StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Jun 1, 2015 4:28:03 GMT
My grandfather died a few years ago and my grandmother just got engaged. The whole family is in an uproar, such a disaster. My grandfather was 19 years older than she was and now she's dating someone 9 years younger so she's doing more, trying new things, etc. I think it's wonderful but my aunts are in an uproar and just can't stand him, how he's changing her, trying to keep her away from them (since she doesn't call as much.) I went to visit and she seemed so much happier than the last time I saw her. Sure things have changed and she's having fun. She took care of her husband dying of cancer for years and he knew he was completely loved until his very last breathe. I couldn't ask for more from him and really, pissing on her grass doesn't make mine any greener so I say more power to her. Enjoy life! [ Not saying they are right, but emotionally it's a little different when it is your mother. ( as compared to grandmother). Naturally it would be a little ore difficult for them Absolutely without a doubt. But the level it's gone to has just become sad and quite honestly selfish.
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Jun 1, 2015 7:02:36 GMT
A friend of mine died suddenly 8 years ago and 6 months later her husband started dating someone - a lady that they had known for 20+ years who had been widowed a year or two earlier. His 2 kids disowned him for being so disloyal to their mother. Over the years friend and I had talked about the subject a few times, and she always said she wanted him to move on and be happy, and she didn't care how soon it happened, she didn't want him to be alone and knew he wouldn't fare well as a single. I don't know if she ever told her kids that, but based on their reaction, I doubt it. His friends were pleased that he'd found someone, and we knew it wasn't because he didn't love his wife enough or that he had forgotten her. Maybe outsiders can be more objective than kids.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,741
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jun 1, 2015 11:20:38 GMT
I think most men don't do well alone and remarry quickly.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 1, 2015 13:03:16 GMT
I don't think there is anything wrong w/ widowers dating and getting remarried, but that comment was rude and disrespectful.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 1, 2015 13:10:36 GMT
My half siblings father moved a miserable cow called Doreen into the house less than 6 weeks after their mother's death. She was the bitch troll from hell by all accounts.
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Post by lbp on Jun 1, 2015 13:34:46 GMT
I think I might win this! My Grandfather remarried 2 weeks after my Grandmother passed away!! We are pretty sure she was "waiting in the wings".
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 1, 2015 14:49:10 GMT
Some of the comments on this thread make me so sad.
My mom passed away at age 62, when my parents had been happily married for 38 years. About 8 months after she passed, my dad started dating a lady from my small hometown. At first, my 3 siblings and I were upset, but we decided to keep quiet and see how things went. Probably a month after they started dating, I called to talk to my dad, and she answered the phone. She said he was sick with the flu, and she joked about how he was being a baby and she was taking care of him. I realized that I would much rather have my dad happy with someone new, then lonely and alone. My siblings all agreed, and they dated until my dad passed from ALS a few years later. She was NOT my mom, and we always just called her by her first name.
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sweetandsour
Full Member
Posts: 227
Jun 30, 2014 17:43:52 GMT
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Post by sweetandsour on Jun 1, 2015 14:51:45 GMT
I might come in 2nd place to lbp.
DH's uncle remarried 3 months after his wife died. He married his NIECE.
His niece was his late wife's blood relative, not his, which I guess is how it is more palatable.
Sorry, I cannot imagine marrying my uncle ever, never mind 3 months after my aunt died. How can you go from calling someone Uncle John from the day I was born to Honey/Sweetheart/etc 50+ years later?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:31:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 15:57:15 GMT
My aunt passed away 3 years ago after a 2 year long stint as a vegetable in a nursing home. My uncle saw her every day. He is now "dating" someone but I don't think he wants to get married. We all think that it would be nice, but I can tell by looking at him they he still dearly misses my aunt.
My uncle (brother to the above uncle) was killed in a motorcycle wreck 2 years ago in July. We all suspect that at some point my aunt will start dating, but who knows? She is still very much grieving too.
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Post by flanz on Jun 1, 2015 16:09:36 GMT
My oldest sister passed away three weeks ago. My other sister and I have said that if my brother in law goes a whole year without remarrying we'll be shocked. He does not do well alone, and he needs to be waited on hand and foot. I'm sorry for your loss, Nink. Hugs to you...
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Jun 1, 2015 17:12:39 GMT
Honestly I'm way more offended by the way they talked about the other woman than the thought that a widow would find another partner.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:31:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 17:26:43 GMT
I think becoming a widower illicits a different response than getting a divorce.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:31:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 17:43:28 GMT
My aunt's lover lived with her when he was in town. His wife would not let him divorce her. ( this is back in the 50-60s). He never spent one minute with wife after he met my aunt.
When he died , the wife told my aunt, well he was with you so you take care of him. As soon as the estate was settled, the wife was remarried. My aunt never had another boyfriend.
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Post by roundtwo on Jun 1, 2015 18:15:08 GMT
I think becoming a widower illicits a different response than getting a divorce. Most definitely. I left the ex because I didn't like his girlfriend and I was surprised at how many felt he was justified for the girlfriend since I "obviously" couldn't satisfy him. I've read the same kind of comments here on the message board. I just take it with a grain of salt since no one knows what was really going on; I do feel for others though who aren't in a good place and find it hard not to take these kinds of comments to heart and who blame themselves for the choices their partner makes. Sorry for the hijack!!
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Post by coffeetalk on Jun 1, 2015 18:18:58 GMT
My DH and I have been married 37 yrs. and together 40. He's my best friend and for the last 7 yrs he's watched as disease has taken away my independence. For the last 3 1/2 years, he has been my primary caretaker. Although we don't know what the future holds, chances are I'll die first. I've told him, as well as our DDs that I hope he finds a fabulous woman to love and marry. He deserves every minute of happiness. In a strange way it brings me comfort that I've told him that this is my hope for him.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:31:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2015 18:48:34 GMT
My DH and I have been married 37 yrs. and together 40. He's my best friend and for the last 7 yrs he's watched as disease has taken away my independence. For the last 3 1/2 years, he has been my primary caretaker. Although we don't know what the future holds, chances are I'll die first. I've told him, as well as our DDs that I hope he finds a fabulous woman to love and marry. He deserves every minute of happiness. In a strange way it brings me comfort that I've told him that this is my hope for him. I think that's exactly what love is--him caring for you and you wanting him to happy, even with someone else after you are gone. What a beautiful remarkable pair you must be.
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Post by ladytrisha on Jun 1, 2015 19:25:29 GMT
My friend dated a widower for a couple of years. She was friends with him and his deceased wife in college to present day.
She found out as she dated him that he was no good in times of stress - especially when she fell 25 feet and shattered her feet and ankles. He literally got her to the hospital in Nevada and left her.
The second bad thing was that he expected her to give up her new house and move into his house - but she wasn't to bring any furniture or "stuff" that was hers - and she wouldn't be able to redecorate because it was Laura's house with him.
She finally split up with him (those were 2 of several red flags). When he sold his company for millions, he actually showed up at her door showing her the sale docs and did a "what do you think of me now?" thing ... she said "great for you, doesn't change my mind".
He was SO not right for any marriage because he wanted a stepford wife - a body to take the place of. Scary stuff.
Meanwhile my Mom jumped the gun when my Dad died ... and waffles between being happy and miserable far away from friends and family. Lessons learned for all us girls for sure.
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