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Post by missysauter on Aug 10, 2015 17:49:53 GMT
I deal with depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, my 19 year old DD has come to me to say that she's been dealing with these feelings for many months now. She went to see a doctor this morning. She will start with a counselor in a couple of weeks.
I asked her if she is happy and she said that she has happy moments. She said she knows she has a good life, but isn't necessarily happy most of the time. She's always worried about something and puts so much pressure on herself.
I don't know that I'm the best judge of what's "normal" and was just wondering how other people generally feel.
Are you happy throughout the day? Do you have happy moments? Are your days kind of just level - no real high - no real low?
Thanks!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 18:07:27 GMT
I deal with depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, my 19 year old DD has come to me to say that she's been dealing with these feelings for many months now. She went to see a doctor this morning. She will start with a counselor in a couple of weeks. I asked her if she is happy and she said that she has happy moments. She said she knows she has a good life, but isn't necessarily happy most of the time. She's always worried about something and puts so much pressure on herself. I don't know that I'm the best judge of what's "normal" and was just wondering how other people generally feel. Are you happy throughout the day? Do you have happy moments? Are your days kind of just level - no real high - no real low? Thanks!! I have happy moments and contented days if that makes sense. Happy is an elevated feeling that I don't think is possible to maintain, and probably shouldn't be honestly because if we are always happy we lose those moments of varying stages of euphoria. Does that make sense? I know I am dealing with depression when I don't care about anything.. including I don't care that I don't care... I'm not interested in how well I do my job at work, in developing relationships with people (co-workers or family) I'm not interested in pursuing my previous hobbies... But when I'm content I have an interest in one or more of my hobbies, look forward to interaction with family, friends, coworkers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 18:11:03 GMT
I'm sorry that you're both having to deal with that, I hope the counselling can help. I don't have a happy life, I have moments where I know I'm happy but they don't seem to last. I'm struggling with it because I've always chosen to be happy and pretty much succeeded up to this point, I hate that I feel so low recently and can't shake myself out of it. As voltagain says, it's a feeling of not caring that you don't care. I haven't got dressed for two days now, my hair is a mess and I don't particularly care about it.
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Post by Zee on Aug 10, 2015 18:12:28 GMT
Both...in general, I am a happy person. I have a quick temper but I generally don't hold grudges and am usually quick to forgive, and that helps me to let go of negativity I think.
I also use exercise as a way of dealing with anxiety. Helps a lot.
I remember long ago reading about Ma telling Laura to always look for the silver lining, and that was something that stuck with me. I've had some very dark days in the past that I couldn't have gotten through without my friends and, don't laugh, that jerk cat of mine. IRL I use humor to work through hard things, as well. Sometimes it's easier for me to laugh than cry.
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Post by penny on Aug 10, 2015 18:18:42 GMT
I have depression and anxiety too, so not sure I'm the best to describe 'normal'... I also have PTSD, and a characteristic of that is feeling removed/like I'm watching the world and my life from behind a piece of glass...
Okay - clearly, REALLY not the person to be answering this...lol
I can know I'm happy without feeling it... That's probably 90% of the time... The rest of the time I know I'm happy and I feel happiness... The moments when I can feel my feelings (feeling numb is part of my depression and staying removed is part of my PTSD), are wonderful... So while I can only feel happiness every once in a while, I know that I am happy...
It would be interesting to see how she answers that question after she starts therapy... I tend to feel more happiness after a good session...
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 10, 2015 18:20:49 GMT
With so many who struggle with anxiety and depression, I hesitate to even say this-but I think I have a happy life. I tend to be a glass half full and a refrigerator close by to fill it up if I want to kind of girl. I have moments were I have flashes of anxiety about certain situations, but over all, I am happy and find silver linings (to be cliche) in most things. There are times where I am more happy than others (you would probably call them the happy moments) but over all, as a rule, I am happy with a happy life. My mom says that I have been that way all my life even as a baby. She said I would wake up in the morning smiling and not stop all day. I still am like that most days. My son says I wake up with the 'happyhappy joyjoy' and then dance my way through the day.
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AnotherPea
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 10, 2015 18:21:31 GMT
I agree with Volt. I think it is impossible to be happy all the time. I believe that society (and especially the drug industry) have somehow convinced us that we should be happy constantly. Then,when we aren't, we compare ourselves to this impossible standard which only exacerbates our discontent.
I think we should all realize that life was never meant to be easy and that we should look for moments of happiness throughout the day.
I'm also a big fan of gratitude. Once you realize all of the things that you have going for you, it is easier to be content.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 18:25:09 GMT
I suffer from depression and anxiety too. I'd been on a low dose antidepressant before I got pregnant and was off of it my entire pregnancy and have been doing great.
I agree that happiness is not a constant emotion that's able to be maintained. I have highs and lows every day..but I'd say I maintain a sense of "contentment" most of the time. Like I'm okay. I'm good. Not super high, not super low, even though I know a low or high can be right around the corner. When contentment goes down, I know I have an issue and need to get bac on meds. I've a tendency to go off meds for several months and do fine, then it starts creeping back in and I know it's time to start taking it.
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Post by jenb72 on Aug 10, 2015 18:28:29 GMT
I have both... now. It wasn't always that way. I made steps to make it that way.
Overall, I have a happy life. It has ups and downs, but I know the downs are temporary, so it's still a happy life.
Five years ago, I couldn't have said that. I had an unhappy life in an unhappy marriage where I had temporary happy times. I had to take a long, hard look in the mirror and face the fact that it was my choices that put me in that position and it was only my choices that would get me out. So I started making better choices for myself. It wasn't easy - 20 years of "training" (on my own part) was hard to overcome - but little by little it got easier. And now I'm in a place in my life where I can honestly say I'm happy and I don't have to "fake it until I make it".
Jen
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 10, 2015 18:31:19 GMT
happy moments is how I'd describe it for me, too... my life overall is pretty good, compared to some, I'm sure it would be great. But for me, it's just 'there' a lot of the time, unless something extraordinary happens or I take the time to notice the small things- a pretty sunset, the dog licking my face when I'm sad, etc.
(although I'm not sure I will skew your sample or not, because I also have chronic depression that I take medication for, and have for about 10 yrs, now. I've gone off of it a few times- not a good idea! I've found that for me, it will only take a few days without my medication for me to start skewing toward the 'everything in my life is horrible' side of things where I'm constantly on edge and everyone and everything in my life seems to exist solely to irritate me. I don't mean to go off of it, I'll just feel good, forget a day or two, and then bam.)
I don't believe that anyone can be happy all the time, though-- to me, that's just not possible- people can be content with their life, but I think anyone who says they're happy all the time is either lying or fooling themselves.
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Post by alissa103 on Aug 10, 2015 18:33:27 GMT
I'm happy with my life. Sure there are things I'd change or improve, but I'm genuinely content. I've learned what gives me anxiety and how to deal with those feelings (talking it out with DH who's a voice of reason & calm, exercising, etc.) so that it doesn't consume me.
I think seeing a counselor is a great idea. He/she can give your dd the tools needed to manage those feelings. That can be a HUGE help for someone young like your dd, who's not necessarily set in her ways in how to handle things, so that as she ages, she is able to deal with this kind of stuff in a healthy way.
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Aug 10, 2015 18:33:40 GMT
I'm grateful for every moment I live, but I am suffering from a deep dark depression. Happy moments would be nice, a happy life great. Depression, anxiety, fear, PTSD are all the largest part of my life.
I worry about my teen daughter as I see the same fear, anxiety, depression in her.
Not knowing if death is knocking every single second is taking it's toll on our entire family.
Good luck. It's great she talked to you about it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 18:38:42 GMT
When I get down, I count my blessings. Really, I do. Plus I bought a chicken! Can't be unhappy when you have a chicken. But what works for me may not be the answer for you.
You have to find what works for you. A counselor can help you find your calm.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 10, 2015 18:40:56 GMT
I meant to add, I agree that it's a good thing your daughter is seeing a counselor, right away, too-- I think I suffered from chronic depression for a lot of years before I finally sought treatment in my early / mid 30s... talking to someone earlier would have helped me to learn coping mechanisms and how to recognize the 'down' thoughts and criticisms as not 'real' and coming from my depression. I think that might have changed a lot of things about my life, had I realized that sooner.
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 10, 2015 18:53:22 GMT
My life is a happy one. Being happy is what life is all about. I'm sorry that your DD is not experiencing that but it's good she's confided in you. Of course I get angry about situational things and upset. Like UPS flubbed up a delivery Friday and I went on line to an Amazon rep and called them (UPS, not Amazon) idiots. Then I worried over it all morning waiting for the re-delivery but knew it would be straightened out. Being upset does not make me unhappy with my life.
Hopefully, your DD will be helped by her counselor.
ETA: Megmc, can you share a picture of your chicken, please. Chickens are wonderful beings.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 10, 2015 18:55:15 GMT
Well I think you can either be feeling anxious and down about something or feeling anxious and down about nothing. Your daughter sounds like she falls into the latter category, which is often a chemical thing. Medication helps a lot, for most people who try it. It changed my life from the chronic anxiety I'd felt since childhood to leading a happy life.
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 10, 2015 18:57:00 GMT
I have a happy life, bit that doesn't mean I'm happy every minute of every day. So far today I have had normal moments, extra good moments, and moments where I'm swearing at things under my breath.
On the balance my life is happy, but not because I don't struggle. I have experienced major depression in my life and am in a period of more frequent than normal anxiety right now. My OCD is a little more prominent than usual. Life is outpacing my ability to cope just a bit right now. But my life is still happy on balance. This is just a season.
I think what makes my life happy even though I have some hard times is knowing that I am loved, knowing that I am capable of handling hard things, and knowing that there is a better day down the line that just hasn't got here yet.
ETA it has literally taken me decades to get here emotionally and mentally. Decades and many trials. I hope your daughter finds her path to peace in her circumstances too.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Aug 10, 2015 19:01:52 GMT
I suffered from really bad depression from 2010 up until about a year or so ago. I thought everything was awful, no happiness whatsoever. About a year ago (give or take some), the fog started to lift and I've been getting better everyday. I was talking with my girls the other night about being happy and I realized how truly happy I am with my life. Sure I have moments where things aren't that great, but for the most part, we live a good life. We own our home, own our cars, have very little debt, get to take yearly vacations (sometimes even twice a year!)... I have a good husband that loves me, two healthy and beautiful girls, enough food to eat, and enough money to do a lot of fun things that we often take for granted. When I was depressed, I didn't see all of that. The depression clouded my judgement over a lot of things. I'm glad I'm finally seeing "the light" and how good we really do have it.
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akathy
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Post by akathy on Aug 10, 2015 19:04:28 GMT
I have a very happy life. I have no commitments and no responsibilities. I'm not responsible for any living thing except myself I only have to do what pleases me. I have close family and lots of friends and can do things at the drop of a hat. It's a very nice position to be in. Are there things I wish were different in my life? You bet but I'm thankful for what I have today. I can't dwell on what can never be. I do get lonely at times but by and large I'm very content. Someone dear to me deals with depression I know how hard it can be. I'm always thankful that I never got dealt that hand. Hugs!
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scorpeao
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Post by scorpeao on Aug 10, 2015 19:11:15 GMT
I think some people are hard wired to be happy and others have to work at it. I'm one that has to work at it. I have happy moments, but for the most part, like Volt, I'm just content. I think I have a form of depression. A counselor once gave a name for it and I don't remember the name, but he likened it to being like Eeyore. I still enjoy my hobbies, friends and family I'm just not generally "happy."
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Post by disneypal on Aug 10, 2015 19:13:37 GMT
I use to tell people that I really and truly had a happy life and I did. It wasn't perfect but in general I was happy. But..my dad passed away 3 years ago and then it seemed more like my life wasn't happy but I would have happy moments. The past October, my brother passed very sudden - no warning at all..He was standing up and his happy self one minute and literally the next minute he was on the floor and gone. It has taken all my joy away. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be happy again.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 19:16:18 GMT
Moments; but I prefer the word content to happy. There are some aspects of my life that will never change. Trying to obtain a happy life is too exhausting.
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Post by ingrid6 on Aug 10, 2015 19:17:32 GMT
With so many who struggle with anxiety and depression, I hesitate to even say this-but I think I have a happy life. I tend to be a glass half full and a refrigerator close by to fill it up if I want to kind of girl. I have moments were I have flashes of anxiety about certain situations, but over all, I am happy and find silver linings (to be cliche) in most things. There are times where I am more happy than others (you would probably call them the happy moments) but over all, as a rule, I am happy with a happy life. My mom says that I have been that way all my life even as a baby. She said I would wake up in the morning smiling and not stop all day. I still am like that most days. My son says I wake up with the 'happyhappy joyjoy' and then dance my way through the day. I agree with this. I have a happy and very content life. I'm so sorry for those that are struggling with anxiety and depression - that must be so difficult. My life isn't a bed of roses but that being said dh and I have had a relatively smooth ride. When our kids were little we owned an Inn and it made it so much easier having him home to help with all aspects of childcare. Our kids have all been easy going, we have no big financial issues or worries, dh and I are the best of friends, we own a successful business - in other words, we haven't had a tough life. There have been difficult times and not every day is a "life couldn't get any better than this" day, but we do not have it hard. It certainly hasn't all fallen in our laps because we've definitely worked our butts off, but we've done it together and we always try and look at the positive. Last but certainly not least - good times or bad we've always had our faith to sustain us.
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craftykitten
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Post by craftykitten on Aug 10, 2015 19:20:47 GMT
I don't believe that happiness is a single moment. Happiness can be an existence. For me, part of it has been learning to be content, to be grateful, and to know what brings me joy so that I can pursue it. Happiness is letting go of other people's expectations. I have had terrible things in my life but I have learnt and am still learning to separate my own sense of worth and well-being from the things that happen to me. Talking to a therapist has helped with this. I have had counselling, and take anti-depressants. I do think some people are more prone to feeling like this, and drugs can help and there is no shame in taking them. 19 is a really tough age anyway, apart from those feelings. I was very similar - always worrying, feeling the pressure, and I felt very responsible for other people as well. It has taken me a long time to let go of these things. I'm glad your DD can talk to you, and is seeking help. I keep a gratitude journal - actually these days I use a calendar with a line for every day. And I write something every day that I am grateful for, or has made me happy, or is a 'good' thing in my life. It has become a matter of habit now but it is very rewarding to see such a list building up. Even on the days when I feel dreadful, there is always something - even if it's just a hot cup of tea
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Post by papersilly on Aug 10, 2015 19:32:39 GMT
I think I have a happy life with bumps in the road. those bumps, after they die down, make me really appreciate the happy moments and overall happy feeling I have.
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sharlag
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Post by sharlag on Aug 10, 2015 19:35:58 GMT
I'm happy by nature, but can be affected by bad situations *OR* staying home alone too long.
I took an antidepressant a couple of months the year I had 1. cancer, 2. divorce and 3. my brother's suicide. It was just too much!
My latest crying jag has been cured by walking in the evenings. Either that, or the hormone surge that made me cry has ebbed coincidentally the same time I started my evening walks.
I really feel for y'all suffering with depression and tragedy. It makes me feel guilty for ever posting a flip or sarcastic response on this message board. People really do have some bad shit to deal with.
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 10, 2015 19:37:02 GMT
I believe strongly that my mother was raised to feel guilty about ever being happy. It appeared to me as she tried to enforce that thinking on me as a child, that somehow she had developed a mindset against happiness. LOL, I asked her several times if I was adopted, as I couldn't understand how I got into such a grumpy family. Of course this just made her mad.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 10, 2015 19:40:48 GMT
I don't know who wrote it (maybe the Bloggess??) but I read a wonderful blog post about how depression lies. It really does. People can go along, saying things that are NOT about me in the slightest, but when I'm in the midst of a depressive episode, it seems like everything is about me (all of it negative, of course), and I take everything ultra-personally. so, sharlag, don't feel guilty for being flip or sarcastic! most people who suffer with depression have good and bad times, and know that it's truly 'not all about us' and things aren't meant personally.
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peabrain
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Post by peabrain on Aug 10, 2015 19:46:35 GMT
I have a good life. I am a happy person overall. My job is demanding. But I deal. I don't watch the news really. I don't have financial problems. For the most part we live within our means, but I am the spender of the family. But our marriage is struggling and I feel that burden, I think more than he does. I think I "feel" things more than other people. While I have thick skin on the outside, maybe I take it home and think about it more when I'm alone. I think I feel things more deeply than most people. So there are times I don't feel like a happy person, but others may not see it. I'm a private person. Not sure if that really answered your question, but that's how I feel. Happy moments I guess.
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 10, 2015 19:47:19 GMT
I guess I haven't really thought about it. I do deal with some depression/anxiety issues, but for the most part, I think I'm generally happy. Some moments are happier than others.
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