grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 28, 2015 21:01:51 GMT
So your kids get no privacy or space of their own in the house they call home? WTF? That's wrong. When kids are home alone let them close the damn door if they want to. Having an open door isn't going to stop depression or cutting or anything else... that's just foolish talk. Give your kids the privacy they probably want? Do you not want a private space to just be you? Didn't you want that as a teen? Sheesh. I can't imagine not being allowed to have my own private space in my house. If that had been the case in my house, I would have been out of the house a lot more than I was, just to get away and be alone and private.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on May 28, 2015 22:00:00 GMT
I think everyone needs some alone time and the best place for that time is in your own bedroom. If my DD's door was closed, I would knock before I entered.
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Post by gar on May 28, 2015 23:02:28 GMT
Op, any more thoughts on this?
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Post by gramasue on May 28, 2015 23:07:58 GMT
Totally up to them, unless they have a friend of the opposite sex over. Then, the only way that friend is allowed in the bedroom is if the door stays open and you can hear them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:24:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 23:24:29 GMT
Doors are always open. I allow them to be partially shut at night but if I catch them on their electronics, not only do they lose them, the door has to stay open. The only other time the door can be shut is when they're changing. During the summer, when they have their window units (no central air here), I allow the doors to be mostly shut but not all the way. I have to be able to stick my head in any time I want.
Despite this, they get plenty of privacy as they spend more time upstairs in their rooms while I'm usually downstairs working. They know I will come up any time and pop in. If they need to hide anything from me, the stairs do a great job of announcing me as they creak something awful.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 28, 2015 23:41:38 GMT
The way my house is, the boys are one side, I am on the other.
I hardly ever close my door, and as far as I know, they never close theirs. When I go to that side of the house, I walk very heavily and start talking before I go around the corner in order to announce myself. Generally, the boy closes the bathroom door, but the way my room is set up I don't have to close mine and still get plenty of privacy.
I don't have rules for the doors though. Open, closed, whatever. Since I know about gender preferences at this point, I can say no girls and closed doors. But beyond that? Knock yourself out. I don't particularly want to know what is going on and having been a little too quiet upon approach on one occasion and seeing things no mother needs to see, I make sure now that I am loud as the hounds of hell when I head that way since door closing isn't something the boys tend to do.
I don't particularly like closed doors myself. It makes me feel a bit claustrophobic.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on May 29, 2015 0:55:20 GMT
My kids' choices in music suck. So I often tell them to shut their doors if they happen to be open.
No official policy here. We have a small house so typically the kids shut thir doors if the family is getting too loud.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on May 29, 2015 2:55:42 GMT
Doors are always open. I allow them to be partially shut at night but if I catch them on their electronics, not only do they lose them, the door has to stay open. The only other time the door can be shut is when they're changing. During the summer, when they have their window units (no central air here), I allow the doors to be mostly shut but not all the way. I have to be able to stick my head in any time I want. Despite this, they get plenty of privacy as they spend more time upstairs in their rooms while I'm usually downstairs working. They know I will come up any time and pop in. If they need to hide anything from me, the stairs do a great job of announcing me as they creak something awful. I don't understand this level of control, just for the sake of being in control. What if they're listening to music, have headphones on or are caught up in what they're doing? You "popping in" anytime you want is not giving them plenty of privacy. l have one of each. My son (19) pretty much never closes his door, and my daughter (15) always does. We've had some trust issues with her, so there was some time that she wasn't allowed to have it closed if she had her laptop in there. We've seen improvements, and she's working to earn our trust back.
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Post by mom on May 29, 2015 3:05:36 GMT
Two teen boys here - we don't have a rule about doors being open. No girls in their room with the door shut though. And if they leave, they need to close their door so the puppies won't chew up whatever is on their floors.
Now, I have taken doors off their hinges when the oldest was in his slamming door phase. Luckily, he got through that phase quickly.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 29, 2015 16:52:42 GMT
No rules here...teens tend to like their privacy and I don't particularly have a problem with the doors being shut. I have 4 kids and it can get loud/hectic so sometimes the doors are closed for that reason. Sometimes it's to keep the cord eating cat out. Sometimes i'm sure they just want quiet and privacy!
Often times, there are several of them in one siblings room having a chat (usually when i'd think it would be best if they were sleeping, lol.)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:24:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 17:19:26 GMT
Doors are always open. I allow them to be partially shut at night but if I catch them on their electronics, not only do they lose them, the door has to stay open. The only other time the door can be shut is when they're changing. During the summer, when they have their window units (no central air here), I allow the doors to be mostly shut but not all the way. I have to be able to stick my head in any time I want. Despite this, they get plenty of privacy as they spend more time upstairs in their rooms while I'm usually downstairs working. They know I will come up any time and pop in. If they need to hide anything from me, the stairs do a great job of announcing me as they creak something awful. Can I ask why? I really don't understand this mindset at all.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:24:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 19:51:38 GMT
Having an open door policy from day one works for us. They don't get punished if they close their doors. I have implemented it because they use their laptops in their rooms, not in common areas like other people require. They're 13 and 14 right now. When they're older, I probably won't even enforce an open door policy except when they have a girlfriend over. One kid sleeps with his door mostly open because he lets the dog sleep with him. The other wants his mostly shut at night because he doesn't want the dog sleeping with him. We have ours shut at night because we don't want the dog sleeping with us either. Other than changing clothes, all of the bedroom doors are open except during the summer when we all want cooler rooms. Just because I say I have an open door policy doesn't mean I'm super strict or nuts about it.
As I said before, their rooms are upstairs (as is ours) and I'm downstairs the majority of the time. Our stairs creak and there is no being sneaky about going up or down the stairs so if they wanted to hide something from me, they don't need closed doors to do it. Any time I go upstairs, they know I'm coming and can easily hide the window on their computer. I don't make them show me what they're doing. I just want to be able to walk by and be able to chat with them. They leave their doors open pretty much on their own anyways so they can talk to each other from their rooms. They have plenty of privacy. Even though I said I will pop in any time, I rarely do so. Right now, they're both upstairs in their rooms. I bet one has closed his door part way so that he can turn his A/C on and still be able to talk to his brother without yelling. They have headphones so I never hear their games or music so that's not a problem for me.
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Post by OntarioScrapper on May 29, 2015 20:07:26 GMT
No one would sleep in this house if we had open doors at night. I'm a light sleeper and have to have music on to sleep (My husband snores). My 10 year old daughter also has music on since she's like me. My son (age 15)just doesn't want to hear teeny bopper music or that dreadful 80's music. Open doors for the rest of the time is up to them. They can't lock their doors since there are no locks on the doors (old house and wacky doors). My son has a gaming computer so the rest of us just don't want to hear his reactions. He does have headset and no matter how much I have told him that he doesn't need to be loud since who ever is on the other end can certainly hear him, he still can be loud! He just bought himself a fancy gaming wheel and pedals so when he's friends come over, it's just going to be loud in that room. My scrapbooking room is in my bedroom and I usually shut my door so I have peace to create! One time I was getting so many knocks on the door I asked the kids since their dad was home why in the world were they bugging ME so much. They said he was snoring in his chair in the living room. Sigh.
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