|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 24, 2015 19:09:43 GMT
There are a lot of situations where I scratch my head and think "WTH?" but I wouldn't ever act on those thoughts, and other times when I do.
Like yesterday late afternoon it was 86 degrees outside. Full on sun. DD and I stopped at Target to pick up some stuff and when we got back out to the car I noticed a little beagle sitting in the front seat of the car next to me, pacing back and forth between the front seats and the two front windows that were cracked open maybe 4" on each side. Seriously, WTH? Who DOES that? So yeah, I judged, and I mentioned something to DD about the poor little dog locked in the hot car, and that it was WAY too hot outside to even leave him in there for ten minutes. I had no idea how long the car was there.
I took my time loading our stuff in the car then helping DD get buckled in, all the while watching the dog to make sure he wasn't getting distressed in the heat. Got in myself and turned on the air, and decided I was going to sit there in my car and wait and watch to make sure that dog was going to be okay. The owner came out of the store a couple minutes later and when she saw we were sitting there watching, she started to run to the car (the dog was okay), got in and quickly drove away. The thing is, you never know what kind of stupid thing is going to happen that will delay you inside the store. And with how hot it was yesterday the temp inside that car could have gotten very high very fast. If the dog would have shown any signs of distress, I was perfectly willing to try to open the door and get him out or call the cops.
|
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Jul 24, 2015 19:18:00 GMT
I think I am also surprised by how much people seem to care about what others are doing or wearing. I am always a bit baffled by the threads about someone wearing PJ pants to the store or not having pretty feet or what their manicure looks like or whether or not their bra straps/nipple shape shows, etc., etc., etc., and I think to myself "I probably would have never noticed that." And if I did notice it, I don't think I would really have an opinion about it. And it's not because I'm not observant. Because I do tend to notice details of things around me, just not those details. I might notice a woman with 3 kids at the store, but I am more likely to recall what I saw them doing, where in the store they were, anything I heard them say, etc. I guess ultimately I am not all that concerned with a person's outward appearance. Now, mind you, in a very professional situation, someone dressed in a non-professional manner would be something I notice. But at the park, grocery store, school pick-up line, movie theater, it would have to be something vulgar, extremely unusual, or something that I really loved in order for me to remember it.  |
|
|
|
Post by nyxish on Jul 24, 2015 19:53:16 GMT
i can own that i am a judging panda, and i am very comfortable with it.
Now, i'm also comfortable noting to myself that i usually expect the worst from people/and situations and so try to keep a reign on it until i have more information etc, and sometimes i am just plain pissy inside my head and it's more about owning my own grumpy than anything to do with this person moving innocently thru their day.
But yes, i judge as well.
|
|
|
|
Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 24, 2015 22:20:59 GMT
One of the biggest downsides to being a judgey judger who judges is that you will always assume that everyone else in the world is judging you (usually negatively). It's not a happy way to live. As a mental exercise, when you're sitting there "people watching" or "assessing" or whatever you choose to call it, play the game of "extreme extending the benefit of the doubt". Your snap assessment may be right, but can you possibly imagine a situation or context in which that person is doing the rational, most productive, best thing given their options? I find that thinking in this more creative way allows me to live more happily. This is a good point, we also need to be careful, because if we are judging others negatively or harshly we often apply those same thoughts to ourselves, (you know we are our own worst critics) it can make us really down on ourselves. The other thing that I strongly believe/live by is: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.” Its a Ghandi quote.. if we are always harshly judging others... then I think we are harshly judging ourselves.. which often means we will become that which we most detest. So I work hard to give the benefit of the doubt. When I don't know... to make the background story something positive and not negative! Edit to add.. I know sometimes I have made bad decisions, be it in the way I am dressed, or in how I parent, or how I am handling stressful situations, I hope that when people see me at my worse they make allowances for me, and they think that maybe that is not who I am, they are seeing me at a weak moment. |
|
|
|
Post by anniefb on Jul 25, 2015 1:17:52 GMT
Everybody does it, we all make judgements based on our own personal frames of reference. Our brain likes to categorize things and make sense of them with labels. I think it's natural. How you treat others is more important then the judgements you make of them.  |
|
|
|
Post by mztfied on Jul 25, 2015 1:58:02 GMT
Access/Judge. Of course we all do it.
|
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253 
|
Post by mallie on Jul 25, 2015 4:42:55 GMT
One of the biggest downsides to being a judgey judger who judges is that you will always assume that everyone else in the world is judging you (usually negatively). It's not a happy way to live. As a mental exercise, when you're sitting there "people watching" or "assessing" or whatever you choose to call it, play the game of "extreme extending the benefit of the doubt". Your snap assessment may be right, but can you possibly imagine a situation or context in which that person is doing the rational, most productive, best thing given their options? I find that thinking in this more creative way allows me to live more happily. This is a good point, we also need to be careful, because if we are judging others negatively or harshly we often apply those same thoughts to ourselves, (you know we are our own worst critics) it can make us really down on ourselves. The other thing that I strongly believe/live by is: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.” Its a Ghandi quote.. if we are always harshly judging others... then I think we are harshly judging ourselves.. which often means we will become that which we most detest. So I work hard to give the benefit of the doubt. When I don't know... to make the background story something positive and not negative! Edit to add.. I know sometimes I have made bad decisions, be it in the way I am dressed, or in how I parent, or how I am handling stressful situations, I hope that when people see me at my worse they make allowances for me, and they think that maybe that is not who I am, they are seeing me at a weak moment. Eh, almost all of the super judgey people I know are completely confident th at their ways, values, and thoughts are not only the best, but are the only correct way. They n ever turn t h e judgment on themselves . |
|
|
|
Post by M~ on Jul 25, 2015 14:14:15 GMT
Hmmm....if my assessment of a specific person is based on generalized conclusions about his or her gender, race, religion, sex, (which M does not do) then M needs to check herself.
For example, any statement that is preceded by "All black people, all white people, all Chinese, all men, all women, all Jews, all Catholics, " then my judgment is wrong and I need to have a come to Jesus moment with myself. This is whether the conclusion or the statement is positive or negative.
If my judgment is about generalized behavior that I am attaching to a specific person, then I don't think my judgment is wrong. For example, "I dislike women who use their looks to get ahead. You use your looks to get ahead; therefore, I dislike you." "Pedophilia is morally reprehensible. You are a pedophile; therefore, you are morally reprehensible." "Abandoning your children is morally reprehensible. You abandoned your children; therefore, you are morally reprehensible." "Using the race card to excuse your behavior is immoral, wrong, etc--if you engage in this behavior, then I don't want to have anything to do with you." " I think texting or being on your phone while dining with other people is the epitome of rude, unless you are some type of MD or have a sick child at home, or are waiting for some type of urgent call. You always text and/or use your phone while dining with other people, yet you are neither an MD or have a sick kid, or are waiting for an urgent call; therefore, I think you're rude and really, I'm not interested.
I think it's ok to identify behaviors/things that are not appropriate FOR ME. I don't need to invite every human being on the face of the earth into my life. I have the right to draw the line and say, "I don't want x , y or z type people in my life." Is that a judgment? Absolutely. Its a discernment of what types of people I want to surround myself with. Shrug.
There's also instinct-I was born with it for a reason. Sometimes, my instinct is telling me to GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON or GET CLOSE TO THIS PERSON. I don't know why or when it will do it. But then I have to judge (with the facts available to me) whether my instinct was correct. Interestingly enough, it has always been correct in retrospect. Instinct is judgment unexplained, I think. And I've suffered when I ignored it.
|
|
