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Post by Anne-Marie on Jul 24, 2014 17:08:42 GMT
There was a thread about engagement rings, proposals, etc. on the old board where someone mentioned this but I refuse to go back over there to hunt down the link.
Someone - maybe more than someone - said that they wouldn't accept a proposal if the guy did not have a ring.
Have just been pondering that lately as it applies to my own life and was wondering if you guys might be willing to discuss.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 24, 2014 17:13:39 GMT
I would have accepted a proposal without a ring. My own proposal was not perfect, but the sentiment was there. And that's what I really think is important. The fact that he wanted to marry me. It was enough. The ring was just the icing on the cake.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 24, 2014 17:14:38 GMT
I would have accepted a proposal without a ring. My own proposal was not perfect, but the sentiment was there. And that's what I really think is important. The fact that he wanted to marry me. It was enough. The ring was just the icing on the cake.
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Post by lesleyanne on Jul 24, 2014 17:15:04 GMT
I think when I was in my twenties and no kids, I might feel stronger about this. But now, 40 and busy with career and kiddos, I wouldn't care about getting a ring at all. It probably wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. If I was in love and preparing to get married, that would be all that mattered.
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Post by gar on Jul 24, 2014 17:15:41 GMT
Well, I did We had a wonderful day out ring shopping, and eventually buying, in the antique jewellery stores of Burlington Arcade in London. Dh knew well enough that I loved antique rings and getting to choose one we both loved was special.
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Post by flanz on Jul 24, 2014 17:15:52 GMT
I've been married for a long time and never thought about a proposal without a ring. Today, I would do it in a heartbeat, and I'm sure my kids would as well. DD especially is very minimalistic and would not WANT to wear a diamond ring. Perhaps an antique ring that had family meaning, but I doubt it would be a diamond, and it would prob be her wedding ring, not an engagement ring.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Jul 24, 2014 17:15:54 GMT
I was proposed to without a ring. We went and picked one out together. I wanted something a little different, anyway--got a sapphire ring with diamonds.
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ReneeH20
Full Member
Posts: 452
Jun 28, 2014 16:00:48 GMT
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Post by ReneeH20 on Jul 24, 2014 17:16:36 GMT
I was proposed to 4 times. Only once did the guy have a ring. The other times a ring appeared later. All of these happened between the ages of 19-22. I guess I was more understanding of the guys just starting out in life and not having a lot of money for a ring.
Now in my 40's I would probably expect a ring to go with the proposal. I would also be more open to just living together. Purely hypothetical as I have been married for 23 years to [HASH]4.
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Post by gar on Jul 24, 2014 17:16:46 GMT
Well, I did He proposed during a weekend away in a French Chateau so when we got back we had a wonderful day out ring shopping, and eventually buying, in the antique jewellery stores of Burlington Arcade in London. Dh knew well enough that I loved antique rings and getting to choose one we both loved was special. Hmmm...meant to edit my post not quote it. Just added a bit to make more sense
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 22:52:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 17:17:12 GMT
To be honest, I think I'd prefer a ringless proposal so I could be in on the shopping for my ring.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 22:52:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 17:18:00 GMT
We decided together to get married and then selected rings. We did not have a traditional proposal moment (which was exactly how we both like it - it may be non-traditional, but it worked for us.) Plus, my DH knows better than to try to pick out something I'll be wearing every day forever. I'm a little picky Honestly, though, the process of picking out rings together was really fun and I'd rather do that than be surprised by a ring. 15 years later and no regrets about how we did it. Every couple wants different things, and the important thing is that no matter how it all happens, the two people getting married and exchanging rings feel like the way it was done honors them.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 24, 2014 17:19:01 GMT
I would have accepted a proposal without a ring. It is about the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, not a piece of jewelry.
I'm not big on jewelry though. So the ring was the least important thing.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 24, 2014 17:19:11 GMT
DH didn't have a ring. We were dating from across the country and he came to Louisiana for 2 weeks. He proposed the 2nd night he was there. We went to a jewelry store and he let me pick out my ring. It was exactly what I wanted. My best friend started dating DH's best man and he proposed with a ring he had designed. My BF thought the ring was way too big and didn't really like it but accepted his proposal and wore the ring. They were divorced within 3-4 years. We've been married 30 years in November. You can draw your own conclusions from my story.
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melirez
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 26, 2014 15:46:38 GMT
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Post by melirez on Jul 24, 2014 17:25:57 GMT
My DH "unofficially" proposed to me without a ring, and I happily accepted. A more formal proposal with a ring did come later on, however I would have married him regardless. (All these years later I really think he wanted to make sure I felt the same way he did, before he made the purchase lol). Bottom line for me was the way we felt about each other and the kind of man he was (and is). A ring, no matter how simple or how extravagant, could never change those things.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Jul 24, 2014 17:31:21 GMT
My dh proposed 3 times, only the third one had a ring but I accepted on the second. The first time I thought he was kidding and told him I appreciated him thinking so highly of me but i'm going to need to hear a little more about how smokin' hot and amazing I am while laughing at him. What a jerk, fortunately he laughed and tried again The second time we had been discussing and we were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I wanted a gold band, he wanted bling that said 'back off she's taken' ha I agreed to a 1/8 carat ring, he agreed to 1 carat and we started shopping. We somehow settled on 3, i'm still not sure how that happened but it's perfect and I love that we chose it together. The third time was after the ring came in, he was on his knee again b/c he felt like he should do it the proper way with a ring. I was just dying to open it up and check it out, I almost drove the package to his office to speed it up! ha
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Post by Anne-Marie on Jul 24, 2014 17:32:19 GMT
I agree with too many of you to quote, LOL.
It would never occur to me to turn down a proposal from the love of my life because he didn't have a ring.
The previous thread I mentioned made me curious if I was alone or in the minority in feeling that way. Not that it matters, I feel the way I feel regardless.
And I should have been more clear in my OP - there would be a ring after the proposal.
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Post by kckckc on Jul 24, 2014 17:39:54 GMT
I accepted a proposal without a ring - we've been married 35 years I actually didn't get an engagement ring after the proposal either. We didn't have much money and I didn't really want one. I have worn my plain gold band for a long time!
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Post by dulcemama on Jul 24, 2014 17:42:47 GMT
This is us as well. I don't have an engagement ring at all and don't want one...might be genetic. My Mom always said that she didn't really want her engagement ring but my Dad insisted.
So, those of you that said you would accept a proposal without the ring, would it still be a "yes" if there was never going to be a ring?
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jul 24, 2014 17:45:09 GMT
I guess for me it would be a question of WHY there isn't a ring. If it is to wait and pick the ring out together, that is fine. If it is that the person isn't financially secure enough to buy a ring (and won't be in the foreseeable future since they didn't just wait a few months), it might be a red flag for planning a shared financial future.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 24, 2014 17:45:31 GMT
It would have been a yes even if there was never an engagement ring. However, I would have insisted on a wedding ring for both of us. I think the wedding band is an important symbol.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jul 24, 2014 17:51:30 GMT
My first engagement, was with a CZ on Thanksgiving evening. He asked and I accepted, then we shopped for a "real" ring that weekend. We never married, but I kept that CZ for years in a little box. It was special. I sold the actual engagement ring and he was pissed.
2nd time, there was a big fancy diamond ring. We divorced.
I would accept without a ring now, but I would like something to have in hand to memorialize the occasion. Ring, stuffed animal, toilet plunger, SOMETHING.
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Post by Karmady on Jul 24, 2014 17:51:55 GMT
I'd marry the love of my life without a ring. I know so many women who were given gorgeous rings to be divorced later and never wear the ring again. The ring means nothing.
Twenty years later, I rarely wear my wedding/engagement rings. I wear my late mother's simple wedding band.
I've been looking for an alternative ring for that wedding band finger. Something minimal, simple and unique. Not expensive.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 22:52:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 18:01:56 GMT
I accepted his proposal and small non-diamond $100 ring. I was 18. He knew I wanted a diamond to be received at the wedding, not the engagement. Twenty two years later, I would need a rock the size of a small planet.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Jul 24, 2014 18:05:13 GMT
If the proposal was heart felt and I was in love with him, a ring wouldn't matter. I honestly think it says more about the person who wouldn't accept without a ring in this scenario (not pointing fingers at anyone in this thread, as I didn't read all the replies - just speaking generally).
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 24, 2014 18:11:13 GMT
This is us as well. I don't have an engagement ring at all and don't want one...might be genetic. My Mom always said that she didn't really want her engagement ring but my Dad insisted. So, those of you that said you would accept a proposal without the ring, would it still be a "yes" if there was never going to be a ring? Yes. Dh and I have been married 16 yrs and sometimes we wear our rings and sometimes we don't. He didn't wear it while on the ship because he worked with the guns and it could have gotten caught and ripped is finger off. I take mine off to craft and forget to put them back on We are very married with or without our rings.
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Post by alibama on Jul 24, 2014 18:13:35 GMT
I accepted the proposal without a ring. We went ring shopping the next morning.
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Post by khaleesi on Jul 24, 2014 18:18:50 GMT
I accepted a proposal without a ring. I knew a proposal was coming at some point but not when. I also wanted him to pick out my ring, he had asked about my preference, etc ahead of time but I wanted to be surprised. When he proposed he just felt it was the right moment and said the ring would come later. He/we were also in the process of buying our house so things were a little chaotic at the time. I was busy packing so I would have been afraid to lose the ring in a box anyway. A couple of days later I got a CZ ring so I would have something to wear. The CZ ring was a larger version of my engagement ring. I got my engagement ring a few weeks later and it was perfect.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 24, 2014 18:24:13 GMT
My husband proposed to me on the spur of the moment and then we picked out a ring together. It didn't bother me that I didn't get the ring when I was proposed to, but it would bother me if he didn't want to get me a ring at all.
When my parents became engaged in 1955, my grandfather, who was a jeweler, offered to sell my father a really big diamond engagement ring for cost. My parents really needed a new car. My dad said it was my mom's choice-she could do the sensible thing and buy a smaller diamond ring and apply the savings towards a new car or she could get the big ring. My mom chose the big ring.
Many years later I asked her if she thought she made the right choice. She smiled and said "we wouldn't have that car right now, but I still have my ring."
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Post by AN on Jul 24, 2014 18:28:38 GMT
I wouldn't have accepted a proposal without a ring. But I don't think that it's bad if you do, it just wasn't for me. A ring was important to me (as well as a date set relatively quickly after the engagement), I didn't want to announce an engagement without having a ring to show. I like the symbol of the ring and it was important to me.
I would have turned down the proposal because he knew something was important to me and disregarded it, not specifically because there wasn't a ring. Same as I would have turned down a proposal while he was drunk (even if he had a ring). Certain things about the way it was done were important to my enjoyment of the event/process, and if he disregarded that, it would be a sign to me that he wasn't willing to consider my (reasonable) requests and make them a priority.
So if a ring is important to you, then I really think you should let your SO know and not accept a proposal without a ring. But if you really don't care either way, then fine, doesn't matter!
No matter what, I'm sure everyone has some sort of thing about their proposal that was important to them, and if your SO knows about it, I think it is an important show of respect and honor that they fulfill that (within reason).
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Post by 3SugarBugs on Jul 24, 2014 18:36:50 GMT
I think when I was in my twenties and no kids, I might feel stronger about this. But now, 40 and busy with career and kiddos, I wouldn't care about getting a ring at all. It probably wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. If I was in love and preparing to get married, that would be all that mattered. Couldn't have said it better....really mattered to me at the time, but now I really don't think it would.
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