StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,664
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 21, 2015 16:48:09 GMT
know? (Seriously, can we get 5 more spaces in the titles, I always run one word short! ha)
Anyway, serious post.
Most of you know i'm a consultant with Pure Romance. I do in home parties, for adult women with bath and beauty products, massage and intimacy products.
In the last two years i've found myself doing more and more college parties. They're over 18 (yes, I card) so legally they are allowed to have a party but they get a different party than my older clientele. It started with a few girls who were at their aunts party who asked if I would be willing to come to campus to do a party for their friends. They booked a few more parties and made a few referrals and now i'm a guest at Sex Week for two universities near me each year and I get invited a few times a year to different universities for special events...evening parties, usually put on by the dorms RA. We're getting really REALLY good attendance (the RA/sex week parties average 60-100 girls in attendance, in home parties for individuals/sororities usually 20ish) We think they're super popular because they're getting the information they need in a less formal setting. My show is funny while it's educational. It's a 'girls night' vs a lecture.
It's growing faster and faster, I was at OU on Monday night, again on Wednesday, again next week, and then in October i've got 6 dates booked at OU, OSU and Miami (Ohio) .
So, long story short, i'm talking to a LOT of young girls about their sexuality.
As i'm doing these shows i've been surprised by a few things:
1.) How many girls are still virgins. Some proud, some hide it, but they're waiting and not usually for religious reasons. 2.) How many girls are completely clueless. They don't know basic information about their bodies and say their parents never really allowed sexuality to be part of their conversations at home. 3.) How many girls are surprised that oral and anal sex are still sex and need the same protections as intercourse. 4.) How many girls really open up, connect with me and continue their relationship with me through social media/texting/phone calls through the years. I did my first college age party 6 years ago and i've been in touch with those girls, doing parties through college, graduation, engagements, weddings, babies and even funerals :/
Knowing that i'm reaching a LOT of girls on campus and the girls on my team are reaching even more i'm working on developing a program outline to make sure we're covering what needs to be covered so i'm looking for some input.
My campus parties are less 'let's spice up your relationship, open communication, increase intimacy and try new things" (like my regular party) and more education, safety etc.
Right now I cover- Basic anatomy (female and male) Consent/No means no/you NEVER have to do anything you don't want to do (several times throughout the party) Protection/being safe There is an emphasis on the bath/beauty products and I do show toys as a safe, clean, disease/pregnancy/risk free way to learn about your body/fulfill your physical needs/know what you like so when you're in a safe & committed relationship you are able to communicate with your partner.
Sales aren't the focus but they are happening. Usually shaving cream, moisturizing body oil, pheromone fragrance oil, sheet spray, books, basic lubricant, bullets and small dual action toys. Usually nothing crazy. Oh, and condoms. A LOT of condoms. They're at a pretty good price, they're in cute packaging so the girls don't mind having them on hand and it's discreet, no embarrassing trip to the CVS. We joke that I could retire on a university mail order condom business.
So, if you have a daughter away at college and she's going to a get together like this, what information do you feel you'd like them to know before they leave? I can teach them just about anything and they'll remember it if I make them laugh. I want to make sure i'm providing the best service I can with the biggest impact on their safety and health.
Any input?
...and yes, i'm aware there will probably be outrage that girls are having these parties, but you know what? They're 18 and I can't not do them because they're in school. Honestly, i'd do campus parties every day of the week because they're incredibly rewarding to do and I know they're making an impact. Unless your daughter tells you about the party you'll just never know, she's using your credit card but the transactions are run to be discreet (no business name on the CC statements) and all of my orders are confidential. If your daughter happens to be the one who tells me she definitely needs the sheet spray b/c her room smells like sex ALL the time, you'll be happy about the chat that took place right after that gem, and the condoms that went home with her. Most of them are responsible and making good choices, but some of them? They need a little guidance maybe.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 8, 2024 0:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2015 16:55:19 GMT
I think the way you are addressing their parties is great. Teaching them to stay safe, Teaching them that limits are good and the whole no means no thing. You are kind of like their big sister, fun aunt, who they can "really" talk to and not be embarrassed. To me, it is a good thing. Maybe you are preventing bad things from happening to these girls because you are educating them.
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Post by bearmom on Sept 21, 2015 16:56:05 GMT
Kudus to you for providing age appropriate, vital information to these girls!
I want my dds to know all the things you talk about. I hope that they know this information now, but having it reinforced by someone not mom might help them from rolling their eyes and thinking yeah mom, got it, without really hmfetting it.
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Post by myshelly on Sept 21, 2015 17:00:22 GMT
I think it's really, really awesome that you do this!
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Post by brina on Sept 21, 2015 17:03:02 GMT
I think what you are doing sounds great. I like to think that my dd won't be the one who is so clueless - but that assumes she is listening when we talk and not sticking her fingers in her ears singing la-la-la-la-la.
If they listen to you in a way that they did not listen to their parents or their high school health teacher - or if those things were not available to them - than I say you should be doing these every night of the week.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,765
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Sept 21, 2015 17:03:13 GMT
I think you are hitting all the topics that I would have wanted to hear about in college. I really can't think of anything that you are not covering. I also think this is a good thing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 8, 2024 0:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2015 17:11:07 GMT
I admire what you do. I wish I had had a StephD in my life at that age.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 8, 2024 0:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2015 17:13:37 GMT
That's awesome. I think you are hitting on all of the important topics - and obviously you're open to questions, so if there are other things they want to know, they can ask.
I wish I'd had that kind of education at that time in my life. Of course, I had sex ed in school and I understood about protection, anatomy, etc. What I didn't have at that point was the confidence to figure out what worked sexually for me - either through self-exploration or by speaking up to my partner and asking for something. I wish I'd gotten the message earlier that those are both good things.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,661
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Sept 21, 2015 17:15:15 GMT
My daughter is in that demographic and you pretty much covered what I would want her to know; it sounds perfectly appropriate for girls of that age.
As a side note, I can't believe some of them don't think anal and oral are sex!!
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,613
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
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Post by hannahruth on Sept 21, 2015 17:16:39 GMT
I really think you are doing a wonderful thing - I don't believe you can have too much information about sex and at a party it is all done in fun with seriousness thrown in.
These girls probably think mums wouldn't know these things - goodness they probably think mum and dad don't even have sex any more!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,762
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 21, 2015 17:18:39 GMT
My daughter is in that demographic and you pretty much covered what I would want her to know; it sounds perfectly appropriate for girls of that age. As a side note, I can't believe some of them don't think anal and oral are sex!!Well, neither did a President
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Post by Darcy Collins on Sept 21, 2015 17:21:19 GMT
I'm all about the self love at this age. The only thing I'd add to your list is an addition that toys aren't necessary as I'm sure some are going to be too embarrassed to buy. This reminds me of a very late, very drunk evening my senior year in college. It was a very frank discussion, and at this point I knew these women for 4 years of college. I'd say what struck me the most was how few had ever had an orgasm. And how the majority of the girls that were "promiscuous" - no judgement - just trying to be concise in their sexual behavior in college - were more likely to have never experienced an orgasm or masturbate. It made me think at the time, that perhaps if they were more satisfied they wouldn't be searching quite so hard.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 21, 2015 17:29:26 GMT
I like that you basically are giving a sex ed lesson w/o the panties-in-a-wad junior high methods. You're telling them things that their own mothers might be embarrassed to discuss w/them and you're making it a normal human need and experience. I love the part about knowing your body so that you can help your partner to fulfill your needs and vice versa. Sounds like you covered it. Sex is embarrassing for many of us to discuss. I grew up in the "wait until your wedding night and he'll teach you all that you need to know" era. Didn't practice it, but mom sure tried her hardest. Nowadays, that's just downright dangerous. Also, the fact that you emphasize "NO MEANS NO" is essential for college girls. Love that aspect of your presentation. No matter how much you drank or how short your skirt was, rape is rape and no one ever asks for it. Teaching the girls that it's healthy and normal to talk about sex w/their partners is good, too. It's nice to know how to please your partner and how you want to pleased. Turn shame into empowerment.
Keep it fun, light and open as you have been and I think you're golden.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Sept 21, 2015 17:29:56 GMT
I wish I'd had the opportunity to attend such a party when I was a student at Miami. Lol. My dd is a college sophomore, and I'd definitely be in favor of her attending, as well. I wish you traveled!
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Sept 21, 2015 17:34:51 GMT
My daughter is in that demographic and you pretty much covered what I would want her to know; it sounds perfectly appropriate for girls of that age. As a side note, I can't believe some of them don't think anal and oral are sex!! Well, neither did a President I was going to post the same thing! I think it's really great that you are teaching young women about pleasing themselves and safety. At that age, the one thing that I would have love told to me was that orgasming is not an instant thing. It can take time to learn how to do by yourself. And that if you are not orgasming with a partner, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. In my teens and early twenties, I remember having sex and after a "totally amazing" *sarcasm added* ten minutes of pounding, the guy asking me, so you came, right? And then acting like it is my fault if I don't instantly climax during penetration just like all porn starts do. (I don't think there is anything wrong with legal porn, but man, sometimes I think there should be a disclaimer to inform young guys watching that women do not always respond the way the actresses are portraying them to respond.)
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 21, 2015 17:39:49 GMT
1.) How many girls are still virgins. Some proud, some hide it, but they're waiting and not usually for religious reasons. 3.) How many girls are surprised that oral and anal sex are still sex and need the same protections as intercourse. If your daughter happens to be the one who tells me she definitely needs the sheet spray b/c her room smells like sex ALL the time, you'll be happy about the chat that took place right after that gem, and the condoms that went home with her. Most of them are responsible and making good choices, but some of them? They need a little guidance maybe. First of all, I think what you are doing is fabulous for these girls. I am surprised you are surprised how many girls are still virgins at 18. I would wager money that the main reason is the opportunity hasn't come up. Many well adjusted, active girls graduate high school without having had a boyfriend . It isn't always about a decision to wait for personal and/or religious reasons. I am also shocked at how many girls do not consider oral & anal sex to be sex and needing protection. In addition to sheet spray you can remind them it is ok to have an extra set of sheets and wash them more frequently . You might already include this, but suggest that if they are going to be sexually active they should start seeing a GYN and have regular check-ups. Good luck.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,521
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 21, 2015 17:42:00 GMT
This. So much this. We're coming up to "the talk" with my DD, who will be 10 in April and I'm dreading it. I want to be the open parent she can talk to, but at the same time I'm questioning what is age appropriate at her age. I went to Catholic school elementary-High school and sex ed was a joke. We were literally given no information to mis information and it led to incredibly bad situations for me in College. I would be thrilled to have someone she can trust (and that I trust) giving her the information you've outlined here at that time in her life.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,664
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 21, 2015 17:44:18 GMT
Jili I do travel! What area is she in? I usually put out a list before we go on trips and book at least one event each time, I might be near her soon Toys are always an optional experience, but instead of being embarrassed by them they are usually really excited. I feature toys that don't look like toys, that can be used for massage and that don't necessarily look like toys so it's not a big deal if they are found by roommates/whoever. Also things that are super quiet because most of the time exploring is going to be happening in the shower if they are sharing rooms.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,521
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 21, 2015 17:45:37 GMT
yep. and my memory of getting any kind of protection from the health circus was a long, embarrassing process. You're giving them the ability to protect themselves without the shame. Go Steph!
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Post by flanz on Sept 21, 2015 17:46:30 GMT
I like that you basically are giving a sex ed lesson w/o the panties-in-a-wad junior high methods. You're telling them things that their own mothers might be embarrassed to discuss w/them and you're making it a normal human need and experience. I love the part about knowing your body so that you can help your partner to fulfill your needs and vice versa. Sounds like you covered it. Sex is embarrassing for many of us to discuss. I grew up in the "wait until your wedding night and he'll teach you all that you need to know" era. Didn't practice it, but mom sure tried her hardest. Nowadays, that's just downright dangerous. Also, the fact that you emphasize "NO MEANS NO" is essential for college girls. Love that aspect of your presentation. No matter how much you drank or how short your skirt was, rape is rape and no one ever asks for it. Teaching the girls that it's healthy and normal to talk about sex w/their partners is good, too. It's nice to know how to please your partner and how you want to pleased. Turn shame into empowerment. Keep it fun, light and open as you have been and I think you're golden. Ditto! You're doing a great thing Steph~
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,521
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 21, 2015 17:47:03 GMT
StephDRebel, should you find yourself in Mo or Ks, contact me. We'll hook you up down here!
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,664
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 21, 2015 17:47:35 GMT
At that age, the one thing that I would have love told to me was that orgasming is not an instant thing. It can take time to learn how to do by yourself. And that if you are not orgasming with a partner, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. In my teens and early twenties, I remember having sex and after a "totally amazing" *sarcasm added* ten minutes of pounding, the guy asking me, so you came, right? And then acting like it is my fault if I don't instantly climax during penetration just like all porn starts do. YES! We also talk about the sexual response cycle, stages of arousal, the process of having an orgasm, types of orgasms and the fact that a LOT of women are unable to achieve orgasm with just vaginal penetration, that it's normal, common and doesn't mean that there is a single thing wrong with them, it's just the way we're made
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,664
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 21, 2015 17:49:52 GMT
1.) How many girls are still virgins. Some proud, some hide it, but they're waiting and not usually for religious reasons. 3.) How many girls are surprised that oral and anal sex are still sex and need the same protections as intercourse. If your daughter happens to be the one who tells me she definitely needs the sheet spray b/c her room smells like sex ALL the time, you'll be happy about the chat that took place right after that gem, and the condoms that went home with her. Most of them are responsible and making good choices, but some of them? They need a little guidance maybe. First of all, I think what you are doing is fabulous for these girls. I am surprised you are surprised how many girls are still virgins at 18. I would wager money that the main reason is the opportunity hasn't come up. Many well adjusted, active girls graduate high school without having had a boyfriend . It isn't always about a decision to wait for personal and/or religious reasons. I am also shocked at how many girls do not consider oral & anal sex to be sex and needing protection. In addition to sheet spray you can remind them it is ok to have an extra set of sheets and wash them more frequently . You might already include this, but suggest that if they are going to be sexually active they should start seeing a GYN and have regular check-ups. Good luck. I'm not surprised that they are virgins, but more so that they're either 1.) proud and running in a circle where it's accepted and cool or 2.) ashamed of it and pretending to have these crazy sexual escapades to fit in. I would love to see a time where it's just not a big deal.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,664
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 21, 2015 17:51:54 GMT
We definitely cover health care and the need for visits after they become sexually active- and I provide a list of care providers that work well with college students without preaching or being judgy (I get referrals from local girls and the health clinic)
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 21, 2015 17:57:29 GMT
I'm not surprised that they are virgins, but more so that they're either 1.) proud and running in a circle where it's accepted and cool or 2.) ashamed of it and pretending to have these crazy sexual escapades to fit in. I would love to see a time where it's just not a big deal. Yes, a thousand times, yes. Couldn't agree more with you and sorry I miss read the OP .
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,982
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 21, 2015 17:58:14 GMT
I have nothing to add to your list. I just want to say "bless you" for offering this experience to these young women.
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Post by leannec on Sept 21, 2015 18:00:42 GMT
Steph, I taught Human Sexuality to junior high students for many years and I wish I could teach to University aged girls because I know that there is a true need for honest real information. (But I'm not interested in doing that again) I think what you do is probably helping a lot of young women more than you can imagine
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Sept 21, 2015 18:02:22 GMT
I would love for you to add in there for my DD if she were at one of your shows talking about how special sex is and it can be (should be?) a fulfilling act with someone you care about, not just a drunken lay that you don't even remember. I'm sure you could phrase in a very non-judgemental way but just maybe talk about it being reserved for a select few instead of serving it up on a platter to any dog that's looking for a treat. Most college guys view sex differently from the girls. I hope by 18 the girls realize that they can get used if they just give it away to anyone. Don't let sex be something that you regret as you look back on college instead of a good memory. Like I said, I'm sure you could word it much better than I can and even make it funny. That's just my 2 cents on what I'd like my DD to hear.
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quiltedbrain
Full Member
Posts: 429
Jun 26, 2014 3:34:53 GMT
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Post by quiltedbrain on Sept 21, 2015 18:03:29 GMT
As the mom of a daughter and as a woman, I want to thank you for doing these parties and giving young women access to this information. I will echo the other commenters who said they wished they'd had something like this when they were in college...me too!! It sounds like you're covering all that needs to be covered, so I don't have anything to add there. But, I'm going to remember that you do this in a couple of years when DD is in college...so don't be surprised if you get a PM 2 years from now asking about your travel schedule.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 8, 2024 0:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2015 18:07:26 GMT
I would love for you to add in there for my DD if she were at one of your shows talking about how special sex is and it can be (should be?) a fulfilling act with someone you care about, not just a drunken lay that you don't even remember. I'm sure you could phrase in a very non-judgemental way but just maybe talk about it being reserved for a select few instead of serving it up on a platter to any dog that's looking for a treat. Most college guys view sex differently from the girls. I hope by 18 the girls realize that they can get used if they just give it away to anyone. Don't let sex be something that you regret as you look back on college instead of a good memory. Like I said, I'm sure you could word it much better than I can and even make it funny. That's just my 2 cents on what I'd like my DD to hear. I've got to say, I disagree with including something like that. There are plenty of women who enjoy having sex for sex's sake without being in any kind of relationship. That's OK. As long as everyone is making their choices based on what *they* want, not based on pressure from anyone, it's all good. And I totally disagree that men and women view sex differently. I think our cultural stereotypes say they do, but there are just as many men who aren't interested in no-strings-attached sex as there are women who are.
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