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Post by dazeepetals on Jul 14, 2014 1:30:37 GMT
I don't think it's tacky, depending on the situation. I have a group of friends and we will sometimes throw together a last minute party to watch a ballgame on tv or something. Everyone will just volunteer to bring whatever. If I were having a more formal dinner or something like that, I would not do potluck. This.
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 14, 2014 1:46:19 GMT
There is a time and place for potlucks. I have good friends who host music jams in their big shop at least once a month. We're usually talking 50+ people. Everyone brings food: "finger food," chili or soup in crockpots, sandwiches, salads and there is always tons of delicious homemade desserts. The hosts furnish coffee and iced tea. So potluck definitely works for a situation like this one, and we all look forward to good food, good friends and best of all, good musuc!
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 14, 2014 1:58:15 GMT
I have friends who often say bring a bottle and a plate. Meaning bring a bottle of wine and a plate of something to share. It sounds better than potluck... which to me sounds very midwestern. But me.. I love me a good ole' pot luck and if its tacky... I'm a tacky girl! I ALWAYS ask what I can bring even if it is a dinner. I always offer a green salad or some homemade bread. Often refused. But I can not imagine not bringing ANYTHING!
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Post by turangaleela on Jul 14, 2014 2:08:21 GMT
I love potlucks, because there's always stuff I never make. Whenever we have a celebration (graduation, First Communion, for no good reason) I never ask people to bring anything, but if anybody offers I always taken them up on it. They're always casual, I don't think I've ever seen it done for anything you'd dress up for.
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 1:29:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 2:10:30 GMT
Deep in the heart of Texas, all casual gatherings are assumed to be potlucks unless otherwise stated.
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Post by straggler on Jul 14, 2014 2:13:19 GMT
I don't think potlucks are tacky...people pretty much know what is expected around here when the term is used. What I do think is tacky is when people invite you to a "party", ask you to bring a dish to share, a couple bottles of liquor and whatever meat you wish to have cooked...that is "tacky". If you are going to have a "party" be prepared to supply the food/drink...if you want a potluck carry-in, then call it such.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 14, 2014 2:39:00 GMT
Potlucks are cool if the whole point of the get together is that everyone bring something they make so that everyone is sharing something new to them. It's like a tasting party.
Potlucks are tacky if you invite a bunch of people you can't afford to feed to Christmas dinner, and then tell everyone what they have to bring to dinner.
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Post by betsy on Jul 14, 2014 3:16:43 GMT
We're in the NYC suburbs, and potlucks are virtually unheard of. The only time I ever have seen it done is holidays at work, we all bring something to share, but even then it's snacky stuff/desserts.
If we're invited somewhere, or invite people over, a full meal is expected from the host. If someone asks what they can bring, I might suggest a dessert, but I'll have already planned to have enough dessert on hand, and anything someone else might bring will be in addition.
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Post by M~ on Jul 14, 2014 3:29:54 GMT
Ok so around here if you offer to bring food to someone's house the thought is, "WTF, does X person think I'm poor or is my food not good enough?" Latin people do well enough on their own by OVER preparing read: HUMONGOUS amounts of food that cannot possibly be consumed by the number of people being invited. So Potlucks and Latin people have not been yet introduced.
I think Potlucks are a very "American thing."
Of course, if I go to someone's house, I offer to bring something and if they say no, send a gift after the event.
I'm also a very picky eater in the sense that I don't like potlucks because I perceive them to be unsanitary a la buffet in a cruise that results in food poisoning. We have potlucks at work, and well, co-workers are notoriously un-hygienic. Besides, if the condition of one's cubicle and/or office are indicative of how clean you are, then NOTHANKSVERYMUCH.
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Nink
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Post by Nink on Jul 14, 2014 4:07:38 GMT
I'll also add that some of the best recipes I have were obtained at potluck gatherings from trying something I really enjoyed.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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ingrid
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Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Jul 14, 2014 4:09:06 GMT
Ok so around here if you offer to bring food to someone's house the thought is, "WTF, does X person think I'm poor or is my food not good enough?" Latin people do well enough on their own by OVER preparing read: HUMONGOUS amounts of food that cannot possibly be consumed by the number of people being invited. So Potlucks and Latin people have not been yet introduced.
I think Potlucks are a very "American thing."
Of course, if I go to someone's house, I offer to bring something and if they say no, send a gift after the event.
I'm also a very picky eater in the sense that I don't like potlucks because I perceive them to be unsanitary a la buffet in a cruise that results in food poisoning. We have potlucks at work, and well, co-workers are notoriously un-hygienic. Besides, if the condition of one's cubicle and/or office are indicative of how clean you are, then NOTHANKSVERYMUCH. Do you live outside of America? I'm trying to figure out who you're referring to when you say "Latin people." Because if you mean Latin-American, the memo that potlucks are a thing has definitely been circulated in my area. Thank goodness for that, because those are some of the best ones I've ever attended! I love potlucks and wouldn't have some of my favorite recipes if we hadn't been invited to so many.
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perumbula
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Post by perumbula on Jul 14, 2014 4:39:15 GMT
Potluck is the standard around here. I've held a couple of dinner parties for friends, and both times my friends asked if they could bring something. When I declined they always said "are you sure??" as if me providing the whole meal was completely unheard of. I did request nice dress mostly because I knew semi-formal dinner parties are a tv thing and not a real life thing in my circles. I wanted the tv thing with the candles and the nice dress and the great food. My friends were happy to oblige. If they thought my dress request was weird at first they were ok with it when they came to the party and had a lovely time. Maybe my friends and I are just plain tacky since I had to specify semi-formal for the party and they were confused and almost hurt when I didn't accept their offer to bring food. Seriously, everyone brings food. It's just how it's done. Honestly, I'm even ok with pot luck for birthday parties. heck, I had a potluck birthday party for my husband and no one questioned me. They asked me what they could bring before I could even make a request. There were 75 people there, I was happy to have the help. They were happy to come bearing side dishes and lawn chairs. Everyone had a great time. The awesome music my husband and his musician buddies provided the whole time probably had a lot to do with that.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Jul 14, 2014 5:20:19 GMT
I don't think potlucks are tacky...people pretty much know what is expected around here when the term is used. What I do think is tacky is when people invite you to a "party", ask you to bring a dish to share, a couple bottles of liquor and whatever meat you wish to have cooked...that is "tacky". If you are going to have a "party" be prepared to supply the food/drink...if you want a potluck carry-in, then call it such. Hmmm.... well I will say that in my crowd, if the invite says 'Bring whatever meat you want to have on the bbq' then the host takes care of the sides. That is often what happens when I host, because my friends know that my house is the most accessible (sometimes the only one accessible at all) for me, so they'd rather bring their own meat and save me an expense the know I can ill-afford (esp as I am the lowest income of my group) than not get together at all. Salads/sides/non alcoholic drinks are easy enough to afford for a dozen or so people... I've learned to budget & I have some recipes I know work with a decent sized group. But decent meat for that many? And booze? I can't do it and they know my situation well enough that they'd yell at me if I said I was providing everything including the meat and the booze. Now when I do my Christmas gathering, I do provide the cold cuts, cheese, veggie tray & buns. Everyone else brings other stuff to share. We'll do potlucks for some birthdays. When someone in the family throws a little family birthday gather, that's not potluck. But when of the friends in my circle has a birthday and a group of ladies get together to celebrate it, we all bring something. Re: bridal and baby showers.... If they're held at the church all attendees bring something. The ones of my youth (and even a few now, as another generation is gearing up into the wedding & baby stage, as a result of the age differences of various people in the Croatian community in my town) were done by The Committee. The Committee is a group of anywhere from 6-12 women (depending on the size of the shower) who are in charge of all aspects of organizing the event. Each woman on The Committee has their list of women to phone, (no paper invites for showers), a certain number of sandwiches & dessert squares to prepare, and a certain number of bingo prizes to purchase/provide. Good Croatian Women shop year round and thus often have a shelf on their closet with a bin/box that already has some appropriate prizes so that there isn't as big a financial output to provide said prizes. We're talking candles, soaps, etc. Small items, definitely under $5. Wedding receptions: Definitely NOT potluck. Buffet style service maybe, but NOT potluck.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 14, 2014 5:55:41 GMT
So much depends on the circle of guests and purpose of the event. If you are in a group in which potlucks are the norm/expected arrangement, then no, not tacky. If you announce a party, invite people and then ask them to bring something, that is tacky/bad manners. Guest = someone who is not contributing to the time/cost/trouble of the event. Tacky = inviting someone to an event and saying, "Your cost is xxx." or "OK, you bring xxx" I thought it was beyond tacky to have my nephew's wedding invitation include a note that said, "Reception will be at xyz, and the cost is $$ per person. Let us know by date if you are coming so we can reserve your place, and send the check by date" A church member married someone from another country/culture. She invited the entire congregation and then said, "bring a covered dish." We were taken aback, but thought it was a cultural difference, do didn't think poorly of her. I thought this set up was tacky/rude. We were invited to a couples baby shower, at 2:00 PM, and told it was at a particular restaurant. I thought they had reserved a party room for the event. When we arrived, the shower was in an area of the restaurant, and guests were offered the opportunity to order off the menu. We had eaten, thinking it was a cake/punch shower because of the time--wrong. I was a bit embarrassed because we just ordered a coffee...... I thought it was tacky to expect "guests" to pay for refreshments. Later I learned that the 2 women hosting didn't want to clean their house so came up with the restaurant idea... To all of the above! I agree Casual get-together? fine. Dinner party? Nope.
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azredhead
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Post by azredhead on Jul 14, 2014 5:55:53 GMT
It depends on the event. If it's family dinner, who ever is doing the dinner at their house does the main dish and then the rest of us bring dessert, sides, etc.
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 1:29:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 6:08:18 GMT
It depends on the circumstances. Potlucks for casual occasions are a lot of fun. For a formal party it would not be appropriate.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Jul 14, 2014 6:16:07 GMT
Librarylady - I forgot to say that your nephew example, and the restaurant gathering were definitely tacky!
Also - for big holiday dinners, in our family it used to be that the host will do the turkey & most sides. Another family member will do the ham. (Lately, my mom or aunt.... they will switch off providing the turkey vs the ham) Other family members who have 'specialties' also bring those (my one cousin's perogies, my other cousin's Caesar salad & cabbage rolls). What has changed now is that since my one cousin (the one who is my age, J's mom) always provides the location at Christmas (Thanksgiving & Easter tend to always be at my mom's because my aunt's isn't accessible enough for me), my mom our aunt will take a turn paying for the turkey so she only does that every 3rd year, when it's her 'turn.' And actually, R has always been the one to provide the Caesar salad & cabbage rolls, so that's now part of the sides, so my mom or aunt (whoever isn't doing the ham) will do dessert. I always bring cookies... a mix of ones I've baked & ones from the cookie exchange I host every year.
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Post by Jockscrap on Jul 14, 2014 6:56:45 GMT
We have pot lucks for church events all the time, where someone (or several people if it is a safari supper), allow their homes to be used as a venue for others to use for an event. It's not the home owners event. We've also had a neighbour offer her home to give a farewell party for another family that were leaving the street, and this was done as a pot luck, so that the person who had offered her home wasn't also left with all the expense and hassle of providing the food for everyone, when the party was really a whole street do.
If I was inviting people to MY home, for MY party, I wouldn't want it to be a pot luck. I'm the host, I make and pay for it all.
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Post by melanell on Jul 14, 2014 11:31:47 GMT
Substitute Italians in there and the same is true. You'll very likely be given food to take home with you, not the other way around. Because the host(s) knows they will never eat all the food that will be left over after the event. I was convinced once to have a cake and ice cream only kind of a birthday party and I swore never, ever again. It felt so wrong. There are people here. I need to feed them! And even thought I had "come join us for cake & ice cream" right on the invitation, a few people were still confused and looking for the typical spread.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on Jul 14, 2014 11:43:25 GMT
Of course, we like potlucks....In our garages!
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SweetieBsMom
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jul 14, 2014 11:51:01 GMT
I am another who has never been to a formal dinner party. Around here it's potlucks but we really don't call them that. Basically if a friend tells me she's having a cookout, my next question is "what can I bring?". Typically the host handles the meat, whatever is being grilled and some sides and guests will also supply salads, sides, desserts. And depending on how big the gathering is it's usually BYOB. I have friends that have a HUGE 4th cookout every year 75+ people. That's BYOB however they're already spending hundreds on meat. I typically bring an appetizer, a side and a dessert. There's always plenty of food and usually not a ton left considering the party usually starts at 1pm and goes until 1am. People nosh all day long.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 12:06:40 GMT
I'm from Minnesota, and I am on the fence about this one. I was once invited to a WEDDING that was potluck. Um, no. Not ok. As for a plain old Sunday get together, sure! Although I gotta say, if I'm the hostess I would never ask my guests to do potluck.
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Post by Heart on Jul 14, 2014 12:15:57 GMT
Not tacky at all, BUT..I have to ask this. Do you do potlucks for bday parties, engagement parties OP? Generally, no- but there are exceptions. I just went to a wedding that was potluck. It was wonderful, fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. I do not know of anyone that was upset, offended or thought it was "tacky" for the couple in question to do this. I will say that it was an informal, outdoor wedding, where all of the invited persons were extremely close to the wedding party and knew in advance that the wedding would be SUPER LOW KEY. I mean, it rained like crazy and the couple just went on with things, NBD. One of the best moments was two of the guests creating an "awning" out of the table coverings for the officiant and the couple to stand under while it poured down rain.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 12:16:24 GMT
My friends and I do it every time. Everyone works, is busy, etc. I would never expect a friend to do everything. Too exhausting.
Ann
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 12:17:49 GMT
I am going to an Ishtar party (at 9 pm when we break the fast) and we are having a feast. I want to make Asian ribs without alcohol in them so I am going to see how to do that. Our parties will go on until midnight. Sometimes we stay up and wait until the next call to prayer happens at 11 and the prayers last until 1 (if we feel like praying that long...I think it's just the really devout who do that...). Anyway Ishtar happens at about 9:10 and we eat some dates and drink water. Then we pray (which takes like 5 min max) and then eat, eat eat!
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Post by Heart on Jul 14, 2014 12:23:39 GMT
I am going to an Ishtar party (at 9 pm when we break the fast) and we are having a feast. I want to make Asian ribs without alcohol in them so I am going to see how to do that. Our parties will go on until midnight. Sometimes we stay up and wait until the next call to prayer happens at 11 and the prayers last until 1 (if we feel like praying that long...I think it's just the really devout who do that...). Anyway Ishtar happens at about 9:10 and we eat some dates and drink water. Then we pray (which takes like 5 min max) and then eat, eat eat! I would say that for an Ishtar party, sitting Shiva or something like that; bringing something is expected. Enjoy breaking the fast!
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 14, 2014 12:23:41 GMT
I am such a redneck goof sometimes. I do so many things that people consider "tacky." I get that there are regional differences in social behavior, but (and please know that I am not directing this at any single person-just a general comment) sometimes I think we look for things for things in which to raise our eyebrows at and to purse our lips in slight judgement. I have no problem with the potluck. Not even a potluck wedding reception if that is what works for the family-there is no rule that says you have to pay a gazillion dollars to feed everyone. If the goal is to get together with friends, does it really matter how it happens? No need to get formal all the time, right? But then again, as I said, I am a bit of a redneck and grew up going to parties with tons of people, tons of food (brought by everyone) and bonfires in big fields-with kids running around, people playing music and dancing. So maybe I am not the best person to ask.
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Post by Heart on Jul 14, 2014 12:25:56 GMT
I am such a redneck goof sometimes. I do so many things that people consider "tacky." I get that there are regional differences in social behavior, but (and please know that I am not directing this at any single person-just a general comment) sometimes I think we look for things for things in which to raise our eyebrows at and to purse our lips in slight judgement. I have no problem with the potluck. Not even a potluck wedding reception if that is what works for the family-there is no rule that says you have to pay a gazillion dollars to feed everyone. If the goal is to get together with friends, does it really matter how it happens? No need to get formal all the time, right? But then again, as I said, I am a bit of a redneck and grew up going to parties with tons of people, tons of food (brought by everyone) and bonfires in big fields-with kids running around, people playing music and dancing. So maybe I am not the best person to ask. I love a good bonfire! We had them all the time when I was a kid. I totally agree at looking for things... I really do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 12:32:50 GMT
I asked if I could bring something and she said yes. She didn't expect me to but she knew i would offer. I found some extra large super crunchy wings and I'll get some sauce to dip. Good to go. Plus the store I am buying them at is very reliable. I could bbq but figured it was more work than needed.
Do people bring food while the family is sitting Shiva? While it's a sad time, don't get me wrong, it is so nice to have everyone there. I think I would find comfort having people i loved near me the entire time.
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 14, 2014 12:33:33 GMT
The vast majority of potlucks are not tacky. The ones that are tacky is the ones where entitlement is showing in the invite.
Our family meals are pot luck, whoever hosts does the meat, someone else brings the potatoes, someone else the veg, someone else the buns and the vegetarian brings the stuff she wants to eat with all the sides. It's a formal meal (cloth napkins and everything) but we bring it together as a family.
Friend gatherings are usually some kind of potluck. One person will host, the others will ask what to bring, and a mish mash of stuff will arrive. They are also always BYOB. We never expect one person to lay out cash for other's booze. THAT is what I consider tacky.
I'm really only interested in doing potlucks with people I know, ones with strangers just ick me out so office/church/random street people are no effin' way.
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