Do you have "Mom Guilt" ?

I hear you. I am also a single Mom and I find this season overwhelming. I only have one kid!

Hats off to you. I think you have to take a minimalist approach... do what you can and try not to stress yourself out about it.

I would ask my kids to pick one thing each that they want to focus on, then they are contributing and everything else as and if you can!

Don't forget to take a little time out for yourself.

I think mom guilt and dad guilt are very common!

And I know what you mean about all their activities and fundraisers. I told my daughter (recent fundraiser) that we just can't afford to spend $110 on candy. The school told them not to go door to door. And that along with both cars needing major repairs, we just can't catch up.

I don't look forward to the holidays like I used to because of all the money we spend (three 5 hr. trips spending gas money, hotel for 3 nights for one trip), gifts for the kids/niece/nephew and grandparents.  The family seems to think we have money, but my husband has a new job and it's a big pay cut.  My husband doesn't like to disappoint anyone, but then he suffers when the bills come. 

Absolutely. I try to remind myself that I am doing the best I can. Be gentle with yourself :hugs:

Ooooh yes, I know that guilt well. DD spent 2 12 hour days this week at an acting job, in the freezing cold outside. She got paid (well!) for it, but it's brutal work really, for a 14 year old. Missed schoolwork, no real breaks so eating on the fly between scenes, and it's 20 degrees and she is in not warm clothes all day for the shoot.

Why? Because it pays really well. And DD does ballet, at a high level, and summer programs are expensive- about $5000 with travel, food, etc. We can't afford it, I got a weekend job last year and she got a full scholarship, but this year we are overseas and I can't work (no visa) and it's really unlikely she will get a full scholarship from a video audition (we are too far away for a live audition). If she does 4 more jobs like this, her summer program is paid for- and she knows this, she wants to work to get that money. But I think of so many kids I know who have been attending these programs (sometimes 2 a summer)since age 10-11 and attend expensive residential ballet schools, and have every class, private lesson, summer program they can want and I feel bad. DD has real talent, but we haven't got that much money, so for her to attend the training she needs to become a dancer is not possible...unless she does the modeling and acting jobs. It seems like both a good lesson (work for the things you want) and a terrible mom fail (I can't afford the things you need to realize your dream).

She was really cold all day today, but just overjoyed to get paid and mentally marking off a chunk of her summer dance expenses. And I shriveled up a bit inside, because I wish we could send her to these programs but we cannot. If she wants to go, the money must come from somewhere...and after her 12 hour day acting she ran to ballet (late) for 3 hours and we got home at 11 pm. She is so driven, and I feel so hamstrung by doggone money.

Mom guilt- it's what's for dinner.

I felt no guilt about participating in fundraisers, etc. I had my kids pick one focus each, did my best and that's that.

I feel for you... I am glad my school days and mom guilt days are over. I have not been a single mom since daughter was 3. I do remember the times I bought something because it was a fundraiser. 

And the years of bowling fundraisers that I organized scheduled and over saw. I have hours logged sitting in bowling centers with teenager girls passing around the bucket for 50/50 tickets. It is amazing at how many of the girls didn't want to do their part in the fundraising. It seemed that my kid showed up and did the work every time. She had 2 other girls that would do it with her most of the time and all the other girls would be so mad at me when they did show up that they would do as little as they had to. The funny thing is I always scheduled them for the busiest league nights when the house was full. most of the time the bowlers would buy $20 or $30 worth of tickets. There were a few that would see my daughter in the center and walk up to her and ask if she was there selling tickets. They got to know her through the years and a few of them even came to her tournaments just to watch her bowl. 

I do believe in helping as much as I can but there are so many activity groups doing fundraisers I can't help them all... 

I don't even think it is mom guilt at all. This time of year it seems ALL of the charities hit you up for something.

Perfect day for this post and yes i'd bet most of us have it. Mine today is specific to my now 19 yo. He moved out over the summer and while I think we're in a better place than we were today is his birthday.

Last night (his day off) we had a family dinner for him, which went ok, but he was a bit moody when asked questions he apparently didn't like. They were general questions some by my parents about nothing that would raise an issue I didn't think. Anyhow we brushed off the attitude and moved onward without a fuss. End of the night I said text me in the AM if you want breakfast because i'd mentioned we could do family dinner on his night off or breakfast on his birthday (just me/him.) This AM he texts about me getting something for him. I respond with a happy birthday and that yes i'll look into it. He responds with an ok thanks.

So i'm feeling mom guilt that I didn't ask him if he wanted breakfast when he texted... On the one hand i'm thinking, he texted me for something, if he wanted breakfast ASK i'd already said i'd take him last night. Stupidly i'm feeling guilty though thinking he may have wanted to but wanted me to ask him. Stupid I know (he's an adult he should be able to communicate) but that is how Mom guilt works I guess.

I get the mom guilt over time. Both my kids' schools really push parental involvement, which is wonderful. But especially at DD's school, they just seem to ask and ask and ask and ask. I'm a SAHM, so I theoretically have lots of time, but there are things that make it logistically difficult a lot of the time. I'm also dividing the time that I do have between the two schools. I feel bad that, for example, at DD's school the book fair is next week, and almost no one has signed up to help. I am helping set up today, and helping on 2 different days for an hour and half each time, but then I see how many more empty time slots there are and feel like I should sign up for more of them. I have to tell myself that I need to maintain a little sanity, too - particularly since next week is already going to be stressful for other reasons.

That particular school is also a charter school, so they're also always asking for all kinds of donations, and truthfully, a lot of them seem excessive. (I know they're not as well funded, but plenty of schools function fine without greenhouses...) The donations are always presented as wish lists, but it is really annoying to never get a newsletter without a wishlist as a part of it. And then they have a holiday bazaar next week, where they ask for donations for the kids to make the stuff, donations to fund the materials, people to spend the time with the kids making the stuff, people to work selling the stuff, and people to buy it. And the pestering about it all never stops! Truthfully, that is where I wish I could just send them $20 and have done with it. I donate my time where I feel it is most needed or useful, and I also donate my money. But I don't have unlimited quantities of either.

Hell no. I have given motherhood my all. 

In all seriousness.....hell no! Gosh thats all that comes in when I have that though. I have given it my ALL. 

I was a single mom for 7 years. That was mostly prior to all the go fund me and as many donations as there are now. 

Stand tall, shake that lie right off, love your babies, be on the receiving if that is needed and if you have anything you can give or have a heart to give than do so. No matter where we are we can give something but goodness shake that off. I always say there are things in life to feel guilt over but this isn't one of them. 

Merry Christmas and may your heart be filled to the brim and not robbed with the feeling that you need to do more, be more, etc. You are more than enough and you are doing an amazing job. 

I admit I have mom guilt sometimes. Especially when I think about who I picked to be Dad.  I work full time and go to school. My ex-husband helps with nothing except the child support check he sends. It is sometimes exhausting.  And sometimes I feel like I barely have time to talk to my kids.  And now that they are teenagers and busy doing their own things, I feel like family time just isn't the same anymore either.  And I know that if I had stayed with their Dad, we'd be better off financially too. So there's a lot of guilt to go around. But I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing the best that I can. I am trying to make a better life for them. And I am there for everything that is truly important.  When I get feeling bad, I pull out all those scrapbooks I made and look back at all our memories. And I remember, I have good kids. I have a good life. I have done my best to provide them with a good mother.

I've wondered if this is a very big part of it for me  I made a lot of mistakes with my now 26 yr old because I was a single parent for 10 yrs and she learned to use that guilt back on me. I think it was easier to identify and give it up once I realized it was not doing her any favors and was actually harming her. 

  Mine will be 28 next month and I still find myself dealing with 'mom guilt', both past and present.  I've decided that it is just handed out with the birth/adoption of your child and you get it whether you want it or not.  I've had to let it go as much as possible and realize that I've done the best I could with what I had at the time.  Pick and choose wisely for the holiday events, involve the kids in as many decisions as possible and then move on.  Beating yourself up all the time accomplishes nothing positive.

I truly do not. I'm glad Julie mentioned the same thing above, because sometimes I wonder if it really is something I should be feeling. So, maybe I have guilt that I truly feel no mom guilt.

I have just one child and I actually work at not giving her everything she wants. It would be so easy. I don't want her having everything handed to her. I believe children love having a purpose, and goals, and achieving for themselves. I believe kids love to work, and we often shield them from the opportunity. I believe it's okay to sit down with the half dozen flyers in her backpack and say, "Okay, we've got these opportunities this holiday season. If we participated in every single one, our calendar would look like this - XXX, and it would cost this - XXX. We are not available for each of these scheduled things, and this amount of money is not in our budget. Let's talk about each one and choose which, if any, we'd like to spend our time and money on. If we want to do more than we have budgeted for, let's figure out a way (work) to make that happen. If none of these is what we'd like to work toward, it is absolutely okay if we choose something else that is important to us." I don't want to model overstressed, overscheduled and overbudget for her. I want her to see what it's like to make choices over what is important in her life.