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Post by M~ on Aug 16, 2015 15:25:07 GMT
So this gym I've been going to. It's a boxing center where we do crossfit/boxing. Naiive me--I thought it was going to be great social-wise: get out of the house, thereby modifying my hermit ways, get great exercise with a side order of a great figure, lose weight, etc., be around tons of new people etc.,
No. Up and down looks. Squinting glares. Barely civil.
My friends at work are like, "are you stupid-those women are in competition with you!!" To which I guffawed-literally. My friends just looked at me stoned faced and I thought, "uh oh," these bitches are serious! I really thought they were joking because 1) some of these girls have A-MAZING bodies, 2) they are younger than I am, 3) UMMMMM....they have A-MAZING BODIES. (can I repeat that x 10??) As I said to my friends, I feel like an upside down turtle sometimes. I do my best but I am in no way near their level of fitness-and quite frankly, that's not my goal. The guys are chill and friendly.
My friends said, "It doesn't matter, they're in competition with you." HUH?? (insert scratching head) SIGH.
I am astounded and a little bit horrified/fascinated. Evidently, I don't speak "girl."
ETA:
I'm jus very direct and just me. I didn't realize there was this undercurrent of judgment.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 15:31:30 GMT
I don't speak that language, either, and I've been in similar situations often in life. So, I feel your pain!
((Hugs)) I don't have any wisdom about the situation, but I have hugs.
I hope you can enjoy the class anyway.
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 16, 2015 15:31:33 GMT
I experienced that from time to time in the women-only weightlifting area at the gym I used to go to. Lots of competition even if you weren't playing. Some women just wanted to be better, stronger, faster than anyone else and would get a little bent if someone decided to show up and lift just as hard as they were. They were in silent competition with everyone else and felt intimidated by newcomers because that's just more competition - especially someone with effort and heart because that means the new girl may surpass the old elite.
I never understood it but I just kind of quietly went about my business and while I never had a problem, it also wasn't the great social experience I had thought it might be.
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Post by k8smom on Aug 16, 2015 15:31:54 GMT
That happens a lot a gyms. I finally found one I loved that people of all sizes were merrily working out together in without issue then... bam! The local women's only gym was bought out and several of their members transferred to my no-nonsense gym. You guessed it, the body check and glares commenced. I canceled my membership last month after 13 years.
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Post by pjaye on Aug 16, 2015 15:33:02 GMT
I don't agree with your friends at all, they are probably trying to explain it to you a bit too politely. Those young girls at the gym with the amazing bodies don't see 'normal' women as competition at all, mostly they think you're not in their league and therefore you aren't worth talking to.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 16, 2015 15:34:10 GMT
Color me confused... competition for WHAT?
Is it a competitive gym? Like for body building? or boxing?
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 16, 2015 15:46:42 GMT
I would love a gym where no one talked to me. I quit two gyms because other women wouldn't shut up and were very "social". I like to zone out when I exercise. I don't want to hear anyone's life story. I don't speak girl either. Most things that women find interesting just bore me to tears. Shopping and kids and purses, ugh!
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Post by M~ on Aug 16, 2015 15:51:57 GMT
Color me confused... competition for WHAT? Is it a competitive gym? Like for body building? or boxing? This was my question also? Men's attention-I'm NOT interested. Even if I didn't like girls, I'm REALLY not interested. The boxers have amazing bodies, but ummmmm....just not my thing. Lifting more weights than they do? Not really either. I don't want to pop a vertebra. I have no idea. Four different people told me the same thing: it's not you--it's their little competition. I was a bit shocked, honestly.
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Post by RiverIsis on Aug 16, 2015 16:00:19 GMT
I don't agree with your friends at all, they are probably trying to explain it to you a bit too politely. Those young girls at the gym with the amazing bodies don't see 'normal' women as competition at all, mostly they think you're not in their league and therefore you aren't worth talking to. Still being too polite. They are being judgmental bitches - they don't need a reason they just are. Their judgmental insecurity isn't your problem but they may try to make it so. Or they are Steroid users and wonder if you are a nark.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 16:10:51 GMT
I don't consider that "speaking girl". I consider that stupid bullshit I don't have time for.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,432
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Aug 16, 2015 16:11:35 GMT
It's not a competition. You don't belong in their clique. Walk into a A & F store, same thing. You don't belong there, and they aren't going to welcome you with open arms. So keep doing what you are doing, just rule out the social part of it. ETA: Bitches!
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Post by brina on Aug 16, 2015 17:27:55 GMT
bizzarre - I joined a new place back in March. Most of the women there are in amazing shape and yet it is a very supportive place. I jokingly referred to myself as the fattest woman at the gym (well, half joke, full earnest - I really am the fattest woman who works out there) and they all jumped in to tell me that I was doing great.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 16, 2015 17:28:43 GMT
Maybe some of the men have made complimentary comments about you that the younger girls found threatening.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 16, 2015 17:38:09 GMT
I am changing insurance next month. Apparently there is a program that you can join a gym for free. The nearest one is 24 Hour Fitness. It is so big, and I have gone there before. Personally I love the pool and people can't talk to you and giving someone the eye behind goggles would just be comical.
Who cares what their reason is, just go.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Aug 16, 2015 20:10:24 GMT
I would love a gym where no one talked to me. I quit two gyms because other women wouldn't shut up and were very "social". I like to zone out when I exercise. I don't want to hear anyone's life story. I don't speak girl either. Most things that women find interesting just bore me to tears. Shopping and kids and purses, ugh! I agree with this. For me a gym is a place to work out and focus on that.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 16, 2015 20:13:50 GMT
But not every girl goes to the gym for social hour, to be around people, or to make friends. Some just go to work out. When I belonged to a gym I would go, work out, then get out of there. I wasn't looking anyone up and down, and wasn't competing with anyone, but you might have thought I was a bitch too. I hate when women assume other women are bitches.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Aug 16, 2015 20:28:24 GMT
I guess I never thought of going to the gym as a social time, I have only been going for 2 weeks though. I go to workout on my own. I barely talk to DS or DH if we are there together.
I have never noticed anyone glaring at me when I work out, I stay focused on me. I guess someone would think I was rude if they were thinking I was going to be social with them and I stayed in my own little world.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 20:33:01 GMT
Ok what are your friends doing while you are kicking butt in the gym? Watching their nails grow?
Your gym where people like to challenge themselves may be THE place where you might just meet Ms. Right.
You are after "the one" not just anyone. Keep doing what you are doing. She will appear one day and that will be the end of the beginning!
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Aug 16, 2015 20:38:12 GMT
I don't agree with your friends at all, they are probably trying to explain it to you a bit too politely. Those young girls at the gym with the amazing bodies don't see 'normal' women as competition at all, mostly they think you're not in their league and therefore you aren't worth talking to. That. OP -- just dig in and work. It doesn't matter what they think or how they look at you.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 20:41:50 GMT
I've noticed at my gym that half of the women are judging you (mostly the younger, skinny ones) while the other half is chatting away with a friend of theirs. The men are in the back row so they can watch the women in front of them. The ones who are weightlifting are usually ignoring everyone else from what I can tell. I just put my earbuds in and do my thing. I don't care what anyone else does. The only judging I do is when I walk past someone leaving the gym that is drenched in perfume/cologne.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 16, 2015 20:53:46 GMT
So this gym I've been going to. It's a boxing center where we do crossfit/boxing. Naiive me--I thought it was going to be great social-wise: get out of the house, thereby modifying my hermit ways, get great exercise with a side order of a great figure, lose weight, etc., be around tons of new people etc., No. Up and down looks. Squinting glares. Barely civil. My friends at work are like, "are you stupid-those women are in competition with you!!" To which I guffawed-literally. My friends just looked at me stoned faced and I thought, "uh oh," these bitches are serious! I really thought they were joking because 1) some of these girls have A-MAZING bodies, 2) they are younger than I am, 3) UMMMMM....they have A-MAZING BODIES. (can I repeat that x 10??) As I said to my friends, I feel like an upside down turtle sometimes. I do my best but I am in no way near their level of fitness-and quite frankly, that's not my goal. The guys are chill and friendly. My friends said, "It doesn't matter, they're in competition with you." HUH?? (insert scratching head) SIGH. I am astounded and a little bit horrified/fascinated. Evidently, I don't speak "girl." ETA: I'm jus very direct and just me. I didn't realize there was this undercurrent of judgment. Nope...not competition with you at all...they are judgmental of you--not competitive.
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Post by SockMonkey on Aug 16, 2015 21:42:25 GMT
So this gym I've been going to. It's a boxing center where we do crossfit/boxing. Naiive me--I thought it was going to be great social-wise: get out of the house, thereby modifying my hermit ways, get great exercise with a side order of a great figure, lose weight, etc., be around tons of new people etc., No. Up and down looks. Squinting glares. Barely civil. My friends at work are like, "are you stupid-those women are in competition with you!!" To which I guffawed-literally. My friends just looked at me stoned faced and I thought, "uh oh," these bitches are serious! I really thought they were joking because 1) some of these girls have A-MAZING bodies, 2) they are younger than I am, 3) UMMMMM....they have A-MAZING BODIES. (can I repeat that x 10??) As I said to my friends, I feel like an upside down turtle sometimes. I do my best but I am in no way near their level of fitness-and quite frankly, that's not my goal. The guys are chill and friendly. My friends said, "It doesn't matter, they're in competition with you." HUH?? (insert scratching head) SIGH. I am astounded and a little bit horrified/fascinated. Evidently, I don't speak "girl." ETA: I'm jus very direct and just me. I didn't realize there was this undercurrent of judgment. I'd find a new gym. Nobody is like that at my gym. We're all too busy actually working out to have time to be bitches to each other. Seriously, that place sounds horrible and I'd find a new workout spot.
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Post by polz on Aug 16, 2015 22:05:35 GMT
I don't go to the gym but I go to bootcamp with people who are 90lbs to 300lbs and 8% bodyfat to 60% bodyfat. There are no bitches. Everyone is supportive of each other. Some people are machines who bust a gut the whole time. Some are there for socialising. Everyone is there for each other. If I didn't feel comfortable there, I'd leave. I've never felt judged there.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 23:16:22 GMT
They aren't speaking girl, they are fluent in gymrat. There is some competitiveness there. There is also some tireness of newbies that show up with new gear and a face that says "I am looking for friends" They aren't there looking for friends. If you stick around and prove yourself that you have a stick-to-itiveness and real grit you may find some friends eventually.
If you are looking for social friends pick a different gym and a different sport in that gym, like yoga or zumba..... activities without the competitive edge to it.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 17, 2015 1:21:14 GMT
I often say the same thing. Luckily I have a friend who's got the same issue, we text and try to decipher what is meant.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 18:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 1:26:42 GMT
I'm one of those people who probably wouldn't socialize. Not because I'm competitive. It would be because I was in my own zone of this sucks, I'm going to die, when will this end, my face is so red, I'm going to pass out, swear word, swear word, swear word....
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Post by penny on Aug 17, 2015 1:33:37 GMT
What you're describing is a variation of BRF... Those women are focusing on their health/workout, and find that a less than friendly look keeps the chatties away...
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 17, 2015 1:41:02 GMT
I think pjaye is correct. They don't see you as competition, they just don't rate you! I couldn't stand going to a gym like that. I used to be a member of Curves. OK, it's not a good as a "normal" gym, and you are limited in what you can do with the equipment they have, but at least everyone was friendly and supportive and encouraging. The women ranged in age from early 20's right up to a couple of amazing women in their 80's who would work out 3+ times a week. There was also a big range of weight from skinny to normal to overweight to obese. There were no judgemental cows there at all.
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Post by littlefish on Aug 17, 2015 1:58:03 GMT
So why not try to talk to them? Smile. Say hi. Be friendly.
The most intimidating woman at my first visit to my current CrossFit box is now one of my best friends. Looks like a gorgeous beast, has a heart of absolute gold.
I'm just not sure who is being more judgmental here.
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likescarrots
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Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Aug 17, 2015 2:16:00 GMT
I don't understand what "speaking girl" is??? Or what this has to do at all with being a girl. If you think guys aren't ever assholes to each other at the gym, well I've got news for you...
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