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Post by mikklynn on Aug 24, 2015 13:23:35 GMT
DH broke up with me when we were dating and then called me every day for the next week! We've been married 36 years.
Here's my 2 cents...what about meeting with a marriage counselor? I realize you aren't married, but maybe you could get to the root of whatever issue there may be. DH and I did this as part of our marriage preparation and it was really enlightening.
Wishing you the best.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Aug 24, 2015 13:49:44 GMT
What reason is there NOT to give the relationship a second try?
I am biased. I always say dh and I were divorced before we were married. We were not ready the first go round. We were apart for several years. That was long in the past. We've been married 22 years now.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 24, 2015 13:54:32 GMT
I remember you! (((Hugs)))
My now-DH and I broke up after several months of dating. We got back together about 6 months later - and celebrated our 37th anniversary a couple of weeks ago. So, it does sometimes work out.
I think Scrapmom had some great thoughts on this.
(((Hugs)))
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 24, 2015 13:57:50 GMT
Hang in there.
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Post by seikashaven on Aug 24, 2015 13:59:11 GMT
Why is he reaching out now? Is he rebounding from something else? Is he lonely and wants some company while he searches for Mrs Right?
I don't mean to be negative because it's obvious you have some deep feelings for him, but protect your heart. Only you know why you broke up. Are those issues resolved?
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Post by elaine on Aug 24, 2015 14:02:11 GMT
(((Hugs)))
I think that this is about him, and not about you. This isn't bashing, just that I don't want you to take on what isn't yours. I will guess given his family trauma (death of a sibling) that he probably has loss and commitment issues. Did he ever tell you his birthday?
It sounds like you want to give it another try. If you think he would be willing to work on a new relationship, then follow your gut.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 24, 2015 14:11:38 GMT
Wasn't he the guy that refused to tell you when his birth date was? I kind of remember that being very odd.
I say you go out with girlfriends, party one night, dance with some really hot guys and remember that he's not the only man on the planet.
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Post by annabella on Aug 24, 2015 14:12:10 GMT
Sorry!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 7:27:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2015 14:29:36 GMT
I've read your other posts about this guy and the one thing that strikes me out of everything is you've mentioned more than once that you are not sure about him. You 'think' you love him and you 'think' he feels the same, I don't know any of your other issues with relationships but that doesn't sound enough to build something permanent on. Be his friend if you can handle just being that but as Freebird says don't get hung up on thinking that he's the only man on the planet.
Reread this, those feelings are valid and are coming from a place that I think you need to listen to.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 24, 2015 14:53:32 GMT
((hugs)) to you. Listen to your heart.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 7:27:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2015 14:55:52 GMT
So you spent the day together and you both have regrets. You both still think highly enough of one another to spend the day together and enjoy it.
Why not give it another shot? What have you got to lose?
Yes, you broke up for a reason. There are no children involved...do you have anything to lose?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 7:27:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2015 14:57:15 GMT
DH broke up with me when we were dating and then called me every day for the next week! We've been married 36 years. Here's my 2 cents...what about meeting with a marriage counselor? I realize you aren't married, but maybe you could get to the root of whatever issue there may be. DH and I did this as part of our marriage preparation and it was really enlightening. Wishing you the best. I really REALLY love the idea of meeting with a marriage counselor.
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Post by quinlove on Aug 24, 2015 15:19:49 GMT
How did you two end the visit ? That may say it all. Hugs to you and do what you really, really want to do.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 24, 2015 15:40:55 GMT
(HUGS)! It's hard to let it go if it's not right and seems only natural to think about how it could be if you gave it another shot. I wish you both luck in deciding where to go from here.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 24, 2015 15:51:18 GMT
I have a friend who was married for 2 years, divorced for 8, remarried first husband and now they've been married 20 years.
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Post by ilikepink on Aug 24, 2015 18:24:56 GMT
Every relationship provides you with something to learn--perhaps this is just timing, neither of you are "there" yet. Or it's teaching you what you want in a man, and while he may be close, it's not "it".
Hugs.
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Post by alissa103 on Aug 24, 2015 18:44:03 GMT
Why is he reaching out now? Is he rebounding from something else? Is he lonely and wants some company while he searches for Mrs Right? I don't mean to be negative because it's obvious you have some deep feelings for him, but protect your heart. Only you know why you broke up. Are those issues resolved? This. 100%. And yeah, did he ever tell you his birthday? Because I remember that as being a red flag as well. hugs to you!
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Aug 24, 2015 18:47:40 GMT
I doubt that all you did is talk for 5 hours. He went to such lengths to see you because he wanted some bonus sex. That is what he might regret missing out on, because he's afraid it might be some time before he finds hot sex again (there is a lot of ho-hum sex out there).
If he wanted to be with you on more than a sexual level, then he would be. He's clearly just not that into you.
So at age 40, what so you do now?
You find a way to be 100% happy being alone. If another relationship comes along, then that's just a bonus. But there are no guarantees now.
You could also get a cat or 10.
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 24, 2015 19:02:13 GMT
Only you really know what went on in your relationship and how things are between you. Protect your heart as you figure out what you want. Sending hugs your way!
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 24, 2015 20:04:43 GMT
Of course, I know who you are. Glad to see you here, but I wish you weren't sad. et Perhaps it's time to reevaluate the breakup. It's possible that you needed time apart to think things through. It's ok to change your minds and try again. Can you two talk openly about needs and feelings? Communication is the key to bonding. You have time to slowly explore this. If you miss eachother that much then maybe you can work things out between you two.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 24, 2015 20:18:13 GMT
hugs
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Aug 24, 2015 20:51:02 GMT
Why is he reaching out now? Is he rebounding from something else? Is he lonely and wants some company while he searches for Mrs Right? I don't mean to be negative because it's obvious you have some deep feelings for him, but protect your heart. Only you know why you broke up. Are those issues resolved? This. 100%. And yeah, did he ever tell you his birthday? Because I remember that as being a red flag as well. hugs to you! This guy seemed like a waste of time the last time you mentioned him. I'm really curious why you two broke up in the first place.
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Post by manda on Aug 25, 2015 4:40:44 GMT
Thank you all for your hugs, sympathy and thoughts. I read every post and appreciated each one. Totally needed it.
Just some random thoughts...
He did eventually tell me his birthday. I understand and accepted his reasons for not sharing. He understands why I was hurt and upset he refused to share it initially. Yes, it was a red flag, but not a reason I was going to break up with him at the time.
He's not looking for sex. Trust me, if he wanted to try for it, he would as he's never been shy in that department. He also knows I would never have sex outside of an exclusive committed relationship nor without an overnight stay. So spending 5 hours with me on a Sunday afternoon... well he knew there would be no sex.
I can't say 100% obviously, but I don't believe there has been anybody else since we split. Obviously I'm not asking, nor is it any of my business quite frankly.
We've been talking more about our feelings and thoughts via email since the breakup so never really any sort of long break. I'll admit our communication in this area was lacking during our relationship.
What I do know is that we both endured traumatic incidents as children and have both been rather independent our entire lives as a result, often pulling away from our families. My personal opinion is that neither of us knows how to completely open up and trust one other human being as much as I imagine is needed to be married.
I am just fine and happy being single. I was single for years before him and would rather be single and happy than married and miserable.
If I were to be honest with myself, and those of you reading this, I'm terrified of commitment. I want it. Just not sure how to live it. Not that I want to date a bunch of people or never get married. I'm just not sure I know how to connect on all the levels with a man in a serious relationship. That's me being honest. I think I saw a bit of that in him as well.
We didn't fight or have any crazy drama in our relationship. Actually we got along really well. The one area I think we could have improved on was communicating about the actual relationship (obviously). He did influence me to be a better person and I was satisfied. Loved being with him. I also felt the calmest with him and within our relationship than in any other relationship I've had. I definitely learned this is something I desire in a relationship for the future.
I couldn't tell you why we broke up. Something was just off. For both of us. I was going to bring it up and he beat me to it. I'm taking him at his word that he's not sure what was off and believe him when he says he knows he may regret this later. Because I felt/feel the same way!! We each showed each other love and felt loved.
Maybe we both freaked out? I don't know. Maybe we both don't feel enough? I don't know.
Anyway... that's where I'm at.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 25, 2015 12:56:39 GMT
(((hugs)))
Relationships are hard.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 25, 2015 14:57:39 GMT
I thought about you on and off yesterday after I posted. DH and I married in our mid and late 30's. We had broken up at one point, but stayed in touch and talked all the time. I think it's harder when you're "fully formed" adults, with your own patterns, to make the leap and commitments, even when you feel like you're ready. I hope this works out the way it's supposed to, and whatever way is best for you. Take a few deep breaths and all "that". We're here for you.
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Post by peanuttle on Aug 25, 2015 15:25:52 GMT
I'm sorry. HUGS!
DH and I dated for two years, broke up for 10 months, then got back together. Sometimes you need some time apart to see how much you really miss and love each other. I think it's telling that he picked you up and drove so far to dinner, then hung at your place. He may feel the same way.
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Post by nyxish on Aug 25, 2015 15:30:55 GMT
much love Best wishes on.... whatever happens or doesn't happen. big hugs!
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Post by Scrapper100 on Aug 25, 2015 16:19:16 GMT
Hugs to you. I sort of did the same thing a few times with an xbf. I would then start to seriously think of dating him and would go out a few times and then he would remind me why we weren't dating anymore. No idea in your case as every situation is different but sorry you are hurting.
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 25, 2015 16:32:57 GMT
I have no advice to offer. I will say prayers for you. Hugs.
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Post by destined2bmom on Aug 25, 2015 17:02:02 GMT
Hugs! It sounds like both of you have very strong feelings for each other. Take it one day at a time. Talk, talk, talk...share openly. Don't put any expectations on each other. At some point, you both will figure out, whether you are meant to be together or not.
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