Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2015 16:42:57 GMT
We are starting to look at houses and we are planning to buy one soon. Anyway, we are scheduled to look at two houses tonight and DH wanted to take the kids. He thinks because we all have to live there that they should be free to give their opinions. My position is that I don't want the kids involved in the home buying process because I feel that kids tend to fixate on certain things and don't look at the big picture. I could see taking the kids if we were maybe trying to decide between two houses or something and wanted their input. But I am thinking that 5 kids equals a lot of opinions and I think it is hard enough finding a house DH and I can agree on. What was your experience? We didn't have the option to not take our two but if we had, they would not have seen houses before we were ready to write an offer.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Mar 3, 2015 16:45:07 GMT
No. Perhaps when you are down to the final two, but this early - nope.
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MerryMom
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Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Mar 3, 2015 16:46:20 GMT
You can take the kids when you go back a second time to the houses on your "short list".
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Post by auntkelly on Mar 3, 2015 16:54:29 GMT
I wouldn't include the kids in the buying process at all. It would be a disaster if you narrowed your choices down to two houses and two of the kids said they loved one house and hated the other and the other three kids had the opposite opinion.
Everyone will be excited when you come home and announce you've found a new home! At that point, you can give the kids some choices-what color do you want to paint your room, do you want pink curtains or yellow, etc.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2015 16:55:33 GMT
We did a lot of our initial house shopping online, so we showed our kids the houses we were going to look at. When we had it down to a few we really liked, we took them with us. But they understood we would be making the final decision, not them.
It was fun for us to hear their opinions. They were 7 and 8 at the time.
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Post by dancingqueen on Mar 3, 2015 16:56:31 GMT
We took our kids with us to several houses, but I liked it better without them. We only have two, though. Having said that, my kids really wanted the house with the play structure in the back yard, whereas I wanted the house with the big kitchen. Guess which one we bought?
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Post by karinms on Mar 3, 2015 17:01:28 GMT
No to the kids... and just because I'm going through this right now... no to the 79 year old mother in law also:). If our kids were younger and would have been living there, I'd keep it to the last two.
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Post by whopea on Mar 3, 2015 17:02:16 GMT
Our kids are 14, 13, 11, 9, and 5. I am not worried about misbehaving, the only one who I could see being fidgety is the 5 year old. I just don't want 5 opinions coming at me and them thinking they get a say in the decision. I think it depends on the insight and maturity of the kids as well as their ages. They see things from a different perspective and sometimes that's good. We took our kids while house hunting and one of them provided valuable insight on a few features that we hadn't considered. If you do decide to take them, I think you coach a little before going into the home. I would remind them they don't say it's ugly or make negative comments in front of the homeowner (if they happen to be present) and that while you will consider their opinion, it's your decision ultimately.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2015 17:07:30 GMT
What DH and I did was we tried to look at as many houses as we could when the kids were with their Dad (not sure if this is an option for you). When we had our favorites, the ones we were most likely to put an offer in on, we scheduled a second showing WITH the boys. That way, they only looked at maybe 5 houses compared to the 20+ we looked at.
Depending on their ages, asking for their opinions is nice and can be helpful. But in the end, it's your house. Odds are, you will be living there while they've moved out.
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Post by threegirls on Mar 3, 2015 17:26:11 GMT
I would not take the kids. We looked at a house when my oldest was about 5. The house had a bedroom with a bed that was covered with stuffed animals. She wanted the whole house just because of the stuffed animals. Like she didn't already have enough of her own!
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Post by papersilly on Mar 3, 2015 17:40:20 GMT
my parents never took us. one day we were at the old house then we were packing to go to the new one. i guess since we weren't chipping in on the mortgage, our presence wasn't required and our opinion didn't matter. LOL
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Post by khaleesi on Mar 3, 2015 18:02:38 GMT
I would include them in the looking online part of various houses. For the initial walking through I would not. If you narrow down to one or two then see if anyone is interested in coming along.
When we bought the house we are currently in we did bring my now stepsons along. They were 13 and 15 at the time and we wanted their input because we were all moving into the house together.
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Post by moosedogtoo on Mar 3, 2015 19:12:29 GMT
My kids wouldn't be a part of the process at all unless they were going to be helping pay the mortgage.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 3, 2015 19:45:19 GMT
We are starting to look at houses and we are planning to buy one soon. Anyway, we are scheduled to look at two houses tonight and DH wanted to take the kids. He thinks because we all have to live there that they should be free to give their opinions. My position is that I don't want the kids involved in the home buying process because I feel that kids tend to fixate on certain things and don't look at the big picture. I could see taking the kids if we were maybe trying to decide between two houses or something and wanted their input. But I am thinking that 5 kids equals a lot of opinions and I think it is hard enough finding a house DH and I can agree on. What was your experience? We didn't have the option to not take our two but if we had, they would not have seen houses before we were ready to write an offer. Will you share your experience taking kids with you? I finally got DH to agree to not taking the kids, but it's like he still doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I don't know that I'll ever get him to agree with me but at least I can share the experience of the peas.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
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Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Mar 3, 2015 19:48:03 GMT
I am on the team of leave the kids at home.
Wouldn't be distracting to actually look at the house if your tripping over 5 kids?
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Post by polz on Mar 3, 2015 19:50:30 GMT
We looked at 13 houses before buying our one. DD came with us. She was fine. One house she walked up the driveway and said 'Nope' and got back in the car. It was a horrible house, so clearly, it was putting out a bad vibe.
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breetheflea
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Jul 20, 2014 21:57:23 GMT
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Post by breetheflea on Mar 3, 2015 19:55:07 GMT
If it was one house I would not take them, but finding a babysitter for the 22 times we went to look at houses (sometimes at the last minute) would get old so we dragged them along. They were 7, 5 and 3. They really weren't that opinionated except that some of the houses that still had people living in them sometimes smelled...
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Mar 3, 2015 20:10:38 GMT
I definitely agree with you.
And I'll be mean and say it - Kids opinion should have no bearing on what house you choose!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 3, 2015 20:14:13 GMT
I definitely agree with you. And I'll be mean and say it - Kids opinion should have no bearing on what house you choose! That's exactly how I felt saying it. Like I was being mean. Or didn't care about the kids. And they are foremost in my mind when choosing a house. I want something that is good for all of us, but I just feel like it is hard enough reasoning with DH about which house to buy, I can't do it with the kids too. I feel like this is one time when they are just going to have to accept the choice we make.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2015 21:02:56 GMT
We didn't have the option to not take our two but if we had, they would not have seen houses before we were ready to write an offer. Will you share your experience taking kids with you? I finally got DH to agree to not taking the kids, but it's like he still doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I don't know that I'll ever get him to agree with me but at least I can share the experience of the peas. My sons were 7 and 1 the first time we bought. The seven year old is Autistic. Dh and I are used to trading off the boys. We narrowed the house search by searching online and only ended up seeing 6 houses before making an offer. Usually, he kept the boys in the car while I looked through the house then we switched. Our agent was understanding and we were very appreciative. My seven year old is driven by an obsession w all things related to plumbing and if he had gone in to look at the houses, he would have *had* to inspect the plumbing. Ain't nobody got time for that. Our last home search/purchase was June of last year. The same boys are now 18 and 11. The 18 year old is still obsessed w plumbing, but can control his obsessions a little bit better. Developmentally, he is about 7 still. They were very interested in the houses so again we gave them specific instructions, and we brought Grandma along to help keep an eye on them while I toured the houses. IThis was a state to state move so I previewed about 13 houses and then DH flew in and we looked at the top four together. My mother in law is great w my boys, especially the oldest. I'm pretty sure it would have been far more taxing to try to manage both boys and look at the houses in depth, especially since I was looking for both of us on the first run. It would have been great if the boys could have just gone to Gram's house while we were looking but she lives about an hour and fifteen minutes away and it worked more efficiently for her to come to us. In all honesty, there is so much online now...I fell in love with a certain by looking at it online and everything else was just a formality.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 3, 2015 21:19:07 GMT
When we were house hunting, sometimes we brought her along and other times we went to look at houses by ourselves during the day when the sitter was going to be there. But we only had one kid and she was only 18 months old at the time. There was no way we could get a sitter every time we wanted to go to an open house or something on short notice. We were in no hurry to buy and didn't need to move right away, nor did we want to settle for something that wasn't going to work out for the long haul. It took us six months of looking to find the house we ultimately bought. So yes, we took her through a lot of houses but not for her opinion, it was only for our own convenience.
In the situation outlined in the OP, and with five older kids--I don't think I would involve them in the process until I had my choices narrowed down to a few serious contenders.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 3, 2015 21:45:08 GMT
Will you share your experience taking kids with you? I finally got DH to agree to not taking the kids, but it's like he still doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I don't know that I'll ever get him to agree with me but at least I can share the experience of the peas. My sons were 7 and 1 the first time we bought. The seven year old is Autistic. Dh and I are used to trading off the boys. We narrowed the house search by searching online and only ended up seeing 6 houses before making an offer. Usually, he kept the boys in the car while I looked through the house then we switched. Our agent was understanding and we were very appreciative. My seven year old is driven by an obsession w all things related to plumbing and if he had gone in to look at the houses, he would have *had* to inspect the plumbing. Ain't nobody got time for that. Our last home search/purchase was June of last year. The same boys are now 18 and 11. The 18 year old is still obsessed w plumbing, but can control his obsessions a little bit better. Developmentally, he is about 7 still. They were very interested in the houses so again we gave them specific instructions, and we brought Grandma along to help keep an eye on them while I toured the houses. IThis was a state to state move so I previewed about 13 houses and then DH flew in and we looked at the top four together. My mother in law is great w my boys, especially the oldest. I'm pretty sure it would have been far more taxing to try to manage both boys and look at the houses in depth, especially since I was looking for both of us on the first run. It would have been great if the boys could have just gone to Gram's house while we were looking but she lives about an hour and fifteen minutes away and it worked more efficiently for her to come to us. In all honesty, there is so much online now...I fell in love with a certain by looking at it online and everything else was just a formality. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's a good thing you had a system so you didn't actually have to take them into the houses. And you are right about their being so much information online nowadays. We looked at four houses already and we at least had a good discussion about what we are looking for. I feel like the one house we are looking at tonight has all but one thing we want in a house. I just want to see everything for myself and get the disclosures and have DH look at the roof, plumbing, electrical, and furnace close up. But otherwise it has everything we are looking for so hopefully this is the right house.
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iluvpink
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Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Mar 3, 2015 22:01:16 GMT
Five kids and early on in the decision no. Maybe to pick between a couple.
Now dh and I would take dd but she's our only child and almost fifteen. She would give her opinion and we'd want it but we'd ultimately make the decision we think best.
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Post by cmpeter on Mar 3, 2015 22:38:12 GMT
I only have two and we have always taken them with us. They know the final decision isn't theirs, but we still want their input/feedback. We bought our current house in WA while we were still living in CA. My son (5th grader at the time) and came to WA together and looked at close to 23 houses. He and I picked this house (he videoed the ones that were our top contenders and we did share them along with our pro-con lists for each with dh).
Even when they were younger we always took them with us. We look at too many houses to schedule a sitter for each visit.
I might feel differently if I had five or I felt like they wouldn't be well behaved.
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Post by alittleintrepid on Mar 3, 2015 23:06:58 GMT
I feel like you're going to have five kids staking claim to bedrooms before you and your DH have decided if you like the house.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Mar 3, 2015 23:31:58 GMT
I am on the team of leave the kids at home.
Wouldn't be distracting to actually look at the house if your tripping over 5 kids? 5, wow. I can't imagine how distracting it would be to have 5 adults along, let alone 5 kids. Can you really watch 5 kids and deal with their commentary while trying to dissect a house? I can tell you that since we had no babysitters one time when we were buying a house, we did have to take the kids with us a few times. The rule was that they had to stay silent until I said they could speak. That was a rule forged from experience. We simply could not seriously examine a house with kiddie commentary. We also found that the littles would get inordinately attached to a house because the homeowner's kid had a cool bedspread or something irrelevant like that and then would get upset when (a) we weren't going to buy a house for a bedspread and (b) realized that we weren't buying the contents of the house so that cool Playstation wasn't going to be theirs either. In the end, it was better for us to take time off from work and go during the day without them. I will add that my kids were well behaved in homes, but the real estate agent told us some doozies about what kids do in homes because their parents have the attitude that "not my house yet, so have at it."
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Post by deputydog on Mar 4, 2015 0:27:21 GMT
Wow- I'm surprised at how many would not take their kids. I understand narrowing it down first but to not have them involved at all? Definitely not the way I've done things (or did, when I was married and a different kind of family unit).
Of course as adults our opinions carried more weight just because of life experience, but what our son thought and felt about everything was part of the equation, too, both when buying when I was married as well as when we were divorcing. Who was paying had nothing to do with it.
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Post by myboysnme on Mar 4, 2015 1:04:48 GMT
When I was 13 my parents took us along for house hunting, and I fell in love with one of the houses. In fact, 45 years later I still think about that house. I decided my life would be good if we could live there, since no way did I want to be moving away at age 13. Of course, my mom said at the time I loved it because it was professionally staged. She said to imagine it with our furniture.
Anyway, they did not seriously consider that house. I hated the house they chose. I was very unhappy there, because my father and mother separated and our lives were flipped upsidedown. So it was a house of unhappiness for me.
My point is, what the kids think is really not a factor, if you are just looking at what's out there, what you can get for the money, etc. so don't show them any house you are not seriously considering an offer - one you can afford, already like the schools, neighborhood, etc. If I had only seen the house they chose, I'm sure I would have felt differently about it.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 4, 2015 1:36:07 GMT
If the children are paying the mortgage, by all means, take them. My husband would have wanted to take ours too. I think it is an adult decision.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Mar 4, 2015 2:00:07 GMT
I am of the belief, that Parents rule the roost, not the children. While I would consider a child's opinion about a subject matter, ultimately what I say goes.
In your situation, wouldn't take the children.
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