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Post by pepper59 on Nov 14, 2015 20:20:43 GMT
So the wedding happened. In the 3 weeks preceding, bride would not comment or respond to any texts or FB posts. 3 days before the wedding I posted "Only 3 more days till there's a new Mrs. 'Last Name' in the family! With bride, heart, champagne emoticons. No response. We fly down and arrive at rehearsal dinner. She greets us but very coolly. We smile, take pics, act normal.
Next morning we get to wedding venue and his sister comes out and says that the bride had ordered tons of flowers and had her sister make bouquets, boutonnières and huge, I'm talking 2 feet tall centerpieces but no corsages. Not for his MOTHER, his sister, his dear aunt who's like a grandmother to him, me or my daughter, his step sister. Apparently the night before his mother pitched a holy fit saying "This my sons wedding and I and all these important women should have corsages!" She knew it, had been told it by her fiancé. Her first response: "I didn't have enough flowers." ?!?! His mother is crying and pulls a large rose and some greenery out of a centerpiece and demands they make her one. Which they did. She tells her that the rest of the women in his immediate family should have one and she says "No. If my (deceased) mother was here she would have one but no one else."
Now this girl flew to our wedding as my stepsons gf, not even engaged, and we had a corsage for her and included her in all wedding pics. DH's ex wife got married a year later and same deal, corsage and treated as family. So she knew this is the norm.
So I wore the black dress and turned out many (younger mostly) women did too.
At the wedding she was again very cool to me, barely acknowledged me. The only thing she said to me all day was to come up and tell me "My sister made all the floral arrangements. Aren't they gorgeous?" Passive aggressive much? Then at the reception my DH made a toast and later apologized for not giving her a hug as he saw other's do after their toasts. She said "No, I should be the one apologizing for not having patience with your wife." What the HECK??? What did I do other than ask if I could wear my stupid, expensive, non returnable dress? I didn't wear it and said nothing else about it. DH had called his son a couple of days after the dress issue to say he was hurt at her inflexible attitude because we had done nothing but be nice, pay for half their wedding and their honeymoon. He was upset and his DS got defensive at first then said "Dad, we're fighting constantly and she has this picture in her head and won't let me say anything about the wedding." So DH just said no worries, she's not wearing the dress and we'll be there with a smile in our face.
So now I hear from my stepdaughter that the newlyweds may opt to stay in a hotel when we are flying them up at Christmas unless they get this worked out with me! Work out what! I just wanted to wear my stupid dress, agreed not too and didn't!
So that's my vent, thanks for reading! So glad it's over.
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Post by MorellisCupcake on Nov 14, 2015 20:23:58 GMT
I don't blame you. What a bitch. Let's hope she gets over it quickfast for the sake of their marriage.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Nov 14, 2015 20:24:29 GMT
Bride must think there is more to the story.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,749
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Nov 14, 2015 20:25:40 GMT
Holy bananas. Your step son has his hands full with that one. I bet you are really looking forward to Christmas!
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Post by scrapperal on Nov 14, 2015 20:30:12 GMT
I am at the bride. I hope things go smoother from here out. Wow, that's really nice of you to fly them up for Christmas!
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Post by gritzi on Nov 14, 2015 20:31:14 GMT
Honestly? For sanity's sake I would be celebrating if Bridezilla opted for a hotel room during the holidays! I know that means less time w/your son, but a whole lot of less time w/your new DIL. I think less time sounds like a welcomed relief!
You don't have to answer, but has your family already been taking bets how long this marriage lasts?!
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Post by pepper59 on Nov 14, 2015 20:31:24 GMT
Caro, I seriously have been nothing but nice to her. We flew down for a week at 4th of July and had a great visit, went with her to buy her wedding dress where we cried, hugged and I told her that if her late mother was there she would behave been so proud. She said how grateful she was that we were there. A few nice texts and messages in the next few weeks then the dress issue. I have no clue? His sister is also clueless and furious and says she is just a cold, uncaring person who doesn't care if others are hurt by her actions. I just don't get it. When I married DH 3 years ago I would have jumped through flaming hoops to avoid offending his family. I wanted them to like me. And to grow a strong bond with them. I just don't understand. I know she comes from a different culture but she acts like she wants to alienate us all.
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Post by pepper59 on Nov 14, 2015 20:34:51 GMT
We are worried for our son but hoping and praying she mellows and the marriage survives.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2015 20:38:38 GMT
Are you paying for their flights at Christmas??? No way in hell would I be doing that considering her attitude. Your DH needs to pull his SON aside and put an end to this crap. Kindness is kindness no matter what culture. And let them stay at a hotel...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 14:48:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2015 20:40:41 GMT
Sounds like a lot of drama, all around! Who cries over a corsage and takes apart a center piece and demands that one be made for her? My goodness.
I sympathize with having a new family member join and cause difficulties. It must be hard for your son to be caught in the middle of it. It sucks he can't/won't stand up for himself and your family.
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Post by pepper59 on Nov 14, 2015 20:45:32 GMT
Sounds like a lot of drama, all around! Who cries over a corsage and takes apart a center piece and demands that one be made for her? My goodness In her defense, it was her only son's wedding and mother of the groom is a pretty big deal. I understand her hurt and anger. She just pulled out one rose and a bit of fern, didn't deconstruct it. LOL. You couldn't even tell. They were huge!
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Nov 14, 2015 20:50:01 GMT
The best thing to do is talk it out maybe between your DH and son. Hopefully you will find out what is going on.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 14:48:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2015 20:57:28 GMT
Weddings make people crazy, it's science. I'd give her a bit of time to settle in and get used to being a part of the family before I started branding her a bitch or taking bets on how long the marriage will last (now that's bitchy). Your stepson obviously sees enough good in her or he wouldn't have married her? I think the corsage thing was ridiculous, was it really a big deal not to wear one?
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 14, 2015 21:25:36 GMT
Try being kind to her, but don't let her walk all over you. Just try being open and welcoming. Do not apologize for things you didn't do. If she continues to be a raging bitch in a few months despite your welcoming attitude then just hope that your sds realizes she's a mistake before having children w/her. She sounds awful, but maybe it's just that she missed her mother so much that she was showing grief? I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, because I don't want her to be a spoiled brat.
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Post by gritzi on Nov 14, 2015 21:31:16 GMT
I hope that for your son, too. Maybe whatever stress she felt became more than she could handle.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 14:48:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2015 21:31:53 GMT
At the wedding she was again very cool to me, barely acknowledged me. The only thing she said to me all day was to come up and tell me "My sister made all the floral arrangements. Aren't they gorgeous?" Passive aggressive much? Then at the reception my DH made a toast and later apologized for not giving her a hug as he saw other's do after their toasts. She said "No, I should be the one apologizing for not having patience with your wife." What the HECK??? What did I do other than ask if I could wear my stupid, expensive, non returnable dress? I didn't wear it and said nothing else about it. DH had called his son a couple of days after the dress issue to say he was hurt at her inflexible attitude because we had done nothing but be nice, pay for half their wedding and their honeymoon. He was upset and his DS got defensive at first then said "Dad, we're fighting constantly and she has this picture in her head and won't let me say anything about the wedding." So DH just said no worries, she's not wearing the dress and we'll be there with a smile in our face. So now I hear from my stepdaughter that the newlyweds may opt to stay in a hotel when we are flying them up at Christmas unless they get this worked out with me! Work out what! I just wanted to wear my stupid dress, agreed not too and didn't! I don't remember wedding etiquette, but isn't it their job to pay for the honeymoon? Your husband was beyond generous. He honestly didn't owe them anything! I'd be happy if they opt to stay in a hotel! They should be able to afford one, they aren't paying anything for their airfare.
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Post by utpea on Nov 14, 2015 22:23:58 GMT
Good for you for being so kind & positive throughout this mess. Sounds like all these issues are the brides. Let her keep them. She's making her life difficult & toxic. It's a shame she isn't opening herself up to your family.
I have absolutely wonderful in-laws and they have only added happiness & joy to my life. It isn't always perfect and I sometimes feel like they are too involved, but over the years, I've learned how to take a step back. I'm sure I get on their nerves as well. In the end, I know they are in my corner and we mutually love & respect each other.
You sound like a grounded & caring person. Keep being your sweet self. It sounds like your DH's son is going to need all the positive vibes that you can send. Yikes! Doesn't the bridezilla know there is a honeymoon phase where life is perfect & wonderful? LOL :-)
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 14, 2015 22:36:42 GMT
Sounds like bridezilla would be better off staying in a hotel and not ruining every moment of every day she's there.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 14, 2015 22:46:21 GMT
By Christmas they might not even be married any more at the rate they are going.
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Post by mom2samlibby on Nov 14, 2015 22:47:16 GMT
Weddings make people crazy, it's science. I'd give her a bit of time to settle in and get used to being a part of the family before I started branding her a bitch or taking bets on how long the marriage will last (now that's bitchy). Your stepson obviously sees enough good in her or he wouldn't have married her? I think the corsage thing was ridiculous, was it really a big deal not to wear one?It was pretty rude to the groom's family. Q: Besides the wedding party, who traditionally receives a wedding corsage or wedding boutonniere? A: There aren't any set-in-stone traditions about who gets to wear wedding-day flowers. But here's who most couples choose to honor: The parents and stepparents, grandparents, any other immediate family members who are not in the wedding party, ushers, and the ceremony readers. Either way, it's up to you. We know one bride who gave small corsages to all of her sorority sisters who attended her wedding, and one couple who gave flowers to every single one of their guests. Another popular option is to give single long-stemmed blooms to honored guests (usually roses, though gerbera daisies are also a favorite). Just so long as you're comfortable that you've included everyone you want to recognize (and so long as the sides are even -- giving one to your sister, but not to your new sister-in-law is a fight waiting to happen), you'll be just fine. ---- I wouldn't have paid for any of the honeymoon.
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Post by underwatermama on Nov 14, 2015 22:47:32 GMT
I hope she's not thinking you are going to pay for the hotel.
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Post by Belia on Nov 14, 2015 22:51:19 GMT
I remember your OP. Thanks for the update!
You paid for half the wedding AND the honeymoon? AND you're paying to fly them up for Christmas? That's unbelievable to me.
Man, I feel like such a sucker. My parents paid for about half of my wedding, my ILs paid for the rehearsal dinner (not counting the alcohol- we paid for that- and they weren't happy that we went to a slightly more upscale place), and that's it. Nobody's paid for a dime for anything for us ever since. I want some sugar daddy parents and in-laws!
P.S. The corsage thing has me perplexed. Honestly, I would be RELIEVED if I didn't have to wear a corsage!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 14:48:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2015 22:55:22 GMT
You say she comes from a different culture, so I'm willing to cut her some slack for not having the same wedding ettiquite that you may have. How many times have we, after all, said "it's the bride and groom's day and they can do what they want."
Thinking back to my (first) wedding, I made a pretty big deal about something really insignificant and I'm sure I hurt my mom's feelings. Second time around? The cake table collapsed, the wedding topper broke, and there was cake all over. What I would have completely fallen apart about when I was younger, was nothing to me when I was older. It's perspective and obviously she doesn't have it yet if she was upset by what color dress you were wearing.
For what it's worth, I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where all of those immediate family members had corsages. Grandma and mom, yes, but sisters, etc. no. So again, cultural/regional/priority differences. I think groom's mom made way too big of deal about that and as a bride, I probably would have been pissed.
Lastly, although she says that the reason they might stay at a hotel is because of the disagreement, I just wanted to add that I never stay at someone's house. I hate being a guest. Hate it. I will happily go and visit anyone, but I stay in a hotel. I need my own space and a little bit of downtime. DH's parents still don't completely understand but they aren't as insulted as they once were. Everyone is different in that regard. It has nothing to do with how much I do or don't like someone - I didn't even like staying at my parents' house where I grew up. As an adult, I just like my own space and privacy.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Nov 15, 2015 5:00:38 GMT
Caro, I seriously have been nothing but nice to her. We flew down for a week at 4th of July and had a great visit, went with her to buy her wedding dress where we cried, hugged and I told her that if her late mother was there she would behave been so proud. She said how grateful she was that we were there. A few nice texts and messages in the next few weeks then the dress issue. I have no clue? His sister is also clueless and furious and says she is just a cold, uncaring person who doesn't care if others are hurt by her actions. I just don't get it. When I married DH 3 years ago I would have jumped through flaming hoops to avoid offending his family. I wanted them to like me. And to grow a strong bond with them. I just don't understand. I know she comes from a different culture but she acts like she wants to alienate us all. Maybe she does want to alienate all of you. Perhaps she doesn't want to "share" him.
It's a tough situation for sure. I hope that someday you're able to post an update that things have worked out. Good luck.
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 15, 2015 5:06:57 GMT
For what it's worth, I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where all of those immediate family members had corsages. Grandma and mom, yes, but sisters, etc. no. So again, cultural/regional/priority differences. I think groom's mom made way too big of deal about that and as a bride, I probably would have been pissed. For what it's worth, I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where all of those immediate family members had corsages. Grandma and mom, yes, but sisters, etc. no. So again, cultural/regional/priority differences. I think groom's mom made way too big of deal about that and as a bride, I probably would have been pissed. Well, my SIL was in the wedding party, but my mom, grandmas, and aunts as well as DH's side all had the corsages.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 14:48:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2015 5:17:13 GMT
Oh I think that your son should have never shown up for the wedding.
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Post by RiverIsis on Nov 15, 2015 5:49:50 GMT
Wow! Best of luck to your stepson. I hope it was all wedding stress. I don't care what culture you are, she was being disrespectful to the mother of her husband to be now husband. Most traditional cultures are very respectful to their elders so I'm not certain I understand a cultural difference. My husband is from another culture and we bent over backwards to ensure OTT hospitality to him and his family who traveled to our wedding. There really is no excuse not to, it is all part of wedding regardless of cultural differences.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Nov 15, 2015 6:41:17 GMT
Thanks for the update. I am sorry you had additional barbs aimed at you. I am with the Peas who believe the hotel (preferably funded by the young couple) stay at Christmas is probably a good thing. Even if Bridezilla calms down a little bit now the wedding is over, a little downtime from each other at another potentially stressful time can be a relationship saver/ builder. On the other hand, some Bridezillas get factor-of-magnitude worse when all the fun of the wedding is over as they have now lost their legitimate excuse to be the centre of attention and have to manufacture drama to stay in the spotlight. If and when this happens, shoo them back to their hotel . ETA: if the B doesn't change her tune, if you can maintain your cool again as you have so admirably done up to now, refuse to discuss the now-dead dress argument in any way, but find a way to have a fancy dinner built into the Christmas festivities at which you can wear your original, stunning dress! JK. Maybe.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Nov 15, 2015 8:16:23 GMT
My dh was the only guest at my BIL and evil SIL's wedding without a boutonniere. It was a small wedding with only 16 people total. The pictures look so odd with dh not wearing one. Dh and I didn't say anything, but the man of honor was really upset because he knew it was an intentional slight--the bride's mother knew that too. That's just my wonderful SIL.
I get along great with my inlaws, but I wish they'd let us stay in a hotel. As it is, they wind up sleeping on their recliner in the office and sofa in the living room. Dh and I have to squeeze into a queen sized bed, and there's 6 adults and 3 children in a house that's 1,000sf if that. Thankfully BIL/SIL don't stay long, so then dh's parents go back to their bedroom, and dh sleeps on the recliner in the den. FIL usually sleeps on his chair in the office, but he normally starts the night in his own bed.
At least your husband and stepson will know that all of the drama was on the side of the bridezilla and not you. I've bitten my tongue till it bleeds for 21 years out of respect for my dh and his mother. Dh does appreciate what I've done for him. I just hate seeing him so disrespected by his brother and wife. I totally understand how you feel.
People like your new DIL won't be happy no matter what you do. I'd just make your dh happy and screw the rest.
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Post by craftedbys on Nov 15, 2015 15:35:07 GMT
I will throw in my 2 cents' worth. I would imagine that if you and DH cut the purse strings the new Mrs. Lastname would suddenly be singing a different tune.
I would see her passive aggressive and raise it: "Oh DIL, sorry, we would love to pay for xyz, but your FIL is taking me on a cruise so I could wear the {beautiful, expensive, non-refundable} dress I wasn't able to wear to your wedding." But I'm a bitch like that.
Seriously, you may just have to give her a non-apology apology "I'm sorry you thought I was being difficult" and hope she doesn't recognize it as such. If not, whatever her issue is will just grow and grow and ten years from now she won't let you see your grandkids because you wanted to wear the pelts of dead puppies and kittens to her wedding.
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