StephDRebel
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Posts: 6,692 
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 12, 2015 22:47:25 GMT
DH was off work from October to July for medical reasons...he was having a really bad time and couldn't drive. He's better now and started with a new company about a month ago.
This week he's in Atlanta for a tech training and they unofficially offered him a few promotions. He originally took a tech position b/c we wanted to jump back in slow, he changed fields (from automotive to mobility device repair), the offered him a regional supervisor job when they hired him but he wanted to start at the ground so he knew the job well before making decisions for other people so they left him as a tech for 3-6 months and aren't going to post the management position until he makes the decision.
At the training he's at now the corporate supervisor pulled him aside and said they're interested in him as a regional master tech supervisor something something something. It's essentially 6 promotions and he would be working for the corporate side instead of a local shop, we're not sure about salary increase yet. That will be a deciding factor i'm sure.
The only apparent downside right now is travel. It would be a week on location, a week off for most of the year. It's a position people generally only hold for a year or two as they promote from within the company and only two of the 10 people with this position have chosen to stay vs going corporate/office job because they enjoy the traveling.
With that said, this week i'm being a big fat baby because i'm used to having him around. I'm settling in now and becoming more comfortable. We've been married just over 2 years and our dating was long distance until the wedding so we are definitely able to build and maintain a relationship without physically being together every day. I'm sure we could adjust but how bad is it really?
If you have a partner that travels frequently how bad is it really? Do you get into a routine and adjust or is it guaranteed to ruin your relationship?
Any tips? If you could choose career all over again would you make the same choice to have your partner traveling for work?
Since it's relatively short term i'm thinking as long as the money is right we should do it, pump as much as we can into savings (goal is to buy a house in 5 years paying cash) and I suppose live a few years that aren't ideal in order to live much, much better later.
Want to talk it out with me?
What would you do?
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valleyview
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Aug 12, 2015 23:04:54 GMT
I was a child of a traveler, but with FaceTime and Skype, I think it's a lot easier than it used to be.
Since I'm not your target answering group, I just wanted to say that you have a good list of questions. Good luck in your decision.
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 12, 2015 23:13:20 GMT
I accepted it for a while to make some money. Week on, week off would be much better than this Sunday afternoon through Friday night week in and week out thing we did.
My advice is, don't save your day to day or home problems for your home time - make decisions together while he's gone. Make your home time profitable for your relationship. Use skype and FaceTime. Talk every day. Talk about the little minutiae of the day while he is gone.
I hated and resented the constant travel but it was necessary. You don't have little kids so that really eases that stress. But it is hard on a marriage to be separate all the time. Seemed like it was always a travel day that the washing machine would blow up or someone would get sick and I would have to deal with it alone.
It didn't ruin us, it made us better. But it took a while and it wasn't ideal even once we found our rhythm.
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Shel
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Jul 16, 2014 0:32:12 GMT
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Post by Shel on Aug 12, 2015 23:14:09 GMT
There have been times when my DH has travelled quite a bit for work and in your situation where it would not be long term and it could have significant financial benefit I would go for it. From my experience you just have to make your relationship a priority (dates when home, talks/FaceTime while apart). I also will tell you not to get resentful when he is gone.....this will cause problems! Good luck whatever you decide.
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StephDRebel
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Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 12, 2015 23:16:22 GMT
I was a child of a traveler, but with FaceTime and Skype, I think it's a lot easier than it used to be. Since I'm not your target answering group, I just wanted to say that you have a good list of questions. Good luck in your decision. I would actually love your perspective too. Our boys are older (15,17,17) so they completely 'get it' but it'll be strange not having him here all the time for them too. The poor puppies are depressed, but super excited they get to sleep with me  |
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StephDRebel
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 12, 2015 23:18:23 GMT
I travel a fair amount for work too, so we're pretty good at keeping things as 'normal' as possible while away. We facetime a few times a day now and neither of us makes decisions alone that we wouldn't if we were both in the house.
We're such lame-o's that we even facetime overnight so I can hear him snore (I sleep better next to him) and he can wake me up to tell me to have a good day before he goes to work for the day. ha.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 10:35:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 23:26:36 GMT
My husband is a national trainer for a sales org that operates all over the country. He travels about 160 days a year.
We've been doing this for five years...we've been married for 23 years.
I enjoy it because there are a lot of perks.
I can go anywhere he goes (ie in a few weeks I'm going to South Carolina for a week on the beach while he works).
He controls his own schedule. We decided early on that he wouldn't do more than four days away at the time. That works for us.
I'm pretty independent but I have my sister who lives w us and my brothers are both close by as back up.
He's very good at what he does and is well-compensated for it. If the money wasn't really good, we wouldn't do it
When he's home, he's home. He focuses on me and the kids and household things.
We re-evaluate regularly.
He doesn't miss big events for work.
His company sends him to train people who have proven that they are committed to doing the work and will listen to his advice and make the changes he recommends for them. They don't waste his travel time, money, effort and our sacrifice on people who haven't done their homework or who aren't teachable. That would really piss me off.
He gets to keep all his frequent travel rewards. Consequently, most of my travel with him is at no cost. He gets free hotel nights, free flights, free car rentals, etc
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 12, 2015 23:38:51 GMT
I think it is completely worth it as a stepping stone in your career. I spent 2 years on a plane every Monday and Friday...could I do it forever? No way. Was it worth it? Yes. edited - hey Steph did you have a convention in Vegas recently? I was flying home from NY a few weeks ago with a stop over in Vegas and the ladies behind me were blinged out in true romance t-shirts!  |
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 12, 2015 23:50:43 GMT
What is the job projection like after those 2 years? Is that a job he would be interested in?
I could do anything on a temporary basis. But there's a lot to be said for being there day in and day out. You've done the long distance relationship, so you have an idea of what it would be like.
We are a military family and DH used to do short out and backs 20 years ago, which really did stink. Then he deployed for 6 months and I understood how bad it could get. At least the Air Force only deployed for 6 months at a time. The thing is that it changes you, especially if there are kids in the house. You make more decisions by yourself and are more independent. That isn't always bad. I definitely learned as a young 20 something that I can manage things on my own. But Kids change a lot in a short amount of time and your parenting changes with it. You actually have to work hard to keep that communication going--do you let them go to X event, what are the rules, curfew, etc. Another component is money--to keep track of what each is spending. Those were the biggies for us. The good part is when he's home, you are really focused on each other. How many of us can say that living our day to day lives?
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Aug 12, 2015 23:57:34 GMT
From my kid perspective - he needs to stay in touch with what's really going on at home. Be willing to talk to the kids when they need him to listen, and DO NOT BE ARBITRARY about rules. You're there and capable, but in your case, you always were.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 13, 2015 0:24:26 GMT
DH was off work from October to July for medical reasons...he was having a really bad time and couldn't drive. He's better now and started with a new company about a month ago. This week he's in Atlanta for a tech training and they unofficially offered him a few promotions. He originally took a tech position b/c we wanted to jump back in slow, he changed fields (from automotive to mobility device repair), the offered him a regional supervisor job when they hired him but he wanted to start at the ground so he knew the job well before making decisions for other people so they left him as a tech for 3-6 months and aren't going to post the management position until he makes the decision. At the training he's at now the corporate supervisor pulled him aside and said they're interested in him as a regional master tech supervisor something something something. It's essentially 6 promotions and he would be working for the corporate side instead of a local shop, we're not sure about salary increase yet. That will be a deciding factor i'm sure. The only apparent downside right now is travel. It would be a week on location, a week off for most of the year. It's a position people generally only hold for a year or two as they promote from within the company and only two of the 10 people with this position have chosen to stay vs going corporate/office job because they enjoy the traveling. With that said, this week i'm being a big fat baby because i'm used to having him around. I'm settling in now and becoming more comfortable. We've been married just over 2 years and our dating was long distance until the wedding so we are definitely able to build and maintain a relationship without physically being together every day. I'm sure we could adjust but how bad is it really? If you have a partner that travels frequently how bad is it really? Do you get into a routine and adjust or is it guaranteed to ruin your relationship? Any tips? If you could choose career all over again would you make the same choice to have your partner traveling for work? Since it's relatively short term i'm thinking as long as the money is right we should do it, pump as much as we can into savings (goal is to buy a house in 5 years paying cash) and I suppose live a few years that aren't ideal in order to live much, much better later. Want to talk it out with me? What would you do? My late DH was an engineer on the railroad for over 30 years. He was on call 24/7 and when he went to work he'd be gone 24-36 hours at a time. He'd be home for a day or two and then would be back on the road. He could be called back to work after just 8 hours at home. I remember bawling my eyes out the first time he had to be gone over night. Over the years though I adjusted. I got very independent and knew I couldn't count on him being home to help with anything. He would if he were home but if he wasn't I had to think outside the box. That independence I learned has served me well over the years so there are some good things that can become of being separated. It was great for our sex life too. When we did see each other we were thrilled to have the time together. It was like dating each other. We didn't get tired of each other, well, except for the times he'd be home for 4 days in a row!  Usually about the time I started getting tired of him off he'd go It's hard but try to look on the positive side |
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 13, 2015 0:26:38 GMT
My kids are teens (15 and 19). DH travels about every other week. Sometimes it's in spurts. For example, he traveled for six weeks in June/July this year. I think it's difficult at first and then you adjust and it becomes the new normal. I had a heck of a time sleeping when he first started traveling, but now it's not much of an issue.
I say give yourself time to adjust and acknowledge that it might suck a bit at first.
We have been married 25 years and dated for five before that. With the exception of three year stint he's pretty much always traveled a lot for work. Even when we were dating. He had a job in So Cal and I was still at school in Nor Cal. He would come home on the weekends or I would go spend the weekend with him.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 13, 2015 0:35:10 GMT
My dad was gone 3-4 nights every week for as long as I can remember. My mom never complained and was actually pretty independent and this was in the early 70's and 80's. They had a lot of jokes about the milkman that I didn't understand at the time. You will probably adjust. We are dealing with the opposite issue here. I just retired and we see each other all of the time. He starts back teaching on Tuesdays and Thursdays in two weeks. Whew.
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StephDRebel
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Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 13, 2015 0:48:38 GMT
I think it is completely worth it as a stepping stone in your career. I spent 2 years on a plane every Monday and Friday...could I do it forever? No way. Was it worth it? Yes. edited - hey Steph did you have a convention in Vegas recently? I was flying home from NY a few weeks ago with a stop over in Vegas and the ladies behind me were blinged out in true romance t-shirts! We did! I got back on 8/2! |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 13, 2015 0:50:42 GMT
What is the job projection like after those 2 years? Is that a job he would be interested in? I could do anything on a temporary basis. But there's a lot to be said for being there day in and day out. You've done the long distance relationship, so you have an idea of what it would be like. We are a military family and DH used to do short out and backs 20 years ago, which really did stink. Then he deployed for 6 months and I understood how bad it could get. At least the Air Force only deployed for 6 months at a time. The thing is that it changes you, especially if there are kids in the house. You make more decisions by yourself and are more independent. That isn't always bad. I definitely learned as a young 20 something that I can manage things on my own. But Kids change a lot in a short amount of time and your parenting changes with it. You actually have to work hard to keep that communication going--do you let them go to X event, what are the rules, curfew, etc. Another component is money--to keep track of what each is spending. Those were the biggies for us. The good part is when he's home, you are really focused on each other. How many of us can say that living our day to day lives? After two years he would likely move into a corporate position and we'd be able to move into any of the regions across the country. They are broken up into 6 regions and he'd be able to work primarily from home. He would be in heaven with that one. |
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Aug 13, 2015 0:52:20 GMT
My husband is a corporate pilot and is on call 24/7. From September to April he is usually gone out of the continent (largely - sometimes he is within US/Canada) for approximately 24+ days per month (His average trip length is 5-7 days). From May to August he is usually gone about 15 days of the month. I am coming at it from a very different perspective, as he had been a pilot for about 8 years before I even met him - this is our "norm". We dated for 2 years and have been married for 10 years. We have 3 small children (ages 7, 5 and 3) and have had some major stressful situations happen in those years. Overall, we all like his career and deal fine with his travel requirements. For us, it works because I deal with the minor situations as they arise and we have an unspoken agreement that if it is something to do with our children's education / well being / major decisions, I make them with his input. We skype and call when we can. We largely rely on messaging now for the run of the mill conversations. We also make date times a huge priority when he is home, as well as doing fun activities with our children. He also participates in our boys' activities as much as possible when he is home. We have a very strong marriage and I feel that it is because we are aware that his career could derail our marriage and therefore it causes us to not take each other for granted and to work hard on our communication. He just had an interview for an aviation related desk job, that would be a 9-5 M-F job and the thought honestly makes me a bit twitchy Again ... it comes down to what is your normal and what you can accept to be your normal. I'm not sure if I helped at all ... but feel free to message me if you have any questions. Good luck with whatever you and your husband choose! |
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StephDRebel
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Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 13, 2015 0:55:59 GMT
Thank you @butterfly momma I was doing the single mom thing for a LONG Time before we got married so I know i'm capable of handling it, it's just reestablishing a new normal I suppose. Change is so scary!
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Aug 13, 2015 1:17:24 GMT
Yes - that's exactly it - establishing a new normal. And I know I don't really know you, but from what I know of you from your postings - you can rock this!! You and your husband will be fine if he ends up travelling ... you obviously go for the things you want, and your marriage won't be any different. Best of luck!
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Post by AN on Aug 13, 2015 1:39:50 GMT
I turned down a big promotion a year ago because the travel was too demanding. Part of how demanding the travel will be is if you can get direct flights, if you are going the same place or different places each time, how much your company will pay to make travel easy and comfortable, etc.
It was the kind of promotion where people said "Oh my gosh, you only get this kind of opportunity once in a blue moon. If you turn it down you might never get another chance." But the lifestyle just wasn't right for us at that time, married just shy of 2 years.
Guess what? This year a new, even better promotion came up - higher status, more pay, not too bad of travel. I am so glad I didn't take the job last year (and was even if this new role hadn't come up).
I think it all boils down to figuring out what your family values or is willing to value for a certain period of time. If the job is really what your family needs right now, then you will make the travel work. And if the travel is really bad for your family right now... don't take it. This isn't the last opportunity on earth.
It is soooo hard to turn down opportunities, and you have to follow your collective gut.
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Post by txdancermom on Aug 13, 2015 1:50:49 GMT
DH used to travel all the time for work. he would be gone from Sunday night/Monday morning to Friday night, for months on end. And this was when our kids were in elementary school. It was hard on us all at first, and after several weeks, we developed a routine, and made it work.
I enjoy the times when dh travels now (maybe a week or few days every few months), It gives me much needed "me" time, in fact it is "time" for him to be gone for a few days.....
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 13, 2015 1:52:07 GMT
I totally agree about making a new normal. Sh goes through spurts where he travels a lot. He is great about face timing us, or at least calling every day. The only time it becomes difficult to talk is with certain international trips. Between the hour change, and the kids school and my work schedule, it can be a challenge. But we make it a commitment.
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Post by mom2ja2 on Aug 13, 2015 2:07:47 GMT
I've been married for nearly 20 years, dh is a sales engineer. Travel is a given and at this point is our norm.
There are good & bad weeks. It's much easier now than when the kids were little. The bad weeks it's the little things - killing a giant spider, a low tire, an overflowing toilet - things I can handle, but would sure be nice to have my partner in crime home for. But, I just "woman" up and do it. I sometimes have to give myself the "who's airing up the military wife's tire? Who's killing the single mom's giant spider. Quit being a pansy & go kick ass" motivational speech.
The things I like - it's been 20 years, and I'm excited to hear that door open on a Friday afternoon when he's been gone all week. We get along great, but when he's here we're just comfortable with one another - watch tv, small talk about our day, go to bed. When he's on the road we often talk for over an hour about nothing, and again, 20 years in that's pretty great. And I like that it has made my kids pretty independent & tough & great team players. They pitch in, learn how to do things - we were all so proud of ourselves one night when together we fixed the garage door. If dh would have been home, he just would have done it. I had no idea what I was doing so it took all 4 of us. We've had a lot of those moments over the years, where in the end we're like "that's right - we did that - we're awesome".
When it's really bad I just try to focus on hotel & airline points. Nothing like planning a free vacation to take your mind off things!
I think if DH had to list a pro he'd say he's seen the world through his job. He's been to almost all 50 states, and off the top of my head - Germany, China, Slovakia, France, England, Ireland,
Switzerland, Denmark, and Brazil. That list is longer - but you get the idea. He misses us, but does enjoy the adventure.
I guess it's not ideal, but as our norm, it's not all bad.
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Post by maryland on Aug 13, 2015 2:42:33 GMT
He used to travel a decent amount. When he was on a trip, I got so much done! I am a sahm, so I did most of the stuff around the house anyways. And the kids were younger, so it was so much easier. I wasn't driving them around from 3-9 every night.
Now he is pretty high up, so he makes other people do the traveling. I don't get nearly as many projects done now that he doesn't travel as much.  I make a big mess in order to get things clean and organized. Can't do that when he is home! |
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 10:35:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 3:40:08 GMT
I turned down a big promotion a year ago because the travel was too demanding. Part of how demanding the travel will be is if you can get direct flights, if you are going the same place or different places each time, how much your company will pay to make travel easy and comfortable, etc.. I agree with the above. In our case DH has access to the company's travel agent directly. She knows his preferences and rescues him when he gets into jams. He flies out of DFW...you can get anywhere from here. His expenses get reimbursed within a week. |
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by theshyone on Aug 13, 2015 7:46:38 GMT
My advice is, don't save your day to day or home problems for your home time - make decisions together while he's gone. Make your home time profitable for your relationship. Use skype and FaceTime. Talk every day. Talk about the little minutiae of the day while he is gone. I hated and resented the constant travel but it was necessary. You don't have little kids so that really eases that stress. But it is hard on a marriage to be separate all the time. Seemed like it was always a travel day that the washing machine would blow up or someone would get sick and I would have to deal with it alone. It didn't ruin us, it made us better. But it took a while and it wasn't ideal even once we found our rhythm. This  |
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Post by julieinsweden on Aug 13, 2015 8:16:19 GMT
Two thoughts.
1) Is the job week on, week off. Or is it week away, week in local office? Great pay for working part time might not balance out so great.
2) You mentioned that you also travel alot. Would you be able to plan your travel so that there is always someone home with the boys. Although 3, 15 to 17 year old can fend for themselves occasionally. There is also alot of stuff going on in their lives that still need monitoring. (remembering what stupid stuff some collage friends would get up to when parents were away for a weekend?)
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Post by alissa103 on Aug 13, 2015 13:33:12 GMT
DH travels. He's usually gone three nights a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Perks: airline points, hotel points, high level of compensation that replaced my salary and allowed me to be a SAHM. I can also travel with him, but with a three year old, it's not very convenient. So we don't unless it's a fun city and he's going to be there longer than 1-2 nights. We also paid for a very expensive resort hotel vacation with his Hilton points this year. It was heavenly. He works hard and is able to play hard. Negatives: being at home with a three yr old for days at a time is lonely! I deal with stupid emergencies like water leaking from our ceiling. No "me time" in the evenings or relief if it's been a hard day. Positives: I have a great set of mom friends here, some whose DH's also travel. We meet for dinner, have sleepovers with the kids, play dates at night, etc. That helps a TON. I've also become good at scheduling our time so that we keep busy while he's gone. I sometimes enjoy a laid back evening where I don't make much of a dinner and we wreck the house with toys and watch movies. Things we probably wouldn't do with dad home. Also, he is awesome about giving me time alone after he's been gone. And time with just him, too. That helps a ton. A week on/off isn't too bad and it sounds like the opportunities down the line are good. I think with anything, you make the best of it and that will go a long way. |
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loco coco
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Post by loco coco on Aug 13, 2015 13:40:27 GMT
My DH travels quite a bit, hes gone right now for a week. The longest he is ever gone is 2 weeks and that does seem like a long time towards the end of it. We dont have kids but we are trying, if a newborn comes along Im sure I wont be as "cool" with the travel because I will need help, or sleep! Right now I like it, I miss him when hes gone and its fun when he gets back. Ive also seen some cool places traveling along with him. We Facetime almost every night before bed and text throughout the day
advice? hmm, get on a good points program with airline/hotel asap and let them build up for a family vacation
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Post by mellowyellow on Aug 13, 2015 13:40:31 GMT
My DH has worked offshore for almost 20 years. He's had hitches that were 7 on/7 off, 28 on/28 off and his current schedule of 14 on/14 off. We both like the 14 day rotation the best. I guess at first it was kind of hard but now I think we both really enjoy it....it just works for us. He likes having 2 weeks off every month and when the kids were smaller it was really good because he could take them to school and pick them up or take them to doctor/dentist appointments. Now that our kids are older and gone most of the time...it does get kind of lonely for me when he's gone too. I do like having my own time though where I can do whatever I want to. I can come home from work, have a salad for dinner and sew all evening if I want to and not feel guilty. To me it's the best of both worlds!
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anniebeth24
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Post by anniebeth24 on Aug 13, 2015 14:15:11 GMT
I'm the wife of a military guy who transitioned to a civilian job with lots of travel, so this has been our norm for many years together.
You can make anything work in life, but I think the success of these situations really comes down to your and your DH's personality, character, and temperament. Someone who is "needy" (and I don't mean that's necessarily a bad thing) won't really ever get used to the situation. Someone who leans toward jealousy will have a really hard time. Someone who thrives on being in control (or even just "in the know") of all of the details won't like to be away. Someone who gets easily overwhelmed will have a hard time dealing with life at home alone.
Something else to think about - does your DH have hobbies or interests that will keep him busy at night while he's traveling? That's one issue we've had - he's bored in the hotel room and I'm running around like crazy wishing I was just lounging in a hotel! He wants to chat and chat, I've got things to do!
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Usually about the time I started getting tired of him off he'd go 
I make a big mess in order to get things clean and organized. Can't do that when he is home! 
