Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 22:47:55 GMT
Honestly, yes, I do think many men think that way and would say this. I've actually heard that men in happy marriages are much more likely to re-marry quickly.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 22:48:22 GMT
A lot of men are quick to remarry. I've heard the happier a man was while married the faster he will be to remarry expecting the new woman to make him just as happy. Many men aren't comfortable being alone and dealing with the household stuff like laundry, shopping and meal prep.
eta: I don't think it has to do with "forgetting" the first wife. It is more of a dis to the next woman because she is expect to be a replacement instead of being herself.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 22:49:03 GMT
Meh just a guy swinging his dick. Pretty common for some. They like to act like soulless jerks in front of other men. Thankfully I didn't marry one like that.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,955
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on May 31, 2015 23:04:28 GMT
My oldest sister passed away three weeks ago. My other sister and I have said that if my brother in law goes a whole year without remarrying we'll be shocked. He does not do well alone, and he needs to be waited on hand and foot.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 23:09:08 GMT
i would interpret this: A man mentioned his wife passing away and leaving up her decorations, etc. Other men said "wait until you get your floozy, you will take that shit down asap"
as: a man acknowledged something emotional other men couldn't cope with that so said something insensitive to reinforce how tough they are
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 31, 2015 23:12:42 GMT
I think that a lot men who haven't lost their wives tend to think that way because it can look like that. I don't think widowers do though. Sure they get married again quickly as a whole but I don't think it's because they are trying to forget their first wife. I think it's because they're lonely and LIKE being married. Just because you turn the page doesn't mean you forget the first chapter.
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Post by jenb72 on May 31, 2015 23:34:37 GMT
It would depend on how it was said. I could see my SO or his brother saying it to each other, but it would be in a joking kind of way and not at all serious.
Having said that, my dad remarried in just under two years after my mother passed away. It hurt my sister a lot and bothered me, but at least we all liked our stepmother. I found out a few years ago that no matter how much he may care for my stepmother, he still loves my mother just as much as he ever did. I saw the evidence of it in the iris he put on her grave on her birthday (I'd never visited her grave so close to her birthday before). They were her favorite flower. And just this past Mother's Day, he sent me pictures of the flowers he put on both her grave and on my grandmother's grave. They may move on, but they don't forget.
Jen
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on May 31, 2015 23:42:22 GMT
I t is common.
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Post by roundtwo on May 31, 2015 23:49:39 GMT
I do subscribe to the theory that men who were happy in their marriages remarry quickly but I married a man who was widowed for over two years and didn't date at all until we met and my best friend died over two years ago and her husband has yet to start dating. I do think they are unusual though. Both did take down their wife's decorations though, although dh did leave a couple of pictures of his wife out until he moved.
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
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Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on May 31, 2015 23:50:22 GMT
I will say in the circles I now run in, its 50/50 Some men recouple sooner as do women. Some men don't as do some women. There are plenty of men (and women) who openly state they aren't ready for a new relationship, while some are ready but can't seem to find someone, and others who seem to have someone in a very short time period. Every persons grief journey is different and timelines are different.
I agree with Ramblin's assessment.
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Anita
Drama Llama
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Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on May 31, 2015 23:52:17 GMT
I don't think the ink was dry on his divorce papers when my father remarried.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 23:52:33 GMT
I've heard the trend goes that men in happy marriages and/or after long illnesses tend to re-marry quickly while women will either wait a long time, if ever, to re-marry.
A couple examples: my paternal grandfather remarried just a few years after my grandmother passed away. I was 2 when she died, 5 when he remarried. He was still married to her when he passed away and within weeks of his passing, his kids (my dad and aunts) cut off all ties to her. My friend's mom passed away about 10 years ago. Within a year, her Dad was dating someone (a friend of theirs actually) and I believe after some drama, he has been with the same woman ever since. A friend of my parents started dating almost right after his wife passed away.
My grandma, on the other hand, never remarried after my grandpa passed away 18 years ago. She passed away in Jan.
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Post by roundtwo on May 31, 2015 23:56:05 GMT
I don't think the ink was dry on his divorce papers when my father remarried. Was he already involved with this woman when he and your mom separated? If so, that is pretty common. And very hard on the kids.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,703
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Jun 1, 2015 0:03:17 GMT
I don't think the ink was dry on his divorce papers when my father remarried. Was he already involved with this woman when he and your mom separated? If so, that is pretty common. And very hard on the kids. No, he is just a person who wants a wife. That laundry and cooking isn't going to do itself.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jun 1, 2015 0:06:09 GMT
I was very young, so I don't know how happy my parents' marriage was, but my father had a new woman in his bed within a month of my mother dying. He met her the week we moved back to his home state and he passed up visiting other family members with us a couple of weeks later. I came home from that visit to find his girlfriend playing house already. She moved in three months later but they didn't get married until the Army forced his hand three years later.
That was back in the 70s and I actually lost a few friends because their parents found out my father was "living in sin" in our conservative town.
Whether or not he "needed" someone, his actions were completely selfish and very damaging to my relationship with him. It wasn't until a good 15 years later, after I was married myself, that I was able to feel comfortable with him.
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Post by roundtwo on Jun 1, 2015 0:12:54 GMT
Was he already involved with this woman when he and your mom separated? If so, that is pretty common. And very hard on the kids. No, he is just a person who wants a wife. That laundry and cooking isn't going to do itself. Well that is a little pathetic but at least it is better than the other scenario, lol!
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 0:14:15 GMT
I think there are just as many women who remarry quickly.
A friend of mine is already looking for a boyfriend , even tho she professes her undying forever love for her deceased husband.
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Post by *christine* on Jun 1, 2015 0:33:52 GMT
My dad passed away suddenly when we were kids and my mom was only in her mid-forties. She attended a young widows and widowers support group for people who were widowed and under age 50. She made some good female friends, but she told me at one point that the men that were there tried to use it as a dating/pick up place and the facilitator of the group often had to ask a widower not to return because the widows were certainly not in the same space.
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Post by peasapie on Jun 1, 2015 0:36:39 GMT
I do think men tend to remarry more quickly than women. And I also think that's a crass thing to say.
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Post by txdancermom on Jun 1, 2015 0:38:33 GMT
Not all men. My dad was not on the "hunt" after our mom died, and a couple years later he reconnected with a lady who he had grown up with. they married, and he moved to be with her.
Now she has passed, and he is redoing the upholstered furniture because it is falling apart and she would/could not see it, or wouldn't let him do it. He is enjoying the "freshening up"
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 0:51:42 GMT
And what has it been six months and Teresa Collins just announced her engagement. That seems really fast. :/
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 1, 2015 1:02:00 GMT
My FIL asked me to take his profile picture for the dating website 3 weeks after the funeral. Now, in his defense, she had cancer for 6 years and while she fought a valiant fight, he had a long time to grieve.
Now... my uncle. His wife died suddenly. Her best friend moved in the next day to "help" him and their daughters. She has never moved out and eventually they married. None of the family have really trusted her after that.
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Post by PEArfect on Jun 1, 2015 1:49:35 GMT
Personally I think some of the responses I've read here are in poor taste, but totally expected of people that have no idea what it's like to lose a spouse. It's one of those types of situations that you have no idea how you would cope until you're in the situation yourself. Instead of judging them try being supportive.
My husband was 39 when he died. He was healthy until he was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia and died 4 months later. We were married 19 years (together 22) and thought we would have many more years together too. If you are married either you or your spouse will be widowed at some point unless you happen to die at the same time. Hopefully people will be supportive of you and won't judge you when you choose to move forward after such a loss.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 1, 2015 2:26:21 GMT
Personally I think some of the responses I've read here are in poor taste, but totally expected of people that have no idea what it's like to lose a spouse. It's one of those types of situations that you have no idea how you would cope until you're in the situation yourself. Instead of judging them try being supportive. My husband was 39 when he died. He was healthy until he was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia and died 4 months later. We were married 19 years (together 22) and thought we would have many more years together too. If you are married either you or your spouse will be widowed at some point unless you happen to die at the same time. Hopefully people will be supportive of you and won't judge you when you choose to move forward after such a loss. Yeah that. Everyone responds differently. I know you all know that, but I still see people say, "I would never behave like [whatever the complaint of the moment is]." You really, really don't know how you're going to feel, what will be going on in your head, or how you will respond till you're there. Anyway, about the OP question, I agree what the man said was crass and tasteless and hurtful, but I also agree he was probably uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, so he went with macho and tasteless.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:29:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 2:38:09 GMT
After 27 years of marriage, my MIL passed away and my FIL had a new girlfriend within 6 months. That was about 3 years ago and he's had MANY more since. He's moved in with a few and also got rid of most of MIL's things pretty quickly. (Had a huge yard sale about 3 weeks after her funeral.) Makes me sad, and a little disgusted, but I'm told it's normal. L
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
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Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Jun 1, 2015 2:38:53 GMT
My grandfather died a few years ago and my grandmother just got engaged. The whole family is in an uproar, such a disaster. My grandfather was 19 years older than she was and now she's dating someone 9 years younger so she's doing more, trying new things, etc. I think it's wonderful but my aunts are in an uproar and just can't stand him, how he's changing her, trying to keep her away from them (since she doesn't call as much.)
I went to visit and she seemed so much happier than the last time I saw her. Sure things have changed and she's having fun. She took care of her husband dying of cancer for years and he knew he was completely loved until his very last breathe. I couldn't ask for more from him and really, pissing on her grass doesn't make mine any greener so I say more power to her. Enjoy life!
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
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Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 1, 2015 2:48:59 GMT
My oldest sister passed away three weeks ago. My other sister and I have said that if my brother in law goes a whole year without remarrying we'll be shocked. He does not do well alone, and he needs to be waited on hand and foot. Needs.... Or Wants?
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 1, 2015 2:51:40 GMT
My grandfather died a few years ago and my grandmother just got engaged. The whole family is in an uproar, such a disaster. My grandfather was 19 years older than she was and now she's dating someone 9 years younger so she's doing more, trying new things, etc. I think it's wonderful but my aunts are in an uproar and just can't stand him, how he's changing her, trying to keep her away from them (since she doesn't call as much.) I went to visit and she seemed so much happier than the last time I saw her. Sure things have changed and she's having fun. She took care of her husband dying of cancer for years and he knew he was completely loved until his very last breathe. I couldn't ask for more from him and really, pissing on her grass doesn't make mine any greener so I say more power to her. Enjoy life! [ Not saying they are right, but emotionally it's a little different when it is your mother. ( as compared to grandmother). Naturally it would be a little ore difficult for them
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
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Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Jun 1, 2015 2:53:33 GMT
Widowed folk cant do anything right. Either they move on too soon, or they don't move on soon enough. They get rid of things (for all anyone knows it was stuff they have always wanted to get rid of) and people complain, or they hoard and people complain. They are too sad or too happy. Honestly its enough to go through grief and the loss of your spouse without constantly having to deal with other peoples expectations on how they should or shouldn't grieve.
A year, to the day, after my grandmother died, my grandfather remarried. His children had a hissy fit. I was happy for him. If he was ready then so be it. Not my place to approve or disapprove. Now that I am a widow, I feel even more sorry that he was treated that way by friends and family. He deserves happiness in his life and if being remarried does that, then I support it. The widowed people I have met in my timeline (almost 3 years now) are a split. Some have moved on, others have not. In almost every single case, when one has moved on, some "well meaning" friend or family has to judge and criticize. Nobody is immune. If Jon Bon Jovi ever asks me to marry him, I can only imagine the responses my family will come up with (most won't be pleasant).
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on Jun 1, 2015 3:43:14 GMT
My oldest sister passed away three weeks ago. My other sister and I have said that if my brother in law goes a whole year without remarrying we'll be shocked. He does not do well alone, and he needs to be waited on hand and foot. I'm sorry to hear about your sister.
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