The title is pissing people off so I am changing it to empty

Yes, but when people make up illnesses, they usually go for cancer or something that will garner them sympathy. They don't tend to choose mental illness, which will not.

Not true at all. You obviously haven't seen Catfish, they make up everything you could possibly imagine, men claim to be women, women claim to be men, older people claim to be younger and vice versa, people who have kids say they don't people who don't say they do. They make up careers, jobs, where they live and it goes on and on. Some people live out a complete fantasy life on line and suck other people in with their stories, it's not only about trying to get sympathy...the reasons can be very complex, sometimes it just that they want to be someone other than who they are because they are dissatisfied with their own lives. 
I'd bet there are some other regular posters here who do this and we have absolutely no idea. Remember we just recently had a long term member who posted a fake photo of herself, for no apparent reason. 

I'm curious as well.

If you were to point it out to them that their mania is acting up, do they have coping mechanisms or skills to manage their behavior

I do now. If my issue is irrational anger (which is no where near what it used to be) my husband typically ignores it until I am calmer and then brings it up when it will do some good, if I don't beat him to the punch. I do a lot of self talk when I get upset at any point now. Really try and think before I speak and talk myself down as it were. And I can do this because of my medication and lots of practice. 

Shopping is is one we are still working on. For the most part I have it under control, and when I am manic I typically will not go into stores and try to stay off my favorite shopping websites. If I need something John will go in for me, this is a way I told him he could help me and he is happy to do it. Normally if I do shop online I do more self talk and weed out the excess. And then I am careful to show him my cart because I know I am not very rational in my spending thinking. Usually this works very well. Just these past 2 weeks it didn't. I am having a mixed episode, hypomanic and depressed. It's a bad combination. So I did a lot of online shopping overnight at 6 different places. Told him about it when he woke up, and tried to talk myself out of it during the day. Cleared my carts of a lot of it over the next 24ish hours. I still had a lot in them that I really, really wanted. I was very emotional and showed him everything and asked what he thought. This was a rare exception where we pulled the trigger to the tune of $450 worth of supplies, even though I had just spent several hundred (planned) the week before. Looking back, he knew how crazily and irrationally sad I was, crying at the drop of a hat and he just wanted to make me feel better. It worked and I have plans to strictly limit my spending through the rest of the year. So, it's not always perfect.

For background, I have done CBT and different therapies to learn how to notice and manage symptoms of my issues (severe depression, PTSD, anxiety and panic disorders), and usually can catch myself and then try to use some of the skills I've been taught... It doesn't always work, but it's an option... I also have had discussions with close family and friends about symptoms they might notice, and told them it's okay to broach the subject with me if I don't seem okay...

This is exactly how I handle it. I have actually reminded them many times because I truly want to learn from past experiences, and if I don't recognize them or their impact I need my people to help me with that. I have a close group of people who are 100% on board, understand and are supportive. They have made all the difference. I have to do the work but I couldn't do it without them.

Those that aren't on board have at least learned that giving me a hard time about things will get them no where. I calmly explain the reality of how my disorder affects me and ways we manage it, and don't allow myself to feel bad if they don't get it and still judge me. To be clear, I am not rude or angry with them. They are just questioning how I live my life, why I don't work, why I take some meds instead of others, why I need meds at all because surely I can just deal with it, why I have it harder than themselves or their friend so-and-so who has bipolar disorder but is completely fine and she didn't need medication/do what I do.

As far as mania goes, the only experience is a friend who has it and gets loud, angry, and very intense... She's been spoken to and disciplined at work for her behaviour towards coworkers when her mania is bad, but I suspect that because it's a workplace, her words/actions are discussed but not her health so I've never seen a friend/family type discussion about it...

I was unfortunate that this all boiled over while I was working at a job I loved. I never really got angry at work, but I was very emotional to the point of tears. A few kind ladies checked up on me and supported me. Everyone else just stared at me. Anyway, I handled that by rushing out of the room, going to the ladies room. Mania affected my job in other ways (taking on too much work, racing thoughts, not able to read code I wrote the day before, and finally crashing into depression and not able to complete my projects). I handled that as best I could by explaining to the people I worked closely with what was going on, and my bosses though I had no legal need to do so. My bosses told me to smile more I walked around looking too depressed. My co-workers either understood until it impacted their projects negatively again or treated me like I had a communicable disease.

In a family/friend situation it depends on the group. For the most part it is not an issue anymore, I am able to successfully manage my behaviors. With my close circle, they tolerate my racing speech/thoughts/actions. Sometimes they will gently tell me to take a deep breath, but there is no judgement there. They accept it as part of who I am. For others, an example. We stay at my in-laws many times a year. There are times when I need to walk away so I will just go to our room. My husband has my back and will cover for me if needed. I have snapped at my MIL a couple of times in situations where I would normally be able to bite my tongue. One was warranted, the other not as much. She just let it go, I think she was in shock both times. The time I was wrong, I apologized a little while later when I had calmed down.

My friends and family know about my bipolar and I have taken great pains to both explain to them why I act like I do and to manage it. They know the work I have put into it, and exactly how hard I try. So when it is necessary they give me a little leeway. When I go overboard I give a sincere apology without being asked and take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

My mom is also bipolar so I also know how it feels to be on the other side of things. And I will admit it is very frustrating. She doesn't always go to the doctor or tell her doctors the truth. She doesn't really try to alter her behavior too much and won't go to counseling anymore. But as frustrating as it is, I keep in mind that she does not have someone like my husband to help her. I try what I can but live almost 2 hours away, it's just not the same. Also, she was diagnosed after I was, while in her 50s. That is a lot of years of learned behaviors to overcome. So if it's just the 2 of us I let a lot of the minor things go when they happen, and then bring them up gently later when she will be able to hear what I have to say.

There have been a couple of times she was actually yelling at me and would not stop. I had to raise my voice and be firm and basically tell her to knock it off. One was over the phone and one was in person. Over the phone after she stopped yelling I calmly told her that I felt she was cycling and we weren't getting anywhere, but that it was important and I would like to discuss it when she was feeling better. In person, it was the same thing but she was staying in town with me so we basically acknowledged that it was an issue and agreed to table it so we could enjoy the rest of our time together.

There have been instances where she became very upset, overly mad, at a salesperson or cashier and started being very rude. Often I will quietly tell her tht I would check out for her if she wanted to go outside to smoke while I finished up. If I was not able to do that I discretely whisper in her ear that she is overreacting and to please be nicer. It doesn't always help enough, if that is the case I apologize after she has walked away. Then I talk to her about it once she has calmed down a bit.

She was once on the phone with her insurance company about an accident and was speaking so fast and so disjointed she was barely comprehensible. I wrote a note for her to ask her to tell them she would call back. She shook her head. But she really wasn't doing herself any favors so I had to take the phone and tell them she was having a hard time explaining things so I was going to have her draw it and that I would call them back. She was pretty upset at the time, but it needed to be done.

"If I could ask people who deal with mania - yourselves or in family/friends, how do you handle situations where the person's behaviour is hurtful or rude or crosses a line? I'm not looking for how you'd handle it with the OP or someone online, but how you'd handle it in a more ordinary situation like a dinner out or hanging in the backyard...

I'm wondering if the person can notice or sense the mania in themselves, or if it's something that they realize after something's happened or been said? And I'm curious if during non-manic times they understand the ways they change when they become manic? If you were to point it out to them that their mania is acting up, do they have coping mechanisms or skills to manage their behaviour?"

You certainly don't have to take it when someone crosses a line. It is absolutely acceptable to tell them that. If you tell them they are being manic they might believe you or they might not. It matters where they are in their illness. You need to try to remove the person from the situation, or if that doesn't work, just walk away. Just because someone is mentally ill doesn't mean you have to accept bad behavior. It just means you have to understand where the bad behavior is coming from.

Sometimes I recognized when I was being manic or hypomanic, sometimes I did not. Even now, fifteen years after, I'll think of old situations and all of a sudden it becomes clear to me that I was seeing everything through a skewed perspective. But for 15 years I've thought something happened one way and then "light bulb!" I see that it was totally different.

I think I would recognize myself being manic now if it happened. The problem is, as someone earlier mentioned, sometimes mania feels really good. I was energetic, creative, bubbly, etc. I was eccentric and unique and fun. In some ways I feel like I gave up some very good parts of myself when I got the medication right. But I don't miss the massive depressions, and the scary rages. Someone here mentioned they felt like they were jumping out of their skin. That is absolutely the truth. I remember pounded myself against walls over and over trying to get the rage out. What most people don't realize is that the mixed states are the danger zones. When you are depressed and manic at the same time it is awful.

There are definitely coping mechanisms that work. I developed a lot of them even before I was ever diagnosed. I think one of the reasons that it took so long for me to get help is that I was really good at finding "work arounds" in situations. Usually I could hold it together at work (not always) but 4 o'clock came around and the beast came back. It can be exhausting trying to keep yourself in check all day so you will "pass". I had to pretend to be sane when my insides were screaming. I get tired just thinking about it.

I know to avoid triggers. I usually stay away from situations that involve emotion. Most of the time I don't watch tv (except comedies) or watch movies or even listen to music because they are emotional triggers. People think it is weird that I don't listen to music but it is something I have to do for me. I'll even leave stores if certain music is playing.

I can be an impulsive shopper, as some people here have mentioned. My downfall was scrapbook supplies (surprise, surprise). I am a classic hoarder of craft materials. I didn't buy supplies for over a year because I was dating someone. He moved away recently and here come the boxes of supplies again. I recognize it and I need to cut that shit out but it is hard. I don't feel depressed but I know I am because that is when the scrapbook supplies start piling up.

I do recognize these behaviors and try to take steps to avoid those situations. It is a constant fight, however, even with medication.

I think it's great that people are trying to understand it better, even if it doesn't affect them or someone close to them 

It was nice of you to say that.  I am very open about it.  I don't mind questions at all.  I think the more we talk about it, the less stigma there is as people can see that it really does touch many of us and I think it's encouraging to people who have bipolar people in their life who are really struggling to see that many of us can be treated and be successful people.  I was really reluctant to take meds.  I did counseling for a long time because I did recognize I had a problem.  But seriously, good medication and CBT makes all the difference in the world.  

foolana, I didn't realize your daughter had a mental illness. I'm with jeremysgirl and am very open about it, there is nothing to be ashamed of and the more people are exposed to information the more they will be able to understand. And hopefully with that, comes compassion and help for those who need it. Your daughter is lucky you are trying to learn yourself and can support her. Do you attend a support group yourself? It might help, I know counseling helped my DH. Please feel free to ask any questions here or by pm. Best of luck to you both.

penny, lack of sleep can trigger it for me.  Sleep is so very important to me.  


Also, not smoking for me.  I am always trying to quit smoking and it is difficult for me.  I am a hot mess when I quit smoking.  But I never give up the fight.  

penny I think lack of sleep is a pretty common trigger, I know it is huge for me.

For shopping? For sure doing any shopping makes it much harder to control my impulsive purchasing.

Stress, I'm not sure if I would classify it as a trigger or just something that makes each cycle much worse. Probably both. I'm fortunate in that I don't have to work. It allows me to take better care of myself, avoid a lot of stress, and enjoy my time with my husband and friends/family. Whereas when I was working high stress jobs and around a lot of verbal, audio and visual input all day when I came home I was just ready to shut down. I had nothing left. I can go weeks without listening to music or watching TV.

Like artbabe, I try and avoid a lot of news. I work very hard to control my emotions, good or bad, so I try not to add to my load.

If I'm at a certain place in a manic or mixed state cycle I am much more likely to get unreasonably agitated so I do my best to avoid things that could trigger a difficult episode. Sometimes that is my family save my husband Othertimes, like with work, it is a lot of sensory input. There are times my husband puts on his wireless headphones to watch TV and I lay next to him and read. It is also a good time to avoid anything that might frustrate me too much, like cleaning the garage, responding to a thread, or anything related to making technology work. Deep breaths and walk away.

Likewise, when I am depressed, I try to avoid sensitive items/discussions/shows/threads. And OHHH boy anything health related because I have hypochondriac like tendencies and anxiety. Never a good combination, especially when already emotionally fragile.

eta: I am speaking of 2 different kind of triggers here. Lack of sleep, life events, and not taking medication properly can trigger a cycle for me. The other triggers I was referring to can trigger what I can best describe as an episode within a cycle. I cycle rapidly, in my case that can sometimes be over a dozen cycles a year. And I typically follow a pattern: as centered as I get/fairly neutral (which has been slightly up my whole life), [sometimes trigger] hypomanic, manic (rarely these days), mixed state (very rare and not nearly as bad as they used to be), depression, deep depression (very rare). If it is a bad life event I typically pass go and head straight for depression no matter where I am in the cycle.

When I read this thread last night, I was really dismayed because I thought it exemplified the worst aspects of this forum. 

Today, after my second visit, it exemplifies the best. I've learned a lot and I'm grateful for the candid and comprehensive explanations from victims of mental illness.

Sometimes it's startling how a thread can "turn" - less often in a good direction, but it happens. 

Ellanah, or her new hoarder personality "Jessica"?

Hugs to you.