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Post by lancermom on Jun 4, 2015 18:55:44 GMT
So yes, I was 20 and my now husband and I had a baby. We were picking out rings, but no date set. (Fall). February we finally found a ring, put on my finger on a Sunday, by Friday I found out I was pregnant. Ok that was 20 years ago, but not that uncommon even then. I have what I thought was a good friend. She has been making comments here and there about me getting pregnant. I am kinda pissed. Last night I was sharing how the now 20 year old baby declared yesterday morning that she was moving out that afternoon. I then said I sorta did the same thing, but then moved back home. She says in front of others that I am not that close to. Moved back home pregnant. I didn't, because that was old boyfriend. She acts like it is a disease. I even caught her whispering to someone. I confronted her but she still does it. It isn't leprosy, no one is going to catch it! Last night she even made a comment in front of a new grandma, her daughter isn't married. Ugh....this is my one button when pushed I can turn psycho. Mainly because it feels like my DD is a mistake, which she is not. She is a surprise that came early!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 17:34:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2015 18:58:29 GMT
I choose not to associate with anyone who makes rude comments about my family choices.
Your friend isn't really a friend, and she's also incredibly rude and thoughtless.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 4, 2015 19:02:55 GMT
I agree with ashley. I had a friend who initially seemed supportive of my divorce and remarriage. Then one day she made a nasty comment about blended families. I haven't been able to look at her the same way since. And I did speak up too, letting her know that I disagreed with what she said. That friendship has quietly gone away.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jun 4, 2015 19:04:01 GMT
The writing is on the wall. She really isn't your friend. Disengage.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Jun 4, 2015 19:07:16 GMT
Well, isn't she a peach... Have you let her know that she is being rude and judgmental and sounds like an ass each time she comments on this?
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Post by lancermom on Jun 4, 2015 19:07:28 GMT
It really is awful. I have known her for 12 years, and this just started happening the last couple months. You know I always say don't judge because you don't know what could happen to you. She has three boys, and she is worse than a helicopter mom!
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Post by scrapsotime on Jun 4, 2015 19:27:37 GMT
She keeps bringing up something from 20 years ago that doesn't involve her. Yeah, that's not a friend.
I was 8 months pregnant when I got married. I've only had a few people say something a few times because my response is "You act like I should be ashamed of it. I'm not and I got an awesome daughter out of it.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 4, 2015 19:30:56 GMT
It really is awful. I have known her for 12 years, and this just started happening the last couple months. You know I always say don't judge because you don't know what could happen to you. She has three boys, and she is worse than a helicopter mom! is it possible le one of her boys got someone pregnant and she is being pissy about that? Dh and I hadn't been dating long when I got pg with my oldest. We didn't marry until he was 15 months old. I don't give a flying fig about what other people think if my family, but if she was making digs, I'd confront her each and every time she brought it up.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 17:34:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2015 19:45:41 GMT
It really is awful. I have known her for 12 years, and this just started happening the last couple months. You know I always say don't judge because you don't know what could happen to you. She has three boys, and she is worse than a helicopter mom! I'd hazard a guess she is really worried about one (or more) of her boys becoming an unwed father and is trying to make an example of what not to do with you. I think I'd be pulling away from the friendship. Or be super obnoxious about how great pre-marital sex is. Then smile and tell her she is the one to bring up the topic.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 4, 2015 19:47:24 GMT
My parents were married Sept 3/49 I was born June 3/50.
My oldest daughter was pregnant when she married. My one sister who we refer to as Miss Goody Two Shoes made the comment that she was disappointed that my daughter did not do things in the correct order.
Fast forward to her first daughters wedding - no not pregnant. Cost my sister mega money to put the wedding on all the way across the country. Marriage lasts 6 months and her daughter runs away with the best man. Yep, she gets pregnant but not married and she leaves him just after baby is born.
Second daughter's wedding cost even more but it lasts for a year. Found out the groom was having a little something on the side with the maid of honour. So divorce and daughter moves in with the grooms brother and has two children. They have since married and have two more children.
I have a few more sisters and all of us have some story.
Needless to say we don't discuss things like this at family get togethers.
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Post by Dictionary on Jun 4, 2015 19:58:21 GMT
I have to agree with the above posters, she's not much of a friend. I had my dd when I was 18 she will now be 35 and also had her first child when she was 18, needless to say I am a grandmother of 4 kids, 3 belong to my dd..anyhoo when people comment on how young I look for a g'ma my mother insists that I tell people why..seriously if it wasn't my mother I would dump her. I am not embarrassed by my outcome and I don't care a flying flip what anyone else thinks either..until you've walked a mile in my shoes keep it to yourself.
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Post by moosedogtoo on Jun 4, 2015 20:20:54 GMT
She's definitely not a friend. I got pregnant the weekend my now husband and I got engaged. Oops! We were planning to get married in Vegas in June, but we moved it up to February. Our sweet daughter was born in September. She needs to get over herself.
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Post by Zee on Jun 4, 2015 20:59:02 GMT
Why are you friends with her? I also had my baby unwed 20 years ago. No one batted an eye, or at least not to me anyway, not even my grandparents. Everyone helped us celebrate when we got married 9 months after her birth. It just wasn't a big deal.
I wouldn't have a friend who had anything negative to say about it, not because I'm sensitive about it, but because obviously we have nothing in common.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Jun 4, 2015 21:07:57 GMT
At that point I would probably confront her about it with no wiggle room and it wouldn't be nice. Something like "You keep brining this up, is there something I can do to help you stop focusing on it or are you just looking for a reason to be a dick? I must be confused as to why this is such an issue for you. "
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jun 4, 2015 21:10:35 GMT
This person is not a friend. Why would she be bringing this up after 20 years?
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 4, 2015 21:13:55 GMT
She's not a friend if she is bringing this up 20 years later! Who cares? I have a few friends who had babies in their teens/before they were married and even though it was scandalous in my small town at the time, 15 years later it just isn't a big deal. They have kids, I have kids, theirs are just older.
I don't know what she thinks she is accomplishing by bringing it up except to try and shame you. It isn't like you can go back in time and change events. It is what it is, get over it.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 4, 2015 21:24:00 GMT
I would point blank ask her what she is trying to do. Confront her again. Tell her if she can't be kind you're out of the friendship. Here's the deal. What is the real difference between having sex and not getting pregnant and having sex and getting pregnant? I hate it when people act holier than thou when they did the same things but a sperm didn't meet an egg. My husband had a friend who said they were just old fashioned and were not going to live together before they got married. They shagged like bunnies. Personally I waited to do the deed until marriage, but we did a lot of other things so was I any better than anyone else? Nope. I think something else is her bonnet.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on Jun 4, 2015 21:38:20 GMT
It really is awful. I have known her for 12 years, and this just started happening the last couple months. You know I always say don't judge because you don't know what could happen to you. She has three boys, and she is worse than a helicopter mom! I guarantee the same thing will happen to at least one of her sons. You can watch and then sit back and judge!
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 4, 2015 21:41:01 GMT
Drop the rope. A person who harasses you about your family planning isn't a friend.
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Post by polz on Jun 4, 2015 22:09:52 GMT
Your friend is not your friend. In my country approximately 1/2 of kids are born out of wedlock. It's not a big deal here. I had DD when I was 23. I didn't get married until I was 28. No one cares.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 4, 2015 23:21:03 GMT
Not a friend. I thought it was rude an old friend would act this way. But it's peculiar someone who wasn't around wants to be town crier about an event where they weren't present.
Step away- she's a back stabbed with an agenda.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 5, 2015 1:12:52 GMT
Something is making her unhappy.... And she thinks she can feel better by putting you down.. It's a pretty pathetic attempt.... Seeing that it was 20 years ago. Of course. I had an aunt who was still talking about my mom in this same situation. 60+. Years later. Let her go.... She is toxic
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Post by nyxish on Jun 5, 2015 2:04:51 GMT
If before this BS she wa sa good friend, or ther eis some value there... i think it might be worth a come to jesus talk...or at least a "WTF has your panties suddenly in a bunch because THIS IS NOT OK" discussion. You know...it really could be that she is worried one of her boys is...going to father a kid before she approves.... or maybe as she gets older she is having a swing to conservative faith and ...getting all retroactively ...bi!chy or crazy or judgey to...i donno...make herself feel better? Like...is this a case of something else is going on and IF you care to call her on her very very bad behavior... if she cleans up her act yesterday can you move on? Otherwise... call her on it and cut her out. But you have a right to be clear about why you are done with this crap. and i'm sorry your friend is being an ass.
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Jun 5, 2015 2:17:32 GMT
I choose not to associate with anyone who makes rude comments about my family choices. Your friend isn't really a friend, and she's also incredibly rude and thoughtless. My 31 yr old middle DD has an adorable 18 month old son. She isn't married and the biological father is not in the picture. My dad went on and on and on about how disappointed he was in her "going and getting herself pregnant." This is coming from a man who has been married three times because he is incapable of being faithful. I no longer speak to him.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,456
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jun 5, 2015 2:48:18 GMT
She's not your friend. Avoid her and be happy.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 5, 2015 3:42:42 GMT
What a cow!! She is NOT someone who I would consider to be a friend. I wonder what she'd say about me if she were MY friend: 2 children 7 years apart to 2 different men, didn't marry either of them! (I will point out that both my precious children were planned.) My parents were married Sept 3/49 I was born June 3/50. My parents were married April '67 and I was born 4 months early weighing a healthy 8lb 4oz in September '67 !!!
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 5, 2015 5:34:52 GMT
I would show her the red card. What century does this ridiculous person think we are in? Is she some kind of Duggary religious nutter?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 17:34:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2015 5:43:37 GMT
If you have the radio on a station and you don't like the music or the talk or language etc. you unplug and stop listening. I think it's ok to turn that station off and not listen to it ever again.
You were 20 when you and hubby got together and are still together? That, to me anyway, is PRETTY DARN AWESOME! You both were young, had a baby right away and survived ups and downs. You are great!
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Jun 5, 2015 6:19:38 GMT
If she has only recently learned this about you and is on her high horse, you need to tell her in no uncertain terms to knock it off.
But if she's known all these years, and has only been doing this over the past couple of months, I'm thinking that maybe something has happened with her or her family that has spurred her into having these digs at you.
Either way, she needs reminding that she shouldn't be casting stones, lest something similar happens in own family. If she doesn't stop, end the so called friendship.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 17:34:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2015 9:06:27 GMT
Your "friend" sounds weird and judgemental. I can honestly say I've never cared about when my friends or family chose to have kids. Why would I? The only reason would be to judge and I'm not like that.
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