|
Post by mikklynn on Aug 9, 2015 12:11:16 GMT
In Minnesota, funeral homes have to accept the casket from wherever the family purchases. Costco sells them!
I would consider cremation and a small service. It could be at home, in a park, anywhere. If she belongs to a church, they would hold a service for a nominal fee. I served at a memorial service at our church recently. We served coffee and bars following the service.
|
|
|
Post by lbp on Aug 9, 2015 13:20:17 GMT
That is why everyone should have life insurance.
|
|
scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,020
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappinmama on Aug 9, 2015 13:53:31 GMT
That is why everyone should have life insurance. Not everyone can afford it though. My parents had a very small policy. When my dad died, it didn't even cover half the costs. Like others have said, funeral costs can be quite high. In my home state, the plot alone can be $3,000. It's crazy. Dh and I have policies, but I told him not to waste money on my funeral. I want to be cremated, then they can have a party at home where they can laugh over funny stories, then cry together. I would rather have them use my life insurance money for other expenses.
|
|
|
Post by knit.pea on Aug 9, 2015 14:53:57 GMT
When my Dad passed, after paying his funeral expenses we had my Mom set up pre-paid burial arrangements with the same local funeral home using the remainder of his insurance money. (A few years after, of course.). But that was literally the only "savings" they had ... no retirement savings, no assets, no nothing. My Dad's services were about $7,000 and basic.
I am a little worried about my older sister's plans, though. I hope she has some insurance, because neither of her children are in any position to afford it. I believe it will be DH and I paying the initial bill.
ETA They already had a family plot, so that was just the cost of funeral and burial.
|
|
|
Post by whipea on Aug 9, 2015 15:00:57 GMT
I am not big on rituals like funerals. If you want a gathering to discuss the deceased, whatever floats your boat but not for me. My parents seemed to feel the same way so when they died I had them cremated. My father pre-paid part of his which was 1500.00 an I ended up paying off the balance which was 1000.00. Since she was in a nursing home when she died, my mother had surrendered her assets and I had planned on having her cremated at the "state rate" which is 650.00. No go, her SSI was 9.00 over the qualifying income. But I ended up negotiating with the funeral home and since I was paying cash they gave me the state rate.
So I guess there is room to negotiate at least where I live. But really, who wants to deal with negotiations when someone has just died. I think pre-planning/paying is the best thing we could do for our families.
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 9, 2015 15:18:33 GMT
georgiapea they will go out of their way to find a family member to pay for the expenses because believe me most of these cases they will pressure family enough to get someone to pay. But if not then yes, usually ends up a cremation in a box. And then buried in a non marked grave (it's a numbered marker).. Children have no.legal.obligation to pay funeral exoenses for a parent out if their own.pockets It varies state by state. I believe the last time I looked in my state, that funeral expenses would be assessed to the estate and the eldest child (not all the children) would bear responsibility for debts.
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 9, 2015 15:22:14 GMT
This really needs to be re-legislated to cover a basic funeral. No bells and whistles just the basics and without the spouse stipulation. If you worked and paid into SS or didn't work for legitimate verified reasons then it should be paid. People balk at living people having ACA (hello fiscal conservatives) and you think they will go for SS paying for funerals? SS is quickly running out of money. Following the death of a worker beneficiary or other insured worker, Social Security makes a one-time payment of $255 to the surviving spouse or, if there is no spouse, to surviving dependent children.1 In 2012, such payments were made for about 770,000 deaths, for a total of about $200 million in benefit payments. linkonly because Social Security has been raided over the years rather than paying for what it should.
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 9, 2015 15:28:02 GMT
Anecdotally, my great aunt died in a car accident out of state in the 1930s. My great grandparents had to pay a whopping $10 for the family sized plot (12 then with vault sizes reduced to 10). The month before it had been $5. Obviously my grandparents begrudged it because it has become the topic of family lore.
|
|
|
Post by mrsscrapdiva on Aug 9, 2015 15:35:15 GMT
I have seen everything to a go fund me, to people collecting money instead of flowers, a saw one person that was selling t-shirts to remember their teen that had died in an unfortunate circumstance (home invasion/shooting). I imagine the family shops around to area funeral home/crematoriums to find out what can be done.
Agree.
|
|
|
Post by knit.pea on Aug 9, 2015 16:54:26 GMT
Another ETA I just remembered.
My grandparents had a 6-plot site that is now reduced to a 4-plot. The story went that it was due to the additional cement (?) encasing needed nowadays as well as larger size caskets. Not sure if that is true or not.
(My sister originally had intended to use one of the 6 plots. But when my Dad passed and we were told about the change, she realized that won't be an option for her.)
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 9, 2015 17:53:06 GMT
Another ETA I just remembered. My grandparents had a 6-plot site that is now reduced to a 4-plot. The story went that it was due to the additional cement (?) encasing needed nowadays as well as larger size caskets. Not sure if that is true or not. (My sister originally had intended to use one of the 6 plots. But when my Dad passed and we were told about the change, she realized that won't be an option for her.) if she considers cremation, those can be placed at the foot of another grave but it is up to each cemetery. My great grandparents' plot holds far more than the number because there are infants and cremains in the plot as well.
|
|
|
Post by countrypeagirl on Aug 10, 2015 12:19:22 GMT
I am not big on rituals like funerals. If you want a gathering to discuss the deceased, whatever floats your boat but not for me. My parents seemed to feel the same way so when they died I had them cremated. My father pre-paid part of his which was 1500.00 an I ended up paying off the balance which was 1000.00. Since she was in a nursing home when she died, my mother had surrendered her assets and I had planned on having her cremated at the "state rate" which is 650.00. No go, her SSI was 9.00 over the qualifying income. But I ended up negotiating with the funeral home and since I was paying cash they gave me the state rate. So I guess there is room to negotiate at least where I live. But really, who wants to deal with negotiations when someone has just died. I think pre-planning/paying is the best thing we could do for our families. Actually pre-paying is not always the smartest idea. Here are a couple of reasons why.. 1st- you are paying a funeral homes full retail price. Whatever they want to charge you is what you will pay. 2nd- what if something happens to the funeral home? They can go out of business, burn down, etc. if something happens to that funeral home, there is no guarantee that the money will still be available to you. A final expense policy is the most protective for you.
|
|
|
Post by countrypeagirl on Aug 10, 2015 12:23:00 GMT
Another ETA I just remembered. My grandparents had a 6-plot site that is now reduced to a 4-plot. The story went that it was due to the additional cement (?) encasing needed nowadays as well as larger size caskets. Not sure if that is true or not. (My sister originally had intended to use one of the 6 plots. But when my Dad passed and we were told about the change, she realized that won't be an option for her.) Yes that is a vault.. The average cost is around $2,000. They are mandatory in most states.
|
|
Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
|
Post by Nicole in TX on Aug 10, 2015 15:31:41 GMT
Every state has different laws, but I would be willing to bet many are similar on this topic. When someone dies, there are "first class claims" on the estate. Those can be paid out of the proceeds of the estate before debt is paid. Funeral expenses and attorney fees are first class claims (I think there are some others). My MIL passed away last year and had a negative estate - she owed more than she owned. However, we were able to use the proceeds of what we sold (personal posessions and car profit above the loan), as well as her very small checking account, towards the attorney and funeral expenses before we paid her 10k credit card bill or 5k personal loan. While it doesn't help out in the moment of funeral planning, and some people truly don't have posessions worth more than a few hundred dollars, the first class claims thing really helps here. MIL lived in a trailer with pretty basic/dated posessions and I didn't think we would get much more than $1k for her posessions, but we netted over $2k using an auction company. And that money was able to go to the funeral rather than bills. Did you pay off her loan and CC out of the goodness of your heart? Or was your DH a co-signer?
|
|
Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
|
Post by Nicole in TX on Aug 10, 2015 15:32:48 GMT
Pretty much willing to marry anyone right now... On paper only...just so someone gets my 255. They can go on vacation with it for all I care. I'm just tired of being taken advantage of every time I turn around. Now if it were "need based" I'd understand. But I really fail to see this reasoning. Like you are less of a person if you are not married or don't have children.
|
|
MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
|
Post by MerryMom on Aug 10, 2015 15:46:31 GMT
People balk at living people having ACA (hello fiscal conservatives) and you think they will go for SS paying for funerals? SS is quickly running out of money. Following the death of a worker beneficiary or other insured worker, Social Security makes a one-time payment of $255 to the surviving spouse or, if there is no spouse, to surviving dependent children.1 In 2012, such payments were made for about 770,000 deaths, for a total of about $200 million in benefit payments. linkonly because Social Security has been raided over the years rather than paying for what it should. So if SS paid $255 to each qualifying spouse or if surviving dependent children for 770,000 deaths. I will use $1000 for a very basic funeral or cremation. $1000 x 770,000 deaths for one year = $770,000,000 so basically 3 quarters of a billion dollars a year!!!! to cover funeral expenses. Sorry, but I don't think the role of government is to pay for funeral expenses. Get life insurance, save the money, pay off the funeral in installments, or pass the hat at the funeral. And yes, I've had to pay for a funeral. What are you wanting SS to cover? Pension only? No more disability payments? What exactly do you mean by "rather than paying for what it should" ? Personally, I think they should do away with the $255.
|
|
momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
|
Post by momto4kiddos on Aug 10, 2015 15:54:00 GMT
BIL's mother passed a couple years ago. She never had much and was ill. She was cremated with no funeral/viewing, etc. I believe she researched cremation herself and it was her wish to be cremated with no services. Not exactly sure whether it was expense or whether any beliefs factored in.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Aug 10, 2015 15:56:25 GMT
Pretty much willing to marry anyone right now... On paper only...just so someone gets my 255. They can go on vacation with it for all I care. I'm just tired of being taken advantage of every time I turn around. Now if it were "need based" I'd understand. But I really fail to see this reasoning. Thanks for the laugh in the middle of an eye opening and depressing thread! Once again, interesting information and lists of things to review- thanks RefuPeas.
|
|
|
Post by countrypeagirl on Aug 10, 2015 15:57:23 GMT
only because Social Security has been raided over the years rather than paying for what it should. So if SS paid $255 to each qualifying spouse or if surviving dependent children for 770,000 deaths. I will use $1000 for a very basic funeral or cremation. $1000 x 770,000 deaths for one year = $770,000,000 so basically 3 quarters of a billion dollars a year!!!! to cover funeral expenses. Sorry, but I don't think the role of government is to pay for funeral expenses. Get life insurance, save the money, pay off the funeral in installments, or pass the hat at the funeral. And yes, I've had to pay for a funeral. What are you wanting SS to cover? Pension only? No more disability payments? What exactly do you mean by "rather than paying for what it should" ? Personally, I think they should do away with the $255. I would have to agree with you. Give it to everyone or nobody at all. $255 doesn't do anything for the help of a funeral/final expense anymore anyways.
|
|
freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
|
Post by freebird on Aug 10, 2015 16:03:34 GMT
I am not big on rituals like funerals. If you want a gathering to discuss the deceased, whatever floats your boat but not for me. My parents seemed to feel the same way so when they died I had them cremated. My father pre-paid part of his which was 1500.00 an I ended up paying off the balance which was 1000.00. Since she was in a nursing home when she died, my mother had surrendered her assets and I had planned on having her cremated at the "state rate" which is 650.00. No go, her SSI was 9.00 over the qualifying income. But I ended up negotiating with the funeral home and since I was paying cash they gave me the state rate. So I guess there is room to negotiate at least where I live. But really, who wants to deal with negotiations when someone has just died. I think pre-planning/paying is the best thing we could do for our families. Actually pre-paying is not always the smartest idea. Here are a couple of reasons why.. 1st- you are paying a funeral homes full retail price. Whatever they want to charge you is what you will pay. 2nd- what if something happens to the funeral home? They can go out of business, burn down, etc. if something happens to that funeral home, there is no guarantee that the money will still be available to you. A final expense policy is the most protective for you.
In our state, that money isn't just up for grabs by the funeral home. It HAS TO be put into a trust account (escrow, whatever they call it) for your final expenses.
You should probably make sure you are clear on those laws in your state before you sell them your insurance or whatever it is you're selling so that you too are being honest. Not all funeral homes (very few actually) are criminals.
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Aug 10, 2015 16:11:54 GMT
my MIL had to deal with this when she lost two of her adult sons less than a year apart. Neither was married and neither had any money at all (and nor does MIL). Cremation was the cheapest option (and still about $1000 each) - no service, no urn, no nothing...just ashes returned in a cardboard box - and the extended family all chipped in to help with that.
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
|
Post by happymomma on Aug 10, 2015 16:29:02 GMT
Glad to read this thread. I have only one son and I will soon be unmarried. Though I don't plan on dying soon, you never know! I need to research the cheapest way to get things done around here. Cremation is usually cheapest, right? I ran across something groovy the other day and I need to look into it more. This is an urn for your ashes which contains seed that will grow into a tree. I guess I could order this online and have it all set to go for when the time comes. urnabios.com/Another question: Is it legal to just take someone's ashes and spread them wherever they have stated they'd like to be spread?
|
|
janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,201
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
|
Post by janeinbama on Aug 10, 2015 16:33:56 GMT
My in-laws prepaid their funeral expenses about 6 year ago and it funds an insurance policy which we get annual notice on. No longer can funeral homes "pocket" the money. At the time of death, you are in no frame of mind to review and shop for lowest rates. Quite a few people in our area don't run obits in the paper, especially if the obit would run on the weekends as the rates are higher.
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
|
Post by happymomma on Aug 10, 2015 17:22:54 GMT
Glad to read this thread. I have only one son and I will soon be unmarried. Though I don't plan on dying soon, you never know! I need to research the cheapest way to get things done around here. Cremation is usually cheapest, right? I ran across something groovy the other day and I need to look into it more. This is an urn for your ashes which contains seed that will grow into a tree. I guess I could order this online and have it all set to go for when the time comes. urnabios.com/Another question: Is it legal to just take someone's ashes and spread them wherever they have stated they'd like to be spread? But remember adult children do not count. Only spouses and minors. Regarding the spreading of ashes, I believe the way to go is don't ask, don't tell. Assuming it is your child who will be doing this alone. Personally, I have always told my daughter, no service, no obit, just cremation. We are a family that is very mobile. She can keep the ashes with her, perhaps in a small jewelry piece eventually and keep or scatter the rest as she sees fit. We've discussed possible locations for scattering. Oh, I know, since I won't be married, my family somehow doesn't deserve any money to help bury me. How weird is that? I'd rather that whopping donation just be cut out for everyone so maybe SS can last a little longer. But the reasoning just makes no sense to me at all. You'd think that a single person's family would need the help even more than a married one's, in general. But whatever...I was just mentioning my son because he will now be the one to deal with my death alone, unless I go absolutely crazy and get married again before I die. (Not likely.) Previously, I had wished that my husband would take my ashes to this one spot in California and sprinkle them into the ocean. Now that isn't looking like an option. I really do like the tree idea, but since my son lives far away from me, at least now, I'm not sure that is even do-able, as someone needs to care for the tree at least until it beings to grow well on its own. I guess it really doesn't matter anyway. I will be dead. End of story. I'm just looking for the cheapest and easiest way for my kid to deal with my body after I die.
|
|
Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,797
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
|
Post by Rhondito on Aug 10, 2015 19:26:20 GMT
When my dad died he had no insurance and my mom had no money; my older brother hadn't worked in three years. I had to take out a loan on my 401K to pay for his funeral.
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 10, 2015 19:58:32 GMT
only because Social Security has been raided over the years rather than paying for what it should. So if SS paid $255 to each qualifying spouse or if surviving dependent children for 770,000 deaths. I will use $1000 for a very basic funeral or cremation. $1000 x 770,000 deaths for one year = $770,000,000 so basically 3 quarters of a billion dollars a year!!!! to cover funeral expenses. Sorry, but I don't think the role of government is to pay for funeral expenses. Get life insurance, save the money, pay off the funeral in installments, or pass the hat at the funeral. And yes, I've had to pay for a funeral. What are you wanting SS to cover? Pension only? No more disability payments? What exactly do you mean by "rather than paying for what it should" ? Personally, I think they should do away with the $255. Social Security was a fully funded program but it is raid by Congress to pay for earmarks etc. So when you consider all those baby boomers that paid in for 40+ the money should be more than there, but it isn't because it has been raided as it has been replenished rather than banked as a pension plan to gain interest.
|
|
|
Post by knit.pea on Aug 10, 2015 20:44:06 GMT
Another ETA I just remembered. My grandparents had a 6-plot site that is now reduced to a 4-plot. The story went that it was due to the additional cement (?) encasing needed nowadays as well as larger size caskets. Not sure if that is true or not. (My sister originally had intended to use one of the 6 plots. But when my Dad passed and we were told about the change, she realized that won't be an option for her.) if she considers cremation, those can be placed at the foot of another grave but it is up to each cemetery. My great grandparents' plot holds far more than the number because there are infants and cremains in the plot as well. I will mention this to her. It's a Catholic cemetery, so I'm not sure what their rules are on cremains being buried there. My sister does want cremation, and she is not Catholic so that all may not have worked out anyway.
|
|
|
Post by knit.pea on Aug 10, 2015 20:53:41 GMT
When my dad died he had no insurance and my mom had no money; my older brother hadn't worked in three years. I had to take out a loan on my 401K to pay for his funeral. It is horrible that it comes to that. And even worse that in the middle of grieving is the added stress of how to come up with that much money The funeral expenses we pre-paid were put into a specific burial account, through a holding company (can't remember the name) specializing in such. It was not money held by the funeral home.
|
|
|
Post by RiverIsis on Aug 10, 2015 21:13:11 GMT
if she considers cremation, those can be placed at the foot of another grave but it is up to each cemetery. My great grandparents' plot holds far more than the number because there are infants and cremains in the plot as well. I will mention this to her. It's a Catholic cemetery, so I'm not sure what their rules are on cremains being buried there. My sister does want cremation, and she is not Catholic so that all may not have worked out anyway. Well, my cousins cremains are in a Catholic cemetery but it is always up to the local church. Hopefully she will find a solution that suits.
|
|
|
Post by peano on Aug 10, 2015 21:36:18 GMT
Many people donate their body to science to avoid funeral costs, but most major universities have a over abundance of donations and waiting lists are years long or closed because of it. This really surprises me. I'd have thought they'd have trouble finding bodies.
|
|