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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 17, 2015 0:17:30 GMT
I have enjoyed my 20's. They were full of good and bad but over all that is when I had my 3 babies. When I was 30 I got married for the 3rd time to a wonderful carrying man. We spent every year that decade loving life, working hard and playing harder. Watching my daughter grow into an amazing person. My 40's have been challenging. but I have enjoyed them most of them that is. I was 43 when I lost my mom and that was the worst year of my life. there were so many years that I had to deal with that. I had to learn how to live my life without her. I had to learn how to deal with losing her in such a short time. My 40's was also the time that I watched my daughter go from a child to a young adult. I saw her graduate high school, start college, become more independent, get her real first job. She had been working with husband since she was 11 off and on. She bagged him to take her to work with him on Saturdays because she wanted to help do the trucks. He would literally have to schedule trucks on Saturday so he could take her to work with him.
In my 40's I have had some health issues but I have also been very lucky with an awesome understanding husband.
I am 49 and I wouldn't change year of my age for anything. Well, there has been things happen in some years that I would have changed.
I am looking forward to going into my 50's.
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Post by Woobster on Jul 17, 2015 0:44:48 GMT
My 20s were brutal, but my 30s have been amazing! I am approaching my 40s and am trying to not get hung up on the number.
I have no children, so my life experiences are very different from yours. I can only imagine how busy you are with three kids in activities. I'm sure it gets exhausting, and old... And that is perfectly ok. Your kids will be thankful for your time... That doesn't mean you have to relish every minute of it.
I've put on a few pounds over the last year myself, and am starting to see the beginnings of some lines that I don't particularly care for. I totally feel your pain there! However, when I think if the things I've done in my 30s, and the things I hope to do in my 40s, they blow my 20s out of the water!
Find yourself a hobby. Take a class that interests you. Volunteer somewhere, maybe. Find a way to carve out a bit of time for yourself (we could ALL do a little more of this) and it may help change your perspective on your 40s a bit.
In the meantime, just know that you are a good mom who is working hard. That doesn't go unnoticed.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 17, 2015 1:05:09 GMT
Me. I am not enjoying my 40's at all.
I have great kids, and some great friends, but at the same time? I am no where close to where I want or need to be.
I never thought I would still be single. I am not sure how that happened, but I suppose I just got busy raising the kids, working...and the next thing I know, one kid is gone, the other has a pretty rich social life and isn't hardly home at all so I am alone way more than I should be. I am not working now and having trouble finding another job, my savings is gone and I am living on a knifes edge financially.
This is not how I envisioned my life, not at all.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,350
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Jul 17, 2015 1:08:16 GMT
My 20's were great and my 30's have been great so far. I will be 39 in October, so I will be experiencing 40's soon!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jul 17, 2015 1:43:27 GMT
I haven't hated any decade. they each had their own challenges and pleasures. The confidence that comes with age is worth giving up being young and "hot". Mostly the confidence to not care if someone thinks I'm hot or not. I know my value and no longer need outside validation to find it. That's the best part of aging.
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Post by threegirls on Jul 17, 2015 1:52:26 GMT
I loved, loved, loved my 20s. I supported myself, had a rockin social life, tons of friends, a great body and loved going out in the city that I lived in. Kind of a Sex in the City type life (but without quite so much sex)! Loved those years.
I loved my 30s too. I bought a house, got married, had a kid. Nice but there were definitely a few bad years of the marriage that have marred my vision of my 30s although I try not to let those years overshadow my good years.
My 40s saw the betterment of my marriage and the births of two more girls. I'm definitely an older mom. 49 with a 13, 8 and 6 year old. I like that.
I just miss my independent, wild side 20s and I know they will never come back. I also miss my 20 something figure and smooth skin.
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Post by Zee on Jul 17, 2015 2:15:15 GMT
Make time to work on yourself, for you. Carving out a half hour to do a DVD workout will give you much-needed me time that will have the end benefit of improving your strength and health. I feel so much better and look better, too, when I make my health my priority. My kids are 17 and almost 21 and they do their own thing, so I do have that advantage when planning out my day. I'm with you on hating kids' sports, though. It's torturous! Life now at 43 is pretty fantastic. I guess because I have everything I need, and lots of things I don't.
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Post by pmm on Jul 17, 2015 2:30:21 GMT
Nope not enjoying my 40s. I found myself divorced and raising two kids in a state that I never wanted to live in. I have few friends and spend way to much time by myself. Because the friends that I do have are married and raising little ones (mine are 20 and 24). I left my home care job and went back to the hospital as I desired stability with my work life. I discovered that the hospital I accepted a job from is sadly lacking in acceptance of new people. There are cliques and pettiness is rampant in my department; it is like being in high school all over again. Management is aware but lacks the ability to change the dynamics. And of course all the body changes are driving me crazy...I don't need to elaborate on that part!
I hate myself and my life right now. I don't see my life changing in the near or distant future. I don't even know what I want out of life anymore.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Jul 17, 2015 2:48:43 GMT
I'll be 50 at the end of this year, so my 40's are almost gone. For the most part, I enjoyed them. I think…LOL
Like you, my days were super busy with my kids and running our business. My DS is older by several years than my DD, so he was more independent during this time than your kids. DD was involved with several sports before she settled on kayaking. I loved everything about kayaking and our club except for the commute. It was 35 miles each way and, for 2+ years we made the trip twice a day - 140 miles of travel a day. I'm pretty sure all that travel played a part in some of the heel problems I'm having with my right foot now. Maybe something todo with the amount of pressure I put on the gas pedal?! Not that I had a lead foot..really.
DD homeschooled most of my 40's and that was fun. DS had finished his schooling by my 40th bday, and had started working full time for our company. We travelled a lot, made good money, had a lot of fun, for most of the decade.
In the last couple of years, things have changed drastically for us. DH has had several health problems, most of which were caused by his uncontrolled diabetes. He is needle phobic and this played a huge part in his refusal to seek medical help or to follow the drs instructions when he did go see one. Last year his vision was damaged by swelling caused by the diabetes and he has had to take monthly injections in both eyeballs. After almost a year, his vision is finally getting better. He had 3 strokes earlier this year and they were a major wake up call for him. Suddenly, he has come to appreciate the drs advice and is following it better than I ever could have dreamed. If he continues the year as he is doing now, he will actually be HEALTHIER at 55 than he was at 45.
Business isn't great, but it's all that he can handle now. It is better than it was at the beginning of the year and I think the fact that he feels better, and it shows, is playing a part in the renewal. He is steadily increasing our customer base, but I may still look for a job.
DD is in college and will be leaving in Sept for a year in China. She is so psyched! and we are so proud of her drive and ambition. The only downside is she will be gone a whole year - until college lets out there in June. It's bad enough that my DS lives all the way across the continent, now my baby is going around the world. Instead of looking for a job, I may take up drinking.
From the looks of things, I may lose my last surviving grandparent this year. My red shoe wearing Granny has done her best to kick cancer's ass, but I think it may get her soon. Today her oncologist suggested we call in hospice, but Granny isn't sure she's ready to call it quits. There will be no more chemo, but she's not sure she's ready to go quietly. We lost Poppy a couple of weeks before my 40th bday, and now it looks like we'll lose Granny just a couple months before my 50th bday. My other grandma died not long after my 45th bday. In between 40 and 50, I will have lost all my grandparents, half of my aunts, and several of the people I called family even though we didn't share blood. This is the suckiest part of aging.
I knew what to do in my 40's: I kept my head down and raised my kids. But my 50's? I'm clueless! Do I go back to school, get a job, start another business? My health isn't bad, but I have arthritis and asthma and I'm as fat as a Butterball turkey. Who would want to hire a fat old woman?
Marcy
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 17, 2015 2:50:02 GMT
I have about 6 months until I hit 40. My kids are 14 and 11. Dh works nights and I barely have time to sit between work, caring for the house, and getting the kids where they need to go.
It is exhausting, but it isn't bad.
Do you talk yo the other parents? I know the constant running and sporting events make us see each other often. Being in a small town, the same kids play sports and the same parents are there, so I have forged relationships with most and friends with some.
Dh and I made many mistakes in our youth and we are just finally catching up, hopefully.
I'm hoping our 40s keep us moving forward.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Jul 17, 2015 3:00:59 GMT
I'm 44. I hate it. I feel like the best years are behind me and there is noting to look forward to.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 17, 2015 3:26:51 GMT
Me!! I am not enjoying my 40's, no sirree. I didn't want to post that on the other thread, because the OP wanted to be made to feel good about it, she didn't need me being a Debbie Downer to make her feel worse!! But now that you've opened the floodgates, I can feel free to vent haha!! My downward spiral began in my mid 30's, and most of my woes are tied into my physical well being and money. I remember coming up to my 40th birthday and thinking that I wanted to get back in shape so I could be "Forty, Fit and Fabulous". Well that didn't happen, and in the 7 years since I turned 40 I have actually put on even more weight, I'm less fit than I've ever been in my life, and still not in a great position financially. My weight and fitness issues are of my own doing. My money issues are too I guess, and there will be no relief there until DS finishes high school - he's only in Year 5 so another 8 years of Struggle Street aaaarrrggghh! Sometimes I feel like I'm starring in my own Groundhog Day movie. Get up, yell at the kids to get ready for school, go to work, get home, eat dinner, clean up, prepare dinner for the next night, go to bed, later rinse repeat over and over ad infinitum.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 17, 2015 3:46:24 GMT
I'm 44. I hate it. I feel like the best years are behind me and there is noting to look forward to. Pretty much word for word. I think it's because of all the life changes that are about to happen to me. I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 17, 2015 3:50:03 GMT
Let's see, I'm nearing the end of my 40s... I'm 47...I am sitting here with a bladder infection, a period that's been going on for weeks and won't stop, had a follow-up to a physical that showed some abnormalities..that sucked... my oldest moved out, my middle moving out and have a 7 year old (which I am NOT complaining about..love her)... dreaming of being single all the time and doing my own thing (with my 7 year old..) sick of cleaning up after everyone, sick of having a sick husband (he's not really sick sick, like cancer, it's all stupid stuff), my finger hurts, my toe hurts, my belly hurts, it goes on daily. Right now he is off work because of a hernia operation... I get that, but we are at the tail end of it and he is back to work Monday, but I can see that day ahead and see him saying something like he isn't ready. I can go on and on... but the only thing other than my kids and friends is my new job.. I love it!...... Poor pity party for me!!
Oh yeah, and by this time in my life I should be doing much better than my parents were doing (which wasn't bad).. but I can't hardly keep up and thank God for my mom to help out (since I lost my old job last year...if it wasn't for her, we would have lost everything...)
I am sorry for those who REALLY have it worse off... I should not complain.... but sometimes I just dream of just not answering to anyone and go and come when I want...
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,534
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Jul 17, 2015 3:55:55 GMT
It's a mixed bag for me, DH and I just entered 40, I'll be 42 at the end of the month. There are times when I feel like I should have done so much more by now. We don't own our own home (actively saving for one) I deliberately don't look at how much I pay in interest on my car as the interest rate is so high and I slog to work each day thinking is this really it? The girls are less perky than they once were, which is strange that it bothers me, as I've always been modest in how I dress and was never comfortable in my own skin when I was younger.
That said, we have a couple of great kids, I was able to travel without much incident with my mom last weekend to visit family I haven't seen in awhile. That car loan is in my name, not something that would have happened even 5 years ago. I also really practice having gratitude when I make the payment each month. Gratitude that we have the money, and gratitude that the bank extended me the loan. Also, after a lifetime of being cold all. the. time. my internal thermometer is starting to function properly, I noticed it only because I don't need to use my blanket at work nearly as much.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 17, 2015 4:01:47 GMT
I have about 6 months until I hit 40. My kids are 14 and 11. Dh works nights and I barely have time to sit between work, caring for the house, and getting the kids where they need to go. It is exhausting, but it isn't bad. Do you talk yo the other parents? I know the constant running and sporting events make us see each other often. Being in a small town, the same kids play sports and the same parents are there, so I have forged relationships with most and friends with some. Dh and I made many mistakes in our youth and we are just finally catching up, hopefully. I'm hoping our 40s keep us moving forward. DH loves to chat with the other parents, I will chat with them, but Im more introverted, and while I can make myself be cheery and outgoing if the need arises, I would much rather be home with a book, that's probably why I find sporting events exhausting. I was like that. On fact I complained yo my mother when the other parents started talking to me. I used to use that time to read or watch movies, then all of a sudden people started talking to me, so I talked back to be polite. Good move on my part, even though sometimes I'd rather be reading, because the people step up if I ever need help and I step up for them. I know there are people my kids cam go to I'd they need and I know these adults are looking out for my kids. I'm introverted for the most part, I sit back and am the wallflower until I am very comfortable. I'd suggest talking to the people you spend so much time with. If you've got to be there anyway, you might as well make some connections
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jul 17, 2015 4:29:16 GMT
oh, I still have some of those same issues in my 40s as well... acne-- reallly?? yup, apparently; aches and pains; I have no idea 'what I want to be when I grow up' (or retire, I guess) either; hormonal issues due to a hysterectomy and ovary removal; etc. but overall, the positives have outweighed the negatives.
(and for the record, we don't have kids, just cats and dogs; so our expenses and time constraints are a bit different than those people who have kids of any age to drive places, pay for activities, schooling, etc.)
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jul 17, 2015 4:34:39 GMT
Not completely thrilled with aging either I will be 42 in September and mine is all mental. I have this feeling that all the awesome, adventurous, energy filled experiences are in your 20s. I did a great deal of things in my teens, lived life to its fullest in my 20s and experienced milestones in my 30s (planning a wedding, marriage, house, babies, sahm, etc.) My 40s are just blah. I have alot of anxiety and fears that I never had before. I hardly have the energy to do all that I did in my 20s and 30s.
I envy (not sure if that is the right word) single, fearless, energenic women in their 20s...there are so many great opportunities ahead of them. I think part of society worships youth (especially regarding females). So many things are geared at looking youthful, dressing youthful, feeling youthful etc. They say age is just a number but I don't believe that completely.
I try not to complain because really what can you do?!
ETA: I was thinking of this more after I posted but too tired to post. Insomnia. Anyway, after reading all these posts, I think it is matters too when you have your children. Glad I did all that I did, but I know myself I just don't have the energy like I did when I was in my 20s. 41 with a busy 5 year old. We didn't plan it that way, but out of our hands because of losses and infertility. Also I agree with others, now that the kids are in school it is like groundhog day. Same thing day in, day out, scheduled...almost gives me a trapped feeling. I also have way less confidence than I had before. Yes, a lot of more knowledge that comes with life experiences, but also the loss of naivety one has when they are younger. Someone posted now like that they are older now and don't have to worry about what others think etc. I give them credit, but I never feel like that. I think even more I have to impress because age is not on my side.
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Post by monicad on Jul 17, 2015 4:46:54 GMT
I'm the opposite; spent my 20's having/raising little kids, 30's were spent doing all the activity stuff and gaining weight (yuck), and now that I just turned 40 I finally feel like I've hit my stride. Went back to school, lost weight, and am looking forward to the second part of my life. I think it's possible to have a great decade each time but for most of us some are better than others. Looking back I can honestly say those child rearing years you're in now are some of the toughest. I promise it will get easier in a few years and you'll get some breathing room. ;-) Try and take care of YOU the best you can and who knows...maybe 50 will be awesome!
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frostybuns
Shy Member
Posts: 22
Jun 14, 2015 8:04:52 GMT
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Post by frostybuns on Jul 17, 2015 4:49:02 GMT
I turn 40 this year and have 4 super super busy kids. I totally get you. From 3-10 pm my life is run, run, run. Sports, homework, instrument practicing, bedtime routines. Ugh. It gets so old. My only advice is to take time for yourself during the day. I am also a sahm and I have to have down time during the day to manage everything once mykids get home. I workout and get everything in my life together while my kids are at school so I can hit the ground running when they get home. I take a nap most afternoons and spend some time reading. I don't really get me time at night any more so I take a bit during the day.
I have felt really unsettled and unfulfilled for a couple years. I am starting a very part time job at my kids school this fall. I'm super excited about having more adult interaction and putting some of my skills to work. I also made a list of things I want to try or do in my 40s. Some crazy (I just got scuba certified) and some just things I want to learn (like how to make bread). It's keeping me focused when I feel at loose ends. Hang in there!
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Post by monicad on Jul 17, 2015 4:52:01 GMT
I am 44. Just weeks after my 40th birthday, I finally put myself first and went for and got a job! I had been a SAHM (for the most part) for 18 years!!! I was doing very well at work and it was getting noticed by bosses and customers. I was given fun responsibilities and freedom at my job that I really enjoyed... I got to travel a tiny bit for work and enjoyed seeing beyond my part of the world. I lost forty pounds and felt much better about myself!! For the first time in years, I could shop in the "normal" department of stores. If you have ever shopped plus-sizes, you KNOW how awesome that is. My income made things a little easier for the family. Right after turning 42, my world stopped. My 17 year old was diagnosed and caring for her became my job. A "job" I would not wish on anyone. ever. Although she is doing quite well right now, I still can't work because of all the ways she needs me. Now I live from scans to scans waiting and wishing and praying and hoping that they say things are stable and she has more time before we start another chemo type or radiation. I am back in the plus-sizes department. UGHGHGGGGHH I only shop when I have to and not only because I hate my weight, but also because money is an issue. I feel like my best days are behind me. I'm so sorry about your dd. Don't be too hard on yourself, either...that is an unbelievable amount of stress and worry. I'll keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Jul 17, 2015 5:15:36 GMT
I'm 46 and I'm not having much fun myself. Aging ain't for sissies that's for sure. My dh doesn't seem to have much motivation to go out and get better employment but has me look and do it for him. Everyone throws their crap all over the house and expects me to pick it all up. If I even attempt to pick up the living room where dh keeps his computer stuff he gets sulky and passive aggressive. My mother is 85 and complains all. the. time. She tries to micro-manage my life and criticizes everything I do including my parenting. She doesn't do that to my sisters. I know exactly what I want to do as a career but I know it won't happen as it requires money and moving. I completely feel like no one, especially those in my house, hear anything I say. Probably the only bright spot is my daughter. She's 11 and even though I'm starting to see some of those teenage hormones break through she's still a sweetie who still likes her mom.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jul 17, 2015 6:24:44 GMT
I'll be 49 in September. Got my first pair of bifocals 2 weeks after my 40th birthday. Went from having 1 filling in my life, to all sorts of fun dental issues. My hair is thinning, and my skin is sagging. I'm in my second year of irregular periods, crazy ass mood swings, and night sweats. About 6 months ago the hot flashes started. I'm not lovin' my 40's right now.
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Post by k8smom on Jul 17, 2015 6:27:41 GMT
My 40s were a mixed bag. The bad: I got divorced at 44, and trust me that's the last thing you want to shell out that kind of $ for, and then cash out and hand over half of everything you once had. Then I got the wild hair to go back to school (while still working full time) and completed my BS and MBA. Throw in raising 2 kiddos on my own and trying to maintain the same household on one salary, two years of ongoing medical issues with ds, and let's just say my 40s were not such a walk in the park. The good: I learned so much about life, about challenge, about determination and about the uselessness of worry, but the big take-away was the confidence that I can stand firmly on my own two feet. I seem to have my biggest personal growth as the result of my biggest personal challenges in life, so although it was a tough decade, I am grateful.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 4:26:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2015 6:49:56 GMT
My 40s have been the worst years of my life. But...I made this bed (as my mother would have said).
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,500
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Jul 17, 2015 9:04:26 GMT
I loved my 40's. I had a good job, had my third child aged 41 and although he was diagnosed on the Autism spectrum and my marriage failed, I felt good about myself and was at my healthiest and fittest. I had great self esteem.
This isn't meant as a hand slap at all, but sometimes you have to look at what is GOOD in your life, no matter what your age.
I am facing my second cancer and don't know what the future holds. I am 55 and my youngest is only 13 and is likely to be dependant on me for quite some time. His dad is pretty useless as a parent and I am terrified I won't be around to give my youngest the support he needs- and that he will then burden my lovely daughter.
There has to be a way for you ladies to come to terms with the changes that are inevitable as you get older and to try to introduce something into your life that gives you some joy.
You can get older or you can die young.
Sorry to be so negative, please forgive me as I am in quite a dark place at the moment.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,612
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jul 17, 2015 10:23:01 GMT
Me! My late 30's until now has SUCKED. It's exhausting.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 4:26:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2015 10:29:56 GMT
I like where I am in my mid-forties, but it's definitely a mixed bag. I would say that I like the person that I am at this age and have a better handle on the big picture, but I look back on my twenties and thirties and my life was simpler then.
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Post by imkat on Jul 17, 2015 11:18:02 GMT
To the OP, things will improve when your 15 year old gets his/her license!
My kids were in a lot of activities, and I dislike sports as well. There is nothing wrong with not attending every game or bringing a book with when you do. My parents loved and supported me, yet they did not attend every single thing I did.
I wouldn't say I did or didn't enjoy my 40s. I would say that the older I get, the less confident I get. I am starting my 50s and remember Oprah and others saying it was the best decade due to the peace and confidence gained. I really feel like it has been in a steady decline and I wish I could reverse it. Anyone else feel the same way?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 4:26:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2015 12:29:47 GMT
As I said on the other thread I don't see age as being responsible for how I feel or if my life is good or bad. My life at the moment is not great, a very long way from great to be exact but that has nothing to do with me being in my 40s, it just is what it is (sorry). I don't feel like the best is behind me, there are so many things to look forward to I refuse to think like that. I'll be 46 in a couple of weeks and to me that's really so much better than the alternative.
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