pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by pridemom on Jul 4, 2015 18:05:01 GMT
I am a believer in my kids taking over responsibility for things as they get older. 17yo is supposed to handle her own refills. She refuses to talk on the phone. Our small town pharmacy will take her refill requests via their FB page. They don't do text message requests like big chain stores, but this has worked for the past year.
We have given her the option of changing Pharmacies, but she has not accepted it.
She sent in her request last week and hasn't gotten a response like she has in the past telling her they were ready. I told her to call or stop by. She has not, not has she sent a follow up message on FB. She's now whining because she doesn't have her BC pills to start or her migraine meds. I believe in natural consequences, so today I told her not to complain when she gets a migraine or a monster Carrie-like period. Her periods were super heavy and the pill has made them tolerable.
It irritates me that she won't pick up the blasted phone for a minute to check, and then treats me like I am a horrible person for making her take responsibility for herself. She turns 18 in September and has to get used to this.
I thought life was hard when my kids were little. Parenting young adults is no picnic.
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Post by its me mg on Jul 4, 2015 18:11:07 GMT
so weird. what's her excuse when it comes to not talking on the phone?
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 4, 2015 18:13:44 GMT
so weird. what's her excuse when it comes to not talking on the phone? She's afraid. Texting makes it too easy to avoid talking. I refuse to do it for her. |
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Post by its me mg on Jul 4, 2015 18:15:59 GMT
does she have social anxiety in general? good for you for refusing. she'll learn a simple phone call and 30 seconds of conversation isn't worth the migraines/periods. you're a saint!  |
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Post by Sam on Jul 4, 2015 18:16:50 GMT
If she has three different ways in which to contact the pharmacy and chooses not to, given that these are not life-saving meds, she's going to have to deal with it. I can see why, as a parent, her behaviour frustrates you and think you are doing the right thing by just stepping back and telling her that when she needs them and doesn't have them, she'll realise she should have taken more personal responsibility.
Re the phone - I live with a 44 year old who will do almost anything not to have to speak on the phone. I don't understand it and he can't really give me an explanation as to why - and it does irritate me a little.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 4, 2015 18:17:31 GMT
I will do anything to avoid talking on the phone. Anything. To me it's one of the most miserable things in the world.
Recently I got a new check card in the mail.
But I had to call to activate it.
I didn't want to.
I ignored it so long they deactivated my old check card and it got declined for a purchase.
So I finally had to call to activate the new one.
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Post by leannec on Jul 4, 2015 18:19:56 GMT
My 16 year old dd is the same way ... she barely speaks to people in person either ... when she has an appointment it is like pulling teeth to get her to give the receptionist her name  She also has a quiet voice that I can hardly hear which drives me crazy ... unless she is mad and yelling at me  |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 4, 2015 18:20:12 GMT
My kids are teens and hate talking on the phone. We're military and they grew up talking to grandparents--I really don't get it. If the house phone rings, it doesn't even occur to them to answer it. They just sit there like it doesn't even register. And if their own cells ring, they look at them like it's an alien being. It's so weird!
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 4, 2015 18:22:11 GMT
If she has three different ways in which to contact the pharmacy and chooses not to, given that these are not life-saving meds, she's going to have to deal with it. I can see why, as a parent, her behaviour frustrates you and think you are doing the right thing by just stepping back and telling her that when she needs them and doesn't have them, she'll realise she should have taken more personal responsibility. I avoid talking on the phone as much as possible but there are times when a person has to do it. She needs to learn that the sooner the better. |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 0:22:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 18:22:53 GMT
My dd is only 12 but I can see this as a possible issue when she's older. I make an effort to put her in situations where she needs to order and pay for food for herself, etc. It's becoming less uncomfortable for her. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing.
Would it help her if you sat with her, perhaps via speaker phone, while she made the call? Or...do a 'dry run' where you role play the phone call? Idk, my urge would be to help as much as I could but I know it wouldn't serve her to do it for her.
When most of us were young, all we had to communicate was the telephone. Now, kids can live a nearly phone conversation-free life. I think there's even a poster here who refuses to talk on the phone.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jul 4, 2015 18:23:11 GMT
Good for you, OP.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by artbabe on Jul 4, 2015 18:25:36 GMT
I was in my 20s before I could talk on the phone. Severe social anxiety. I don't think there was any consequence that would make me talk on the phone. Sometimes it would take 3 hours just to gear myself up to call a friend. A business was impossible.
I still will go out of my way to avoid it and I'm 49.
I'm totally sympathetic to your daughter. Some of you just don't get it.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 0:22:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 18:30:20 GMT
My dd is only 12 but I can see this as a possible issue when she's older. I make an effort to put her in situations where she needs to order and pay for food for herself, etc. It's becoming less uncomfortable for her. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing. Would it help her if you sat with her, perhaps via speaker phone, while she made the call? Or...do a 'dry run' where you role play the phone call? Idk, my urge would be to help as much as I could but I know it wouldn't serve her to do it for her. When most of us were young, all we had to communicate was the telephone. Now, kids can live a nearly phone conversation-free life. I think there's even a poster here who refuses to talk on the phone. I understand that texting is easier in many cases. There are also times when making a phone call is more appropriate. I think the tone of the message is lost when all you read are words. I guess I'm the odd pea out, but I'd rather talk to someone in some circumstances than typing a bunch of texts. |
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scrappinghappy
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 4, 2015 18:30:31 GMT
I will do anything to avoid talking on the phone. Anything. To me it's one of the most miserable things in the world. Recently I got a new check card in the mail. But I had to call to activate it. I didn't want to. I ignored it so long they deactivated my old check card and it got declined for a purchase. So I finally had to call to activate the new one. Isn't activating a card by phone completely automated? We don't even speak to a human. We just push numbers. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 4, 2015 18:33:36 GMT
My youngest kid doesn't shut up. He's a talker. He hates talking on the phone too. He says he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing or won't know how to answer a question (business calls, not personal). I think the world of texting is shifting our communication. artbabe I think the mom was so frustrated because her daughter had been doing it for a year. |
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Post by Sam on Jul 4, 2015 18:35:37 GMT
I was in my 20s before I could talk on the phone. Severe social anxiety. I don't think there was any consequence that would make me talk on the phone. Sometimes it would take 3 hours just to gear myself up to call a friend. A business was impossible. I still will go out of my way to avoid it and I'm 49. I'm totally sympathetic to your daughter. Some of you just don't get it. You are right, I don't 'get it' because, as I said, I live with someone who doesn't like to use the phone - although he does if he really needs to. He won't articulate to me why he does not like/want to, so I am not in a position to be able to empathise with him. You have, so I do 'get it' as far as your circumstances go. However, I think the main point here is not that the OPs daughter is uncomfortable with the phone, but that she has TWO other ways in which to communicate with the pharmacy and has chosen not to do either of those. |
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 4, 2015 18:36:29 GMT
I must confess that I once had a phase of not being comfortable using the phone and would avoid it at all costs. I can't explain it or remember if any particular incident triggered it. I'm sure she will get over it.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Jul 4, 2015 18:36:30 GMT
It's an introvert thing. I seriously hate talking on the phone and will do anything I can to avoid it. Of course, there are times it just can't be so I suck it up and do it. She's really not trying to be difficult.
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Post by Sam on Jul 4, 2015 18:40:34 GMT
It's an introvert thing. I seriously hate talking on the phone and will do anything I can to avoid it. Of course, there are times it just can't be so I suck it up and do it. She's really not trying to be difficult. I'm going to bow out after this, because I will seriously look like a dog with a bone otherwise!!!! She IS being difficult because she has TWO other means by which to contact the pharmacy!  Don't like the phone...fine send a FB message (as per usual) or pop into the store. OP - hope your daughter gets her meds (without you finally stepping in!  ) and that she works out the best way forward in future. |
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Post by sillyrabbit on Jul 4, 2015 18:43:22 GMT
It's an introvert thing. I seriously hate talking on the phone and will do anything I can to avoid it. Of course, there are times it just can't be so I suck it up and do it. She's really not trying to be difficult. I'm going to bow out after this, because I will seriously look like a dog with a bone otherwise!!!! She IS being difficult because she has TWO other means by which to contact the pharmacy! Don't like the phone...fine send a FB message (as per usual) or pop into the store. OP - hope your daughter gets her meds (without you finally stepping in! ) and that she works out the best way forward in future. You're right that she should check thru FB or pop in. I was only referring to the OP saying she doesn't understand why she won't pick up the phone. |
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Post by Heart on Jul 4, 2015 18:44:58 GMT
My DD is 18 and is the same way. She refuses to talk on the phone if at all possible. She explained that she can't handle it if she can't see the other person. She can Skype or whatever, but not talk on the phone, except to people she knows VERY well. (Me, her dad, her brother and her boyfriend are really it.)
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Post by scraphollie27 on Jul 4, 2015 18:46:15 GMT
My DD 16 is in the same boat. The anxiety was getting so debilitating that we sought a psychologist. She is now on Prozac and we are seeing improvements. the psychologist assigns life skills (eg. Ask teacher to schedule exam time, go to bookstore and ask if there are any job openings, walk to the store by yourself) for "homework" and my DD takes these assignments very seriously because she wants to be comfortable doing things that other people take for granted.
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Post by choppedliver on Jul 4, 2015 18:52:30 GMT
I'm a little phone phobic myself. I have no idea why. I have no problem answering the phone but I hate dialing out. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and I've talked to him on the phone about 5 times.
No suggestions as she just needs to get over it the best she can. Just wanted to say that it is a real thing.
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Post by krazykatlady on Jul 4, 2015 18:53:13 GMT
I can totally understand because I am just like her except I'm 58, not a teenager. I've actually gotten worse as I've aged. I understand those of you who don't "get it". If I lived on the other side I'd probably think it was weird too. All I can say is please try to have a little compassion. We're not trying to be difficult and would change in a heartbeat if we could. It's easy to say what YOU would do but until you actually live in our skins you can't say for sure.
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oldcrow
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Post by oldcrow on Jul 4, 2015 18:53:58 GMT
It's an introvert thing. I seriously hate talking on the phone and will do anything I can to avoid it. Of course, there are times it just can't be so I suck it up and do it. She's really not trying to be difficult. I'm going to bow out after this, because I will seriously look like a dog with a bone otherwise!!!! She IS being difficult because she has TWO other means by which to contact the pharmacy! Don't like the phone...fine send a FB message (as per usual) or pop into the store. OP - hope your daughter gets her meds (without you finally stepping in! ) and that she works out the best way forward in future. There are all sorts of things that I hate doing or dealing with but they are part of life so I do them. Sounds like she is being difficult to me. Why do something if you can guilt someone else into doing them for you. |
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 4, 2015 18:56:52 GMT
I was in my 20s before I could talk on the phone. Severe social anxiety. I don't think there was any consequence that would make me talk on the phone. Sometimes it would take 3 hours just to gear myself up to call a friend. A business was impossible. I still will go out of my way to avoid it and I'm 49. I'm totally sympathetic to your daughter. Some of you just don't get it. I understand that it's hard, but my job as a mother is to prepare her to be an adult. I won't be there for the rest of her life and can't talk for her every time she might need to talk on the phone. My BS is in psychology, so I have realistic ideas of what is appropriate developmentally and have worked on scripting this through role play. She will talk to me on the phone, but refuses to call the business. I won't enable her to avoid this. This girl has withstood and passed with flying colors being inspected by Marine Corp drill instructors in JROTC at national competition. She can make the call. As I said in my OP, she can move her prescriptions to Walgreens or CVS and text in her requests. That will take care of the issue. That contributes to the frustration. |
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by pridemom on Jul 4, 2015 19:02:49 GMT
My DD 16 is in the same boat. The anxiety was getting so debilitating that we sought a psychologist. She is now on Prozac and we are seeing improvements. the psychologist assigns life skills (eg. Ask teacher to schedule exam time, go to bookstore and ask if there are any job openings, walk to the store by yourself) for "homework" and my DD takes these assignments very seriously because she wants to be comfortable doing things that other people take for granted. Which is why we started out by scripting how to call with her. I broke it into steps, but she won't do her part. |
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Post by peasapie on Jul 4, 2015 19:07:20 GMT
I hate it too, and I give you big props for making your daughter handle this herself.
For some reason, I don't mind chatting either through my computer or while in my car. I just hate holding that phone up to my ear, I guess.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Jul 4, 2015 19:23:36 GMT
I was in my 20s before I could talk on the phone. Severe social anxiety. I don't think there was any consequence that would make me talk on the phone. Sometimes it would take 3 hours just to gear myself up to call a friend. A business was impossible. I still will go out of my way to avoid it and I'm 49. I'm totally sympathetic to your daughter. Some of you just don't get it. I understand that it's hard, but my job as a mother is to prepare her to be an adult.  I always tell my girls that it is my job to prepare them for launch into the world. My 14 year old is learning to make business calls when she needs to (switching something on her Ipsy order) and advocate for herself at school. The first few times are hard, sometimes we use the speaker on the phone, but she is catching on. If it is a social anxiety thing, she needs to get help ASAP. |
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Post by myshelly on Jul 4, 2015 19:28:31 GMT
My dd is only 12 but I can see this as a possible issue when she's older. I make an effort to put her in situations where she needs to order and pay for food for herself, etc. It's becoming less uncomfortable for her. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing. Would it help her if you sat with her, perhaps via speaker phone, while she made the call? Or...do a 'dry run' where you role play the phone call? Idk, my urge would be to help as much as I could but I know it wouldn't serve her to do it for her. When most of us were young, all we had to communicate was the telephone. Now, kids can live a nearly phone conversation-free life. I think there's even a poster here who refuses to talk on the phone. I understand that texting is easier in many cases. There are also times when making a phone call is more appropriate. I think the tone of the message is lost when all you read are words. I guess I'm the odd pea out, but I'd rather talk to someone in some circumstances than typing a bunch of texts. There is no circumstance under which I would rather receive a phone call than a text. I'm very much text or nothing. I will text you or I will talk to you in person. But I will not talk on the phone. |
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) and that she works out the best way forward in future. 
Refupea #1142
I always tell my girls that it is my job to prepare them for launch into the world. My 14 year old is learning to make business calls when she needs to (switching something on her Ipsy order) and advocate for herself at school. The first few times are hard, sometimes we use the speaker on the phone, but she is catching on. 