|
Post by freecharlie on Jul 24, 2015 5:05:47 GMT
All these threads lately keep telling me I shouldn't judge people, but guess what? I do and I am sure I am not the only one (maybe the only one who will admit it, but still). I judge people based on numerous things. If they are strangers and we are just passing by, I may judge on the outfit, the personal apprearance, the conversation, the accent, or whatever. If the person is someone I have multiple dealings with, I might judge on all of the above plus competencey, observations, the things they do or say, their kids...whatever.
I judge both positively and negatively. It may be that there is a woman who is all kinds of made up and looks stunning, I judge her to be fashionable or professional or put together. It may be that I judge a guy based on the number of tattoos, the gauges in his ears, his tank-top undershirt, and his sagging jeans as a loser. The former I might think is intelligent and the latter not so much, that doesn't mean it is right, but it is my judgement.
I can't imagine anybody doesn't judge at all, but maybe I am the only one.
|
|
|
Post by its me mg on Jul 24, 2015 5:10:04 GMT
Everybody does it, we all make judgements based on our own personal frames of reference. Our brain likes to categorize things and make sense of them with labels. I think it's natural.
How you treat others is more important then the judgements you make of them.
|
|
kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
|
Post by kate on Jul 24, 2015 5:16:14 GMT
It would be foolish, if not outright dangerous, not to process whatever information you have - even if it's only appearances & accent. Of course, you won't have a whole picture, but you've got to work with what you've got.
ETA I'm thinking of The Gift of Fear, if you've ever read that. It talks about how we subconsciously or consciously process information about the people we encounter.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 22:54:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 5:47:01 GMT
I may judge but I am not going to say it aloud. Well actually ,the only one I am seriously judging is my brother and stupid ass cousin.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 22:54:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 5:48:18 GMT
And walmart. Always walmart.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jul 24, 2015 5:53:55 GMT
It would be foolish, if not outright dangerous, not to process whatever information you have - even if it's only appearances & accent. Of course, you won't have a whole picture, but you've got to work with what you've got.
ETA I'm thinking of The Gift of Fear, if you've ever read that. It talks about how we subconsciously or consciously process information about the people we encounter. I haven't read it. I will look into it.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 24, 2015 6:01:46 GMT
I'm sure we all do it, usually without realising. It is a self protection thing.
Change the word 'judge' to 'assess' and it sounds less condemnatory and more common sense and cautious.
|
|
conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
|
Post by conchita on Jul 24, 2015 6:03:03 GMT
I'm a pretty tolerant person. Not much phases me. But there have been some instances where I wonder what the heck I just witnessed. As far as a person's character goes, it's more of a gut feeling than it is the sum of their appearance. But yeah...I've been this person a few times this week.
|
|
|
Post by rainangel on Jul 24, 2015 6:11:30 GMT
We all grow up bombarded with stereotypes and how people of a certain appearance 'is like'. Which in my own life has been proven wrong a million times. And also proven correctly a million times. I think the most important thing is to be open to the possibility of someone not living up to the stereotype. Don't treat people like the stereotype they look like, learn about their personality and your opinion will often change from that first impression.
But yeah... we all do it based on what we have learned in our culture. Imagine growing up in an extreme culture. If you grow up in the KKK, you are most likely to judge people of colour growing up. If you grow up in a hippie commune, you are most likely going to judge people in suits as being materialistic.
|
|
marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
|
Post by marimoose on Jul 24, 2015 6:27:15 GMT
I'm sure we all do it, usually without realising. It is a self protection thing. Change the word 'judge' to 'assess' and it sounds less condemnatory and more common sense and cautious. If I could like this more than once, I would. Assess is an awesome way to describe it.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jul 24, 2015 6:38:04 GMT
**Applause** Of course we all judge - i.e. form opinions or yes, assess! That doesn't mean that we act on those thoughts and often those judgements are momentary (based on the information in front of us at that time) and can definitely change, but I simply don't believe it when people constantly say they never judge.
|
|
lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,158
Jun 26, 2014 5:46:37 GMT
|
Post by lindas on Jul 24, 2015 6:58:37 GMT
All those threads telling you not to judge are BS because those saying it on one thread are busy making judgements on another. The husband is always the bad guy, MIL/SIL is always a bitch, etc.
I'm pretty easy going and am willing to give people the benefit of the doubt but I'd be lying if I said I never made a snap judgement about someone. What's bad is if your initial judgement is proven incorrect and you refuse to admit you were wrong.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Jul 24, 2015 7:19:01 GMT
Oh, I can be very judgemental, but most of the time I manage to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. *Most* of the time.
I've thought about starting a similar thread, because sometimes when I read things here I think to myself "How can you NOT judge?" I've always wondered about people who say they don't judge - it that really true? Do they honestly not think even the tiniest judgemental thoughts ever? It would be nice to be that person, and have nothing but good positive thoughts in your head and your heart every second of every day. But that's not me. I can't help it.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 22:54:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 7:51:10 GMT
Honestly I work really hard on this. If I say that mil was a bitch she was, that is not a judgement but a statement of fact based on her encouraging a friend's daughter to cozy up to my husband, too break up our marriage.
|
|
BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
|
Post by BarbaraUK on Jul 24, 2015 8:26:34 GMT
We all assess, or form opinions, of people and things automatically all the time - including personal details of people we see/deal with, whether the assessment is nice or not - it's an inbuilt thing and necessary for survival.
I can't imagine anyone who doesn't do this even though they may not want to admit it - I agree with the OP on this.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Jul 24, 2015 8:44:58 GMT
I'm sure we all do it, usually without realising. It is a self protection thing. Change the word 'judge' to 'assess' and it sounds less condemnatory and more common sense and cautious. Thank you! Eliminating "right vs wrong" aspect changes the discussion. Thanks for thread freecharlie!
|
|
|
Post by pmk on Jul 24, 2015 8:50:46 GMT
Oh, I can be very judgemental, but most of the time I manage to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. *Most* of the time.
I've thought about starting a similar thread, because sometimes when I read things here I think to myself "How can you NOT judge?" I've always wondered about people who say they don't judge - it that really true? Do they honestly not think even the tiniest judgemental thoughts ever? It would be nice to be that person, and have nothing but good positive thoughts in your head and your heart every second of every day. But that's not me. I can't help it. This, a hundred times this! I struggle with it but yes, I do have judgemental thoughts. I tend not to voice them but it doesn't make me feel better about it!
|
|
compeateropeator
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,000
Member is Online
Jun 26, 2014 23:10:56 GMT
|
Post by compeateropeator on Jul 24, 2015 9:07:41 GMT
Of course we all judge/assess things. I think that is part of what makes us human. I believe that what sets truly judgmental people apart from others is their inability to acknowledge that it may not be correct and/or a truthful representation of that person's character. Sometimes you need to look at the whole picture. I am not really explaining it well. But for example if I was at breakfast in a hotel and I saw 2 people come in and one was dressed up and one was sporting my little kitty pajamas and slippers and a bed head. My immediate judgements may be one way. However if I noticed that the well dressed person was giving the waitstaff or other patrons attitude and the pajama person was smiling and happily interacting with others, my judgements may completely change. I think having the ability to know that all the little judgements that we make may not be an accurate picture is key. I try to rationalize and not label people based on the little everyday judgements. Sorry for some reason I can't seem to clearly explain my thoughts on this, so I am hoping that I am not being judged as an idiot.
|
|
tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
|
Post by tuesdaysgone on Jul 24, 2015 11:04:02 GMT
Yes, I judge people on flimsy and circumstantial evidence all the time! But the thing I've learned to appreciate in my 50+ years is that I can be surprised and enriched by all sorts of people. I've had many different types of friends over the years, some of whom I once judged in a negative light. Now with the "wisdom" of my old(ish) age, I still judge but I'm less inclined to think, "I'd never do/dress/act like that."
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on Jul 24, 2015 11:07:26 GMT
My mother is an incredibly, incredibly judgemental person so I try hard to keep my judgement in check because I have seen how hurtful it is not only to the person she's judging but to herself because she puts such limits on life with her judgements. The way I explained my mom to my children is that it's OK to have an opinion and hold yourself to that standard. Judgement comes in when you expect the same thing of other people.
If you don't want to dress in little kitty pajamas and go to hotel breakfast, then don't. But don't pass judgement on somebody else...they're probably very nice, bubbly and outgoing outside of their clothing choice.
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 24, 2015 11:10:57 GMT
I think as I've gotten older, I've become less judgmental about things that don't really matter. But lack of honesty and not acting with integrity are deal breakers for me.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Jul 24, 2015 11:14:28 GMT
I judge people, in my head. I just make sure I keep it in my head. You know, incase I'm wrong! ( which happens with snap judgements )
If I really need to let it out I'd probably vent it here so the person can still be anonymous.
I could never bring myself to take pictures of people ( aka Walmart ) and then put them on the Internet. Not my style. Plus our Walmart is tame, worst we get is ill fitting yoga pants. I judge the people who post people of Walmart pictures as much as they judge the people in the picture.
|
|
|
Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 24, 2015 11:15:37 GMT
If you read the definition of judge it means to form an opinion AFTER careful consideration.
I think how the word has come to be used in popular language. Is to form an opinion without careful consideration.
if we are forming an opinion on someone based on appearances or a brief encounter, I think we hurt ourselves, because we don't give that person a chance. To form an opinion after careful consideraton is what I strive to do.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Jul 24, 2015 11:18:34 GMT
Everyone judges. Anyone who says they don't is lying to themselves and everyone they say that to.
I also have noticed a handslappy "don't judge" vibe going around the board lately. It's getting old. And yes, I judge the people who are constantly demanding that no one ever gets judged or judges someone else.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 24, 2015 11:19:51 GMT
Heck yes, I judge. I also assess, but I think they are two different things -- not two words for the same thing.
For me, the choice is what I *do* with that judgment. I cant help having the thought, but I certainly can help whether I act on it or not.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 24, 2015 11:22:13 GMT
Good point. But like many words, judgment has come to mean more the "snap judgment" version of it. At any rate, that's the definition of it that we seem to be discussing here.
|
|
|
Post by pjaye on Jul 24, 2015 11:31:36 GMT
Here on this board is the only time I hear people getting all holier than thou and talking about "judging" comments as if it is the ultimate sin and they would never do such an outrageous thing
In my normal/real life, we call it having a discussion, having an opinion or making a comment. In a courtroom it's often called "expert testimony".
I don't go through life benignly with my eyes closed, I see, hear and experience things and I form opinions on them, if I'm in a conversation, I will state those opinions. Some of them will be positive and some will be negative. I think that's perfectly normal. I honestly don't understand how people can go through life so blandly with no thoughts or ideas or opinions about the things happening around them.
Yesterday a friend and I went out to lunch...it was a funky little place and we were seated at a table which was elevated on a platform and therefore we were looking down on a few tables. We spent a period of time discussing others in the restaurant, their food choices and speculating on what their various relationships might be. We had a bit of a discussion about two younger women having lunch together who spent very little time talking to each other and lots of time each messaging people on their phones. When their waiter came over with their wine, he stood there quite patiently while both women ignored him and continued to text on their phones. We had lots of comments about that. I call that a conversation with my friend. If I posted that here, no doubt I would get multiple "I don't judge what other people do that doesn't affect me" I don't think saying "why go out to lunch with your friend if you are going to ignore her and just look at your phone the whole time?" is *judging* but around here it is. I am so sick of reading comments like that "I don't judge what women wear/how they do their hair/ how they act at a funeral...etc etc etc." Yeah, well I do, I live in the world and interact within it and I have thoughts and opinions and I express them. If someone doesn't agree with me, then that's fine, tell me why you don't agree, give me the opposite point of view...but simply saying "I won't/don't judge people"...is a cop out in order to try to come across as superior. .
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Jul 24, 2015 11:39:58 GMT
Everyone judges, especially me, but its kind of how you respond to the judgements that makes it more difficult. For example, if your judgements will negatively affect another person, it might require some additional thought.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jul 24, 2015 11:57:09 GMT
. if we are forming an opinion on someone based on appearances or a brief encounter, I think we hurt ourselves, because we don't give that person a chance. To form an opinion after careful consideraton is what I strive to do. I guess a better word for the thoughts we have when seeing someone might be reaction rather than judgement. If I see a person in a store with (for arguments sake) pink hair, face tattoos, steel toecap boots and a t-shirt with the *f* word on it I will notice them and have a reaction to their look. Some people will call that judging but I don't. Now if I decided based on their appearance that they were probably going to shoplift from the store that'd be judging.
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 24, 2015 11:58:17 GMT
Everyone has an opinion. Opinions differ. Sometimes I think when they do, some (not all) people internalize that and assume they are being judged.
|
|