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Post by scrapbookdiva on Sept 23, 2015 21:23:22 GMT
my 18 yo ds plays junior hockey and got a concussion on September 11th. We went to the ER that night with him. Obviously, he couldn't drive. He stayed at home for a week to recover. Last Wednesday, I brought him for a doctors visit and brought him back to his billet house. I had to take a couple of hours off work to take him, but I wanted to hear what the doctor said, and fill in any blanks if there were any questions ( my son isn't much of a talker).
My son had another doctors appointment this afternoon. When I told a coworker that I had to take another couple of hours off, he accused my of being a helicopter mom. Umm. Really?
Not only do I want to hear what the doctor says, but I don't want him to tell the doctor he's fit for hockey, when he's not. But, maybe I should be letting him handle this? It is his health and he is almost 19, but I feel like this isn't just some stitches or shoulder injury. I want him back to normal.
Are my propellers working over time on the chopper or am I just doing what moms do?
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~Susan~
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Post by ~Susan~ on Sept 23, 2015 21:28:39 GMT
If my child allowed me to be there, then I would be there. I wouldn't care what anyone else thought. Head injuries are serious and I would be doing the same as you.
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Post by stingfan on Sept 23, 2015 21:29:23 GMT
If he wants you there and you want to be there, then go. Doesn't matter what some random person thinks... Although I am also a random person  . |
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Deleted
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May 7, 2024 18:26:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 21:30:00 GMT
You don't stop being a mom on your child's 18th birthday, and that doesn't make you a helicopter mom. I think mit is great you are there for him.
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Deleted
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May 7, 2024 18:26:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 21:32:00 GMT
I think for most things, yes, that would be helicopter-y at his age. If you were going along for a physical or something - most definitely the propellers would be whirring.
However, when you are talking about something that impairs cognitive ability, he may not be in the condition to adequately remember what he is told. He may also not think to ask questions about specific limitations and thus assume he's cleared to do things that maybe he shouldn't be.
Finally, I think kids in sports like hockey and football are so used to concussions as a common injury, they don't think about the potential long term ramifications of not following doctor's orders. Since we are talking about his *brain*, I think you can shelve the helicopter concerns for this particular issue.
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 23, 2015 21:35:26 GMT
If my husband or I had a head injury, I would think it nice for the other to drive/come along. Am I a helicopter wife?
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MizIndependent
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Quit your bullpoop.
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Sept 23, 2015 21:36:16 GMT
You kid suffers a head injury and your co-worker has the balls to criticize you?
Your co-worker is an ass.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Sept 23, 2015 21:38:53 GMT
Normally I'd say yes, helicopter mom. In this case, because it's a concussion, I see your point of view.
I do think you need to let him answer the questions, though.
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Post by moveablefeast on Sept 23, 2015 21:40:05 GMT
You're mom and it's follow up for a concussion. This is not helicoptering. I would be happy to have my mom at my follow up for a concussion now, and I am two times his age plus some. An extra set of ears to hear about treatment and things to look out for is very useful right now.
Speaking as an employer, I wouldn't give a moment of hesitation to this scenario. You are still his mom.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 21:41:00 GMT
Your child suffered a brain injury. No, you're not being a helicopter mom.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Sept 23, 2015 21:43:31 GMT
You kid suffers a head injury and your co-worker has the balls to criticize you? Your co-worker is an ass. Honestly? He probably isn't. Men just look at these things differently. For example, the OP saying he's not fit to play yet? That would be something a guy would tend to react to with, 'It's not up to you. You're not a doctor." I let a LOT go when I coached floor hockey for the older boys. I didn't mess around with anything related to the head, though. Absolute zero tolerance for anything close to a head shot, and if you fell & hit your head, you were NOT playing again until I had a doctor's note stating you had permission to do so. We were blessed - we only had one concussion in all my years of running the program, and it wasn't any kind of foul play. He just literally tripped over his own feet, running to fast. |
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Post by bianca42 on Sept 23, 2015 21:45:29 GMT
My boss's son suffered a concussion at school several hours away. She made several trips to go to the Dr with him and to just talk to him face to face and assess on her own how she thinks he's doing.
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Post by scrapbookdiva on Sept 23, 2015 21:47:27 GMT
Thanks, ladies. For the record, my boss is completely supportive of my time off. It's just the Coworker. I think he was trying to be funny, but it struck a nerve and made me doubt myself. I pride myself on not being one of those parents. Lol! I can't say my son is "letting" me attend the visits. I just said I would take him and he shrugged. Which in teen boy language means " Thank you, Mother. That would be so kind of you and I really do appreciate it."  |
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Post by maryland on Sept 23, 2015 21:49:36 GMT
I think for most things, yes, that would be helicopter-y at his age. If you were going along for a physical or something - most definitely the propellers would be whirring. However, when you are talking about something that impairs cognitive ability, he may not be in the condition to adequately remember what he is told. He may also not think to ask questions about specific limitations and thus assume he's cleared to do things that maybe he shouldn't be. Finally, I think kids in sports like hockey and football are so used to concussions as a common injury, they don't think about the potential long term ramifications of not following doctor's orders. Since we are talking about his *brain*, I think you can shelve the helicopter concerns for this particular issue. I agree!
My kids have to get physicals every year as a requirement for school sports. When my older girls turned 13, they started going in by themselves. Then at 16, they get dropped off and I run to the store next door (they don't have full license yet, so I have to be in the car with them.). But for a head injury, I would want to be there in case I need any instructions. My kids aren't big talkers!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Sept 23, 2015 21:49:44 GMT
You kid suffers a head injury and your co-worker has the balls to criticize you? Your co-worker is an ass. I agree! A head injury is much different then a minor injury! What a jerk! |
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Post by maryland on Sept 23, 2015 21:52:30 GMT
Thanks, ladies. For the record, my boss is completely supportive of my time off. It's just the Coworker. I think he was trying to be funny, but it struck a nerve and made me doubt myself. I pride myself on not being one of those parents. Lol! I can't say my son is "letting" me attend the visits. I just said I would take him and he shrugged. Which in teen boy language means " Thank you, Mother. That would be so kind of you and I really do appreciate it." My teen girls speak the exact same language!  I get lots of shrugs and such! |
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Post by mom on Sept 23, 2015 22:02:22 GMT
I'm 36 with a blood clotting disorder that has caused me to have strokes in the past. My retired dad still goes with me to my appointments. LOL My husband works and its nice to have a second set of ears when the dr changes my meds, etc.
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 23, 2015 22:47:10 GMT
The rule in my family is that any kind of serious illness/injury requires a second person to attend the appointment with the ill/injured. This is to ensure that all the questions get answered and the answers are clearly understood. Often what happens is that the person injured or ill is overwhelmed and/or sick/hurting/etc. and doesn't always follow what the doctors are saying.
So in the case you presented, someone would tag along whether it was me or another savvy adult just to be the one who takes notes and clarifies the unclear.
If it is a helicopter parent, you may want to check in with my almost 70 year mother and her 72 year sister who attend each other's appointments all the time. They don't even bat an eye when it comes to tagging along with one of us 'kids' (who range in age from 49-36.)
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Post by abr79 on Sept 23, 2015 22:55:10 GMT
I agree with the other posters - I don't consider this helicopter parenting. He's 18, probably JUST out of the house, yes? And he's suffered a head injury. I would actually be concerned and judging you if you DIDN'T go to his appointments.
I was 29 when I had my son via c-section and the first week after I got home, I had my mom with me (my hubby couldn't take his leave until a couple weeks later) and she took me to a follow-up appointment. I didn't consider that helicopter parenting but rather helping me out when I needed help.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 23, 2015 23:04:45 GMT
I think for most things, yes, that would be helicopter-y at his age. If you were going along for a physical or something - most definitely the propellers would be whirring. However, when you are talking about something that impairs cognitive ability, he may not be in the condition to adequately remember what he is told. He may also not think to ask questions about specific limitations and thus assume he's cleared to do things that maybe he shouldn't be. Finally, I think kids in sports like hockey and football are so used to concussions as a common injury, they don't think about the potential long term ramifications of not following doctor's orders. Since we are talking about his *brain*, I think you can shelve the helicopter concerns for this particular issue. Exactly. DS had a concussion when he was 17. He missed 6 weeks of school and I went to each and every appt. I wanted to know EXACTLY how he was progressing. If it had happened 10 months later, would I have still be there? Absolutely. And FTR, DS goes to his regular appts alone. I think that Helicopter Mom is a trendy phrase that people like to throw around these days. I for one and throughly tired of it. My family loves to say this to me. Probably because they are baiting me--it makes me mad. Just because he's 18 doesn't mean that I'm going to throw him to the wolves. I am teaching him in stages to self care. It's not going to happen overnight just because he's 18. He's in college 1,300 miles away. Isn't that proof enough that I'm not a helicopter mom? |
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Sept 23, 2015 23:05:58 GMT
The rule in my family is that any kind of serious illness/injury requires a second person to attend the appointment with the ill/injured. This is to ensure that all the questions get answered and the answers are clearly understood. Often what happens is that the person injured or ill is overwhelmed and/or sick/hurting/etc. and doesn't always follow what the doctors are saying. So in the case you presented, someone would tag along whether it was me or another savvy adult just to be the one who takes notes and clarifies the unclear.  As others have said, it is not a check-up it is a head injury. He needs a second set of ears to hear what the doctor says. I've been to the ER a few times with my husband. It is really hard to understand the doctor when you are doubled over in pain from appendicitis. You are not a helicopter mom, just a responsible parent. |
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Post by littlemama on Sept 23, 2015 23:07:32 GMT
If you were taking off work to take him to get a flu shot, yeah. For a concussion, no, you are not a helicopter mom.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Sept 23, 2015 23:07:19 GMT
No matter his age, head injuries are nothing to play with. You are NOT a helicopter mom (from what you've posted here!) Hope he's ok!!
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Sept 23, 2015 23:22:32 GMT
I think for most things, yes, that would be helicopter-y at his age. If you were going along for a physical or something - most definitely the propellers would be whirring. However, when you are talking about something that impairs cognitive ability, he may not be in the condition to adequately remember what he is told. He may also not think to ask questions about specific limitations and thus assume he's cleared to do things that maybe he shouldn't be. Finally, I think kids in sports like hockey and football are so used to concussions as a common injury, they don't think about the potential long term ramifications of not following doctor's orders. Since we are talking about his *brain*, I think you can shelve the helicopter concerns for this particular issue. I agree with this. I also firmly believe a person no matter how old should have an advocate any time they are hurt or sick.I always go with my dh to the ER for example because when he is in a lot of pain he can't think clearly or remember things. It's safer. It's recommended by public health officials, and it just makes sense. You are doing the right thing. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Sept 23, 2015 23:35:25 GMT
I agree with the second set of ears comments. Also, the fact is that this was a head injury, and he may still have residual effects that he's not even aware of (including memory, comprehension, etc.). Let him be in control of it, you're just kind of a human tape recorder who can speak if something truly critical isn't being said.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 23, 2015 23:40:44 GMT
My son was in a pretty rough car accident. It was almost 3 years ago (he was 18 and in high school). My husband (medical field profession) went to all dr.'s appointments, surgery, and now lawyer's meetings. My son would love for all of this to just disappear, but in the long run, knows his dad is doing what is best for him. Thankfully he and my husband have a great relationship. Concussions are not to be messed with. Yes, I say in many other cases let your kid do it himself, but not this one.
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Post by Belia on Sept 23, 2015 23:49:07 GMT
I don't blame you for going to the appointments with him so far, but if all indications were that this were a minor thing and his recovery was progressing normally, I would be fine with him going with someone other than me. (dh, a sibling, roommate, BFF). But I would insist that he go with SOMEONE, and I would probably prompt him with some questions to be sure to ask.
I mean, for a complicated situation like this, EVERYONE should have a second set of ears with them.
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Nicole in TX
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Post by Nicole in TX on Sept 23, 2015 23:57:40 GMT
Is this man a father who takes little to no role in the parenting of his own children?
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MizIndependent
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Quit your bullpoop.
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Sept 24, 2015 0:05:01 GMT
Thanks, ladies. For the record, my boss is completely supportive of my time off. It's just the Coworker. I think he was trying to be funny, but it struck a nerve and made me doubt myself. I pride myself on not being one of those parents. Lol! I can't say my son is "letting" me attend the visits. I just said I would take him and he shrugged. Which in teen boy language means " Thank you, Mother. That would be so kind of you and I really do appreciate it." My teen girls speak the exact same language! I get lots of shrugs and such! Another one here, but then occasionally...  You leave your unlocked phone lying around and open it to find stuff like this and you know that your kid might kinda like you. A little bit. |
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Sept 24, 2015 0:13:28 GMT
Since concussion comes under the heading of serious medical issue, then you get a pass on this one and tell co-worker to MYOB.
Good for you for taking your sons health seriously.
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.
I get lots of shrugs and such!
As others have said, it is not a check-up it is a head injury. He needs a second set of ears to hear what the doctor says. I've been to the ER a few times with my husband. It is really hard to understand the doctor when you are doubled over in pain from appendicitis. 
Time to get off the internet!