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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:22:38 GMT
My DD and I need serious fashion help!
I'm going to preface this by saying the following:
When I was a tween/teen, my family didn't have much money at all. My mother didn't work outside the home, and there were four kids. You do the math. When I was younger, my mother sewed a lot of my clothes (and they were AMAZING), but as I got older, smocked dresses with floral embroidery just didn't cut it anymore, you know? My school clothes were from Wal-Mart and JCP (where my parents had a charge card). I lived through it, obviously, and don't recall anyone saying anything mean about my clothing, but I remember not fitting in. I remember when my circle of friends all went out and go these Ocean Pacific small duffle purses. I wanted one so badly, but my parents just couldn't afford it. That kind of thing.
Because of that, I probably overcompensate in the clothing realm now, with my children and with myself. I'm not talking going insanely crazy, but I am willing to spend a little more to make sure they generally fit in. My son is easy. It's my daughter that I have problems with, mainly because she doesn't really have any strong preferences. She never looks exactly "put together," if that makes any sense. Not that a seventh-grader needs to look put together, but...it always looks like she pulled her clothes randomly from her closet because whatever.
So, please help this fashion-challenged mom dress her girl for seventh grade!
She will be 13 in December. She is tall -- 5'10" -- and weighs around 125 pounds. Her legs go on for DAYS, but her torso is long, too. She has boobs. Her hips are normal (I have wide ones) and has zero butt.
Stores we have available to us locally -- Target, JCP, The Gap, Old Navy, American Eagle, Hollister, Maurice's, Dillard's...most of the usual ones. We are about 90 minutes from Houston, and I'm not opposed to a girl day shopping in Houston where there are more shopping options.
Here are a couple of pictures of her, so you get an idea. I'm also open to ideas about her hair. It's shoulder-length and curly. She really doesn't want the length cut, but she also won't really do anything with it.
Thanks, y'all.
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peppermintpatty
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 25, 2014 14:27:20 GMT
Let her wear what she wants. If it works for her, let her do it as long as it doesn't interfere with a dress code policy. I don't worry about what dd wears. She is a junior and her tastes are different than mine so I just let her pick out stuff.
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:29:33 GMT
Let her wear what she wants. If it works for her, let her do it as long as it doesn't interfere with a dress code policy. I don't worry about what dd wears. She is a junior and her tastes are different than mine so I just let her pick out stuff. But that's the problem: She doesn't have any preferences. We'll go to a store, I'll pick up two shirts and say, "K, do you like these?" and she will shrug. I'm getting zero input from her. She needs new clothes for school, so I'd like to have some ideas before I go to the store, you know? She wants Toms. That's really the only thing I'm getting from her right now. Meanwhile, I asked my 15-year-old DS, and he gave me a list of 15 t-shirts he wants from the rockabilia store online... |
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Post by shevy on Jul 25, 2014 14:32:45 GMT
So maybe the clothes aren't as important to her as they were to you? I totally get you because I grew up not having the name brands and didn't always fit in, but made the best I can. My niece is going into 7th grade and could care less about clothing, even though my sister is like you. I think my sister finally realized that, for now, clothes aren't important and just let my niece take control of it.
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Post by mom2emilytaryn on Jul 25, 2014 14:36:54 GMT
Can my daughter be your daughter for a day?  But all kidding aside, if clothes just aren't that important to her, then kudos to her! She has not given in to peer pressure, and I think that's a good thing! I would maybe just wait until school has been back for a week or two, then casually raise the question about shopping again. |
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:38:14 GMT
So maybe the clothes aren't as important to her as they were to you? I totally get you because I grew up not having the name brands and didn't always fit in, but made the best I can. My niece is going into 7th grade and could care less about clothing, even though my sister is like you. I think my sister finally realized that, for now, clothes aren't important and just let my niece take control of it. But like I said above, DD won't choose. I will take her school clothes shopping, and tell her, we have all day, pick out what you want, and if it's something too expensive/not appropriate/whatever, we will figure out an alternative or another option or a way to make it work. I'm very patient about this. And she just doesn't have an opinion. Nothing. So I'm wandering around, trying to figure out what will work for a tween/teen. She doesn't care about clothes, and that's fine, but she has to have new ones for school. |
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:39:08 GMT
Can my daughter be your daughter for a day? But all kidding aside, if clothes just aren't that important to her, then kudos to her! She has not given in to peer pressure, and I think that's a good thing! I would maybe just wait until school has been back for a week or two, then casually raise the question about shopping again. She doesn't care about clothes, but by God, she's wearing eye shadow every single day lol. |
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:40:42 GMT
I guess I'll just tell her, "K, you have to have X pairs of pants and X shirts for school. Pick them out." and just go with it as long as they satisfy the dress code.
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 25, 2014 14:43:42 GMT
I wish I wasn't on my phone so I could type a longer, more thoughtful response, but I'll try with my thumbs. I experienced the same thing as you when I was younger. Hand me downs, cheaper, not stylish or name brand clothing that I really really wanted. I didnt want my daughter to have to feel that way about clothing or fitting in.
She's also 12 going into the 7th grade and she could not care less. She does not like anything trendy or brand named. She still prefers to get her clothes from second hand shops and she picks out plain second hand shirts. No graphics or logos on anything. She still wears cargo type (longer) style shorts in summer and plain jeans in winter. No bling. Nothing fancy, or short, or showy. She is comfortable and I am happy. And her friends are all the exact same way.
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Post by walkerdill on Jul 25, 2014 14:44:36 GMT
My 13yo dd wears Aeropostle tee shirts, Hollister jeans and a hoodie everyday and everywhere! No shorts and nothing cute. I hate it but I let her wear what she is comfortable in.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 25, 2014 14:45:45 GMT
Do you think she would like to work with a personal shopper? (Is that Macy's that offers that?) Someone who'll bring her things to try on that they think will look nice?
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Post by missfrenchjessica on Jul 25, 2014 14:46:30 GMT
My soon-to-be 7th grader suggests not shopping at Abercrombie/Hollister. In her words--"It is made for girls who are very flat-chested and petite. And if you have a tummy, the shirts won't look good on you." Having said that, she has several pieces that are from Abercrombie and they look good on her...but she's shorter than your daughter and not as developed in the chest. She recommends American Eagle and suggested some leggings to help with the "no butt" issues and commented that you dd has "great, long legs"!  She really likes the jeans there and there are lots of different styles to choose from which she likes. Also, since she has boobs, she'd recommend plain, big sweaters to go with the leggings and combat boots. Apparently this is quite stylish. She will keep thinking and I'll update as she puts her thinking cap on. She adores shopping, clothes, and fashion alike! |
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 14:49:56 GMT
Do you think she would like to work with a personal shopper? (Is that Macy's that offers that?) Someone who'll bring her things to try on that they think will look nice? That might work. The other issue we have is that the first size she tries on is the size she wants. It doesn't matter if they're too small or too short. She either wears a 4 or a 6 in jeans, depending upon where we buy them, and I never remember what place is what size. So if I give her a 4 at Hollister and they're too small (because she really needs a 6 there), forget it. She's going to say the 4s are fine, no matter what. I have explained to her time and time again that sizes are different everywhere, and she goes with me when I buy clothes and she knows that sometimes I have to get this size and other times I have to get the other size because that's the way it works, but she refuses to budge on this. What I've started doing is I hand her one pair of jeans at a time, and I start with a size that I know will be too big on her. My BFF lives about five hours away from us and DD worships her (she's named after her). Maybe we could plan a weekend trip there, and "Miss M" could go with us. DD thinks every word she says is gospel... Hmmmm. Girls are so freaking complicated. |
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 25, 2014 14:51:07 GMT
And more to her not choosing, then just choose what you think looks presentable and acceptable. Let her know you'll be happy to get something for her if she finds something she'd like, but until then just have some things for her in her closet to wear. My daughter HATES to shop. LOATHES it. I dont want to make it a horrible experience for either of us, or make her feel like clothing is super important and stressful. I figure she'll find a different style eventually, she's still young. And if I try to buy something I find cute (I once bought her a pair of Uggs that went virtually unworn), it's a waste.
ETA - my daughter has long straight hair. It has been in a ponytail for a few years now. Seriously. We just cut the length (finally) because it was a pain in the pool, but other than that, it gets washed, brushed, and put in a ponytail. When I think of myself as her age, I was already perming, blowdrying, and curling the heck out of my hair. Im glad she's not doing that.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jul 25, 2014 14:52:43 GMT
I'm with you! DD is a year younger, and she would be happiest with cotton or athletic shorts and t-shirts. Unfortunately, she shorts she likes won't work with the dress code, and I am with you that I want her to look pulled together (within her personal style).
Does she have a friend who has a cute style who you could bring shopping with you? Or maybe a mom-daughter pair?
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Post by shannoots on Jul 25, 2014 15:05:46 GMT
Well, I just asked my 7th grade son what kind of clothes the girls his age wear and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I don't know."  I notice a lot of girls his age wear comfortable clothes like athletic shorts/T-shirts when the weather is nice and leggings and sweaters when it is cold. |
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Post by missfrenchjessica on Jul 25, 2014 15:09:37 GMT
Oh! Shoot, I forgot to mention for the leggings, my daughter recommended printed leggings/leggings with a pattern and then wearing the plain, big sweater with them. Still waiting for more "insight" from the fashion diva in this home! |
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Cheesy
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Jun 26, 2014 16:49:38 GMT
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Post by Cheesy on Jul 25, 2014 15:13:01 GMT
Both of my (now high school) daughters started out 7th grade sounding just like your daughter. Then about halfway through the year, they both started noticing what they wore and wanted to go shopping. Of course it was Aeropostale and American Eagle!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 25, 2014 15:14:07 GMT
I just went school shopping with my middle schooler. She picked out plain skinny jeans and plain Tshirts. Had zero interest in anything else. Now shoes, was a whole different story -
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Post by hennybutton on Jul 25, 2014 15:21:01 GMT
Relax, mom. You shouldn't be dressing your 7th grade daughter. She gets to pick what she wants and you have veto power. She's not in preschool anymore.
Does she really "need" back to school clothes? Or, does she have clothes that fit and are presentable that she can wear? If the latter, don't buy anything now. For one thing, the first month or two of school is likely to be warm, so summer clothes will still work as long as they fit the dress code. I never bought my kids back to school clothes--ever. I replaced shoes and clothes as they were outgrown or worn out. It helps that we run a load of laundry daily so they didn't need a lot of clothes. It's actually easier for the kids to get clothes after school starts because then they know what everyone else is wearing. By 7th grade, your daughter should be letting you know when she needs (or wants) something.
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perumbula
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Post by perumbula on Jul 25, 2014 15:23:32 GMT
The girls at our middle school are a mix. There's the fashionistas who know all about tucking in just the front of a loose flowy blouse so you can show off your awesome belt and throwing a scarf over the top. These girls are really just a small minority of the school. Then there's everybody else. The ones who look nice tend to just wear name brand Ts and jeans with a more fashionable shoe. It's a very simple style and it works really well at that age. It's what my dd wears most of the time.
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 15:31:38 GMT
Relax, mom. You shouldn't be dressing your 7th grade daughter. She gets to pick what she wants and you have veto power. She's not in preschool anymore. Does she really "need" back to school clothes? Or, does she have clothes that fit and are presentable that she can wear? If the latter, don't buy anything now. For one thing, the first month or two of school is likely to be warm, so summer clothes will still work as long as they fit the dress code. I never bought my kids back to school clothes--ever. I replaced shoes and clothes as they were outgrown or worn out. It helps that we run a load of laundry daily so they didn't need a lot of clothes. It's actually easier for the kids to get clothes after school starts because then they know what everyone else is wearing. By 7th grade, your daughter should be letting you know when she needs (or wants) something. She does need new clothes. Most of her t-shirts are too short in the length -- her legs stopped growing, but her torso didn't. Her jeans are frayed and getting holes and they don't allow holey, frayed jeans at the school. Like I said, I would be perfectly willing to allow her to pick out things and work with her, but SHE WON'T PICK OUT ANYTHING. So it's left up to me, a 42-year-old, to pick out clothing that will work for her. I don't want her looking like a 42-year-old. Thanks y'all who gave some input. At least now, I know a direction in which to go! |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 25, 2014 15:32:49 GMT
Popularity of some styles/brands are definitely regional. Kids everywhere wear Aero and Hollister, but they aren't necessarily the "in" clothes for some areas. But your DD is only in 7th grade--she is still developing her style. She may not know exactly what she likes just yet.
Watch leggings. Leggings are not pants, even for a 13 year old. They aren't allowed as pants at our school and I know my DD would never wear them.
Dd is 15, 5'8" and 125 lbs. She can pretty much wear whatever she wants. Everything looks good on her. But she hates to shop. Twice a year, I drag her out to the stores and we figure out what fits size wise. I won't let her wear skin tight jeans, and she knows that going in. I keep it to a few stores, but she has to keep trying on sizes until we find the cut and size that work for her. Then we can order online if she needs something and is too busy with school to shop. I try to make it fun. We get Starbucks and have lunch and I will give my opinion, but it mostly let her choose what to buy.
I'm paying, so I do get final veto power. But if her choices are flattering and appropriate, I let her choose what she wants. That was the hardest for me. She wore Gymboree ( pause here for a moment of silence for the loss of my favorite store! ) and all of her clothes were good quality and matched. I loved that. But that's not her and she throws together some pretty colorful choices or wears black. She gets tons of complements, so obviously it's working for her.
She likes The Loft, Ann Taylor and BCBG Max. She doesn't like anything with the name brand or the label showing. She shops in the more casual section of those stores and pairs everything with jeans. She layers a lot and often puts outfits together that don't "match" at all, but somehow it works. She wears loosely structured jackets rather than hoodies or sweaters, even with her Doctor Who tees. We have an outlet for all three stores here, and I've signed up for coupon codes. Sales are good right now, as they are making room for the fall lines. I do pay a bit more than I would in Hollister, but the quality is a thousand times better. So the clothes look good even after a few months of wear.
Because she doesn't like to shop, I buy what she likes when we go shopping. I don't wait for a sale unless it's very expensive or similar to what she already has. If I try to bring her back for a sale in a week, I'll never get her cooperation. The cost all works out, as she's not constantly shopping and we only go out a few times a year.
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Post by shevy on Jul 25, 2014 15:36:57 GMT
When my parents had money to start buying clothes and I was a teen, I was just like your daughter. My Mom would be so frustrated and still talks about how frustrated she was. I am 44 years old. So certainly she remembers it all these years. She says that I would stand at the entrance to a store and proclaim that I didn't like anything. And she was right. I did do that. I was 5'6" by the time I was 11 years old and I wanted to blend in, but didn't know how. And I when I started figuring out how to blend in, she tried to dress me, tried to tell me how to do my hair and in the end really left me with no sense of personal style. After she started doing that to me, I kind of gave up. It took until my 20s before I started figuring out my style.
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TankTop
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Post by TankTop on Jul 25, 2014 15:37:49 GMT
Here is what I experienced when dd was in 7th grade..... She did not know what she wanted because she did not know what girls would wear in middle school. I bought her a few basics and then the first weekend lifter school started we went shopping. It was much easier then.
For her I would recommend d you go to american eagle or aero and get her a few pairs of skinny jeans. Stay away from jegging jeans. Have her flip the bottom cuff up a few inches, flip flops, belt, and a college tee. This was very in with the seventh grade set.
Has she tried straightening her hair?
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janeliz
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Post by janeliz on Jul 25, 2014 16:06:41 GMT
First of all, I wanted to say that I can relate to what you spoke of when you said you tend to overcompensate when it comes to clothing because of how things went when you were her age. Money wasn't really a problem in our household, but my mom really resisted buying me the labels that everyone else wore and obsessed over. Now, of course, I totally understand her logic. At that time, though, it was hard! I always had the off-brand copy of whatever it was that was in style at the time---the JAMS shorts, the Mia flats, the Guess jeans, the stupid canvas purses that had the printed ribbons on them.
Anyhoo, to answer your question----my soon to be 7th grade girl does tend to be a lover of fashion and she likes to shop. She can put together stylish outfits with accessories without much help from me. When we're shopping, though, we tend to stick to simple pieces that she can mix and match on her own. She's not quite as tall as your daughter, but she's about 5'5" with long, skinny legs. For warm weather, she likes denim shorts from American Eagle, chino shorts from J. Crew, cotton tees from J. Crew, and assorted pieces from Target. She loves the swing tops that are around right now, and favors high-low hemmed dresses and maxi-dresses. She also loves scarves, and will wear them a lot in the colder weather. I think scarves are a great way to pull together a simple outfit. That all being said, she is just as likely to throw on a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt.
Honestly, it sounds like your daughter's approach to clothing is probably more typical than not. The key for her may be to stick to simple pieces that she can throw together easily and mix and match. I don't know about your area, but other than the ubiquitous Patagonia jackets, the girls around here don't worry about labels as much as they worry about the total look.
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Post by snappinsami on Jul 25, 2014 16:18:14 GMT
But that's the problem: She doesn't have any preferences. We'll go to a store, I'll pick up two shirts and say, "K, do you like these?" and she will shrug. I'm getting zero input from her. She needs new clothes for school, so I'd like to have some ideas before I go to the store, you know? She wants Toms. That's really the only thing I'm getting from her right now. Meanwhile, I asked my 15-year-old DS, and he gave me a list of 15 t-shirts he wants from the rockabilia store online... That was my daughter in 7th grade. She couldn't have cared less about clothes, and for most of the school year wore jeans and DH's t-shirts. Looked lovely.  I just rolled with it (and tried not to cringe), at least as far as school went. When we went out, I made sure she dressed appropriately. When she needed new things, I offered to take her out, but I usually got the same kind of responses/shrugs as you're getting. I made her go with me, though. Around halfway through 7th grade, things changed and she started taking more of an interest. At that point, we'd go out - usually to Kohls, although she really likes Forever 21 too - and I'd let her go off on her own to buy what she wanted. That's still what we do (she's starting 9th grade - high school  - in a few weeks). She knows what she likes and thankfully her taste is good. (No ho-looking stuff. ) It's a phase, and she'll get out of it. But for now, I'd take her with you and just make sure she has enough jeans/shorts/shirts to get her through a week of school. She'll figure it out. As for the Tom's, my DD wore them just about every day in 6th grade. Because they're outside so much here, she wound up with a wicked Tom's tan on her feet. Took MONTHS to even those babies out! LOL! |
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Post by *KatyCupcake* on Jul 25, 2014 17:11:27 GMT
This age is so tricky. She may not really KNOW what her style is right now. She's growing and her body is changing. She's adjusting to her new body shape and might be unable to identify exactly where she fits right now- she was comfortable with the little girl she was, but now she's not really that little girl anymore, so who is she? If she can't verbalize an answer for you when you ask "do you like this?" it's likely because she just doesn't know. And sometimes it has more to do with find the right question to ask her.
Maybe sit down with her and ask her about her favorite looks. Ask her what makes her feel beautiful. My 12 and 13 year old family members have fun with Pinterest. Maybe your DD would get into pinning things- and it can move beyond just fashion too. She can find things she'd like to make or places to see, books she'd like to read... it's a cool way to possibly inspire her. Otherwise, maybe look through some websites or catalogs together to see what inspires her.
What styles does she spend more time looking at? What looks is she gravitating to as you let her navigate the web or flip through the pages.
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mom2rnb
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Post by mom2rnb on Jul 25, 2014 17:27:46 GMT
my dd is going into 7th grade as well. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. We went school shopping and she does have her likes but they are basically tshirts and jeans and converse. She got tshirts from vans, she doesn't like the way the shoes fit though,she also got some other shirts from the second hand store, we find more variety and she likes looking at jeans there because she DOES have a butt and it's generally hard to find jeans for a 12 year old who has a little junk in the trunk.
She won't wear shorts, only at home and they must be the longer basketball type shorts.She won't be caught dead in a skirt or dress, she does wear earrings though.
She has started straightening her hair as it has more wave than she likes, but that ends up going into a pony tail most days. She thought she wanted to try make up, so we did, but she thinks it's too much so she mostly doesn't wear it.
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Post by pretzels on Jul 25, 2014 17:54:26 GMT
Thanks for all the suggestions, y'all. I will introduce her to Pinterest -- she's really artsy, too, so I'm sure she will enjoy that part of it, in addition to the clothes. Last year, occasionally she would pull together an outfit (like once every couple of months) that looked really great and I would tell her so. She'd wear skinny jeans, a solid-colored shirt and one of those infinity scarves and it looked really great. Next year, I'll probably be asking for help on dealing with my clothes-horse of a daughter lol.
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But all kidding aside, if clothes just aren't that important to her, then kudos to her! She has not given in to peer pressure, and I think that's a good thing! I would maybe just wait until school has been back for a week or two, then casually raise the question about shopping again. 
She really likes the jeans there and there are lots of different styles to choose from which she likes. 
I notice a lot of girls his age wear comfortable clothes like athletic shorts/T-shirts when the weather is nice and leggings and sweaters when it is cold. 
I just rolled with it (and tried not to cringe), at least as far as school went. When we went out, I made sure she dressed appropriately. When she needed new things, I offered to take her out, but I usually got the same kind of responses/shrugs as you're getting. I made her go with me, though. 
- in a few weeks). She knows what she likes and thankfully her taste is good. (No ho-looking stuff. 