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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 29, 2015 13:28:09 GMT
...to get a tattoo?
My younger boy has been talking about wanting to get a tattoo for years. He is 17.
His dad, very anti-tattoo. Well, he was until recently. The boy sort of talked him into it with the bottom line being if you want a tattoo, you can get one. You will have to convince your mother to give you permission though because while I don't care if you get one, I won't sign the permission form that allows you to do it under 18.
Me, I don't particularly care. I like them, and want one myself.
What is the prevailing thought on tattoos for the younger set? (Younger in the case is 6 months shy of 18.) Would you allow it? Would you say "HELL NO?" Would you say yes, but with the expectation that you pre-approve the design first to make sure it isn't something...I don't know, something that wouldn't age well? (like his girlfriend's name.)
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Post by missfrenchjessica on Nov 29, 2015 13:31:56 GMT
Honestly, I don't particularly like tattoos so that definitely colors my opinion. For my kids, I'd probably say no until they were older (like done with college). Don't know why I would pick a later age other than they've matured more and hopefully make a more informed decision.
If you are ok with it, there's not really a reason to tell him no.
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Post by Heart on Nov 29, 2015 13:35:28 GMT
Check the laws in your area. Where I live, it is not legal to tattoo anyone under 18 even WITH parental consent.
My youngest, R, wanted a tattoo but found out that it wasn't possible. I gave money to buy the tattoo as an 18th birthday present, so it was a win overall in the end .
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Post by gar on Nov 29, 2015 13:36:40 GMT
Depends...if he's really thought long and hard and been consistent in his idea I would probably allow a small tattoo that can be covered with clothes.
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Post by kluski on Nov 29, 2015 13:38:24 GMT
I don't like them so it is definitely a hell no here. IMO, which is just that, my opinion, a tattoo is like hanging a poster on your bedroom wall for the rest of your liife. I have two close friends who choose poorly and would now like it removed which they obviously can but then there's more cost involved.
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Post by peano on Nov 29, 2015 13:38:03 GMT
It's not like he has years to wait. If it were I, in the interests of keeping the peace with your ex (even though he sort of capitulated) I would have your son wait and then make it a sort of coming of age event when he's 18.
In the interest of full disclosure, I come from the era where tattoos were viewed as tacky, so that's my lens. I'm so glad my DS has a fear of needles.
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Post by moveablefeast on Nov 29, 2015 13:39:02 GMT
I guess my thought is, if dad is very anti tattoo, then maybe junior should wait for his tattoo when neither parent has to sign off on it. Then it is all his decision, and not something that dad and mom can differ about.
So regardless of how I feel about tattoos, I just see no reason to add a source of disagreement to the dynamic. I wouldn't want to hear all about the tattoo that YOU let the kid get when he was too young to get it on his own.
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Post by monklady123 on Nov 29, 2015 13:42:28 GMT
Honestly, I don't particularly like tattoos so that definitely colors my opinion. For my kids, I'd probably say no until they were older (like done with college). Don't know why I would pick a later age other than they've matured more and hopefully make a more informed decision. If you are ok with it, there's not really a reason to tell him no. Just wondering how you could keep your college student from getting one long before they were done with college? I mean, once they turn 18. The tattoo place in my dd's college town requires an ID to prove the kid is over 18, but if they are then they don't need any permission. I told my kids no tattoos before 18. Once they were 18, and paying for them themselves, it was on them. My dd has five and they're all discrete and cute. She was careful to get them all in places that are easily covered up with professional-looking clothes if need be, but are visible when she's wearing summer dresses or other more revealing clothes.
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valleyview
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Post by valleyview on Nov 29, 2015 13:43:25 GMT
Jimmy Buffet has a song that says tattoos are a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. Teens are not always able to understand that feelings do change.
I'm lucky that my boys were and are afraid of needles, so good luck in finding the best discussion points.
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lesley
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Nov 29, 2015 13:46:15 GMT
I'm not really a fan of tattoos either, and my DS was adamant that as soon as he turned 16 he was getting one. So far, he has never got around to it, and he will be 18 in four weeks. If he ever does get one, I would like to have an opportunity to influence the size and placement of it, but I'm not sure he would give me that chance.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 29, 2015 13:50:14 GMT
If it's that important, he'll wait till he turns 18
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Post by jackie on Nov 29, 2015 13:51:11 GMT
Interesting! I didn't know that there were states that didn't allow it, even with parental consent. That made me check my state (Ohio), which does allow as long as the parent is present and provides consent.
I'm not sure what I would do. I personally *don't* like tattoos and would never get one. I have this funny thing about being written on, even when I was kid. I wouldn't write or draw on my skin or allow anyone else to do it. I felt dirty. I had this same issue come up recently though. My dh (who does have a tattoo) and my 16-year-old dd planned on hiking a section of the Appalachian Trail this year. It didn't work out, but they plan on trying again next year. Anyway, they both wanted to get a small tattoo afterward with the symbol/logo for the AT. It was going to be rather small. I was actually leaning toward saying "yes" but hadn't fully decided.
Is there a reason why he really wants it now rather than just waiting six months? That's not very long to wait. Do you know what/where he's getting the tattoo--is it to signify something important or really meaningful? These things would come into play for my decision. Otherwise he could wait.
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AnotherPea
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Post by AnotherPea on Nov 29, 2015 13:53:37 GMT
If he wants something that will be on his body for the rest of his life, he can wait for six more months.
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Post by missfrenchjessica on Nov 29, 2015 13:56:34 GMT
Honestly, I don't particularly like tattoos so that definitely colors my opinion. For my kids, I'd probably say no until they were older (like done with college). Don't know why I would pick a later age other than they've matured more and hopefully make a more informed decision. If you are ok with it, there's not really a reason to tell him no. Just wondering how you could keep your college student from getting one long before they were done with college? I mean, once they turn 18. The tattoo place in my dd's college town requires an ID to prove the kid is over 18, but if they are then they don't need any permission. I told my kids no tattoos before 18. Once they were 18, and paying for them themselves, it was on them. My dd has five and they're all discrete and cute. She was careful to get them all in places that are easily covered up with professional-looking clothes if need be, but are visible when she's wearing summer dresses or other more revealing clothes. Oh, I know I wouldn't be able to stop them once they're 18 and paying for themselves. I would just tell them my preference. After 18, not a whole lot I can do. So far, none seem interested. If they did, well...then I'd just have to deal with it I guess!
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Nov 29, 2015 13:56:56 GMT
If he can't wait for 6 months to get something permanent on his body, then he's too immature to make that kind of decision anyway.
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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 29, 2015 13:58:28 GMT
I guess my thought is, if dad is very anti tattoo, then maybe junior should wait for his tattoo when neither parent has to sign off on it. Then it is all his decision, and not something that dad and mom can differ about. So regardless of how I feel about tattoos, I just see no reason to add a source of disagreement to the dynamic. I wouldn't want to hear all about the tattoo that YOU let the kid get when he was too young to get it on his own. Fortunately, my ex and I don't have the kind of relationship where if I were to say yes that there would be long term issues for us. This particular kid is the 'good' one in a way that his dad can relate to (good grades, no trouble, works for him and has the kind of work ethic he appreciates, etc.) and I think that is why dad is okay with allowing the boy to do what he wants-he just doesn't want to be responsible for the decision. It is rare that my ex and I disagree anymore, and usually the 'mom runs her house, dad runs his house' rules apply and we don't often get involved in the other's decisions. It helps that the kids are older and move themselves around without us having to be involved. We don't even have a schedule-the boy stays where he stays based on various factors and neither dad or I do more than require him to tell us where he is/what his schedule is so that we can keep track of him. Does that make a difference in how anyone would answer?
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marimoose
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Post by marimoose on Nov 29, 2015 13:59:19 GMT
Every single person I know, both on the young end and older end of the spectrum, regret the tattoos they got at 18. At 18 (and younger) they live for today and can't conceptualize the future so will the 17/18 yo self still like what he likes in a few years. I suppose if you allow this (because realistically in under a year he can do it himself w/o permission) I would hope that you make the stipulation that it be where it is covered and can only be seen if he removes his shirt.
My daughter's friend wastaken to a tattoo parlor for her 17th birthday and her mom convinced her to get a tattoo (with???). Thankfully they put it on her foot, so more or less a less visible place. The friend wanted a monkey, her favorite animal since early childhood and the mom again convimced her to get her initials tattooed. Everyone asked the girl about it and thought it was wierd that if she got married and her initials would change. Ink is permanent, more or less, so whoever gets one should think long and hard. Should ask all the people who got tramp stamps on their lower back if they would still want to do that again? My bet is no.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 29, 2015 14:01:12 GMT
I'm not entirely anti tatoo. But I'm not for it either.
I will not sign a consent form. I think something that permanent ought to be on the person doing it. Entirely their choice, their consent. So if that means 18 then so be it.
I won't pay for it either.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 29, 2015 14:01:19 GMT
I guess my thought is, if dad is very anti tattoo, then maybe junior should wait for his tattoo when neither parent has to sign off on it. Then it is all his decision, and not something that dad and mom can differ about. So regardless of how I feel about tattoos, I just see no reason to add a source of disagreement to the dynamic. I wouldn't want to hear all about the tattoo that YOU let the kid get when he was too young to get it on his own. Fortunately, my ex and I don't have the kind of relationship where if I were to say yes that there would be long term issues for us. This particular kid is the 'good' one in a way that his dad can relate to (good grades, no trouble, works for him and has the kind of work ethic he appreciates, etc.) and I think that is why dad is okay with allowing the boy to do what he wants-he just doesn't want to be responsible for the decision. It is rare that my ex and I disagree anymore, and usually the 'mom runs her house, dad runs his house' rules apply and we don't often get involved in the other's decisions. It helps that the kids are older and move themselves around without us having to be involved. We don't even have a schedule-the boy stays where he stays based on various factors and neither dad or I do more than require him to tell us where he is/what his schedule is so that we can keep track of him. Does that make a difference in how anyone would answer? No...but am happy to see that you have a good relationship with your ex!~ What type of tattoo does he want??
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Post by peano on Nov 29, 2015 14:02:20 GMT
I guess my thought is, if dad is very anti tattoo, then maybe junior should wait for his tattoo when neither parent has to sign off on it. Then it is all his decision, and not something that dad and mom can differ about. So regardless of how I feel about tattoos, I just see no reason to add a source of disagreement to the dynamic. I wouldn't want to hear all about the tattoo that YOU let the kid get when he was too young to get it on his own. Fortunately, my ex and I don't have the kind of relationship where if I were to say yes that there would be long term issues for us. This particular kid is the 'good' one in a way that his dad can relate to (good grades, no trouble, works for him and has the kind of work ethic he appreciates, etc.) and I think that is why dad is okay with allowing the boy to do what he wants-he just doesn't want to be responsible for the decision. It is rare that my ex and I disagree anymore, and usually the 'mom runs her house, dad runs his house' rules apply and we don't often get involved in the other's decisions. It helps that the kids are older and move themselves around without us having to be involved. We don't even have a schedule-the boy stays where he stays based on various factors and neither dad or I do more than require him to tell us where he is/what his schedule is so that we can keep track of him. Does that make a difference in how anyone would answer? It would make no difference to me.
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caro
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Post by caro on Nov 29, 2015 14:09:33 GMT
If he wants something that will be on his body for the rest of his life, he can wait for six more months. My thoughts too. DS1 has many tattoos. Many he got as a young adult, many have been inked again because he grew up, has young girls and didn't like to answer their questions. Once he even asked us to pay to have a few removed. Hell to the NO! We never paid for a tattoo, he did. He can pay to have them removed if he chooses. I don't have a problem with responsible tattoos on a young adult but having BTDT with DS, my thinking is approve what and where a tattoo is placed on the body while he is 18.
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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 29, 2015 14:09:07 GMT
No...but am happy to see that you have a good relationship with your ex!~ What type of tattoo does he want?? He has been very consistent in what kind of tattoo he wants, and we talked a lot about how permanent it would be and that if I agreed, I would have to approve the design. We spend an enormous amount of time on the water-he has had his scuba certification since he was about 12, we fish, we all but live at the beach. He and I are very similar in how we feel about the ocean. He is working on what he wants, but it will be related to his love of the water. We laugh because he is being recruited by several schools that are too far inland for him and he has dismissed them out of hand. (My oldest's only complaint about his school is that he is too far away from the water.) But again, while I wouldn't influence his design at all, I would be the one to approve it.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 29, 2015 14:10:10 GMT
I would make him wait until he is of legal age.
My daughter got some on her legs after her kids were born. One of them became infected and she had to go on several antibiotics. That worried me a lot, but it would have upset me even more if I had signed off on it against her father's wishes.
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Post by maryland on Nov 29, 2015 14:10:06 GMT
My kids don't want tattoos but that could always change! The 16 yr. old likes her 3 piercings in each ear. If they wanted a tattoo, I wouldn't be happy about it, and would not let them until they were 18 and could decide for themselves. I worry that when they are older, they will wish they didn't have one and blame us (if we gave them permission before they turn 18). But if they are 18, we don't have anything to do with the decision.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 18:14:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 14:16:27 GMT
I have 5. The first one I got, while I like it, I've been debating on a cover-up. I was 21 and in this mind-set of "I'm going to do everything my mother said that would be a waste of time, a mistake, etc." If my son wanted one before he was 18, I would have two requirements - one, he pays for it himself and two, he needs to prove that it's not a passing fad/interest kind of tattoo but rather something that will still hold meaning for him when he's in his 30's or later.
A mom I know got matching tattoos for her and her two daughters. The younger one was 14 or 15 when they did it. It was the drawing of Simba from Lion King, the one that was on the rock wall, not the actual character. I'm sure it holds some meaning to them but I thought it was something that could've waited a while.
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Post by littlemama on Nov 29, 2015 14:17:58 GMT
Absolutely not. If it's that important, he can wait til he is of legal age and can afford it. I would make sure to have plenty of conversations about placement as it relates to acceptability in whatever career he is considering.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Nov 29, 2015 14:22:35 GMT
I spent a good share of my summer bickering with my 18 year old daughter about getting a tattoo. Her high school friends were all getting them and she was looking at different ones on Pinterest just convinced that she would love them forever. I did get her to agree to put it off for a year. I haven't heard her say anything about getting one since she went off to college. Although she did say for a while that as soon as she got to college she was going to go out and get one. I don't think she has.
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Post by Zee on Nov 29, 2015 14:39:02 GMT
I'm pretty liberal in what I'll allow my kids to do, but in this case, no. He can wait. He doesn't even have a clear idea of what he wants, so that tells me he needs to do a lot more research.
I was sure my DD would run out and tattoo every inch of herself the minute she turned 18, since she started asking when she was 17. To my surprise, she's now 21 and still doesn't have one. Her boyfriend then had some, but the bf now doesn't, so I bet that's part of it and also confirms my personal feeling that young people should have to wait until they're in their 20s at least (ha, I know that's not possible). I was 23 when I got my first one, 30 for the second, never been able to settle on a design for a third and probably won't get another.
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Nov 29, 2015 14:42:14 GMT
I like tattoos, but my kids will have to wait til they are 18. No ifs, ands or buts.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 29, 2015 14:44:55 GMT
I would make him wait until 18 and pay for it himself. Tattoos are a personal thing and any regrets should be on the owner. I have a tattoo on my inner arm just below my elbow. It's the one and only and I was 43 when I got it. No regrets. Most people are surprised/shocked since I don't seem to be a tattoo person.
I think some people expect tattoos to be more than what they are - body art. No one asks why you pierced your ears and what does it mean.
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