMT
One other thing -- I have been calling around to venues for my twins for their 5th birthday -- they've had family birthdays up until now with the couple of neighborhood kids that they play with constantly invited as well. Many of the venues I have called have 25 kid *minimums.* Insane!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 19, 2015 23:53:19 GMT
I am over 50 and didn't respond to the poll because it didn't seem as though my experience was covered. When I was a kid, my friends and I all had birthday parties, but they were much smaller and more low key than the parties seem to be today. We'd go to the birthday child's house, maybe eight of us or so, play games, watch her/him open gifts, eat cake and ice cream. Added bonus if we got hot dogs and kool-aid, too. When I got a little older, the parties got smaller and would be sleepovers. One memorable party, the mom took us out to dinner and a movie before the sleepover. Maybe four of us. But we did always have parties. When my kids (now 30+) were young, the parties were similar, maybe starting to get bigger, and sometimes they were at Chuck E. Cheese instead of at home. When they got older, we did the same smaller/special activity/sleepover parties. Now with my DGS ... these parties we've attended are scary big, expensive, and involved. We're planning his first "friends" party in a couple of months (age 6) and I'm not planning to invite the whole K class or whole daycare. We'll do a bowling alley party, what he wants, but with a limited number of friends. I should have just waited for you to jog my memory!!! What you've described is what I'm not remembering I do remember playing pin the tail on the donkey! And I did have one of my 25 yr olds parties at the McDonald's up the road My 15 yr old had a party at Chuck E Cheese with some of her after school care friends. I think that was her last party and I can't even remember how old she was! |
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Post by bc2ca on Jan 19, 2015 23:55:55 GMT
I did vote (over 51 and huge deal) only because we did have friend parties and, as others have said, they were exciting and at the birthday child's house.
Before K it would only have been a family party and from K-6 we had an mid-afternoon party at home with 6-8 friends. Elementary school went to 7th grade and that year we had a destination party with 3 friends (because that was how many could fit in mom's car) followed by cake at the house. For my party, we went skating at the local ice rink during a public skate session.
After elementary school, we still had a family birthday dinner & presents but anything more than that was organized by the birthday child & their friends.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jan 19, 2015 23:57:16 GMT
Being a Navy brat we rarely lived near family when I was school age so I always had friend parties. My mom had a surprise party for me once but the surprise was ruined when I arrived before the guests. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jan 19, 2015 23:59:14 GMT
Before I started school, I only remember family birthdays. Once I started school, Mom made me invite all the girls in my class and we would all ride home on the bus. Mom made a cake and we played things like pin the tail on the donkey and dropped clothes pins into a mason jar. It was all really, really exciting! Then Dad drove everyone home, which meant that it was dark (it's dark by 4:30 in Minnesota in February.). We lived in rural MN and this meant miles of dirt roads in the dark, with no street names or house numbers. (My address was Route 3, Box 172. And no, the box numbers weren't on the mail box, just our last name). Poor Dad!
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Jan 20, 2015 0:04:32 GMT
I had one friend party when I was 9.
After that maybe a friend or two to spend the night.
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
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Post by Grom Pea on Jan 20, 2015 0:16:47 GMT
I'm 38 and I only remember friend parties. Some of mine that I remember were, making pizza and papa gino's only the birthday girl did that, everyone else just ate, magician, build your own sundae at a sundae place, McDonalds and a slumber party. Nothing too elaborate but still bigger than just cake with relatives. I only had one grandma and an aunt and uncle and two cousins near by so I can see why there wouldn't be a family party in addition to a friends party which probably was 6-12 children, except for the slumber party which was 3, plus me.
I have to admit that we are throwing my son way bigger parties but I no longer throw a big Halloween bash (hope to start up when the kids are older) or any other parties.
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garcia5050
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Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Jan 20, 2015 0:29:50 GMT
Im 44 and all the parties I remember were filled with relatives. Friends, not so much. But, I had about 80 first cousins, so it was a huge deal.
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Deleted
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May 29, 2024 10:15:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2015 0:34:57 GMT
We always had friend parties - honestly, the separate family parties are what's weird to me now - but they were almost always at home and were distinctly NOT big productions. Cake, games, presents, playing when younger; pizza, slumber parties, talking all night when older. No elaborate themes, and parties away from home were rare.
I'm 41.
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Post by Crazyhare on Jan 20, 2015 0:37:33 GMT
I'm 40 and I didn't vote because none of the options fit what I had.
We had friend parties. But they were small. Everyone I remember was at my house with friends from both school and the neighborhood.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 20, 2015 1:11:31 GMT
We always had friend parties - honestly, the separate family parties are what's weird to me now - but they were almost always at home and were distinctly NOT big productions. Cake, games, presents, playing when younger; pizza, slumber parties, talking all night when older. No elaborate themes, and parties away from home were rare. I'm 41. We never had two parties, one for family and one for friends. I agree, that is odd |
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jan 20, 2015 1:20:35 GMT
I am over 50 and didn't respond to the poll because it didn't seem as though my experience was covered. When I was a kid, my friends and I all had birthday parties, but they were much smaller and more low key than the parties seem to be today. We'd go to the birthday child's house, maybe eight of us or so, play games, watch her/him open gifts, eat cake and ice cream. Added bonus if we got hot dogs and kool-aid, too. When I got a little older, the parties got smaller and would be sleepovers. One memorable party, the mom took us out to dinner and a movie before the sleepover. Maybe four of us. But we did always have parties. This is how we did it. You'd decorate with streamers and balloons and your friends would come over and play games like passing the orange under your chin, rolling a peanut or a potato from the start to finish line, drop clothespins in a milk jug, pin the tail on the donkey...and there were little prizes! You'd probably get a hot dog and koolaid, but mostly it was about the cake and ice cream. At my house, we ALWAYS had an atomic cake and I got a piñata from the grocery store down the street. I remember grocery shopping with mom and "picking out" my next piñata every time we went to the store. I have some home movies of the first big party I had in our new house...so fun and my parents were so proud of their home. Such happy memories.
Then sleepovers...now I lived with my single mom and she'd try so hard to make cool things on a limited budget and a small condo A sleepover at my house always meant pizza set-ups from the Italian market. Made up for not having cable or a VCR.
Family parties were separate and consisted mostly of the immediate family dropping by for cake.
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Post by cmpeter on Jan 20, 2015 1:24:51 GMT
I am 49 and I remember friend parties. Pool parties, at the lake, at our house, etc. We didn't have much family nearby, so any party was a friend party.
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Post by melanell on Jan 20, 2015 1:41:26 GMT
We have black & white no sound films of my mom and her birthday parties as a girl. She had mostly family with a few neighbors & friends. Fast forward 25 years, and I was the same...mostly family, with a handful of friends. The older I got, the more friends I was allowed to invite, but the family was always there, too. (and when I used to attend parties for my cousins on my mom's side, they had the same sort of parties, too.) Fast forward another 30 years, and my sons' parties are similar still. Family, plus some neighbors & friends. (And again, as small kids, my cousin's children had similar parties. Even the ones who are older teens and have mostly friends, still have family as well.) So, we're talking birthday parties from the early 1940s onward that have all been similar in terms of style and guest lists. The biggest different is that there were no venue parties for my mom & her siblings, but there were a few for me, my siblings, & cousins, and for our kids as well. Although the "venue" could easily just be a rented room/hall as it was a bounce house, Chuck E. Cheese, movie theater type place. |
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Post by tallgirl on Jan 20, 2015 1:43:38 GMT
We would have friends over after school, play, have dinner and cake, and open gifts. If we were lucky there was a loot bag. One year my sister's party was at the McDonald's caboose and I was sooooooo jealous. I'm 39.
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Post by melanell on Jan 20, 2015 1:43:44 GMT
I am 43 and I do remember friend parties and they WERE a huge deal. But by "huge deal" I mean, we were really excited about it. Not that it was extravagant or expensive. So I didn't vote in the poll because I didn't feel like that was what you meant by "huge deal". I think so many birthday parties for kids today are a competition to see which parents throw the BEST and most outrageous/extravagant party! I think that is definitely the case sometimes. We never did any huge expensive parties, and as the kids got older, I actually spent less and made the parties even more laid back, and the kids never minded or missed anything I did differently. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jan 20, 2015 1:44:32 GMT
Neither of the options are relevant to me. I DO remember kids having parties, but they were NOT really a big deal. Well, I guess to the kids having the parties they were “a big deal”, but parties were not as common as they are now. And almost every party I went to was at the child’s house where we played Pass the Parcel and Pin the Tail on the Donkey! I personally only had about 3 birthday parties when I was a kid.
MY kids on the other hand…….. They have had a birthday party every single year (DD stopped having a party from the age of 14, DS is 10 and he’s still having one every year). Most of them are at a venue such as Laser Tag, Swimming Pool, Paint Ball, Indoor Trampoline etc etc. I had DS’s party at home last year, and I swore never again. Some of the boys there were right little turds, completely disrespectful of our house and rules. Plus it’s just too much work.
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Post by melanell on Jan 20, 2015 1:44:55 GMT
We had friend birthday parties. Meaning about 10 of my friends would come and spend the night at my house and my poor mother was probably wanting to kill me the entire time. And my loud, giggling, obnoxious friends. We'd have cake, watch a movie, stay up late girl-taking and playing truth or dare. (Scandalous!) And then mom would make us pancakes in the morning and everyone would go home. None of this crazy over the top stuff you see these days. I went to a party just like that one year, and we all went home with a special kind of party favor....chickenpox! |
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We'd have cake, watch a movie, stay up late girl-taking and playing truth or dare. (Scandalous!) And then mom would make us pancakes in the morning and everyone would go home. None of this crazy over the top stuff you see these days. 
They weren't even a big enough deal that I remember, though I'm also 51 so that might explain that!
