Post by jonda1974 on Aug 31, 2015 19:31:45 GMT
Aug 30, 2015 4:52:51 GMT rst said:
The great rule to remember is "Comfort in / Vent out". Envision a model in which the person will illness or crisis themselves is in the center. The next layer out is the immediate family and people most directly affected by the crisis (spouse, children, people living in the same house, then extended family, and outside that are various layers of friends and neighbors and co-workers. Obviously in each situation there can be different configurations, and over time it might fluctuate, but the idea is that the people closest to the situation have the fewest other alternatives for support or respite, whereas those farther out, while still feeling the situation keenly, are not so completely absorbed by it in every aspect of their lives-- they do get to leave and go on with normal life.Comfort flows inward. Venting and emotional outbursts flow outward.
To me, the concept that blood is thicker than water, is not necessarily the reality. Just because we're related, even if immediate family, doesn't mean that is the person at the pinnacle of my inner circle. For me it would be my best friend, and two other really close friends, followed by my parents, cousins, grandmothers, and my brother would fall in line outside the second circle. We just aren't close. However, I know that if this were me in the situation, he would be right there and would probably take offense at the fact that I want my friends there more than him. He's not a bad person, we just have nothing in common and live very separate lives. I'm closer honestly to some of my coworkers than I am some of my family.
In spite of all that...sending major hugs to the OP and her family. This is never an easy situation and it just plain sucks for everyone. I'm so sorry.