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Post by RiverIsis on Nov 15, 2015 15:42:05 GMT
Oh heck, I was just going to get my devil on and suggest she wears the dress at Christmas!
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scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
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Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Nov 15, 2015 15:58:08 GMT
I don't remember your original post but I really hope things turn out better than they did for my cousin.
He married a bridezilla, had 3 beautiful boys with her but she was a controlling b***ch and they ended up getting divorced after 15 years. I'm surprised he lasted that long. This woman NEVER allowed my aunt and uncle to see her kids unless it was supervised by her and NEVER for more that 20 minutes. She must have made his life a living hell if he ever tried to disobey her but heck we all wonder how she got 3 kids from him. Unfortunately she has poisoned the children against him and all our family. Also unfortunate, he has not parented these boys well and tries to buy their affection so all they see him as is weak and a wallet.
Hopefully now that the wedding is over, things will settle down, she'll calm down and hopefully you can have a relationship with her.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 15, 2015 15:59:34 GMT
This sounds like every mom of boys' worst nightmare. Gracious is not a word to describe this bride.
I wonder why stepson didn't assert himself more on some of these issues. That doesn't bode well for family harmony going forward.
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 15, 2015 16:17:29 GMT
A hotel sounds like a very good idea. You will need some distance from time to time so your holiday will not be ruined.
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Post by maryland on Nov 15, 2015 17:00:16 GMT
I feel so bad for you and your husband, but especially your son!
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Post by maryland on Nov 15, 2015 17:05:54 GMT
This sounds like every mom of boys' worst nightmare. Gracious is not a word to describe this bride. I wonder why stepson didn't assert himself more on some of these issues. That doesn't bode well for family harmony going forward. We have always taught our daughters that their husbands family is as important as their family. There is no way my husband would let me pull that stuff on him/his family. What I loved about him is how important his family is to him and that is what he loved about me.
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Post by mommaho on Nov 15, 2015 17:14:04 GMT
Distance does make the heart grow fonder but unfair for your step son to miss out on family time with you all if they stay at a hotel. I'm sorry you are having issues still even after the wedding.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 15, 2015 17:21:57 GMT
This girl is a mega itch and this marriage is going straight down the tubes. Hopefully before they have children and aren't linked together forever.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 2:19:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2015 18:23:18 GMT
You are not going to pay for anything more for this couple. Btw if they are so young, how do they get so much time off work?
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Post by pepper59 on Nov 16, 2015 6:20:58 GMT
2 weeks paid vacation is pretty standard with a good job, which he has. He's 34, she's 33, first marriage for both. We wanted the whole family together for Christmas and knew they couldn't afford to fly in so we bought tickets. They'll only be here for 4 days and I hoped that we'd all be together but if they want to stay in a hotel that's fine with me. I just hope she can learn to be civil and kind.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 16, 2015 7:06:01 GMT
I will throw in my 2 cents' worth. I would imagine that if you and DH cut the purse strings the new Mrs. Lastname would suddenly be singing a different tune. I would see her passive aggressive and raise it: "Oh DIL, sorry, we would love to pay for xyz, but your FIL is taking me on a cruise so I could wear the {beautiful, expensive, non-refundable} dress I wasn't able to wear to your wedding." But I'm a bitch like that. Seriously, you may just have to give her a non-apology apology "I'm sorry you thought I was being difficult" and hope she doesn't recognize it as such. If not, whatever her issue is will just grow and grow and ten years from now she won't let you see your grandkids because you wanted to wear the pelts of dead puppies and kittens to her wedding. Yep. This. I would also let them stay in the hotel. At their own expense. She will soon learn.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 2:19:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 13:32:21 GMT
2 weeks paid vacation is pretty standard with a good job, which he has. He's 34, she's 33, first marriage for both. We wanted the whole family together for Christmas and knew they couldn't afford to fly in so we bought tickets. They'll only be here for 4 days and I hoped that we'd all be together but if they want to stay in a hotel that's fine with me. I just hope she can learn to be civil and kind. Oh my. I thought you were dealing with a twenty something. I am so sorry.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 2:19:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 13:41:54 GMT
He's 34, she's 33, first marriage for both. Would it be wrong of me to say I think I know why it's a first marriage for her? Plus I don't see her calming down anytime soon. If she's this difficult at 33, an age where most people have gained enough experience to be mature about things, she's not going to get better.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Nov 16, 2015 14:41:15 GMT
2 weeks paid vacation is pretty standard with a good job, which he has. He's 34, she's 33, first marriage for both. We wanted the whole family together for Christmas and knew they couldn't afford to fly in so we bought tickets. They'll only be here for 4 days and I hoped that we'd all be together but if they want to stay in a hotel that's fine with me. I just hope she can learn to be civil and kind. You don't learn to be civil and kind. You are or you are not. She may learn how to hide her inner nasty controlling bitch under a veneer of civility and kindness, but she's not going to change her core.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 15:09:11 GMT
Eh - you threw a fit over a $100 dress and his mother threw a fit over a corsage. I'm sure she's thinking you're all nuts.
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Gravity
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Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Nov 16, 2015 15:20:34 GMT
2 weeks paid vacation is pretty standard with a good job, which he has. He's 34, she's 33, first marriage for both. We wanted the whole family together for Christmas and knew they couldn't afford to fly in so we bought tickets. They'll only be here for 4 days and I hoped that we'd all be together but if they want to stay in a hotel that's fine with me. I just hope she can learn to be civil and kind. I don't mean this as an attack on you, but it seems the poor girl is being labelled as a bitch for not doing exactly what YOU want regarding Christmas. I am extremely introverted. I love my DH's family dearly and have been married to him for 20 years. There is no way I would be staying in a house with all of them for 24/7 togetherness for four days. If she needs some alone time at the hotel, let her have it.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Nov 16, 2015 15:22:48 GMT
I suppose they want you to pay for the hotel too? I'd just respond "well, that's ok. It would probably be better anyway so we can all have our personal space."
Then I'd wear the fucking dress to christmas dinner.
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Post by pepper59 on Nov 16, 2015 16:28:34 GMT
Eh - you threw a fit over a $100 dress and his mother threw a fit over a corsage. I'm sure she's thinking you're all nuts. Actually Darcy, I did not throw a fit over a $100 dress. I purchased a dress after being told for 3 months wear whatever, then was told 3 weeks before the wedding that no one was allowed to wear gray, silver or anything in that color family. Didn't leave much time to shop and my dress was non refundable and not something I'd wear anywhere else. I was upset but sucked it up and wore something else. Just a refresher course on what really happened. I certainly have not labled her as such. Her saying she would be staying in a hotel because she is upset with me was just a bit hard to swallow since I have bent over backwards and twirled on my head to be nice to her. But I have no problem with them being in a hotel, I enjoy my privacy too. It will just limit out time together and DH and his DD who we're also flying in from East coast for Christmas want to soak up as much time together as possible in the 4 days they'll be here.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 16, 2015 16:29:17 GMT
Oh dear Lord. Your stepson is in for a lifetime of misery unless he starts standing up to this spoiled brat.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 16, 2015 16:38:31 GMT
Oh dear Lord. Your stepson is in for a lifetime of misery unless he starts standing up to this spoiled brat. And how many times have there been situations on this board where there were peas who said for the husband to grow a backbone and support their wife and not his mother/father/sister/brother.
When they got married, the stepson & his wife became their own family.
There are probably many cultural differences in this instance and it would be good to study on the culture of the bride. Maybe if you stop "trying" so hard, it may get easier. Good luck.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 16:43:48 GMT
Eh - you threw a fit over a $100 dress and his mother threw a fit over a corsage. I'm sure she's thinking you're all nuts. Actually Darcy, I did not throw a fit over a $100 dress. I purchased a dress after being told for 3 months wear whatever, then was told 3 weeks before the wedding that no one was allowed to wear gray, silver or anything in that color family. Didn't leave much time to shop and my dress was non refundable and not something I'd wear anywhere else. I was upset but sucked it up and wore something else. Just a refresher course on what really happened. I certainly have not labled her as such. Her saying she would be staying in a hotel because she is upset with me was just a bit hard to swallow since I have bent over backwards and twirled on my head to be nice to her. But I have no problem with them being in a hotel, I enjoy my privacy too. It will just limit out time together and DH and his DD who we're also flying in from East coast for Christmas want to soak up as much time together as possible in the 4 days they'll be here. Oh I remember very well your OP (which you deleted) and the multiple conversations you posted about what transpired between you and her, your husband and her and your husband and your step son over a $129 dress. If you had posted about not having the funds to buy a subsequent dress and how to deal with it, my opinion might have been different - but yes, you threw a fit and damaged your relationship with your husband's son's wife over a clearance dress. The continued insistance that she was doing it wrong as the family needed to coordinate, and what about the pictures. You had a set idea on what you thought the family should wear that was different than hers and chose to argue the point with her - and clearly upset her. Weddings are stressful, many, many people behave irrationally and often feelings are hurt during this time. You've said there are cultural differences and her mother was deceased, so perhaps there was some added stress in the situation. The good news is it sounds like your stepson's mother behaved even worse. If one of my husband's relatives had thrown a fit on my wedding day because they did not have a corsage (and for the record I have never been to a wedding where the entire family including sisters of the bridal party wore corsages), and started messing with my flower arrangements I would have been beyond pissed.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 17:14:09 GMT
Oh dear Lord. Your stepson is in for a lifetime of misery unless he starts standing up to this spoiled brat. You know when it comes to the corsages, I think this is actually not fair to lay at her feet. I have been to a zillion weddings. Whether it was my family, my husband's family (which is centered in a dramatically different geographical area) or our college friends from all over the country. I've never seen corsages beyond the mothers and grandmothers. Now it's possible that some wedding handed out corsages to every female distantly related, but I sure as hell didn't notice. The idea that this woman from another country knew that she was supposed to give her fiance's stepmother, sisters, and some aunt corsages is ridiculous. Now why isn't everyone up at arms with the SON who presumably would be the one to honor these important women in his life.
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loco coco
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Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Nov 16, 2015 17:18:42 GMT
holy crap, she sounds awful. I picture her as one of the girls writing on DWIL nation, they all get so worked up over very little stuff and love to make the husbands family feel like crap. Hotel is a good idea. Stop paying for things. I wish your son the best!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 16, 2015 19:15:03 GMT
I'm in the group that thinks (hopes) there may be some basic cultural differences at play and definitely some personality ones.
I strive to never let another person's bad behavior cause me to behave badly. In the interest of the son's happiness and family unity, I think I might have to continue to extend some courtesy to this new family member in the hopes that the situation softens and she is able to form a better relationship with everyone. It can't hurt to try. Not trying guarantees that everyone is unhappy and continues to have hurt feelings.
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MizIndependent
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Quit your bullpoop.
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Nov 16, 2015 19:48:37 GMT
Seems to me some people are super sweet in order to get what they want out of you (wedding dress) and then, when you're of no more use they discard you.
It's a very sociopathic bratty, entitled kind of thing to do. Would not surprise me if this girl turns out to be a text book sociopath user. (edited because I think I improperly used sociopath in this instance.)
ETA: Hope you're not paying for that hotel...
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 16, 2015 19:58:23 GMT
the newlyweds may opt to stay in a hotel when we are flying them up at Christmas And the problem with this is....?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 20:01:17 GMT
Seems to me some people are super sweet in order to get what they want out of you (wedding dress) and then, when you're of no more use they discard you. It's a very sociopathic kind of thing to do. Would not surprise me if this girl turns out to be a text book sociopath. ETA: Hope you're not paying for that hotel... A sociopath - seriously!?! She didn't want the rest of the family to wear the same color as her bridesmaids. She might have handled it poorly - but I personally know at least a dozen brides who's demands were way more unreasonable. They may not be my favorite people - but sociopath - come on now.
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Nov 16, 2015 20:18:54 GMT
OP, I read all the original posts regarding this wedding, and it appears that you have tried very hard to honor her wishes. Cultural differences or not, she does appear to be fairly spoiled and used to getting her own way. I think you have gone above and beyond, and paying for their flights to visit is very generous. I would let them pay for their own hotel if that is what they chose to do. Maybe time and a bit more maturity will allow her to be more comfortable with your family. Good luck!
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flute4peace
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Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Nov 16, 2015 20:54:18 GMT
Oh dear Lord. Your stepson is in for a lifetime of misery unless he starts standing up to this spoiled brat. You know when it comes to the corsages, I think this is actually not fair to lay at her feet. I have been to a zillion weddings. Whether it was my family, my husband's family (which is centered in a dramatically different geographical area) or our college friends from all over the country. I've never seen corsages beyond the mothers and grandmothers. Now it's possible that some wedding handed out corsages to every female distantly related, but I sure as hell didn't notice. The idea that this woman from another country knew that she was supposed to give her fiance's stepmother, sisters, and some aunt corsages is ridiculous. Now why isn't everyone up at arms with the SON who presumably would be the one to honor these important women in his life. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood that the hurt feelings were not because of the lack of corsages across the board, but the fact that the bride provided them for her side of the family, but neglected his side of the family. I suppose that could still be a cultural thing, but I would hope that in the wedding planning surely "someone" would have filled her in.
When we were planning those kinds of details for our wedding, we referred to "The Mothers" and "The Fathers", not "My Mother" and "Your Dad". Both of our moms had the same corsages, both of our dads had the same tuxes (that they helped pick out), etc. We told our moms what our color scheme was and they each purchased their own dresses (the dress his mom chose wasn't my taste at all, but it suited her and she looked beautiful in it, so it was perfect). It wouldn't have even occurred to us to single out one or the other.
If the bride told the O/P that she could wear what she wanted, then she doesn't get to decide 3 weeks before the wedding that the already purchased dress was not acceptable.
I would have been pissed too - or at the least very very hurt. And I applaud the groom's mom for making her own corsage - that is awesome!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 20:57:57 GMT
You know when it comes to the corsages, I think this is actually not fair to lay at her feet. I have been to a zillion weddings. Whether it was my family, my husband's family (which is centered in a dramatically different geographical area) or our college friends from all over the country. I've never seen corsages beyond the mothers and grandmothers. Now it's possible that some wedding handed out corsages to every female distantly related, but I sure as hell didn't notice. The idea that this woman from another country knew that she was supposed to give her fiance's stepmother, sisters, and some aunt corsages is ridiculous. Now why isn't everyone up at arms with the SON who presumably would be the one to honor these important women in his life. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood that the hurt feelings were not because of the lack of corsages across the board, but the fact that the bride provided them for her side of the family, but neglected his side of the family. I suppose that could still be a cultural thing, but I would hope that in the wedding planning surely "someone" would have filled her in.
When we were planning those kinds of details for our wedding, we referred to "The Mothers" and "The Fathers", not "My Mother" and "Your Dad". Both of our moms had the same corsages, both of our dads had the same tuxes (that they helped pick out), etc. We told our moms what our color scheme was and they each purchased their own dresses (the dress his mom chose wasn't my taste at all, but it suited her and she looked beautiful in it, so it was perfect). It wouldn't have even occurred to us to single out one or the other.
If the bride told the O/P that she could wear what she wanted, then she doesn't get to decide 3 weeks before the wedding that the already purchased dress was not acceptable.
I would have been pissed too - or at the least very very hurt. And I applaud the groom's mom for making her own corsage - that is awesome!
The OP said no corsages were made. I assumed that to mean no corsages were made. ETA and it may have been the bride's assumption based on HER culture that everyone would know that they shouldn't purchase a dress the same color as the bridesmaids, so was shocked when she found out that had occurred.
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