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Post by peasapie on Aug 11, 2015 13:43:22 GMT
Well I think you can either be feeling anxious and down about something or feeling anxious and down about nothing. Your daughter sounds like she falls into the latter category, which is often a chemical thing. Medication helps a lot, for most people who try it. It changed my life from the chronic anxiety I'd felt since childhood to leading a happy life. I wish I'd heard that first line 20 years ago when my little sister first started dealing with depression! We always say she was crazy before crazy was cool. But, really, she wasn't. It took years for them to figure out she just has a chronic chemical imbalance. Therapists pushed for years to figure out "what happened to her", but nothing did. She just started dealing with this darkness when she was about 11, and it just kept getting worse. OP, your daughter sounds like my sister. Her life has many happy moments, but overall she wouldn't say she has a happy life. And sometimes, her life as a mom of 4 kids is overwhelming to her. I remember talking with her after her first two were born, (and after they'd figured out she needed medication all the time) helping her see the difference between her "darkness" she was so afraid of falling back into and normal SAHM of very active preschoolers. I'd keep saying, M, that's completely normal. All moms feel that- it's going to be okay. It's been a difficult road, but she's finally completely done with babies & the accompanying hormones and she's settling into a routine where she has more good days than bad ones. "helping her see the difference between her "darkness" she was so afraid of falling back into" That's the exact thing with chronic and genetic depression/chemical imbalance. The lows aren't the normal lows people have. They are terrifying and debilitating, and unless you have felt it, it's impossible to really understand. When you have a chemical problem, even at the best possible moments, you are anxious and you can't even think of why. It feels like being raw, no skin, and you know how much it will hurt if you fall. Medication gives you that protective bumper most humans seem to have so that you can bounce back in a normal way. It was a godsend for me.
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Post by lbp on Aug 11, 2015 15:35:28 GMT
I am going to go with mostly happy life. However, I am an anxious person by nature. I always wonder when the "shoe is going to drop" so to speak, but keep my fears to myself and keep a smile of my face. I do take anxiety meds when needed. My DH is negative, anxious and loves to share that with everyone. He refuses to go to the doctor because then he will be "labeled" whatever that means. He hasn't always been this way, just in the last 5 years. DS and I can be totally content watching TV or something and when DH comes in the "air" completely changes and there is so much negativity present. I am pretty sure taking care of his mom with dementia has caused this, but he won't seek help, so we just walk around on egg shells for now.
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Post by missysauter on Aug 11, 2015 16:22:37 GMT
That's how it's always been for me. It's not a matter of "if" something is going to hurt. I just anticipate that everything will and prepare for it. I've been on medication for years but am finally finding myself coming to terms with who I am and being more comfortable in my own skin.
I think at 19 my DD is just now trying to figure out who she wants to be as an adult. She has seen my struggles and I think she's been going through this depression and anxiety for a lot longer than she is admitting. She told me that she really had hoped not to have to talk to me about this because she didn't want to add anything to me and cause me any more worries than I already have.
I'm very proud of her for stepping up and knowing now that she really needs help. That was huge for her.
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Post by ilikepink on Aug 11, 2015 17:00:59 GMT
My mother was probably had a diagnosable depression, but I always saw her as so pessimistic, and I tried to not be like that. While married with the kids, I was happy and thought I had a happy marriage. Very busy working and life with 3 boys, but for me it was great. Then I found out that the XH wasn't happy. The process of divorcing, moving away, and starting a new life really took it's toll on me. Finding a new identity was a long process. And I lost several jobs, which led me to feeling depressed. I probably should have found an doctor and perhaps medication, but no insurance/money kept me home spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. A few good friends I made here really helped, but what I credit, really, is gratitude. There is always, always something to be grateful for. I keep a gratitude journal with 5 things a day--sometimes it was the comfort of never leaving my apartment and not having to wake up and get dressed for work every day--but it really, really helps.
I had faith that I was on the right path, and realized that even when I doubted my choices, that was still my faith working. Because without doubt, what is faith? Without feeling sad/lonely/depressed at times, how do you feel happy? The sun may shine, but without something to cast a shadow, you really don't see it.
After having been happy, and then not-so-happy, I'm proud to say I have a happy life with a few challenges on the path.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 11, 2015 17:17:49 GMT
My now 18 yo DD has dealt with some of this too. She is currently not seeing anyone for it nor on meds. She is going off to college (with no health center) next week and I worry how she will handle the transition. I also think I have some of it going on. I have happy moments but am generally stressed and worried about things. However, I also handle 95% of things at home (and work outside the home) so I have a lot on my plate at any given moment (as most adults do).
I try to handle everything so DH doesn't have to, but sometimes it gets to be too much.
I hope your daughter gets the help she needs and starts to feel better.
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Post by melanell on Aug 11, 2015 18:06:34 GMT
I have happy moments in between tedious moments, worrisome moments, bored moments, aggravated moments, etc.. I think it's unrealisitic to expect an entire day to be made of only "happ"y moments. I think that if you define a "happy day" in that way, you will that you have few happy days. But if you (she, me, general ) define a happy day because it had a good deal of contentment or several happy moments, enough to clearly outweigh any aggravation or sadness, then you'll find yourself tallying up more "happy days". My son has been annoying me to no end for the past hour or so. I am not happy about that. But in between that I have had other "happy" moments. The other DS did some work that made me proud (and happy) and I have been working on a hobby, which is nice. But I have to try to tune out the whining, groaning, and sighing from the kid who isn't happy with me right now. If DH were to walk in the dorr right now and ask how my day has been, I would say "good". Even though DS is being a butt-head right this second. Because, besides that, it was an average day with a few clearly good moments and no other clearly bad ones. I think day to day people are in a routine, and you have to decide if that routine is a "rut" or just part of the life you chose. The routine can get boring, but the overall life is still good, kwim? It can be hard to see the contentment or happiness in day to day life if you aren't actively looking for it sometimes. Work can be hard or over-taxing, kids can be draining, a spouse can be driving you nuts, your health might not be as it should be. It's easy for anyone to focus on those things, really. You have to remind yourself, hey, I love that annoying guy I'm married to, or yeah, my kids are worth all the hassle, or yes, I am grateful for this job/career. But, I think that depression & anxiety do 3 things to shrink out happy tally. 1.) They make it very hard to tune out or down play the annoying, aggravating, or worrying things that happen day to day. 2.) They make you actually focus on those negative things more than anything else. 3.) They make you worry or even assume that in the future the negative will always outweigh the positive, or that there will cease to be positive at all. I am glad that she is seeing someone and talking to you about it as well. I wish her all the best.
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