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Post by SweetieBugs on Feb 20, 2016 0:52:21 GMT
Here is the situation:
--expensive destination wedding will end up costing at least $3,000 in travel (on an island so we have a shuttle to/from airport, shuttle to/from port, ferry, hotel, meals, etc.)
--this is an old friend of DH's so we didn't consider not going
--a few months after accepting, we find out they are having a "Great Gatsby" theme and request guests wear roaring 20's style and/or ball gown
--I am heavier than I have ever been and not comfortable in my own skin so even wearing a regular dress gives me a great deal of anxiety
--I haven't worn a dress in over 7 to 8 years at least
I've researched renting a dress and find that will cost over $60 plus dry cleaning and they aren't the type of dress I would be remotely comfortable in anyway. I don't want to buy a dress, nylons and shoes for one time.
My question is, if given these circumstances, would you find it terrible for me to wear a pair of nice black slacks (nice office style) and a dressy top? I just feel that anything else will make me very uncomfortable and I will already be in anxiety mode with all the socializing with DH's friends. They are pretty intense.
I know this sounds like me, me, me so I feel really bad about my feelings but I think ultimately I have to decide what I can handle during what will be a stressful long weekend. I feel my DH is going to be pretty upset at my choice so I haven't mentioned it yet.
Be gentle but I do want to hear what people think.
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Post by Ryann on Feb 20, 2016 0:56:51 GMT
What will DH be wearing? Couldn't you just wear that too? If you're not comfortable wearing a dress, then don't! Do Gatsby as the guys do!
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Post by chaosisapony on Feb 20, 2016 0:58:12 GMT
I really don't like events that try to dictate what the guests wear. You should wear something you are happy with and comfortable with that is appropriate for the event. It seems like with all that traveling it would be really hard to accommodate a "ball gown" anyway.
I say go for the slacks and dressy top. I'm sure you can find something that is 20ish in style or use accessories to bring the theme in. I'm sure you won't be the only one there that doesn't go all out in costume.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,829 
Location: Indianapolis
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Post by JustTricia on Feb 20, 2016 1:08:33 GMT
My only concern is if everyone else adopts the Gatsby or ball gown theme, will you feel even more conspicuous if you are the only woman there in pants?
Can you dress the pants idea up and make it more of a men's tux type look a la Gatsby? While I absolutely think you should wear something you're comfortable in, I don't see office style pants to be on par with ball gowns. Maybe dressy palazzo pants, maybe that would work?
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 20, 2016 1:10:02 GMT
Concentrate on an appropriate top, hair style and jewelry. I'm assuming it is a sit down dinner, so no one is going to be paying attention to your bottom half for a good part of the evening.
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Post by lancermom on Feb 20, 2016 1:10:09 GMT
I agree with previous. I don't like being told what to wear. Although, I love anything themed!!! I would Google the heck out of it to see what else was worn. Or go with the man look, but jazz up a bit to make feminine. Have fun with it on your terms!! Ask around too, see what others are doing. Maybe you and another wife can make a pack to dress similar, so you will feel more comfortable.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,928
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Feb 20, 2016 1:10:13 GMT
Yes, I say go for it. Dressy slacks with a 1920s style top and jewelry. What about a cute 1920s style hat to "top it off"?
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Post by myshelly on Feb 20, 2016 1:11:18 GMT
Won't you feel even more uncomfortable if you are the only one there who doesn't follow the dress code?
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Post by lisae on Feb 20, 2016 1:13:59 GMT
Could you try a vintage clothing store for a less expensive option? I wouldn't put a lot of time into that but if you did, you could honestly tell your husband you went looking for something with their theme. Not that I think you have to do this for him but I do think you might feel better about your choices if you tried to find something that worked before going with your backup plan.
If you do the blouse and pants, I'd concentrate on jewelry and hairstyle to fit into the theme.
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Post by scrapbookashlee on Feb 20, 2016 1:15:37 GMT
I agree with the above posters, concentrate on hair and accessories! I googled 20s pantsuit and found lots of fun ideas: 20s themed pant suits |
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 23:59:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 1:18:07 GMT
I would go with the black slacks and see if I could find a 1920s inspired top (flapper fringe or sequins and lace) Maybe some opera gloves and pearl bracelets Or a feathered headband/boa. It is possible to be both mentally/physically comfortable yet honor the spirit of the theme.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,059
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Post by AllieC on Feb 20, 2016 1:19:31 GMT
TThe theme seems weird for an island wedding, doesn't seem to together in my mind. I know this isn't the subject but I think it is rude to expect guest to fork out thousands to attend a wedding AND have a theme where pretty much everyone will have to buy or rent this clothing.
I would wear what you are comfortable with. I like the idea of a suit style which would fit the theme. Or a top that you could perhaps add some fringing to that will look 20's.
Good luck, Imhope you find some thing you feel good in.
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Post by hop2 on Feb 20, 2016 1:23:58 GMT
I'm no help, I personally love 20's styles. Especially the mid calf, floaty, loose, low waisted style dresses. Talk about comfortable. And 'high' heels aren't really a 20's thing either. Flats and low heels are more true to the style.
However you could look awesome in a masculine styles outfit. Regular to high waited slacks, button down, suspenders?
Although if I meant a great deal to my SO for me to dress up I would make the effort.
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Post by hop2 on Feb 20, 2016 1:24:55 GMT
I agree with the above posters, concentrate on hair and accessories! I googled 20s pantsuit and found lots of fun ideas: 20s themed pant suitsThose are awesome!!! ETA dang who knew comfy 'pajama' style pants could be so fashionable |
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Feb 20, 2016 1:26:10 GMT
Yes, I say go for it. Dressy slacks with a 1920s style top and jewelry. What about a cute 1920s style hat to "top it off"? This! I'm not comfortable in dresses and skirt, never have been. I would wear nice slacks with a top and accessories that embodies the 20's theme. Makeup and hair in that theme would be easy as well. Check out some Pinterest boards for inspiration. And have fun!!!  |
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,530
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Post by jayfab on Feb 20, 2016 2:27:25 GMT
I agree with the above posters, concentrate on hair and accessories! I googled 20s pantsuit and found lots of fun ideas: 20s themed pant suitsI too would be horribly uncomfortable in a dress. But the pant suits I could get on board with. Accessorize 20's style and you'll fit in fine. This link is great! |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2016 2:42:38 GMT
If it's an Island wedding, won't it be warm? to wear black pants? you say rent a dress. Did you look on rent the runway? I don't think you have to dry clean it, you just rent it and return it I think. Those flapper type dresses are VERY forgiving, and I bet once you have it on, you would feel totally comfortable!!
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Post by Rainy_Day_Woman on Feb 20, 2016 2:44:24 GMT
Those wide legged palazzo pants were pretty popular in the 20s, and I have seen lots of Art Deco type shirts at stores lately. With a little imagination, you would be good to go. I liked this shirt (I just googled Art Deco shirt), with some black palazzos, and some chunky jewelry. I have seen some great 20's inspired stuff at Claire's and Ardene's. I would be hung up on the 20's thing too. While I love dresses, I just don't have the silhouette to pull off flapper. I have more of a Renaissance build,   |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2016 2:55:30 GMT
oooh! that shirt is darling!! where did you find it at??!
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 20, 2016 2:58:34 GMT
If it's an Island wedding, won't it be warm? to wear black pants? you say rent a dress. Did you look on rent the runway? I don't think you have to dry clean it, you just rent it and return it I think. Those flapper type dresses are VERY forgiving, and I bet once you have it on, you would feel totally comfortable!! Isn't it funny how we read things differently depending on our experience  . I grew up on an island in BC, so read "on an island" and "ferry" as they were heading to the PNW and maybe the San Juans or Gulf Islands, not a tropical destination. |
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Post by lucyg on Feb 20, 2016 3:09:39 GMT
(1) destination weddings are of the devil (2) being told what to wear is of the devil (3) having to spend the weekend with DH's annoying friends ... you got it, also of the devil You are being a saint just going to this wedding to begin with, in my book.  Wear what you want. Although I do think you've gotten good advice here. Black pants, '20s style top and hair, you're good to go. |
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Post by SweetieBugs on Feb 20, 2016 3:14:43 GMT
Thank you for some great ideas. I hadn't thought of several of the ideas here.
We are going to Catalina Island (just west of the LA area) but in only a few weeks so it will still be cool to mild I would think. I guess you never really can tell. It was 78 degrees on Monday this week and then Wednesday and Thursday it was raining and in the 50's.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 23:59:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 6:19:26 GMT
wear what you want no one will remember or care as they will be dealing with their own anxieties on what they are wearing do you remember what people wore at the last wedding you went to? unless it was yesterday |
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by M in Carolina on Feb 20, 2016 6:46:41 GMT
I think floaty pants and top will look fantastic! You could find a pretty beaded bag at a thrift or consignment store--check out Tradesy Their homepage has Chanel, but they have tons of different brands, even inexpensive ones. I've been looking at their jewellery, and they have a ton. I have this beaded tank top on my list of items to buy soon, and I think something similar would look great with palazzo pants and a floaty cardigan or jacket. Soft Surroundings has a ton of sales, too. You could also wear a black maxi dress and top it with a beaded cardigan. I also love the idea of checking out Pinterest. |
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Post by omarakbt on Feb 20, 2016 7:07:01 GMT
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Feb 20, 2016 11:57:30 GMT
If you do something like this with your head, with a sparkly top and black palazzo pants, you'll be the belle of the ball. Palazzo pants are really comfortable. And check out all these 1920s headbands. Option 2: Pretend that the bride and groom were tragically lost in the flu epidemic of 1918. |
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 23:59:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 13:28:17 GMT
Here is the situation:
--expensive destination wedding will end up costing at least $3,000 in travel (on an island so we have a shuttle to/from airport, shuttle to/from port, ferry, hotel, meals, etc.)
--this is an old friend of DH's so we didn't consider not going
--a few months after accepting, we find out they are having a "Great Gatsby" theme and request guests wear roaring 20's style and/or ball gown
--I am heavier than I have ever been and not comfortable in my own skin so even wearing a regular dress gives me a great deal of anxiety
--I haven't worn a dress in over 7 to 8 years at least
I've researched renting a dress and find that will cost over $60 plus dry cleaning and they aren't the type of dress I would be remotely comfortable in anyway. I don't want to buy a dress, nylons and shoes for one time.
My question is, if given these circumstances, would you find it terrible for me to wear a pair of nice black slacks (nice office style) and a dressy top? I just feel that anything else will make me very uncomfortable and I will already be in anxiety mode with all the socializing with DH's friends. They are pretty intense.
I know this sounds like me, me, me so I feel really bad about my feelings but I think ultimately I have to decide what I can handle during what will be a stressful long weekend. I feel my DH is going to be pretty upset at my choice so I haven't mentioned it yet.
Be gentle but I do want to hear what people think. I searched "1920" on Modcloth and they had some real cute hats, jewelry, and more!! www.modcloth.com/shop/search?keyword=1920 |
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TankTop
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Posts: 4,783
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Feb 20, 2016 13:40:11 GMT
Dd was watching the Kardashians the other day. They had a Great Gatsby themed party for their mom. Kourtney wore a pant suit. If she can you can. Lol!
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Post by anonrefugee on Feb 20, 2016 13:52:40 GMT
I'd work a tuxedo suit, but that more my style. I'm only a lithe flapper girl in my dreams. Others styled some good options with separates , especially if you played up period accessories. The clothing pieces like omarakbt wrap could be worn again too. I get your angst! I wish I had the body, clothing and travel budget to approach these things light-heartedly! |
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Post by ahiller on Feb 20, 2016 14:26:22 GMT
I think that "office style" black pants will be too casual and then you will feel uncomfortable being underdressed. You could definitely do a dressier pant (found in the same department as formal dresses) and then have your top go along with the theme. I think regular black dress pants will make you stick out, truthfully.
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. I grew up on an island in BC, so read "on an island" and "ferry" as they were heading to the PNW and maybe the San Juans or Gulf Islands, not a tropical destination.
Wear what you want. Although I do think you've gotten good advice here. Black pants, '20s style top and hair, you're good to go.
Southern Side eyed Pea 
