S/O living to 100 - should you be able to choose?

Hmmm...don't you always have a choice? I mean you can take a bunch of pills, shoot yourself, etc. whenever you want; or are you talking about a dr. assisting you? I think someone always has a right to refuse treatment as well.

It maybe because of my experience with my mother, but I think there would need to be a whole lot of counseling or something before that step is taken.

At 80 my mother had what has thought to be a very serious health issue. It took awhile to determine, but it wasn't what they thought it was and she is now recovered completely. She also took a fall and lost some mobility. A knee replacement was done and she's back to dancing. She just turned 82, goes out several times a week with her male friend and is back to being as active as before. The difference from how she was a few years ago to now is amazing.

I sit here thinking what if that was an option presented to her when she was at her lowest point.

Yes, I absolutly feel we should be allowed to make that decision.  I'm 75 and can't imagine wanting my life to be over.  I'm driving from Alabama to Wisconsin today to see family.  I have several grand invested in a new hobby and I'm still working.  But should things change, like my health goes to blazes, I'd like to think I could be able to check out if I so choose.

I wish this were legal in all countries.  Personally, I think we're kinder to animals (when they're very old/sick/in pain/etc.).  I've heard so many stories where people are very old, sick, infirm, can't take care of themselves, lost all dignity and they just want to die, yet what do we do, we pump them with drugs to keep them alive and miserable.  Why is it so wrong if someone truly wants to go to sleep and not wake up if the doctors gave them a shot and let them fall asleep peacefully?  It just seems so wrong, we're supposedly a free country, yet it's illegal to ask for help to die a graceful death.

My, my, what a complicated subject. So many variables.

First, any person may refuse treatment or drugs. So the statement that the doctors kept her alive is not accurate, they simply gave her options . Your follow up post says it was family.

And family is what complicates things. Her family interfered to keep her alive but there are many families that would choose to end an elders life if they had the option.

Many elders who are left to fill their time on their own do indeed find life tedious and boring. There is a way to change that but usually family claims to be too busy for the remedy.

I work in long term care and there is not a day goes by that I don't have bad thoughts about families. Those who would and do put their elder through hell to keep them alive just so that they are not dead. And those who just want a phone call (that does not wake them) notifying them that their elder is gone. And especially those who are too busy to visit - rarely or ever.

Any elder's life can be fulfilling if they have a purpose. And it is up to the family to create that purpose.

So, what is my 91 year old MIL's purpose? To annoy me and my DH(her son) and my son???



Her DH died over 22 years ago. She's got Alzheimers. She does nothing but sit in a chair or lie on the couch all day, stare out the window and sleep. She drives us nuts with the non-stop asking of whether or not the dog was fed. It's the SAME THING EVERY DAY! And I only wish I was kidding. She doesn't want to go anywhere. Most of the time, she can't tell you what day it is. Physically she can move, walk, feed herself and wipe her own butt. Her sons aren't ready to place her in a nursing home and her daughter has little to do with her. 

She has not ever said she's ready to die....with MY luck though, she'll be the one that will live to be 110

I always thought it was a little crazy that when a cat or dog is suffering we can legally end its life but if a person is terminally ill and in constant pain we can't do the same for them if they want it.

I wanted to say that I am so sorry you are going through this - I've been through some version of it, and it's ugly - stress, guilt, anger, sadness, all of it. it just sucks.

I started to reply with the first thing that came to my mind  when I read your post,  but I by no means am implying YOU need to learn something from this situation, so I hope to present it and you take it in the innocent way it's intended....which was that maybe the reason she's still here isn't for her, it's for someone else's benefit - maybe to teach compassion, or patience, or....that something needs to be done about the greater picture, as stated in the OP. Maybe a nurse, or other caretaker will be touched by this situation and see the light to know that something needs to be done for other patients in similar circumstances and this is the catalyst to get that ball rolling...we don't know who we touch or influence in our lives, or what aspect of it may do the influencing, but I feel that every situation/experience has something to be gleaned from it, something has to be awakened in us, for that situation to have not been in vain.  Sometimes we get lucky and can see immediately the reasons why, sometimes we never do.  Sometimes it's not about us at all, we just happen to be the witness, bystander, or whatever.  I know it's no comfort or consolation to hear that, I just wanted to let you know I feel for you.

This brings a thought to my mind - I feel like we've been on that slippery slope for a long time, in the medical world.  When my mom was really ill at the end of a long, manageable in the beginning illness, my siblings and I argued and argued about this point - when is enough, enough?  Just because there are machines that can keep her breathing, or her blood filtered ( dialysis) does that mean we NEED to use that option?  I'm not talking about an otherwise healthy person neededing dialysis, the last weeks of my mom's life had NO meaning - constant pain, in and out of delirium, no physical strength whatsoever, no dignity whatsoever.  Keeping her on dialysis kept her heart beating, but it did not keep her ALIVE, ya know?

I think the mentality in the US anyway, is KEEP THEM ALIVE AT ALL COSTS.  I think that mentality is pushed by money and other motives not beneficial to the individual patient.  All the wonderful advances in medicine are truly lifesaving, and I'm not dogging those advancements one bit.  But, the snag is, in general, when the procedure/therapy/medication ISN'T helping an otherwise sound, healthy individual continue what THEY feel is a meaningful quality of life, shouldn't that decision be left in the hands of that individual?

One of the weirdest things I learned throughout my mom's illness and suffering, is that death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person. Seeing the ridiculous suffering she endured, for what?  There was no "recovery" from her organs shutting down. It came to the point that it felt like all the medications and machines weren't keeping her LIFE, it was keeping her from peace that was coming either way, today or tomorrow, ya know? 

There comes a point when you know you're going to die.  Stage 4 cancer, for instance.  My father was diagnosed in April of last year at the age of 83.  Healthy as a horse otherwise.  Mowed acres of his land on a tractor, even after the diagnosis.  He made the decision that he wasn't going to pursue aggressive treatment.  He said he had lived 83 years in health, and had lived to see each of his children marry and become healthy and happy with families of their own, and that's all he hoped for from his life.  And I have to tell you at the time, it was brutal to hear.  But, what a precious gift he gave his family - QUALITY time with him, KNOWING the clock was ticking.  Nothing was left unsaid.  Precious memories and stories were shared.  It was all too soon, but 5 months later, he was gone. No chemo, no illness or side effects to suffer from or us having to see him suffer.  He didn't get to choose what caused his death, but he chose how he died. And I didn't know it at the time he told us about his decision, but it was a sacred gift for us to be able to enjoy those last months with him and HE enjoyed his last months.  Not like my mom.

Soylent Green

Wow AN, there must have been some interesting conversations when you and mapchic lived together!!