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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 17:29:33 GMT
If someone was breaking a rule, and lying to others about it, in front of your children, would you call them out on the lie (a family member if that makes any difference)?
We had some drama while camping over the weekend. Where we camp, kids have to be 16 to drive the golf carts. This has been a rule since I was a kid, so over 15 years. Everyone in the whole campground knows the rules and they make sure it's enforced. My kids were on a golfcart with a family member who was letting a 15 year old drive. And anytime someone stopped them to ask if the kid was 16 (which several people did), the adult lied and said he was 16 (my kids told me about it because they know he isn't 16 yet).
When I found out what was going on, I confronted the adult in front of my kids, letting them know that my kids weren't allowed to be on the golf cart unless the adult was driving and the adult (and kid driving) of course got all defensive and said the kid was almost 16. I said "you know the rules." To me, almost 16 is NOT 16 (he won't be 16 until December, so it's not like his birthday is next week or something). I just repeated myself, that almost is not 16, so it's not good enough and the fact that they were lying to other adults who questioned it, while in front of my kids, who know the truth just made it even worse. I don't care what a person does on their own golfcart but when my kids are involved, then I do care.
Breaking rules and flat out lying about it is wrong to me, especially in front of younger and very impressionable kids.
What would the Peas have done in this situation?
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
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Post by scrapaddie on May 26, 2015 17:32:10 GMT
Well, I hope to talk to them and private, not in front of the kids or other family members. But I think I would've had to of said the same thing.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 26, 2015 17:34:10 GMT
I would have done the exact same thing as you. Especially since your kids were on the cart and knew the adult was lying. The adult is lucky one of your girls didn't pipe up and say the kid was only 15. I am definitely a rule follower in those kind of situations, I wouldn't want to get in trouble at the campground and potentially get blacklisted!
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Post by gailoh on May 26, 2015 17:37:04 GMT
I think you were right..
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Post by Basket1lady on May 26, 2015 17:37:12 GMT
I'd have a problem with the outright lying in front of my kids. If that's the rule, so be it.
But I'll confess, my kids drive the golf carts all over when we vacation in northern Minnesota. We stay at a nearby resort and both my brother and parents have places up there. They have been driving since they were 12 or so. Most of the time, they are on private property, but they do use the main road as well. But they weren't allowed to drive the four wheelers alone until they were of legal driving age.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 17:40:37 GMT
I'd have a problem with the outright lying in front of my kids. If that's the rule, so be it. But I'll confess, my kids drive the golf carts all over when we vacation in northern Minnesota. We stay at a nearby resort and both my brother and parents have places up there. They have been driving since they were 12 or so. Most of the time, they are on private property, but they do use the main road as well. But they weren't allowed to drive the four wheelers alone until they were of legal driving age.
I honestly don't care that the kid was driving. He's a good kid and is pretty responsible. But, to me, a rule is a rule... and it's been the rule for a very long time (as long as that kid has been alive)... and for the adult to be flat out lying in front of my kids is what I had the biggest problem with.
To me, that just teaches the kids that lying is ok, and breaking rules is ok. And in the future, what will this adult lie about for my kids? YKWIM?
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 26, 2015 17:40:38 GMT
You were right but your actions perpetuated the drama. It wouldn't be my style to call out an adult in front of my children.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by MerryMom on May 26, 2015 17:41:56 GMT
I would have said something similar to the person, but not in front of the kids or others. I would have told my own kids that lying about the age was wrong and that I handled it.
However, you seemed hell-bent on "calling out" or "confronting" the person about the lie, so I guess you did what you thought best, but it seems like a lot of history is affecting your response.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
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Post by tanya2 on May 26, 2015 17:44:16 GMT
nope, not a hill I'd want to die on but, I'm not a rule follower  |
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Post by annabella on May 26, 2015 17:46:05 GMT
You were right but your actions perpetuated the drama. It wouldn't be my style to call out an adult in front of my children. ITA And you have to look at the big picture, there was an adult sitting next to the 15 year old making sure she was driving responsibly. Why embarrass the adult in front of her kid and your kids? You're making a mountain out of a molehill and creating feelings of resentment between you two. It's really all about how you handle expressing your complaint. Judging by your tone here, I can see why the parent would get so defensive. |
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 17:49:40 GMT
I would have said something similar to the person, but not in front of the kids or others. I would have told my own kids that lying about the age was wrong and that I handled it. However, you seemed hell-bent on "calling out" or "confronting" the person about the lie, so I guess you did what you thought best, but it seems like a lot of history is affecting your response.
I wouldn't say I was hell-bent on calling the person out. But the person lies a lot (there is history & I'm sure it affects my better judgement), so I just couldn't bite my tongue any longer, especially since my kids were involved. I came around the corner and caught them on the golf cart with the kid driving and it was a knee-jerk reaction to get my kids off the golf cart and to say something in front of everyone involved. The adult and the kid came back around wanting to argue about it after I made my kids get off the golfcart (in front of my kids who had by then told me that they were lying to others about him being 16) and at that point it escalated. It would have been better if the kids weren't present for all of it, but they have to know that lying is wrong. As a parent, I feel it is my job to teach them right from wrong, whereas the other adult, just wants to everyone to like them no matter what the consequences are.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 26, 2015 17:53:20 GMT
I don't think its a big deal especially since there was a adult on the cart but that's just me. I think if anything it's a opportunity to let your kids know not everyone tells the truth (privately).
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 26, 2015 17:54:05 GMT
You said in the OP that your kids know the golf cart driver was not 16 but they rode in the cart anyway. Maybe you should punish your children for breaking the rules too, no?
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Post by originalvanillabean on May 26, 2015 18:00:10 GMT
I'm with you 100% on this one, including calling them out in front of your kids.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 26, 2015 18:05:55 GMT
I agree that you did the right thing however in the future I would make my kids come and ask me if it was ok to go on a golf cart with whoever every time they wanted a ride. How did you not know your kids were riding with this 15 year old until after they already had?
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 26, 2015 18:13:20 GMT
I would have said something similar to the person, but not in front of the kids or others. I would have told my own kids that lying about the age was wrong and that I handled it. However, you seemed hell-bent on "calling out" or "confronting" the person about the lie, so I guess you did what you thought best, but it seems like a lot of history is affecting your response.
I wouldn't say I was hell-bent on calling the person out. But the person lies a lot (there is history & I'm sure it affects my better judgement), so I just couldn't bite my tongue any longer, especially since my kids were involved. I came around the corner and caught them on the golf cart with the kid driving and it was a knee-jerk reaction to get my kids off the golf cart and to say something in front of everyone involved. The adult and the kid came back around wanting to argue about it after I made my kids get off the golfcart (in front of my kids who had by then told me that they were lying to others about him being 16) and at that point it escalated. It would have been better if the kids weren't present for all of it, but they have to know that lying is wrong. As a parent, I feel it is my job to teach them right from wrong, whereas the other adult, just wants to everyone to like them no matter what the consequences are.
It doesn't sound like you could have taken them aside and done it (and sounds as though they may have escalated the situation.) Either way i'm a rule follower and I would have done the same thing. I can't stand when people lie and they were doing so in front of your children. And they were breaking rules which isn't ok either. If you didn't address it or allowed it to continue, likely at some point in the future your kids would point out that you allow some rules to be broken (teens are awesome for pointing out who is breaking what rules.) |
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Post by Fidget on May 26, 2015 18:14:47 GMT
I am a rule follower too! In this case, if I felt my kids were in harms way I would call them out on it and would not care who was around. If the only issue was lying about and not following the rules, I would tell my kids (in private) that they are not allowed to go on the golf cart with anyone under age 16 and I would ask who is driving before I let them go.
It's hard to be the bad guy when it comes to family members, but sometimes you just do. Like when I wouldn't let my kids go on a boat with someone who had been drinking, my kids cousins were allowed to go so I of course was the bitch.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 18:20:14 GMT
I agree that you did the right thing however in the future I would make my kids come and ask me if it was ok to go on a golf cart with whoever every time they wanted a ride. How did you not know your kids were riding with this 15 year old until after they already had?
I was inside our camper cleaning up and knew they were going on a ride, assuming the adult was driving. I didn't know the kid was driving until they came back.
We do have a rule, that the girls ask before they get on a golfcart with anyone. This had never been a problem until this past weekend. I always know where the girls are at all times, but once they took off, I didn't know the adult was going to let the kid drive.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 18:23:02 GMT
I am a rule follower too! In this case, if I felt my kids were in harms way I would call them out on it and would not care who was around. If the only issue was lying about and not following the rules, I would tell my kids (in private) that they are not allowed to go on the golf cart with anyone under age 16 and I would ask who is driving before I let them go. It's hard to be the bad guy when it comes to family members, but sometimes you just do. Like when I wouldn't let my kids go on a boat with someone who had been drinking, my kids cousins were allowed to go so I of course was the bitch.
I agree, it's hard to be the bad guy with family members. But like I said above, it was a knee-jerk reaction at first. Once I found out the kid was driving, I made my kids get off the golf cart. I just blurted it out why. I found out about the lying after the kids got off the golf cart, when the kids told me they were lying to people about his age. At first, I just knew he wasn't old enough to be driving and made my kids get off bc of that reason. Once I knew they were lying and they came back around to argue with me, then I called them out on the lying (on top of breaking the rules).
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 18:26:36 GMT
I wouldn't say I was hell-bent on calling the person out. But the person lies a lot (there is history & I'm sure it affects my better judgement), so I just couldn't bite my tongue any longer, especially since my kids were involved. I came around the corner and caught them on the golf cart with the kid driving and it was a knee-jerk reaction to get my kids off the golf cart and to say something in front of everyone involved. The adult and the kid came back around wanting to argue about it after I made my kids get off the golfcart (in front of my kids who had by then told me that they were lying to others about him being 16) and at that point it escalated. It would have been better if the kids weren't present for all of it, but they have to know that lying is wrong. As a parent, I feel it is my job to teach them right from wrong, whereas the other adult, just wants to everyone to like them no matter what the consequences are.
It doesn't sound like you could have taken them aside and done it (and sounds as though they may have escalated the situation.) Either way i'm a rule follower and I would have done the same thing. I can't stand when people lie and they were doing so in front of your children. And they were breaking rules which isn't ok either. If you didn't address it or allowed it to continue, likely at some point in the future your kids would point out that you allow some rules to be broken (teens are awesome for pointing out who is breaking what rules.)
Yeah, there really wasn't anyway to take anyone aside. And it escalated, after me and the girls went inside our camper and they came to the door to argue the point. We were in a camper, so there wasn't anywhere my kids could have went for the discussion. We are big rule followers here too, and I want my kids to stay that way!
And I agree, I hadn't said anything, then my kids would be asking why they can't drive when they are 15, vs 16 which is the rule. I hate having to be the only "adult" in situations like these. But like I said, I'm the one who is responsible for teaching my kids right from wrong, if it comes at the expense of others who are in the wrong, then I guess so be it!
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
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Post by georgiapea on May 26, 2015 18:26:57 GMT
I'd have done the call out right there, right then, in front of everyone present. I would also assume that said person would let slide on drinking too. Not only allowing their own children to consume alcohol under age, but allowing other people[s children to do the same. But I'm both a rule follower and an assumer.
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Post by sillyrabbit on May 26, 2015 18:26:57 GMT
I would've stopped the cart, made my children get off while saying, "Girls...you know you're not allowed to ride with anyone under 16 driving," and that would've been the end of it. I wouldn't have said a word to anybody else. What they do is their business.
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loco coco
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Post by loco coco on May 26, 2015 18:30:03 GMT
Kids can drive a car out on the roads at 15 with a permit and an adult in the car so to me a golfcart campground with an adult in the cart is no biggie and I definitely wouldn't cause drama over it.
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Post by hdoublej on May 26, 2015 18:39:04 GMT
I would have done exactly what you did. I think that calling them out about it while the kids were there shows the kids that there was a consequence for their actions. I don't understand all the tip toeing around people when they've done something wrong. Be quiet, don't embarrass them, etc. I'm all for not making a scene but if you pull a dumb move that includes my kids then you should expect me to say something. Any more, people expect other people to "just deal" with their wrong actions and not be called out. And if they are called out then they play the victim. Drives me batty!! If you don't go by the rules you should be expecting someone to call you on it and if you don't get caught at that particular moment, you are bound to get caught at some point and there are consequences for not following rules. I guess I feel more strongly about this topic than I thought.  LOL |
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 18:41:39 GMT
I'd have done the call out right there, right then, in front of everyone present. I would also assume that said person would let slide on drinking too. Not only allowing their own children to consume alcohol under age, but allowing other people[s children to do the same. But I'm both a rule follower and an assumer.
That's exactly my point. This adult has let kids do very questionable stuff, or let them be around when their friends were doing questionable stuff... and I don't want my own children growing up thinking they can get away with stuff like that with this adult when they get older!
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Post by tuva42 on May 26, 2015 18:42:02 GMT
I would be a lot more bothered by an underage driver driving my kids around than I would be about him driving the golf cart. I know its a rule and it should be followed, but getting a little practice on a golf cart before he learns to drive a real car could be a good thing. But only in an area where he's not going to hit people, and sure as hell not with younger kids on it!
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Post by bc2ca on May 26, 2015 18:43:00 GMT
I read the OP as confronting the other adult in front of her kids, not the whole group. I have no problem with doing this and probably would have done it myself. Depending on my history with the person, I may have called them out in front of the group or done it privately. I also call out my adult friends for reading texts while driving or not wearing seatbelts . It isn't so much that the adult let a 15 year old drive that bugs me, but that they lied about the age to several other adults. I might not always agree with the rule, but I do want to model rule following behavior to my kids. We jet ski on the AZ side of Lake Havasu because the kids only needed to be 12 to ride by themselves (CA side is 16). |
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 26, 2015 18:43:59 GMT
I would have done exactly what you did. I think that calling them out about it while the kids were there shows the kids that there was a consequence for their actions. I don't understand all the tip toeing around people when they've done something wrong. Be quiet, don't embarrass them, etc. I'm all for not making a scene but if you pull a dumb move that includes my kids then you should expect me to say something. Any more, people expect other people to "just deal" with their wrong actions and not be called out. And if they are called out then they play the victim. Drives me batty!! If you don't go by the rules you should be expecting someone to call you on it and if you don't get caught at that particular moment, you are bound to get caught at some point and there are consequences for not following rules. I guess I feel more strongly about this topic than I thought. LOL
Thank you for validating me... Because that is EXACTLY how I feel!! I feel like if you are an adult, then act like one, especially when kids are around. And if you can't be an adult, then expect to be called out on it, when someone who realizes what's going on! (especially when my kids are involved!)
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Post by Jockscrap on May 26, 2015 18:47:24 GMT
I probably wouldn't have said anything. If I did, it would have been to the adult only and not in front of my kids but I would explain either way to the kids that what the others did was wrong. I haven't seen a response re insurance on this thread. My problem wouldn't be so much that the 15 year old was incapable of driving the buggy, and that my kids were in danger, but more that if there was an incident of some kind and the buggy tipped or was involved in a crash, any public liability insurance would be negated.
It wouldn't be a huge source of angst to me, but I see parents all the time who are in such a rush to push their kids in to an older age bracket all the time. What is wrong with saying no to a kid, you're too young? It's another something to look forward to as you get older. We holidayed in the same resort for years which had an over 12 rule for kids in the jacuzzi. My DD was so excited the year she was old enough to use it. I was irritated by the occasional parent who let their little snowflakes use the jacuzzi but a bit of a glare was the full extent of my confronting them 
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Post by cmpeter on May 26, 2015 18:49:08 GMT
I would be more upset about an adult lying in front of my kids vs the age thing. We are big rule followers here too. I would have said something as well.
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LOL
