sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 11, 2015 21:29:46 GMT
or keepsake that worries me: the burden of future generations to haul them around, to keep them stored respectfully.
It's a growing trend, right? More people are choosing cremation. So in theory, our great grandchildren might have 5-6 urns to juggle, to place, to care for, or to pay to bury. It might keep snowballing until future homes have to have 'urn rooms' to handle the things.
Will they end up in storage units? In a gross basement?
Am I overthinking this?
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
Posts: 2,606
Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Aug 11, 2015 21:33:19 GMT
Yeah, I don't want to haul around anyone or be hauled around by anyone. I like the idea of cremation and then spreading the ashes. I 'd like to be scattered in Paris but since I will not be around to ensure it, I am fine with just being tossed in the backyard. And I have posted this elsewhere, but I told DD21 that if anything ever happened, I would scatter her at Comic-Con, and she approved.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 11, 2015 21:36:08 GMT
On a shelf with their 243 scrapbooks?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:38:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 21:37:31 GMT
I know most of my Grandma's cremains are buried with my grandfather (who passed in '97). A cousin has a small amount in a keepsake with a frame.
I've told my DH that if I go first, he is to hold onto my cremains and then when he passes, the kids are to mix them and possibly bury them or put them in one of those halls designed for urns (several of our cemetaries here have these buildings that is basically a big tomb). That way, there's only one burial/entombment expense.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 11, 2015 21:38:43 GMT
I have some of my dad's cremains and I am going to put them in with my mom when she passes. I would either put them all together in one urn or bury them, or spread them someplace. I would not carry them around from place to place or leave them to my kids.
I have 2 sets of dog cremains on my mantle and I will bury those eventually.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 11, 2015 21:39:11 GMT
On a shelf with their 243 scrapbooks? BINGO!
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Post by hop2 on Aug 11, 2015 21:39:40 GMT
We currently have 4 sets of cremains in boxes from the funeral home. My sister had authority over what to do with them and never decided I'm not sure if she wasn't ready to let go or what. Now that my sister was killed it falls upon my other sister and I to deal with.
I also have a beautiful glass pendant with tiny bits of both of my parents cremains made into the glass. I wear it all the time, I get tons of compliments on it it's very dear to me. But I do wonder, what happens when I'm no longer here to cherish it. My DD has her own and future generations will not have met my parents. Will they even want it knowing what it is??
Or worse will it end up in some estate sale as a pretty pendant and the next person wI'll gave no idea what the speckles I the glass even are!!!!
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 11, 2015 21:41:35 GMT
Both of my parents want to be cremated and I don't plan to carry those urns around any longer than it takes to schedule "burial" at the columbarium at Arlington National Cemetery. Dh and I have both said we want our ashes scattered, although if the kids would rather have the ashes in a columbarium somewhere that's really up to them.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 11, 2015 21:46:17 GMT
We currently have 4 sets of cremains in boxes from the funeral home. My sister had authority over what to do with them and never decided I'm not sure if she wasn't ready to let go or what. Now that my sister was killed it falls upon my other sister and I to deal with. I also have a beautiful glass pendant with tiny bits of both of my oatents cremains made into the glass. I wear it all the time, I get tons of compliments on it it's very dear to me. But I do wonder, what happens when I'm no longer here to cherish it. My DD has her own and future generations will not have met my parents. Will they even want it knowing what it is?? Or worse will it end up in some estate sale as a pretty pendant and the next person wI'll gave no idea what the speckles I the glass even are!!!! Maybe you can specify you'd like to wear it when you are buried. Of course if you are cremated that won't work.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 11, 2015 21:55:23 GMT
I would think in general, the fact that families are more spread out geographically today makes burial an issue, too... except for my boyfriend, my family is all in the Midwest. and we don't have any kids. Where do we get buried, or what do we have done with our ashes if we get cremated?? I have no real 'ties' to Arizona... no reason to be scattered anywhere here, really.
not something I've ever thought about more than in passing before, but it's something we probably should discuss at some point.
(I have thought semi-seriously about donating my body to science, though...)
eta: we currently have one dog's cremains, and the remains of my first two cats. I need to get urns for them; right now they're only in the boxes they give them back in. (at the same time, I don't want to open those boxes very bad, either...)
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,294
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Aug 11, 2015 21:57:37 GMT
I hate the word 'cremains', it's an awful portmanteau. What's wrong with just saying ashes?! Ok, pet peeve over. My mum's ashes have been sitting in my cupboard for the last 18 months. There are a few places I would like to scatter them; some in her back garden (which will be my garden by the end of the week, when her house should finally be mine), some by the grave where the ashes of her best friend of nearly 80 years are buried, and the remainder on a hillside where she took her Guide company camping twice a year for 25 years. Once I have achieved this, I will happily dispose of the urn where the ashes currently are, knowing that I no longer have to worry about them!
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Post by disneypal on Aug 11, 2015 21:59:44 GMT
I have my dog's ashes in an urn. I am being buried (when the day comes) and his ashes will be buried with me.
My parents have chosen to be buried. If they were cremated instead, I would have had their ashes buried with me as well instead of leaving them for future generations to keep up with.
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Post by bigbundt on Aug 11, 2015 22:01:35 GMT
I would think most people will hold onto ashes until they are mixed with another's cremains and either buried or spread someplace. I don't see future generations having to store their great-great-great-great-grandma. If my husband passes before me I will hold onto his ashes and when I pass ask my kids to mix us together and spread us someplace. And completely morbid thought but if either of my children passed before me, I would want their cremains with me. Always with me, in life and death.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Aug 11, 2015 22:03:58 GMT
I want cremation, but do NOT want to be stored in an urn somewhere.
My grandmother has been shuttled around in her urn until her feuding daughters (my mother and aunt) can get it together and do something respectful with her. My grandfather is in his favorite park. My other grandmother is at Maverick's in Half Moon Bay.
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Post by lostwithout2peas on Aug 11, 2015 22:08:01 GMT
I'm so glad that my dad's cremains where buried at the cemetery. His wife, my stepmother took off after he died and I couldn't even imagine her carrying them with her all over the place!
My brother worked clearing out rentals and one day brought home a bunch of jewelry boxes. My daughter p clicked out one, amd she told me there was one in particular that was beautiful but they couldn't get open so Tio was taking it home to see if he could get it open...... well guess what was in that "jewelry" box?!!! Yup! Someone's ashes! He called the owner of the rentals and told him and he got in touch with the previous tenants who said that was their dad's remains and they may be back for them cause they had already moved out of state!!! WTF??? You forgot your Dad's remains? That wasn't a priority when you where packing up? Clothes? Check. Furniture? Check. Dad?
I can't even imagine!!!!
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stittsygirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,600
Location: In the leaves and rain.
Jun 25, 2014 19:57:33 GMT
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Post by stittsygirl on Aug 11, 2015 22:09:39 GMT
It really is something to consider. Our portion of my MIL's cremains just made a 2300 mile road trip with us in my luggage. It didn't feel right sending them with the movers. We'll probably scatter them on her brother's wooded property near Seattle now that we're closer to him.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 11, 2015 23:07:22 GMT
For my father-in-law's ashes, we portioned off small amounts for each of his kids, plus the oldest grandchild who lives in Colorado and a stepgranddaughter he had custody of. Each person was to do something that would have made Dad happy with their portion. The remaining ashes were to be spread in a place that I will not disclose- although I am almost positive that the bil who was entrusted with this duty has not done it. I think Dad would have really liked the different things his kids have done with them. My mom, on the other hand, has possession of three sets of ashes that she needs to deal with. She just isn't sure what to do with them. They are in boxes, not urns.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Aug 11, 2015 23:33:52 GMT
My parents, grandparents and great grandparents were cremated. No carting around urns for us. Their ashes are here: Chapel of the ChimesWhen I was a child my mom brought me there a few times a year to leave flowers. It was a beautiful place and I have only good memories of it. Whenever I'm in the area, I still bring flowers.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 11, 2015 23:52:28 GMT
All of my relatives who have passed and chosen cremation have also designated that they wanted their ashes spread and where to do it so no one had to keep them in an urn.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Aug 11, 2015 23:53:11 GMT
My ex-husband is in my garage.
He died about 5 years ago, and my kids just never seem to want to discuss what they want to do with his cremains and both of them rent with roommates, so there he sits, in a cupboard underneath the workbench in my garage.
He has no other relatives here in Canada, so it's up to my kids.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,423
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Aug 11, 2015 23:57:05 GMT
or keepsake that worries me: the burden of future generations to haul them around, to keep them stored respectfully. It's a growing trend, right? More people are choosing cremation. So in theory, our great grandchildren might have 5-6 urns to juggle, to place, to care for, or to pay to bury. It might keep snowballing until future homes have to have 'urn rooms' to handle the things. Will they end up in storage units? In a gross basement? Am I overthinking this? A recent burglary near our city had a very very decorative wooden urn stolen. The Grandmas ashes were in it. They thought the thiefs didn't realize what it was. Never was recovered. its also in the news of vehicles stolen with ashes inside. And those jewelry pieces that contain ashes.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 12:38:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 0:01:54 GMT
We did a few things: a ) sister was cremated and we bought 3 little urns (one for DS, one for me and one for my parents). The parents' one will be put in my mother's casket when we bury her.
b ) my sister's cremains were distributed in the green burial where it is all natural and we have a rock for her there.
c ) the rest of her remains went into the ground near her rhododendron (there wasn't too much left after that, I think).
d) My dad bought 2 plots for our family. Mom will go into the ground 5' under. There will be soil and then my dad wishes to be cremated so the urn for him will go 2' under on top of my mother. The other plot will be where my casket will go as I cannot and wish not to be cremated. DS will have the choice of either being buried or cremated and his urn can go on top of mine or I will arrange for another plot for him to be bought further down the road in his life (when he is 50 or so). He may not want to be cremated. He may want to be cremated, though, as some of his ashes can go into the family vault in Japan and some here. I haven't talked to him about it as he is only 19 and I don't think the time is right yet (with my mom sick).
So that is how we are handling it.
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Post by scrapsotime on Aug 12, 2015 0:03:11 GMT
If I decide to be cremated I want a bio urn. Plant me and let me become a tree.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Aug 12, 2015 0:03:10 GMT
It is not legal to bury animal remains or ashes in human cemeteries in my state. I do not want a funeral, viewing or burial (just direct cremation) and since my pets could not be interred with my ashes, they are to be mixed with my ashes and scattered in a location my family is aware of.
My brother's ashes are currently in my sister's storage room. I'm going to drive 2 hrs away this weekend and go and pick him up. He will be interred with our other sister in a niche in a cemetery's columbarium. Their niche is just below our parents. It's what they all wanted.
(And the story of how his ashes made a trip to that cemetery for his funeral but had to return to the city he had been living in and why I am now going there to get him and try again to get him interred is a whole 'nother thread topic! )
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 12, 2015 0:14:18 GMT
My father was cremated when he died in 1994 and his cremains are currently in a columbarium at our home church. When my mother dies, she will be cremated also. At that time I will retrieve my father's ashes and combine them. Their wishes are that I "take them on vacation somewhere wonderful and leave them there." So that is exactly what I will do.
My cousins scattered their parents ashes by boat off the coast of Charleston several years ago. They had a family beach house at Isle of Palms for many, many years and that's what their parents wanted.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 12, 2015 0:20:13 GMT
Am I the only one who finds it a little uncomfortable that people's ashes are split up and in several separate places? I'm not sure why this bothers me, but I'd rather have all the ashes scattered in one location or interred in a columbarium. No way would I want to keep them and move them from place to place.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Aug 12, 2015 0:21:08 GMT
I don't think you are overthinking it. I think the whole keeping the cremains at home in an urn IS a burden to future generations. I know it's expensive to be interred in a cemetery, but at least there is a place. And it's not in the hall closet or a box in the basement.
I also think that everyone should make their own pre-need arrangements. It's hard to determine when (what age) it's appropriate, because really who knows when it's your time. But I think more people should think about it when they are young and not leave it to their family. Plus the longer you wait the more expensive it will be.
I plan to be cremated. The crypt I purchased that my twins are in has enough room for me (cremated) and DH (casket). And I've pre-paid the opening and closing for me and DH. My last step is to go to the mortuary and pre-purchase those items.
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Post by brynn on Aug 12, 2015 0:21:15 GMT
A couple were major donors to the university where I work, and their urns are encased in the wall, with a glass front, of a conference room. I always refer to that conference room as "The Urn Room."
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 12, 2015 0:22:54 GMT
I would think most people will hold onto ashes until they are mixed with another's cremains and either buried or spread someplace. I don't see future generations having to store their great-great-great-great-grandma. If my husband passes before me I will hold onto his ashes and when I pass ask my kids to mix us together and spread us someplace. And completely morbid thought but if either of my children passed before me, I would want their cremains with me. Always with me, in life and death. OK, see... I didn't think of this!
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Aug 12, 2015 0:29:45 GMT
I hate the word 'cremains', it's an awful portmanteau. What's wrong with just saying ashes?! Ok, pet peeve over. Hahaha, I like the word cremains. It's the remains, only they're cremated. I think it's unique and fits.
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