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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 1:28:17 GMT
Thank you all so so much. I don't think I could say it any better than valleyview did - "The advice on this thread has been so honest and thoughtful. Thank you, ladies". You've supported me and given me some very good things to think about. I commented down thread that today I had a big ugly cry, pretty much most of the day. Coming face to face with a lot of ugly and I don't like what I'm seeing in the mirror. I talked with my girlfriends and verbally vomited all over them. They gave me an "atta girl, keep letting it out". Pretty much the same as you have said here. I do need to take some time away. I need to deal with what I need to deal with. Thank you for everything. *** I've been doing too much, pushing too hard, running too fast. This week I started experiencing anxiety attacks every day. I do the least little bit and my chest feels heavy. I've been keeping busy with activities and even here and Facebook as a diversion. An escape so I don't have to think. But everything is coming to a screeching halt. I'm in desperate need of physical and mental rest. I know it but I've been fighting it. I have to step back from everything. I've been benched. I'm on the injured list. None of my ministries. I had been debating whether or not to do the passion play this year. My husband had a main role. Would it hurt worse to remain involved, or worse to stay away? There was no easy answer. But Now I don't have a choice. I'm on enforced rest. Otherwise I WILL crash and burn. No bones about it. I've separated from Facebook for awhile. I don't think I need to cut off from you guys but probably will be off and on for awhile. i was going to say something else but can't think straight at the moment. It will come to me.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,828
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Jan 17, 2016 1:30:43 GMT
Girl,
Give yourself a rest. You deserve it. You have been through so much in the last year. I am in awe at all you do and accomplish, but resting is never a mistake.
I am thinking of you, Hugs!
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jan 17, 2016 1:32:53 GMT
Take care of yourself, Jen. You are in my thoughts, and prayers. (Hugs)
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jan 17, 2016 1:35:33 GMT
Take care of yourself.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 17, 2016 1:36:01 GMT
I think what you are doing is keeping busy as a way to keep your grief at bay. It sounds pretty normal to me.
Please, give yourself a break. You don't have to be superwoman. Allow yourself to be self-centered right now. Can you hole up with the kids and some movies to give yourself a well earned rest?
I can't imagine everything that has been on your shoulders since your Fred was diagnosed with cancer. I picture you with the world on your shoulders.
I'm rambling...I often feel like everything falls to me, too. I'm getting much better at asking for help. My friends and DD are fabulous. I know you have some fabulous friends. Let them take care of you, too.
Hugs, dear Jenjie.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Jan 17, 2016 1:36:49 GMT
I'm so very sorry you're struggling so much right now. I think you've been more than incredible for all that you've gone through in the last year. But you do what you need to do to be the "best you" you can be...even if that best you is taking it minute by minute. You'll get there...I just know it. And we'll be here when you come back...and we'll be thinking of you and praying for you until then. Love and hugs to you Jenji. <3
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 5:17:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 1:39:03 GMT
Sending hugs.
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Post by txdancermom on Jan 17, 2016 1:40:27 GMT
Take it easy - you need to focus on YOU for a change and take care of yourself.
Hugs
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Jan 17, 2016 1:51:01 GMT
It's ok to take a step back and rest. It's ok to say no to things. We are human beings not human doings. You cannot take care of your children unless you take care of yourself. Your ministries will still be there when you are ready to go back to them.
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
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Post by blarneygirl on Jan 17, 2016 1:52:27 GMT
I've been doing too much, pushing too hard, running too fast. This week I started experiencing anxiety attacks every day. I do the least little bit and my chest feels heavy. I've been keeping busy with activities and even here and Facebook as a diversion. An escape so I don't have to think. But everything is coming to a screeching halt. I'm in desperate need of physical and mental rest. I know it but I've been fighting it. I have to step back from everything. I've been benched. I'm on the injured list. None of my ministries. I had been debating whether or not to do the passion play this year. My husband had a main role. Would it hurt worse to remain involved, or worse to stay away? There was no easy answer. But Now I don't have a choice. I'm on enforced rest. Otherwise I WILL crash and burn. No bones about it. I've separated from Facebook for awhile. I don't think I need to cut off from you guys but probably will be off and on for awhile. i was going to say something else but can't think straight at the moment. It will come to me. I think it's great that you recognize what is going on and what you need. Your husband wouldn't want you stretched so thin that you are having anxiety attacks and overwhelmed. If that means you don't participate in the passion play, so be it. Don't let anyone pressure you or tell you what they think will be good for you. Only *you* know that. I've had a few really dear friends who mean well suggest what they think will be good for me, but they aren't coming from a place of true understanding what I am experiencing. I'm so glad you have enough self awareness that you are able to put on the breaks and find the proper reset. Sending you my warm hugs and prayers!
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Jan 17, 2016 1:53:59 GMT
Big big hugs first!!
Second I think this is completely part of the new normal. I remember doing the exact same thing but I didn't stop till it was way out of control. I'm glad your being benched before you hit that point. But know it is normal!! I'm sorry to hear your having panic attacks. I have had them since our accident. They are not fun and so darned unpredictable so you cat really prepare for them. Mine finally landed me in urgent care with chest pains. I'm on a very low dose of Xanax as needed and man did that ever make a difference!! I'm not a medicine person. I don't take anything stronger than aleve for migraines. Just something to consider. Not a permanent thing and at a low dose nothing you need to take daily or wean off.
Again big big hugs!!!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 5:17:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 1:54:03 GMT
{{hugs}}
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Post by SallyPA on Jan 17, 2016 1:56:26 GMT
Hugs to you, the sweetest pea I know. Prayers and hugs.
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Post by moveablefeast on Jan 17, 2016 1:57:36 GMT
Wishing you healing, peace, and many, many blessings.
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Post by hop2 on Jan 17, 2016 1:59:28 GMT
{{{hugs}}} take a break, you deserve it! Wishing you healing and peace.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,247
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jan 17, 2016 2:07:19 GMT
I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but I totally admire that you are going to do what YOU need right now. Rest and saying "no" may be exactly what you need - and take as long as you need to get through this.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jan 17, 2016 2:10:35 GMT
Jen, something had to give. Now that you are able to see that you were doing too much, not resting enough, not letting your mind be at ease, trying to be superwoman it's ok to let go. Let go of everything (except the kids, eating, drinking, hygiene and praying). Everything else can wait. I am sure you have plenty of clothes in your closet. I am sure your children have plenty of clean clothes in their closets. If the sheets need changing, next week will be fine. The towels are dirty, they can wait. Everything*can*wait.
This was your Come to Jesus moment, don't you think? Jen said to Jen, "Ok, I can't do it all anymore. I need to let go of this. That is going to have to wait. The other is enough. For now it is enough."
I am sure the rest of the Peas would be standing in line to hug and hold you tightly to get you through this. So consider yourself hugged.
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Post by k8smom on Jan 17, 2016 2:23:26 GMT
jenjie, there is no rhyme or reason to this thing called grief. You just have to listen to yourself and put one foot in front of the other, and it sounds like you are finally doing that now on the heels of your anxiety attacks... your body's way of resisting when you are listening to the signs. I think the most important thing to know about the grief process is that it's not optional... you're in it until you're not. Your have to emotionally and physically go through the entire grief process until one day you wake up and life has pushed the reset button. You're not there yet, no one would expect you to be. It sounds like you are putting so much energy into being the strong one, that you are forgetting to just be. Just be. Feel it. Own it. And eventually you will come out on the other side. Hugs to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 5:17:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 2:30:18 GMT
Please take the time you need for healing and resting. Don't let others guilt you into doing what you're not ready to do. And don't lay a guilt trip on yourself either. Remember that Jesus needed time apart from others, too.
I'll be lifting you up in prayer, dear sister.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jan 17, 2016 2:38:59 GMT
Hugs and prayers, Jenjie. We'll be here waiting for your return when you're able.
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Post by coffeetalk on Jan 17, 2016 2:39:44 GMT
Hugs to you and hope that you can find your way to peace and a quiet place in your head and heart. ♥︎
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Post by mom on Jan 17, 2016 2:44:59 GMT
Its ok to take an 'enforced rest' some times. Take care of yourself!
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Post by Goldynn on Jan 17, 2016 2:46:44 GMT
I'm so sorry things are difficult for you right now. It's all going to take some time, hang in there! Big hugs to you.
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Post by winogirl on Jan 17, 2016 2:47:10 GMT
What do you enjoy that is not so exerting? When my anxiety and depression start to get overwhelming, nothing is better than escaping my problems with a good book. But that's just me. You deserve to give yourself some rest. Take care of yourself.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 3:19:24 GMT
I've been doing too much, pushing too hard, running too fast. This week I started experiencing anxiety attacks every day. I do the least little bit and my chest feels heavy. I've been keeping busy with activities and even here and Facebook as a diversion. An escape so I don't have to think. But everything is coming to a screeching halt. I'm in desperate need of physical and mental rest. I know it but I've been fighting it. I have to step back from everything. I've been benched. I'm on the injured list. None of my ministries. I had been debating whether or not to do the passion play this year. My husband had a main role. Would it hurt worse to remain involved, or worse to stay away? There was no easy answer. But Now I don't have a choice. I'm on enforced rest. Otherwise I WILL crash and burn. No bones about it. I've separated from Facebook for awhile. I don't think I need to cut off from you guys but probably will be off and on for awhile. i was going to say something else but can't think straight at the moment. It will come to me. I think it's great that you recognize what is going on and what you need. Your husband wouldn't want you stretched so thin that you are having anxiety attacks and overwhelmed. If that means you don't participate in the passion play, so be it. Don't let anyone pressure you or tell you what they think will be good for you. Only *you* know that. I've had a few really dear friends who mean well suggest what they think will be good for me, but they aren't coming from a place of true understanding what I am experiencing. I'm so glad you have enough self awareness that you are able to put on the breaks and find the proper reset. Sending you my warm hugs and prayers! I'd like to say I have self awareness but that would be a lie. I've been fighting this kicking and screaming. My friends are the ones telling me I need to rest. If my body didn't agree with them I would not be going along with it. Everyone I have talked to has breathed a sigh of relief. I am pretty thick skulled. LOL
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 3:22:14 GMT
Big big hugs first!! Second I think this is completely part of the new normal. I remember doing the exact same thing but I didn't stop till it was way out of control. I'm glad your being benched before you hit that point. But know it is normal!! I'm sorry to hear your having panic attacks. I have had them since our accident. They are not fun and so darned unpredictable so you cat really prepare for them. Mine finally landed me in urgent care with chest pains. I'm on a very low dose of Xanax as needed and man did that ever make a difference!! I'm not a medicine person. I don't take anything stronger than aleve for migraines. Just something to consider. Not a permanent thing and at a low dose nothing you need to take daily or wean off. Again big big hugs!!! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this too. I was actually prescribed a low dose xanax a year ago. I very rarely take it because I don't want to mask any emotions. You know, think I'm dealing with things OK but it was really the meds. But I started taking it yesterday. I'm going to make an appt with my doctor this week just to let him know what's going on.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 3:23:26 GMT
Hugs to you, the sweetest pea I know. Prayers and hugs. THat's really sweet. Thank you.
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Post by nepean on Jan 17, 2016 3:24:53 GMT
You need to take time for you, I am sure those around you will understand. Hugs and prayers to you from me.
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Post by cakediva on Jan 17, 2016 3:26:43 GMT
(((hugs)))
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,956
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jan 17, 2016 3:27:12 GMT
I don't have any advice, I haven't been through what you are going through. All I can give is my support to you, as I have said before, you are an inspiration to many. But don't take that as having pressure on yourself. You keep doing you. Everyone goes through grief differently, take care of yourself. Hugs and love to you.
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