scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Aug 12, 2015 0:33:05 GMT
I always thought cremation was the way to go. I had my husband cremated with every intention of spreading them in a place he loved very much. Of course my intentions meant that he was 90 and I was ready to let go. 3 years later, I still have him and it bugs the daylights out of me. Yet I cannot let them go. I found a necklace that I want to make from the ashes and I think then I might be able to let it go. Once Im gone, I won't care what happens to the necklace at that point, for now I have this need to keep the ashes near me. I have moved the ashes many times in the last three years and every move it drives me crazy that I've turned into that widow that can't let go, but its a process and it will take as long as it takes. Should I never be able to part with them, Im going to have instructions for my kids to mix us both together and take us to Florida to be a part of the Eternal Reef program. Hopefully they won't have the same problem I have with letting go.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:36:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 0:51:17 GMT
I had my mother's cremains in the marble urn on our book shelf for a couple of years after her death. We waited for her estate to settle and then my siblings and I decided to inter her cremains in a columbarium at our local cemetery. It's a beautiful spot, lots of trees, across from a pond where there are geese and ducks, but I find that I don't visit as often as I think I should.
DH and I have already told our son that we want to be cremated and that he can spread them wherever he wants. I don't want him to think he is obligated to "visit" us somewhere.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:36:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 0:54:24 GMT
I plan to be cremated and wouldn't want my ashes to be held in an urn or anything. I would much rather have them spread in a beautiful area surrounded by water or something. The thought of keeping them doesn't sit right with me and I wouldn't want to keep anyone's ashes in my house.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 12, 2015 1:17:20 GMT
On a shelf with their 243 scrapbooks?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:36:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 1:23:15 GMT
I would want my ashes to be spread, and would spread the ashes of loved ones who passed. I have no desire to keep anyone's ashes. I don't care what anyone else does, but I don't want to keep them.
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Post by lancermom on Aug 12, 2015 1:24:48 GMT
So if DH goes first I may make him into a diamond!??!! I asked to be buried in a park with a tree over me. At a park where a local band performs. My headstone will be a bench donated to park. Better chance of family visiting.
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Post by melanell on Aug 12, 2015 1:34:40 GMT
I think that with this kind of thing, you do with them what feels right to you, and then let go of any thought or concern for it once you are gone. Let future generations, relatives, etc. do as they wish with it. Don't worry over what they will do and don't overwhelm them with requests for it all. You'll be gone. it won't matter to you anymore. Let them decide.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 12, 2015 1:38:11 GMT
I would think in general, the fact that families are more spread out geographically today makes burial an issue, too... except for my boyfriend, my family is all in the Midwest. and we don't have any kids. Where do we get buried, or what do we have done with our ashes if we get cremated?? I have no real 'ties' to Arizona... no reason to be scattered anywhere here, really. not something I've ever thought about more than in passing before, but it's something we probably should discuss at some point. (I have thought semi-seriously about donating my body to science, though...) eta: we currently have one dog's cremains, and the remains of my first two cats. I need to get urns for them; right now they're only in the boxes they give them back in. (at the same time, I don't want to open those boxes very bad, either...) crimsoncat05, My grandmother donated her body to science decades ago. I'd like to think that because of her generosity, lives were saved. We had the option of having the medical school dispose of her body when they were done with it or return it to us after cremation. Granny was returned to us via UPS (this was back before mail order was commonplace. The internet wasn't even heard of then.) We had a beautiful stone box for her and buried her next to my grandpa.
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Post by lorieann13 on Aug 12, 2015 1:42:00 GMT
My maternal grandparents were cremated but their urns were burried in their plots. Now for my parents, they will be burried as they will go to Arlington National Cemetary as my dad is retired Navy.
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Post by mystuffandnat on Aug 12, 2015 1:51:33 GMT
Well when I go someone is going to come into the house and start going thru the glass. Eventually they will open a tall urn and see ashes in a baggie. Probably call the hazmat team, there will be a police investigation, the neighbors will all talk...Think I will go label those "dog remains" right now...
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 12, 2015 1:55:20 GMT
sharlag, I don't think you're overthinking it. More and more people are opting for cremation. And, as a society, we are more mobile and move more frequently than past generations.
I am willing to be an organ donor so perhaps my kids would donate my body to science. Then I think it would be nice to be made into diamonds for them or into a paperweight for each of them.
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 12, 2015 1:57:00 GMT
We spread my dads ashes in the Pacific Ocean. Dh's grandmother was creamated but placed in a crypt in a cemetery.
I wouldn't want to be kept in an urn.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 12, 2015 2:02:35 GMT
My dad has my mom's cremains. When he passes he will cremated and they'll be buried together. They already have their cemetery plots.
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Post by ten&rose on Aug 12, 2015 2:24:59 GMT
We currently have 4 sets of cremains in boxes from the funeral home. My sister had authority over what to do with them and never decided I'm not sure if she wasn't ready to let go or what. Now that my sister was killed it falls upon my other sister and I to deal with. I also have a beautiful glass pendant with tiny bits of both of my parents cremains made into the glass. I wear it all the time, I get tons of compliments on it it's very dear to me. But I do wonder, what happens when I'm no longer here to cherish it. My DD has her own and future generations will not have met my parents. Will they even want it knowing what it is?? Or worse will it end up in some estate sale as a pretty pendant and the next person wI'll gave no idea what the speckles I the glass even are!!!! Why not plan to be buried with that necklace?
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 12, 2015 2:40:10 GMT
or keepsake that worries me: the burden of future generations to haul them around, to keep them stored respectfully. It's a growing trend, right? More people are choosing cremation. So in theory, our great grandchildren might have 5-6 urns to juggle, to place, to care for, or to pay to bury. It might keep snowballing until future homes have to have 'urn rooms' to handle the things. Will they end up in storage units? In a gross basement? Am I overthinking this? I buried the cremains of both my dad and my sister in the plots my dad had already purchased.... although I asked the funeral home to box up small portions so that I could sprinkle a little on the other side of the world. They also provided the documentation I needed to transport the cremains
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 12, 2015 2:43:37 GMT
I would think in general, the fact that families are more spread out geographically today makes burial an issue, too... except for my boyfriend, my family is all in the Midwest. and we don't have any kids. Where do we get buried, or what do we have done with our ashes if we get cremated?? I have no real 'ties' to Arizona... no reason to be scattered anywhere here, really. not something I've ever thought about more than in passing before, but it's something we probably should discuss at some point. (I have thought semi-seriously about donating my body to science, though...) eta: we currently have one dog's cremains, and the remains of my first two cats. I need to get urns for them; right now they're only in the boxes they give them back in. (at the same time, I don't want to open those boxes very bad, either...) crimsoncat05, My grandmother donated her body to science decades ago. I'd like to think that because of her generosity, lives were saved. We had the option of having the medical school dispose of her body when they were done with it or return it to us after cremation. Granny was returned to us via UPS (this was back before mail order was commonplace. The internet wasn't even heard of then.) We had a beautiful stone box for her and buried her next to my grandpa. A news report on the cost of funerals (embalming, casket etc) said that there was such a surplus of donated bodies, that many places were no longer accepting them! Personally, after all the science classes I took, I have no desire to donate my body to science, although I have authorized the donation of any and all usable parts.
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Post by elaine on Aug 12, 2015 2:50:13 GMT
I want to be buried, my husband wants to be cremated. We are specifying that his ashes be buried in a plot next to mine. There is nothing preventing a container with ashes from being buried someplace that future generations can visit. It seems more generous to give all family members the chance of visiting the departed member, rather than one person holding onto the remains in their home.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:36:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 3:00:53 GMT
Am I the only one who finds it a little uncomfortable that people's ashes are split up and in several separate places? I'm not sure why this bothers me, but I'd rather have all the ashes scattered in one location or interred in a columbarium. No way would I want to keep them and move them from place to place. That's ok. What's normal to one person is totally OMG really to another. We had our reasons for doing what we did and they were pretty unique. What you do with your family is perfectly fine, too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:36:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 3:05:50 GMT
I always thought cremation was the way to go. I had my husband cremated with every intention of spreading them in a place he loved very much. Of course my intentions meant that he was 90 and I was ready to let go. 3 years later, I still have him and it bugs the daylights out of me. Yet I cannot let them go. I found a necklace that I want to make from the ashes and I think then I might be able to let it go. Once Im gone, I won't care what happens to the necklace at that point, for now I have this need to keep the ashes near me. I have moved the ashes many times in the last three years and every move it drives me crazy that I've turned into that widow that can't let go, but its a process and it will take as long as it takes. Should I never be able to part with them, Im going to have instructions for my kids to mix us both together and take us to Florida to be a part of the Eternal Reef program. Hopefully they won't have the same problem I have with letting go. Don't quote me, but as long as you dealt with him properly (by law and human decency) which you have, I don't think you have to do *anything* with his cremains. If you want them in the bedroom with you, so be it. If in 5 years you want to spread them, cool. If you want to be buried beside him, and want to hold on to his cremains for 50 more years (I don't know how old you are) to ensure your wishes are remembered? Yup, that's cool, too. This is on your terms and only your terms. Please don't let anyone tell you differently. There is no law that says you have to bury cremains before X years have passed.
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Post by k8smom on Aug 12, 2015 3:19:45 GMT
Don't people scatter the cremains anymore? I don't want my kids spending big $ on a funeral / service, but to just take my cremains home in a card board box and scatter them to the wind somewhere pretty.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 12, 2015 3:25:20 GMT
DH's parents are both cremated. Most of his dad's ashes were spread in the lake where our cabin is but a few spoonfuls went in the back yard garden there and the rest were put into a small jade urn that went in a wall vault at the cemetery. His mom's ashes are all in a lined wooden box urn that she selected herself and her ashes are also in the same wall vault with his dad.
Now our pets are another story. They have all been cremated and I couldn't bear to bury them at our old house (and good thing too because we moved) or at the cabin because we're not there much other than in the summer. So there they sit in their little cardboard boxes in a collection in the closet until we figure out something better to do with them. DD has never known those dogs, so they wouldn't mean anything to her.
ETA: Both DH and I want to be cremated. I think we will go together into a single wall unit somewhere just so we are in a place. I wouldn't want to be scattered, and I wouldn't want anyone to spend a bunch of money on my funeral. I've already told DH he can have me burned up in the cheapest cardboard box they have. I dislike wakes and viewings so I hope they skip that when I go.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 12, 2015 3:48:22 GMT
This is why we have decided on a green burial.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 12, 2015 4:10:43 GMT
I have DFIL's ashes sitting in my craft room. DMIL wants no part of them. At this point, we plan to "plant" him with a new tree in our yard in the spring. We bought our house from my in-laws and DFIL loved this yard so it seems fitting.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 12, 2015 4:16:14 GMT
My grandmother was cremated and we spread her ashes on my grandfather's grave. My dad was cremated and we buried his ashes in ND's veterans cemetery. My mom's ashes will be buried next to him.
When DH died we mixed his ashes with a huge bag of wildflower seeds and spread them on a Missouri River bank he particularly loved about 75 miles from here. When I die my ashes will be spread on the same riverbank.
I'm all for cremation but would never dream of keeping ashes in an urn.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 12, 2015 4:27:35 GMT
My husband and I will be cremated. Whoever goes first will wait for the other of us and then our ashes will be mixed together. We will then be scattered over the graves of my parents, his parents and my ancestor's lands in Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky and Tennessee.
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Post by jemali on Aug 12, 2015 4:35:35 GMT
When dh's aunt was cremated her kids got in a big dispute about what to do with the ashes. Her DH wanted the urn buried at a particular cemetery but she had stated before she died that she didn't want to be there. She wanted a different one that he didn't like. One of the kids suggested splitting the ashes between the two or scattering them somewhere. But the son thought it would be creepy to have a hand here...a leg there...
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 12, 2015 5:08:44 GMT
In the UK is is less common to keep the 'cremains'. Sprinkle or bury.
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Post by jenb72 on Aug 12, 2015 11:07:11 GMT
You may be overthinking, or you may not be thinking broadly enough.
I plan to be cremated - I see no need to be buried in the ground in an expensive funeral with a gaudy, over-priced casket. But I also don't plan on being kept in an urn. I would rather come up with a place where my children can spread/sprinkle my ashes. I also noticed on a cremation site recently that you can have some of your ashes placed into a small keepsake piece of jewelry or in a picture frame with my picture. So, if it's what my kids wanted, I might consider that, also. But only if they wanted something like that, because it would still be something to keep up with.
My mother and grandmother are cremated and kept in urns, but their urns are kept in a mausoleum at a cemetery in the town where my dad lives. I'm assuming they will be kept there after he passes, and I know he wants to be cremated as well. So that's a conversation I will need to have with him soon - what his wishes are regarding his ashes and what his wishes are for both of their urns.
Jen
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Aug 12, 2015 11:45:13 GMT
My grandkids won't have to worry - my cremains are going up in a sky rocket. Go out in a blaze of glory. lol.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,005
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Aug 12, 2015 12:00:38 GMT
when my DH dies, our plan is to cremate and spread somewhere. I'll hold a little back for a locket, or something similar for the boys if they wish. but we're not going to saddle ourselves or any future generations with the safekeeping of an urn.
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