sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,652 
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Post by sweetpeasmom on May 28, 2015 0:31:13 GMT
Doors open or shut? When they are just hanging out in their rooms alone, doors open or shut?
DS will be 13 Sat an dd 11 next month. I have always had the rule no shut doors unless getting dressed. My reasoning was when they were little if they got hurt and I couldn't get in. Now my reason is all the horror stories you hear about kids that are cutting, depressed, etc. I figure if I can try to prevent it from happening, I can at least try. Not saying this will stop it 100%.
So, what are the rules at your house?
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on May 28, 2015 0:32:24 GMT
No rules but doors are always open except when changing. Not sure why it has just always been that way. Kids are 15 and 12.
ETA After reading the replies I just asked them why they never shut their doors and they looked at me like I was crazy and said "I don't know" Sometimes I wish dd (15) would close her door it is a disaster in there. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:28:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 0:34:19 GMT
I think kids need privacy, so unless there's some other issue going on, I'm not going to control what they do with their door. I do always make it clear and known that I go into their rooms as needed, and when I want to.
We did go through a period with one of our DDs when we made her keep her door open, but that's because it was so disgusting in there and we couldn't get her to understand that she needed to clean it properly. We'd help her get it clean, and in days it was absolutely disgusting again. It was so bad, I was worried she was hoarding garbage. But, that was an extreme problem and I needed the door open more for me to see in there and as a reminder.
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Post by polz on May 28, 2015 0:35:17 GMT
No rules as such here. But having grown up in an open doors home (unless getting dressed) DD naturally leaves her door open. DD is 15.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,684
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 28, 2015 0:36:25 GMT
Ds13's door is always closed. I prefer not to give much thought to what he's doing on the other side.  |
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,790
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on May 28, 2015 0:41:44 GMT
No rules here. Like ashley said, if there was a problem or something went to extremes we would revisit the idea of not having a rule. I grew up in a home where my mother did not trust anything I did. She snooped through my notebooks to see if I was writing notes, read anything that might resemble a diary, picked up a second phone to listen to my conversations, and on and on. I was incredibly self-conscious and until I moved out from under her thumb unable to make a whole lot of decisions on my own because she had shown me that I couldn't be trusted to do anything on my own. It was pathetic. Don't do that to your kids. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 28, 2015 0:42:08 GMT
You mean just hanging out by themselves?
Of course they can shut the door. How the hell would they ever be able to masturbate if they always had the door open?
If friends are over, the door stays open. (friends during the daytime. we don't really do sleep overs)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:28:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 0:43:45 GMT
DS always had the door closed if he was in there. I never had a problem with it, and he turned out ok.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 28, 2015 0:45:24 GMT
What? You mean in their home, alone? In their own bedrooms?
People actually have rules requiring open door policies on their own children? In their own home? Do they not allow siblings to enter another's room either?
I don't type this lightly, or ever, but WTF?
I need to return to the "what have you learned lately" thread. This is the most bizarre thing I've read here.
ETA I apologize OP, it's not yet ten minutes later and I regret being so flip. I haven't hward that rule, but understand many situations are different- as are kids ages.
I have teen boys.
I'd rent them an apartment of their own some days.
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Post by epeanymous on May 28, 2015 0:48:09 GMT
It has never occurred to me to have a rule about open versus closed doors.
I do have rules about slamming said doors, however.
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Post by cmpeter on May 28, 2015 0:48:49 GMT
It would never occur to me to make my teens keep their doors open. We have a no friends of the opposite sex allowed in bedrooms. But, both my kids can close the door to their room otherwise.
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Post by just PEAchy on May 28, 2015 0:50:02 GMT
It's something I've never thought about, having a rule about open/closed doors. My kids usually have their doors shut and I'm fine with that. I also knock on their door before I go in.
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Post by Sorrel on May 28, 2015 0:54:14 GMT
Never occurred to me to have a rule. I wish my kids would go in their rooms and close their doors, haha, they hardly ever are in there!
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Post by anonrefugee on May 28, 2015 0:54:58 GMT
ashley that made me smile. Maybe I should demand my kids close their doors until summer. Finish finals, boys! We've got some cleaning to do!
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Post by leannec on May 28, 2015 0:55:05 GMT
My dd's have always kept their doors closed ... mainly to keep the cats out  I believe that everyone deserves privacy ... I go into their rooms at will but when they are there I always knock first ... |
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
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Post by Nicole in TX on May 28, 2015 0:57:14 GMT
My dad always said, "What are you doing in there that you need to close the door?"
"Having some peace and quiet away from you" would have been my response.
I was doing nothing. Probably reading a book. I was a great kid.
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Post by lisacharlotte on May 28, 2015 0:59:40 GMT
I value my privacy. Even more so when I was a tween/teen. I can't imagine having none in my own home. I also cannot imagine policing my children at that age. I'm amazed at the things I learn here sometimes.
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Post by Basket1lady on May 28, 2015 1:00:24 GMT
It's something I've never thought about, having a rule about open/closed doors. My kids usually have their doors shut and I'm fine with that. I also knock on their door before I go in. Same here. I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old. I always knock before entering. This is their home as well as mine. I'd go batty if I was never alone. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:28:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 1:03:51 GMT
Oh, after reading some of these replies I feel like I should clarify my statement about going into their rooms whenever I wanted to or needed to... of course I knock if they are in there!! I hope no one thinks I just barge in when I feel like it. I actually rarely go into their rooms -- just on occasion to see who needs reminding of what needs to be cleaned.
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Post by freecharlie on May 28, 2015 1:08:39 GMT
I don't care if they are open or closed. I never thought about knocking first though. My boys are 10 and almost 14.
I do have to yell at ds to not lock the bathroom door. If he falls, I have no way to get in to help him. I would never go in without permission or him cracking his head open
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,409
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Post by amom23 on May 28, 2015 1:10:59 GMT
It would never occur to me to make my teens keep their doors open. We have a no friends of the opposite sex allowed in bedrooms. But, both my kids can close the door to their room otherwise.  |
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,971
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on May 28, 2015 1:15:40 GMT
I enjoy my solitude too much to ever infringe on the same for my kids. I tried not to set too many boundaries for my kids unless their actions dictated it. I always went with the premise that they were trustworthy until they proved me wrong. On the rare occasion that they fell short of being honest I told them I was going to assume that there must have been times I didn't find out about their deceit so ther punishment reflected those times. Anyway, my answer is doors could be open or closed. Rooms could be neat or messy. I am a firm believer in not creating mountains Im not willing to die on.
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Post by bc2ca on May 28, 2015 1:17:36 GMT
We don't have a rule and it has been interesting to watch how as they get older, they do spend more time in their rooms and the door is often closed. It has been drilled into both DD and DS to knock and wait for an invite before going through a closed door.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 28, 2015 1:19:24 GMT
I value my privacy. Even more so when I was a tween/teen. I can't imagine having none in my own home. I also cannot imagine policing my children at that age. I'm amazed at the things I learn here sometimes. Exactly this! WTH?!?  |
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Post by Butterfly Momma on May 28, 2015 1:22:29 GMT
It has never occurred to me to have a rule about open versus closed doors. I do have rules about slamming said doors, however. and It would never occur to me to make my teens keep their doors open. We have a no friends of the opposite sex allowed in bedrooms. But, both my kids can close the door to their room otherwise. My boys are not teens yet, but that is how I view bedrooms. I think everyone has the right to some level of privacy, be they kids or adults. But I do not tolerate slammed doors and I'd rather that, when they hit the teen years, that their friends of opposite gender stay in public areas of the home. |
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Post by hop2 on May 28, 2015 1:25:52 GMT
We don't have a rule but if its been hours we'll ask if they could open the door so we know they are alive.
I mean after a few hours we * miss* them.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 28, 2015 1:37:34 GMT
We're not there yet in our house since our kid is young, but we pretty much have open doors all the time around here. Even the bathroom doors don't get shut when it's just us home, otherwise how would the dogs be able to get in to make sure no one died in there?  Once she's older, I wouldn't have a problem with it if she didn't have any issues and no one was in there with her (and no access to Internet/webcams in there either, LOL, kids do some pretty stupid things when they're unattended!). |
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Post by epeanymous on May 28, 2015 1:43:22 GMT
It has never occurred to me to have a rule about open versus closed doors. I do have rules about slamming said doors, however. and It would never occur to me to make my teens keep their doors open. We have a no friends of the opposite sex allowed in bedrooms. But, both my kids can close the door to their room otherwise. My boys are not teens yet, but that is how I view bedrooms. I think everyone has the right to some level of privacy, be they kids or adults. But I do not tolerate slammed doors and I'd rather that, when they hit the teen years, that their friends of opposite gender stay in public areas of the home. If the point is to prevent hanky-panky, I'd make sure that you have straight kids first . |
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
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Post by azredhead on May 28, 2015 1:56:30 GMT
It has never occurred to me to have a rule about open versus closed doors. I do have rules about slamming said doors, however. That was the one rule I remember growing up too. Mom always said "we slammed the door- it came off." I can remember not having the door a few times! |
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on May 28, 2015 2:00:25 GMT
If you think keeping the bedroom doors open will prevent depression or cutting, you are only kidding yourself.
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Time to get off the internet!
Once she's older, I wouldn't have a problem with it if she didn't have any issues and no one was in there with her (and no access to Internet/webcams in there either, LOL, kids do some pretty stupid things when they're unattended!).
