Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,969
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Jan 17, 2016 17:02:18 GMT
I'm so glad to hear this. As I've read your posts the last few months I must say I worried that you were trying to be too strong, too perfect in your grief. Like you were trying so hard to be what everyone else needed you to be and not doing what you needed for yourself.
My one suggestion for you is to find some mindless task you can do with your hands as you let your mind heal. Do you crochet or garden or color? I have read much research and have found it helpful for myself to keep my hands in motion. It has a cathartic effect on my brain and helps me focus my thoughts and prayers.
I am wishing you peace through this next step of your journey.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:34:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 17:09:31 GMT
Big (((hugs))) to you!
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,764
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Jan 17, 2016 17:30:46 GMT
Hugs Jen. Get that rest you need and take care of yourself.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,064
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Jan 17, 2016 22:01:29 GMT
Hugs.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 23:20:21 GMT
Now that you've admitted it to yourself you can work on it and truly truly heal. Many blessings to you. You can do this and I promise it'll be much better when you really let it out. A dear friend has a saying that I love. "Pain feels so good when it's over." I like that quote. Today was just ugly, so many tears and I verbally vomited on my friends. Once I started I couldn't stop. Because they are awesome I got an "atta girl". LOL And because you're awesome I know you're going to give me an atta girl too. LOL
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 17, 2016 23:23:02 GMT
Now that you've admitted it to yourself you can work on it and truly truly heal. Many blessings to you. You can do this and I promise it'll be much better when you really let it out. A dear friend has a saying that I love. "Pain feels so good when it's over." I like that quote. Today was just ugly, so many tears and I verbally vomited on my friends. Once I started I couldn't stop. Because they are awesome I got an "atta girl". LOL And because you're awesome I know you're going to give me an atta girl too. LOL Atta girl. Let it all out. This is the right time for a really healthy ugly cry.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 23:23:53 GMT
I was a physical, emotional mess when my mom died. My doctor gave me a prescription for Lorazapam. It's one you can take as needed. It always made me sleepy, so I thought it was ideal for those nights when I crawled into bed and could not shut my mind off. You do need to say no to some things. No one will expect you to do all the things you used to do. I know for me doing things like filling my bird feeders and watching my birds were good for me. I took on some crochet and cooking projects. I had a hard time doing things like watching tv or even interacting with people, but my dog got more walks than usual and she was really good for me. My job was a huge stress for me and in order to get that done, I had to keep the rest of my life pretty simple. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. Grieving is so incredibly difficult. Thank you. I'm sorry you had to struggle too.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 23:28:07 GMT
Stop. Just stop. Your brain is doing something normal. The shock that has protected you is wearing off and your brain is trying to deal with your overwhelming loss. The chemistry is going back to normal. Give it the space and time it needs. Stop stimulating it as much as possible. Cry. Scream. Let it wash over you. Accept it. And let it go. You have been so strong. This is not weakness. This is part of that process. You will get through because you are strong. I wish you well. And I am sorry again for your loss. Thank you.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 23:31:26 GMT
Bob Goff quits something every Thursday. This seems like a good time to quit something. Saying yes to everything can sometimes mean saying no to keeping yourself mentally and physically happy and healthy. Say yes to yourself, and give yourself some grace. Jen Hatmaker, in all of her fabulousness, posted this on FB around New Year's: "As you move into 2016 hoping for a saner schedule that prioritizes your actual life and keeps you focused on the things that matter the most, let me share the decision-making filter my agent Curtis always gives me: "If it's not a HELL YES, then it's a no." So that medium yes, that I-feel-like-should yes, that guilty yes, that coerced yes, that I-actually-hate-this-thing yes, that I-guess-so yes, that who-else-will-do-it yes, that careless yes, that default yes, that resentful yes, that I-probably-shouldn't-but-struggle-with-boundaries yes? NO. Nope. No thank you. I am unable to commit to that this year. Thank you so much for asking, but any new yes I give right now means a no to my family and sanity. I am so flattered you asked and count on my prayers, but I am at my maximum bandwidth right now. I appreciate your work so much, but I've already committed my time and energy this year. I've loved being a part of this, but I am no longer able to continue. We are aggressively focused on x, y, and z this year, so as a family we've agreed on no new commitments. This is what I can give but won't be able to do more right now. Now, the things that make your heart race, your blood pump, the fire in your belly burn, your gifts to leap to life, and keep your family and home healthy and strong...the hell yeses? ALL IN, BABY." Have you read her book, For the Love? It's a perfect read while resting. PM me with your address and I'll send it to you. Thank you so much. I will.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 17, 2016 23:32:53 GMT
I like that quote. Today was just ugly, so many tears and I verbally vomited on my friends. Once I started I couldn't stop. Because they are awesome I got an "atta girl". LOL And because you're awesome I know you're going to give me an atta girl too. LOL Atta girl. Let it all out. This is the right time for a really healthy ugly cry. Bwahahaa I knew you would I just didn't expect it so quickly!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:34:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 23:48:41 GMT
Good luck jenjie. Praying for you
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jan 17, 2016 23:59:50 GMT
Jen, I hope I'm catching you before you take time away from here. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Reading your recent posts I wondered how you could do it all. And you know what? You can't, and that is perfectly fine. Cut back to the absolute basics. Sounds like your mind/body is forcing you to do this. I think that part of the reason for doing so much is that it gives you less time to remember the bad stuff. But when you stop running, the bad stuff is still there. I hope your big,ugly cry helped, even if only a little bit or for a little while. Maybe you need lots more big, ugly cries. I'm getting wonderful support and advice on my own thread about my own current breakdown. Funny how it's so much easier to give love and support and good advice to someone else than it is to give it to yourself.
Please be gentle with yourself. Be kind to you. I can't tell you what you've become to me these past months, because there isn't really a word for it. You are so special to me. And to so many here.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,582
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jan 18, 2016 0:49:48 GMT
Just read your update. ((HUGS))
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Post by mollycoddle on Jan 18, 2016 0:55:13 GMT
Best of luck to you. Take time to process everything and adjust to your new normal. Know that this is a normal process, you have a strong support system, and you will get through this.
Hugs!
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Post by jenjie on Jan 18, 2016 1:49:53 GMT
Jen, I hope I'm catching you before you take time away from here. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Reading your recent posts I wondered how you could do it all. And you know what? You can't, and that is perfectly fine. Cut back to the absolute basics. Sounds like your mind/body is forcing you to do this. I think that part of the reason for doing so much is that it gives you less time to remember the bad stuff. But when you stop running, the bad stuff is still there. I hope your big,ugly cry helped, even if only a little bit or for a little while. Maybe you need lots more big, ugly cries. I'm getting wonderful support and advice on my own thread about my own current breakdown. Funny how it's so much easier to give love and support and good advice to someone else than it is to give it to yourself. Please be gentle with yourself. Be kind to you. I can't tell you what you've become to me these past months, because there isn't really a word for it. You are so special to me. And to so many here. Zella thank you so much for your kind words and I hope you will be ok too. "I think that part of the reason for doing so much is that it gives you less time to remember the bad stuff. But when you stop running, the bad stuff is still there." Truth. So much truth.
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Post by KelleeM on Jan 18, 2016 2:28:30 GMT
Take care of you. I can only begin to imagine how you've survived this past year. Take all the time you need. (((Hugs)))
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Post by nepean on Jan 18, 2016 2:36:15 GMT
It sounds as though you have some wonderful girlfriends! and I am so glad they were there for you today to listen and encourage. I am sure there are times you don't feel blessed, but listening to you, you are one blessed lady. You have wonderful children, I remember fondly the picture one of them drew for you (did i remember correctly?), and you have a strong friends network IRL and here online. Be real, they, we, all want you to be real. As always you remain in my prayers. (((hugs)))
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Post by Miss Ang on Jan 18, 2016 3:44:43 GMT
I commented on your FB post (not sure if you saw that or not). Praying for you! And I'm sorry you're having such a tough time; I just can't imagine being in your shoes. {{hugs}} I know how we love our worship music . Sang this one at church today and I hope it gives you a little peace and comfort. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffr0pGkXPJg
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gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,813
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on Jan 18, 2016 3:48:51 GMT
I have already told you how I feel.
You have my complete support and continued prayers. If you need to get in touch at any time, please feel free to do so.
Hugs, dear Jen.
Lisa
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Post by jenjie on Jan 18, 2016 4:03:55 GMT
I commented on your FB post (not sure if you saw that or not). Praying for you! And I'm sorry you're having such a tough time; I just can't imagine being in your shoes. {{hugs}} I know how we love our worship music . Sang this one at church today and I hope it gives you a little peace and comfort. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffr0pGkXPJgThank you Ang, I didn't see because I'm off of Facebook already. I'll be back at some time but I have no business there right now. Thank you for the song. I really like it.
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Post by ilikepink on Jan 18, 2016 4:17:13 GMT
Hugs.
You can only hear yourself when you are quiet and still, but trust that when you are quiet and still, you will know what to do for yourself. The only way through the pain, unfortunately, is through the pain. No one can be strong all the time - because then it ceases to be strength, it's just a normal. Strength - and faith - is getting through the times when you aren't strong, or have doubt.
Do what you need to do for You - we will be here (as will FB) when you are ready to return.
Hugs.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Jan 18, 2016 22:16:39 GMT
Lots of love and cyber hugs to you and your family! You deserve a break .Do it whenever you need to and however long you need too... You've handled things with such grace. You have amazing friends. Just know what you are capable of and when you just crash and burn and lay low. You are amazing, Hugs to you and take care always.
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Post by patin on Jan 19, 2016 3:35:25 GMT
Jen & the Peas - I love you guys! Such beautiful thoughtful advice . Such gracious responses from Jen. What a beautiful sisterhood we have here.
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Post by flanz on Jan 19, 2016 5:58:52 GMT
jenjie - Anger is normal. I feel anger about my situation at times, too. I definitely understand the reluctance to ask for help. I reached out recently and my wonderful girlfriends brought me meals for the freezer and cleaned my house from top to bottom. What I have learned, in my life, is when you allow others in to help you, they feel like they are not helpless to help you. It will bring you closer together. Think about all the times in the past you have reached out to help someone. Didn't you feel good, valuable, and closer to those you helped? Give that gift back to your friends. Wishing you peace and healing, dear friend. Sooo much great advice here, sooo much love for you, dear Jen! Please keep leaning on your friends as needed. True friends WANT to help, to DO SOMETHING. Yes, as mikklynn said, you give your friends a gift when you allow them to help. I wish I had a magic wand to make you race through the sucky times and back to a happy place, but grief doesn't work that way. Sending you love and hugs. Now, go take care of YOU. xo
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Post by myboysnme on Jan 19, 2016 20:58:56 GMT
. "As you move into 2016 hoping for a saner schedule that prioritizes your actual life and keeps you focused on the things that matter the most, let me share the decision-making filter my agent Curtis always gives me: "If it's not a HELL YES, then it's a no."So that medium yes, that I-feel-like-should yes, that guilty yes, that coerced yes, that I-actually-hate-this-thing yes, that I-guess-so yes, that who-else-will-do-it yes, that careless yes, that default yes, that resentful yes, that I-probably-shouldn't-but-struggle-with-boundaries yes? NO. Nope. No thank you. I am unable to commit to that this year. Thank you so much for asking, but any new yes I give right now means a no to my family and sanity. I am so flattered you asked and count on my prayers, but I am at my maximum bandwidth right now. I appreciate your work so much, but I've already committed my time and energy this year. I've loved being a part of this, but I am no longer able to continue. We are aggressively focused on x, y, and z this year, so as a family we've agreed on no new commitments. This is what I can give but won't be able to do more right now. Now, the things that make your heart race, your blood pump, the fire in your belly burn, your gifts to leap to life, and keep your family and home healthy and strong...the hell yeses? ALL IN, BABY." littlefish I cannot get this statement out of my mind and I am going to use it as my mantra and se how it goes.
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Post by scrappintoee on Jan 19, 2016 21:29:19 GMT
(( hugs )) & prayers !!!
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